#she's something

It was an early morning, far earlier than Sokka was used to waking up, at least recently anyways. He was seated at the long dining table with Zuko, who was engrossed in a stack of letters placed next to his bowl of fruit.

The two men ate in a companionable silence, both silently lifting their forks to their mouths and then bringing them back down again. By now, everyone had gotten used to Sokka’s strange silence and rather gloomy demeanor. It had been hard to at first, but even something as strange as a sad Sokka was something people accepted with time. Sokka found that he liked it much better this way. He could actually get through a day without someone asking why he was being so quiet, or why he wasn’t telling any stupid jokes.

He still had yet to speak with Azula, which was the driving force behind his recent depression. Since their last encounter at breakfast, he’d seen Azula exactly three times and all of those times he had refused to look in her direction. It was better that way, he reasoned, because surely she wasn’t looking at him? She was the one who didn’t want to do this anymore, the one who refused to love. Sokka loved, and as far as he was concerned, he had done his part.

After all, it was him who had taken the risk of sneaking into the royal chambers nearly every night. It was him who had poured out his heart and let her see him at his most vulnerable, only to be denied. It was him who couldn’t even manage to get out of bed some mornings, but Azula seemed perfectly fine as she lived out her daily routine.

Sokka’s eyes, which were previously trained on his plate, slid up to Zuko. He examined the Fire Lord critically. Would Zuko have really been that upset over finding out that Sokka had been with his sister? Maybe at first, surely, but not after seeing how happy they made each other. Right? Zuko had a heart, after all, and he believed in love. If anything, Sokka was sure that they would have General Iroh’s support and that would do a lot in swaying the Fire Lord. Although, that would mean he would have to still be with Azula, so the point was moot anyways.

Sokka tore his eyes away from his friend and returned his focus to stabbing pieces of duck with his fork. His return to the Southern Water Tribe couldn’t come faster. He only had to wait for ten moons. He could do that, right?

Before he could further speculate over whether he could, or could not, wait the ten months to return home, there was a gasp from Zuko’s end of the table.

Sokka looked up, wondering what could possibly have his friend making such a noise. Zuko was holding a letter, one near the bottom of his stack, and his eyes were pouring over it almost hungrily. After a few seconds of silence, in which Sokka’s curiosity doubled every minute, Zuko finally looked up.

“What was in that letter?” Sokka asked, his eyebrows pulling together in surprise, “What could possibly have gotten the big bad Fire Lord so worked up?”

Zuko scowled and set the letter back down, “I’m not worked up. I was just… surprised, is all.”

Sokka waved his hand flippantly, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Now, c’mon, what was in the letter? Or was it official Fire Nation business?” There was enough bitterness in his tone to suggest Zuko had previously kept things from him under a guise such as that one.

“Everything I do is official Fire Nation business, Sokka. I’m the Fire Lord.” Zuko smirked and Sokka only shook his head, refusing to respond. He pointedly looked at the offending piece of paper and waited for Zuko to speak. There was a brief pause and a relenting sigh before Zuko picked up the letter. A smile formed on his face as he read over the words once again. “Katara -- and Aang, of course, are set to visit here soon. They should arrive next week.”

Warmth rushed over his body like an ocean wave at the news. Katara would be returning to the Fire Nation! As annoying as his little sister could be, he had missed her so much. They’d been together their entire lives until recently and he found himself missing her comforting presence more than he had ever thought possible.

Sokka lifted his fork to his mouth and slipped a piece of meat between his lips, as his mind ventured towards next week and what Katara and Aang’s visit would bring. He longed to hear the stories they had to tell. After all, they’d been travelling around the world during the entire time he’d been in the Fire Nation. Jealousy twinged in his guts at the thought of the fun they must have had. Two months ago he wouldn’t have cared at all what they were up to. He had been more than occupied back. However, he’d had quite a miserable time in the most recent weeks and it didn’t look as if it were shaping up anytime soon. He would give a lot to trade places.

Sokka glanced back towards Zuko, who was continuing to gaze at the letter in his hands with the slightest of smiles on his face. “Well that’s great news,” exclaimed Sokka, as he chewed the food in his mouth, “I’ve missed them a lot!”

Zuko’s eyes flicker up. He seemed surprised to hear this amount of excitement in Sokka’s voice. He had gotten used to the morose and downtrodden version of his normally funny friend. After a moment, he cleared his throat, “I’ve missed them as well. It will be nice to see them again.”

Their conversation fell flat once more as both men returned their focus to their plates in front of them, Sokka’s mind wandering back to his sister.

In a matter of minutes, both plates were cleared and being taken away by servants back to the kitchen. Sokka rose first and headed towards the doors that separated the dining hall from the corridors. He paused with his hand on the door handle and turned around to look back at Zuko, “Meet you in your study at the usual time for our meeting?”

There was a pregnant pause and it became apparent to Sokka that Zuko hadn’t heard a word he just said. His attention was, once again, back on the letter sent from Katara and Aang.

“Earth to Zuko!” The Fire Lord’s eyes shot up to meet his own. He looked almost bashful. Sokka tilted his head curiously, “Are you trying to memorize that letter, or what?” He teased.

