i love your blog and your thoughts and i'm so grateful you share so much of them with us and i wish only good things for you <3 have some robert waking up from a nightmare during his first night at aaron's apartment, i hope it counts as a sweet thing
Robert wakes up with a gasp, cold sweat on his skin and the phantom sensation of fists and his own blood covering him. The nightmare fades, but the fear doesn’t. Part of him is expecting Kev’s arm over him, pushing him down, pinning him in place, keeping him from floating away or lashing out. It helps. It’s supposed to help. But there’s nothing, just him trembling and gasping.
He turns his head and for a moment thinks that he’s still asleep, that his nightmare has just slipped away into something more tender, more painful.
Aaron is lying curled next to him, the weak light of a too early morning enough for Robert to see the brilliant blue of his eyes. Aaron brushes his fingertips up the inside of his arm, his touch feather light. Which means it’s not a dream, he realizes with a sickening jolt of guilt. It’s Aaron’s first night back in his apartment and he’d wanted Robert here and they’d slept together and he’d fallen asleep in Aaron’s arms. Then he’d woken up an hour later to hear Aaron moving around in the living room. He’d waited, and waited, and waited, but he hadn’t come back to bed.
He'd fallen back asleep waiting and Aaron must have only gotten a couple hours of sleep at most before Robert woke him up with his fucked up head. Tonight isn’t supposed to be about him, it’s supposed to be about Aaron. How has he messed this all up so badly? An apology is on the tip of his tongue when Aaron’s fingertips trail across his chest, still a barely there touch, his callouses causing a slight drag against his skin, and he loses the ability to say anything at all.
Aaron touches the side of his neck, the place behind his ear, the edge of his jaw. His index finger slides over the corner of Robert’s bottom lip and he parts his mouth. Except instead of dipping inside like he’d been expecting, Aaron continues to move his hand across Robert’s jaw, then the other side of his neck, then down his other arm until he’s holding Robert’s left hand in his. He rubs a thumb over the place where Robert’s ring finger meets his hand, the place where his wedding ring used to sit before he gave it to Aaron during that last visit.
His entire face feels hot and tight. He rolls into Aaron, too desperate to stop himself. Aaron’s arm folds around his back, holding him close, and says nothing about the sweat or the trembling that he can’t quite seem to stop. He tucks his face against Aaron’s neck, eyes squeezed shut.
Aaron rubs a hand slow and gentle up and down his back. It’s soothing in the best way. Aaron’s all around him, right here and holding him when Robert thought for so long that he’d never get this back, that Faith had it all wrong and Aaron didn’t love him enough to forgive him. Not this time. Aaron doesn’t know everything, there’s still so much to forgive him for, but in this not quite real time of almost morning with everything he’s ever wanted holding him close, he can’t worry about it too much.
His eyelids get heavy again. He should say something, he should check in with Aaron. He’s here to be comforting, not comforted. But he’s slipping back into sleep, safely tucked into Aaron’s arms, and he can’t do anything but give into it.
It feels so good to be home.
Shana i am truly sobbing 🥹🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much my love! You are truly such a gem in the fandom and your metas and analysis and way you weave such gorgeous connections have moved me to absolute tears on more than one occasion 😭 truly one my favourite blogs ever that i read like a morning newspaper after every episode has aired 🤍
Ok i came back to write this after reading your mini ficlet and ive been sat here for 10 minutes in awe 😭 sweet gentle aaron. skittish robert. so terrified he isnt earning aarons love in the way he thinks he should (the tragedy is he's never once had to! hes ALREADY forgiven for all the bad he'll ever do. aaron could never help it. in spite of himself. its what he is with robert!!) Im a sucker for roberts pov and god you captured them so beautifully. This has actually made my entire week 🥹🥹🥹🥹 ill reread this forever. Thank you shana 🤍
