#shatterme

wc 2.5k, posted on ao3 here if you prefer that

The last few days were a whirlwind of events, and after a long, tiring day, everyone that was still alive had returned back to The Sanctuary for a much needed sleep. The only problem? Half of it had been destroyed in the fight with Anderson and his guard, and there were, unfortunately, a limited amount of rooms. While Nouria and Samantha had done what they could, there were many left without a bed, who had resorted to sleeping on the floor inside one of the spacious communal tents.

Haider had been one of those people, graciously choosing to give up a bed to let someone else have it; someone he deemed more deserving. He’d deem most people more deserving, disregarding the fact he’d just actively participated in a revolution against his own parent’s regime and lost his father. Staring out into space, he sits in the tent full of people who’d all been through something, one way or another. They’d all lost someone, they’d all had the life they’d known torn up. Many were asleep, too exhausted to keep their eyes open any longer, while others lay awake, whispering to loved ones or staring as Haider was, troubled by the scenes they’d witnessed.

Zoning out and almost completely unaware of his surroundings, he suddenly feels a tap to his shoulder and jumps in shock. Putting his guard back up after finally being able to relax a bit, he turns to whoever it was who had tried to get his attention. He was a bit comforted to see it was only you; a girl he’d met at Sector 45, who had been a part of the resistance at Omega Point before it was all blown up by Anderson. You two had talked a few times, surprisingly, although only briefly. He remembers thinking you were incredibly beautiful the first time he met you, and he still felt that way, although it was obvious that you’d been through a lot in the time since he’d last spoken to you.

“Hey.” You say, seeming concerned for him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. It’s just that I heard from Kenji that you didn’t have a room, and I saw you fighting earlier, and- well, you must be really tired. I was only wondering if you’d like to take my room.”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Really, please. Don’t worry about it.” He replies, trying to seem polite, although the sound of a clean, warm bed was incredibly tempting. You’d been through a lot too, and he didn’t want to take your bed, your only chance at a decent night’s sleep after all of the madness of the past few days. Everyone was sleep deprived, and he wasn’t enough of an asshole to take your own bed from you.

“No, really. It’s alright, I insist.” You push, seeing how utterly exhausted he was, his eyes red (from crying or exhaustion, you weren’t sure), and his body limp, posture slouching, which was incredibly unusual for him. “I saw you out there, you’ve helped so much. I’m not sure we’d all be here if it weren’t for you. Please, just as a token of my appreciation. There’s a bathroom in there with a hot shower, and you look like you really need the sleep.”

He looks at you for a second, clearly thinking through your offer, before replying. “I mean, if you’re offering, I’d really appreciate a hot shower. But I’m not taking your bed. Really. I couldn’t do that.”

You feel relieved at this reply, glad that you could at least do something to help. “Okay, yeah. I’ll show you the way, then.” You say, helping him up and taking him back to your room. The walk isn’t far, and you walk in silence, far too tired for any kind of small talk. It’s unusually quiet for The Sanctuary, not that you expected any different. A typical night here is filled with chatter, people socialising and enjoying time with their loved ones, safe under Nouria’s protection. Now, after all this loss, you could hear a pin drop. There’s not one person outside, other than Haider and you, but you appreciate the silence. Neither of you would be able to put up with much more. The moonlight lights your path, glistening above you as you make your way to the bedroom.

Once you get back to your room, you show him around the bathroom, before going back into the bedroom and leaving him alone to shower. You’ve already showered, so you just get into a pair of the pyjamas from the drawer that you were given, brush your hair out, and wait, sitting down on the crisp bedsheets. By the time he gets out, you’re half asleep; he was (understandably) in there for a while. He steps out of the bathroom, damp all over, with just a towel around his waist. You try your very hardest not to gawk - now is absolutely not the time!

“Sorry, my clothes are filthy. When I got here first, they had some spare clothes in the drawers. Is there anything in here at all?” He asks, awkwardly, realising you weren’t fully awake before he came out.

You’re staring at his bare torso, gulping hard, praying he doesn’t notice, before you reply. “Um, there should be! I think so, anyway.” You get up, starting to rummage around the drawers, before you finally discover a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt. “Is this alright? Uh, will these fit? You’re pretty tall.”

