Am I Doing Enough?
Do you ever go to bed with full intentions on waking up early in the morning to be so productive you literally might end up being that “go getter” person that you always dream that you will be? Yeah me too. I set my alarm last night with every intention of waking up this morning early so that I can start my day and be productive. But when the time rolled around what did I do? I snoozed. I snoozed again, and then eventually I turned off my alarm. Did I suspect going into it that yes, I would “fail” and give up? Yes. I always seem to do this. I get into a constant cycle of “why can’t I just be the person I dream I can be” or “why am I so lazy” or *insert why question here that I can beat myself up with*. Now, I don’t venture to believe that I am the only person in the world that does this and then internalizes my actions as laziness, unproductivity, failure. So why do we or at least, why do I feel the need to chastise myself for this self perceived character flaw? Surely it isn’t THAT HARD to wake up and be the highly motived person that I dream that I can be.Â
So why do I/We feel like this or beat ourselves up when we perceive our in-action as a failure? For me, I equate my “laziness” as failure, that somehow I am incapable of being the person I wish I could be simply because that’s not how I operate as a person. I romanticize the notion of getting up early in the morning and really giving the whole “I’m getting my life together” mindset a real go. But is my life really that bad or falling apart if I wake up after the fourth snooze and turn on the tv while snuggling my puppies and husband in bed? Has doing this made me lazy or worse a bad unmotivated person because I didn’t take action? I can’t help but feeling my mind screaming YES while logic tells me NO.Â
Simply put. Its so hard to be who you want to be. Beating yourself up for not being someone else is even harder. Why put yourself through that? I ask myself this question daily as I try to remember to be compassionate towards myself. The ultimate test of acceptance and self care is to attempt to give yourself the room to recognize who you are and love yourself for being that person. Am I unmotivated because I didn’t jump out of bed the second my alarm went off? NO. Am I lazy because I didn’t practice mindfulness before my morning cup of coffee? NO. So what needs to change? Nothing. Nothing about me needs to change and recognizing that and being OKAY with that is the first step.Â