“Shut up,” grumbled Zuko as he finally tucked the letter away into his robes, “What were you saying again?”

 “I said, meet you in your study at our usual time?”

“Oh. Yes. That’s fine. See you in an hour.”

Sokka shot another weird look at Zuko over his shoulder, before turning around and stepping through the door. He didn’t really pay too much attention to where he was going, choosing to let his feet drag on aimlessly. It wasn’t until he nearly ran over a few servants that he decided that he should pick an actual destination.

The problem was, he couldn’t figure out where he wanted to go. Everywhere he went, he was reminded of Azula, and how things were no longer how they used to be. He couldn’t escape it. Reminders of her were everywhere. Oh, how he was beginning to hate the color red.

He slumped against the wall and crossed his arms over his shoulder, allowing himself a moment to indulge in his memories. The pain that struck his chest still felt fresh, but he did not hold back. He allowed himself to really remember. He recalled the first time he heard her really laugh. It had surprised him. He’d heard the cold, high pitched snicker plenty of times back when they’d been enemies. But he’d never truly heard her laugh until one beautiful night many weeks ago. The sound filled him with glorious rapture and he vowed to do whatever it took to hear it more. He remembered the way that her hands felt, especially when they interlocked with his. They were so soft and so warm, very unlike his own, which were calloused and cold.

Tears prick the back of his eyes and he grits his teeth together in frustration. Would this hurt ever end, damn it?!

Sokka took a deep breath and turned his head to the left, still unsure what to do. He supposed he could go to his room, but that didn’t really feel like what he wanted to do. His mind wandered back to the places that he used to sit and think in, before his whole world crumbled away. The first thing his mind thought of was his and Azula’s tower. He could go there, he supposed. It was a place that he would no doubt feel close to her. Sure, it would bring back painful memories. But that was no different from anywhere else in the gods forsaken palace. At least on the tower he would have a view.

With a sigh, Sokka pushed off of the wall and began walking towards the West Wing. It took him only five minutes to reach the wooden door that separated him from the spiral staircase. It took him another six to make it to the top.

At last, he pushed open the door and stepped out into the bright Fire Nation sun, It was warm outside, though he had expected that. Thankfully, there was a slight breeze that did much to keep him from getting too hot. He walked forward and settled himself on the ground, looking out through one of the openings at the world below. The city bustled underneath as Fire Nation citizens hustled all over, going about their daily business.

On days past, Sokka found himself taken away with this view. But today, he felt nothing of the sort. He felt empty inside, feeling little emotion despite the wondrous scenery before him. With a frown, he realized that those pesky tears from before were now making a comeback. He ducked his head and wiped his eyes on his sleeves, but still, the tears continued to fall.

It didn’t take long for him to give into his sorrow. At least he could cry in peace up here.

It was soothing, to let his emotions out in this way. He was safe from judging eyes and gossiping mouths. It was just him, the sky, and all of his painful memories.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, crying. He might have stayed even longer, if it weren’t for the sound of light footsteps behind him. He froze in his spot, not daring to look over his shoulder to see who was there. He could only think of a few options, and each sounded terrible to him,

It could be a guard, or a servant, he supposed. The thought rather embarrassed him, since he was supposed to be a manly Water Tribe Warrior, and what not. He considered the other possibility. Surely, it couldn’t be. The universe did not hate him that much, right?

“...Sokka?”

Wrong. The universe seemed to hate him very much.

Sokka did not move a muscle. He remained in the exact position he’d been found in; head bowed, shoulders hunched, and his arms wrapped around his knees.

The footsteps paused for a brief second, before taking slow, careful steps to his right. He didn’t look up, even as he heard the footsteps melt into the sound of a body settling in next to him. The only sound between them was the sound of the wind.

Tension filled the air and he wanted nothing more than to bolt. He had never been the type to run away, and he never thought that he would be, until this moment. He couldn’t, though. Not when she was right there. This was the closest she had allowed herself to get to him in months, and as terrified as he was, he couldn’t let this slip through his fingers. Fear had paralyzed him, though, and he did not know what to do. Thankfully, she seemed to take the initiative.

“Sokka.” She said again, this time with more emphasis.

He swallowed and lifted his head, turning to the right so that his eyes connected with hers.

His heart lurched. She was so beautiful.

“Uh, hey, Azula,” her name tastes amazing on his lips, “it’s nice to see you.”

Her golden eyes locked onto his and he was frustrated by the indecipherable look in her gaze. He wished he could look into that brilliant mind of hers, so he could know the right thing to say or to do. Unfortunately, he could not do that and that meant he was at a major loss for words.

Azula tilted her head, “You’re crying.” She stated, matter-of-factly.

Sokka blanched, embarrassed at how blunt she’d stated it. He cleared his throat and looked away quickly, “No I’m not! It’s just my, uh-- my allergies, that’s all. They get worse if I’m at a higher altitude.” The lie was terrible, and they both knew it.

“Ah.” Was all that Azula said in response.