“I think it’ll be fine. Thank you.” He says, before taking the clothes and retreating back to the bathroom. When he emerges a few minutes later, he’s now fully dressed, making things a lot easier and a lot less awkward for you. You’d always been attracted to him, but you’re pretty sure today is not the day for that confession. The day you’d met him, you almost immediately sparked up a conversation with the mysterious man in front of you, who was wearing chainmail of all things in the middle of a cold, gloomy, winter day. You two had clicked immediately, only ending your conversation after being interrupted by Juliette walking into the room. You found out soon after that he was the son of Musa Ibrahim, the Supreme Commander of Asia, but at that point you had already formed your opinion on him and were too fond of him to care. Obviously, things soon got disastrous after that day, and while you’d had a few extremely brief conversations, it was nothing like you’d experienced that first day. Still; you felt bad for him, sitting on the floor of a crowded tent, unable to sleep on the same day that his father had been killed and he had been vigorously fighting for a revolution he only recently became a part of.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? You’ve been through so much, and it's so busy in there. Really, I don’t mind at all. I’d much rather you have the bed than me. I’ll be alright, I don’t need it as much as you do.” You explain, trying desperately to convince him to take it. The sight of him alone would leave you feeling guilty if he didn’t take it, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen someone look so incredibly tired.

“No. Really, habibti, don’t worry about me. You get your rest, please. I couldn’t take your bed, you’ve already done enough. I really appreciate the shower, thank you.” He argues, although his body language is telling you another story. He very much looks like he doesn’t want to leave and go back to that crowded tent, and you don’t blame him. Not one bit.

“We could always share. I mean, just- if you’re that adamant that you’re not gonna take the room. It’s a pretty big bed. I don’t mind. Not that- um- like, I get it if you don’t want to! I just thought- well, we’re both tired, and it might be easier. It’s better than the floor.” You ramble, shocked at the words tumbling out of your own mouth. You’re not even sure what you’re saying at this point. You’re exhausted, and so is he, and both of you desperately need a good nights’ sleep. This is the best you can come up with in your state.

He gapes at you for a second, not even bothering to hide his shock at your suggestion. “Are you sure? You don’t think that’s.. um.. weird? Not that I mind. But do you?” He asks, clearly considering it. He does desperately want that bed, although he’d never admit it, and sleeping alongside the beautiful woman he’s wanted so badly to get to know definitely isn’t a downside to him.

“No, I don’t mind at all. We both need it.” You say with a small laugh, and he nods back at you.

"Alright then. If you insist." He concedes, before getting into the bed and pulling the covers back to invite you in. You both get into the bed, lying on separate sides, and smile at each other. It’s not as awkward as you thought it’d be, you’re not very close together. The bed is warm and soft and absolutely everything that you needed, and you’re far too grateful for it to think of much else. You turn the light out, and lay down, facing opposite directions. Your eyes flutter shut almost immediately, unable to keep them open any longer, and you fall into a deep sleep. Once he’s completely sure you’re asleep, Haider turns to look at you, ever so gently touching your cheek, appreciating your beauty. Soon afterwards, he falls asleep looking at you, and you both lay there, peacefully unconscious.

The next day, you wake up late in the morning, sunlight beaming through the windows and forcing you to squint your eyes as soon as you open them. You feel groggy, and still a little tired, but a lot more refreshed than you felt yesterday. You also feel confused, mostly, as you’ve woken up in Haider’s arms. He’s currently bear hugging you, his large, built biceps wrapped around your back, your head in his warm chest while his is buried in your hair. He’s all you can feel, just his much larger body wrapped around yours. You’re not entirely sure what to do - you’re also not sure you could move even if you wanted to. He’s holding onto you pretty strongly. You also don’t hate it. You decide to just lay there and wait until he wakes up. There’s not much else to do in this situation, and you don’t wanna wake him up yourself. He was so tired, you’re glad he’s still deeply sleeping.

About half an hour later, he finally wakes up, loosening his grip on you as soon as he realises what he’s been doing. “Um.. good morning?” He says, his weary voice full of confusion. “How long have we been like this?”

“I don’t really know,” You say, trying to hold back a laugh. “I woke up like this. I can’t really move. Didn’t want to wake you.”

He’s absolutely mortified, letting go of you as soon as you say you can’t move. “God, I’m sorry. You could’ve woken me up! You’ve been held hostage here!”

You laugh openly now, finding this whole situation hilarious. “I really didn’t mind, Haider, it’s okay. You needed the sleep. And you’re pretty cozy, anyways.” You say, trying to calm down his embarrassment. You’d probably be embarrassed in his situation too, and you’d like to do what you can to alleviate some of the humiliation he must be feeling.

“You don’t mind?” He asks, repeating your statement back to you. He’s beginning to wonder if maybe you’re just as attracted to him as he is to you. Any normal person would’ve immediately woken him up to get away if they discovered they were being unintentionally cuddled, but you’ve just been lying there since you woke up, - God knows how long ago - and you didn’t seem to care whatsoever.

“I mean- not like that- I just. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it!” You reply, far too defensively to escape his suspicions. While he’s an insecure man, he is well aware of his physical attractiveness. And currently, he’s pretty confident that you’re aware of it too. He just gives you a cheeky grin, sitting up and stretching.

“Okay. Sure, habibti. You don’t mind. Got it.” He smiles, clearly feeling cocky today. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good,” You reply, letting out a deep breath, glad that the subject’s changed. You are still in bed together, though. “I needed that so bad. I was on the verge of passing out all of last night, I swear.”

He nods along, but he’s not listening much, just staring at you, noticing how your eyes sparkle in the morning light. Who knew someone could be so beautiful first thing in the morning? “You’re gorgeous. Did you know that? Sorry, I just thought you needed to know.” He blurts out, deciding now is as good a time as any.

“Oh- uh, thank you? That’s a bit out of nowhere.” You stammer, suddenly feeling very exposed in your thin pyjamas, just a few inches away from him in the same bed. Your heart is racing, and you’re pretty sure your face is the shade of a ripe tomato. You back up a little, as you’re now far too aware of how close you are to him.

“I’ve always thought so, from the first time I saw you. You’re beautiful. I wanted to tell you, but… well, things have been insane.” He confesses softly, golden rays of sun making his dark chocolate toned hair glow. He looks as if he could be in a dream, and you pinch your thigh subtly to make sure he isn’t.

“Well, I appreciate that. Thank you. And- I mean, if we’re on the topic, I think you are too. Well, not gorgeous, that's not the word I’d choose. But you know what I mean. I mean- not that you’re not! I don’t- sorry, I don't wanna be rude. If you like gorgeous, I guess.. I mean- sorry, that’s just not the word you’d usually use for a man- but-”

He cuts you off with a kiss.

It’s soft, and gentle, and deep, and all that you’ve been wanting since the moment you first saw him. You’re pretty sure he was just sick of your rambling. As soon as the shock wears off, you lean in, moving closer and reciprocating his movements. He pulls you onto his lap, strong arms wrapped firmly around your waist, fingers rubbing circles into your side. You wrap your arms around his neck, not wanting this moment to end any time soon. You’re sure you’d be happy if this lasted forever. He feels safe and secure, and you’re incredibly comforted just from your proximity to him. There’s so many sensations going on, and you’re trying our best to focus on his lips on yours, but his hands are distracting you. After a long, intense kiss, you pull away, looking him in the eyes and smiling.

“Thank God you had the guts for that, because I’d have never.” You proclaim with a giggle, before kissing him all over again.

this is my own work, do not repost or feed into ai

„A törött tükör nem hazudik. Csak szilánkokban mondja el az igazat.”

Nézek magamra.

Nem tudom eldönteni, hogy ez még én vagy már valaki más.

Arany varrja össze a repedéseim, mintha szépíteni akarná a fájdalmat.

De az arany is csak álcázott vér.

Minden szilánk egy „mi lett volna, ha...”

És egyik sem tükröz vissza teljesen.

The world is flat.

I know because I was tossed right off the edge and I've been trying to hold on for 17 years. I've been trying to climb back up for 17 years but it's nearly impossible to beat gravity when no one is willing to give you a hand.

~ Juliette Tahereh Mafi