Silence settled over them once more. It was not their usual, comfortable silence. No, this one was tension filled and it’s uncomfortable effects could be seen on both of them.

“So…” Sokka said suddenly, his voice rising an octave, “What, uh, brings you up here today?” He couldn’t stand to sit next to her in that unbearable quiet.

Azula shrugs her shoulders, turning away from Sokka to gaze out over her city, “I don’t know, really. I suppose I just wanted to sit somewhere quiet.”

Sokka nodded, blue eyes flickering to her face quickly, “Yeah, me too.”

This was the most that they had spoken to each other in two months. His insides were flipping, twisting, jumping, and somersaulting all around his body. Could this be it? Could this be his moment to make things right? To fix what he had wronged? His mouth went dry and he could feel his palms begin to sweat. Oh Gods, he was nervous. What should he say? Was there anything to say?

Without thinking, Sokka turned his head to look back over at the Princess and blurted out, “I’ve missed you, Azula.”

She tenses and refuses to look his way. For a moment, he thinks that he’s ruined it. Surprisingly, this doesn’t kill him. They’ll just go back to the way things had been for the past two months. At least he got this small moment to bask in her presence. But then, she surprises him.

The stiffness leaks from her body in one swift movement. Her shoulders slump, and her head dips down, and the hands in her lap begin to fidget. She looked nothing like the prestigious royal that he knew her to be. Without turning to look at him, she speaks quietly, “I’ve missed you too, Sokka.”

And there it is. Hope.

It booms like a firework in his chest and sends warmth spiraling to the furthest tips of his body. As if somebody had turned on a switch in his mind, he can feel the parts of himself that laughed and loved ignite back to life. Still, he doesn’t want to ruin this moment by getting ahead of himself, so he chooses to keep it simple. 

“Really?” Despite his best efforts, he can not hide the hopeful sincerity in his tone.

Azula bites into her lip, “Really.”

Excitement builds in his gut, and he struggles to think of what to say next. He has to do this right. He can’t let his big mouth ruin things for him once more. A few more moments tick by before he finally decides on what to say.

“Azula, I just wanted to tell you-- I’m sorry. I-- shouldn’t have said what I did. Or I at least shouldn’t have pushed it after you told me you didn’t like it. I didn’t mean to make this happen and I--”

He is cut off by the sight of Azula lifting her head to look at him, her eyes ablaze.

“Do not apologize, Sokka. You did nothing wrong.”

“I-- what?”

She looks away again, a deep sigh escaping her lips, “It’s me who should be sorry. And I am sorry, by the way.” She pursed her lips, “I treated you terribly, Sokka. You-- you cared for me, more than anybody else has in my life… and I just tossed you aside the moment I was scared. I apologize for that.”

He stared, dumbfounded. He’d fantasized plenty about their reconciliation, but never did he expect the apology to come from Azula. It made sense, he knew that. After all, his only crime was proclaiming his love. But still, he never thought that he would hear those words leave her lips. Now that he had, he couldn’t imagine anything different. She was sorry for running away. Did that mean she returned his feelings? Were they going to be okay? A million different thoughts raced through his brain, each more fleeting than the last, and he found it impossibly hard to latch onto any one thing. He was sure that he looked ridiculous, staring at her with this blank stare.  

Azula, thankfully, seemed to realize that he couldn’t speak. He didn’t know how she knew, since he had never been at a loss for words before. Normally, she could never get him to shut up.

She bit into her bottom lip and tentatively placed her hand atop of his. “I’m so sorry for the pain that I caused you. I hope-- I hope you can forgive me, after I explain myself.”

Sokka didn’t say it aloud, but he had already forgiven her the moment she opened her mouth to speak.

“I was… taken aback, to say the least, by what you said. Nobody has ever loved me before, not really. And if they had, it certainly wasn’t as pure as yours seemed to be.” She clenched her teeth together, obviously pained by the emotions swirling within her brain, “I couldn’t handle what you had told me. For so long… I believed myself to be unworthy of love. Fear, and respect, yes. But love…” she shook her head, “...no. So to have you, somebody who is good and selfless by default say those words to me,,, well, it terrified me and my first reaction was to lash out.” She finally turned to look at him and their eyes melted into one another.

“But Sokka, I lied. I-- I love you too. And I’m so sorry that it’s taken me two months to realize it. I hope you can forgive me.”

A happiness so powerful settled over his entire being. She loved him too. She loved him. Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation, loved him. Sokka.

Tears swirled in his eyes again, only this time they were of joy and he did allow them to fall. Instead, he laughed, “Didn’t I tell you that even a murderous rampage wouldn’t make me run from you?” He waved his hand flippantly, “This is nothing compared to that.”

Like a beautiful flower blooming before his eyes, Azula smiled. In that instance, Sokka knew this was it. He was hers, forevermore. He had never felt so good, so happy. Unable to help himself, he lunged forward and swept an arm around his Princess to pull her towards him.

His body missed her warmth and he wasted not a single second in lowering his lips to hers. They pressed together in the most beautiful of unions and neither one could help the moans that escaped their mouths.