#shadowidmauk

Surprise I am still alive and I posted a new chapter of my shadowidowmauk fic cicada days

It was easy, at first, before it became difficult

In the beginning, Essek spends most of his attention not on his own feelings, but on Calebs.

While Essek wasn't totally sure what to make of the changes to their relationship, he could see that Caleb felt guilty and torn, and he hated to see him that way. Who was Essek to deny this man any ounce of happiness?

It was awkward for them, but they talked. They talked for a long time.

They took time to think about it.

They talked again, this time Mollymauk joined the conversation.

They took more time to think.

Caleb was ever-cautious, terribly considerate, and reassured him constantly. One word from Essek and it would never be brought up again. Essek was sure the strange pain in his chest was from his heart full of love for the man, and nothing else.

Even Mollymauk, to his credit, seemed to be taking this seriously. Taking him seriously, for once.

It wasn't all that uncommon in the Dynasty. Many consecuted souls found themselves falling in love many times in many different ways over their lifetimes. It was said to be a blessing of the Light, to be loved and share one’s love so. Essek never thought much of it; but until Caleb, Essek never thought much of romance at all.

Essek was surprised to find that the practice happened in the Empire as well, although seemingly much less common. Perhaps it was just usual for people to have this much love to go around, Essek wondered. It wouldn’t be the first time his tenuous relationship with attraction left him the odd one out.

He wasn't sure if it would have been easier with any other member of the Nein. He refused to entertain the idea of the mess his life would become if it were Veth. Though he was very fond of Yasha, she would come paired with Beau and that was too difficult to wrap his head around, even in the furthest stretch of the hypothetical. Caduceus, however, was a kindred spirit, and he held a great respect for Fjord. He could picture a life with them, faintly.

But Jester would be the best fit. Essek loved her, and he knew Caleb did, too. Although he didn’t hold the same physical attraction for her as he did for Caleb, he wouldn’t at all mind having her around more often. Spending time with Jester was easy, spending time with Jester and Caleb was a delight.

But the Nein’s other tiefling was a different story, He certainly didn’t dislike Mollymauk. He was a good man, and Essek could admit he was an attractive one as well. He made Caleb happy.

Perhaps that was it. Jester was Jester. She made everyone around her happy, and it was impossible not to fall at least a little bit in love with her. Loving Jester was as natural as breathing.

The purple tiefling was different, so different from Caleb or Essek. He could hardly sit still for ten minutes, let alone spend an evening tucked away reading quietly in the library as Essek often loved to do with the human. The only thing they had in common was that they both had the tendency to be cocky, competitive bastards. But Mollymauk was bright, showy, and loud. Vibrant, in a way that Essek could never compete with.

And they both loved Caleb.

Mollymauk made Caleb happy.

Essek knew that he made Caleb happy too, and that Caleb loved him very much.

But Caleb also loved Mollymauk.

(And Jester, and his old classmates, but those were different stories)

Essek didn’t understand, not really, when Caleb explained it, but he looked at the man, his man, who asked for so little and allowed himself so little joy. Who was he to deny Caleb this, when he himself wanted Caleb to be happy, so badly it hurt?

Essek was reminded again that he was different from most others, in terms of love and relationships. He refused to let his own defects get in the way of Caleb’s happiness. He would catch up, for Caleb’s sake. Essek looked into blue eyes, held his ever-cold hands to warm cheeks, and smiled.

It couldn’t be much different than the strange closeness Caleb already had with their other friends.

—-

For a while, it was not much different than usual. Essek and Caleb’s little cottage in Nicodranas with a teleportation circle in the garden shed and small patio with a curtain of green vines to shade from the worst of the sun often saw different members of the Nein coming and going, and Mollymauk was no exception. Until he was.

They were more present, in small ways. There were small things that calmed his fears, that he actually came to enjoy greatly; but also things that were driving him insane.

Caleb assured that Essek didn't have to be any more involved in his relationship with Mollymauk than he was comfortable with. Mollymauk assured that he would be more than welcome, and made a comment that Essek didn't quite understand, although he did take a moment to appreciate the pretty shade of red it made Caleb’s face turn.

Essek was surprised to find himself invited to their time together more often than not, and although he always politely declined, he was even more surprised that sometimes, he was actually tempted to join.

Away from a crowd to perform for, Mollymauk could actually be pretty sweet and thoughtful when he really put his mind to it.

There were times like last night, when Molly had come over to pick up their shared wizard for a night out:

Molly’s curls flowed fetchingly around their horns and over their forehead. They were wearing the faintest bit of some gold, shimmering glitter on their eyelids. Perhaps by accident, a few stray flecks of glitter had ended up across their collarbones, leading the eye to their handsomely scarred chest disappearing beneath a pale, open collared shirt.

Mollymauk sauntered over to Essek, who was curled up sideways on the seatette with an unusually large cat laid across the tops of his feet, and a somehow even larger tome open across his lap.

“You sure you're good here, floaty?” Molly asked as he leaned over the sofa and into Essek’s personal space. He was wearing enough dangling jewelry to rival Essek’s own, and they jingled sweetly as they moved, “I’m fairly sure there's enough room in the bar for the three of us.”

Essek tore his eyes away from his reading, and used an impressive amount of control to keep himself from jumping when he looked up and saw the tiefling’s face so close to his own. Molly was practically draped across the couch in the same way their cats sometimes did.

“Thank you for the invitation, Mollymauk, but I am quite alright here tonight.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d say that.” They said it good naturedly, but Essek couldn't help but feel shame start to coil in his chest. The tiefling paused for a moment to reach down and lazily pet the cat at Essek’s feet. Dough kindly accepted the attention for a moment before beeping out a strange noise and abruptly turning on her side to clean herself, leg stretched out high.

Both Essek and Molly shared a quiet laugh. It was barely more than a soft breath, but it broke the tension and Essek relaxed a bit.

Molly abruptly stood, and hopped back with a flourish, “However, I think it's a perfect night to get wasted, and I simply can't stand aside while you sit here and stay sober” and Essek realized he had been holding one hand behind his back the entire time. He eyed Molly suspiciously.

“Come now, don't be like that, love.” He says, but he didn't keep Essek in suspense for much longer. From behind his back, he pulled out a bottle of wine.

Essek’s eyebrows raise. A Lionett vintage.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t steal it.” Molly says quickly, “Our lovely expositor lost it to me in a bet. But you know me, the cheap stuff suits me just fine. I figured I’d share the winnings with someone who can actually appreciate how fancy this stuff is.”

Essek purposefully didn’t try to hide the small smile that bloomed on his face. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you, Mollymauk,” he said, accepting the bottle from the tiefling.

The expression on Mollymauk’s face was charming, but hard to place. If it had been anyone else, he would have called the answering smile bashful.

But he didn’t have too long to examine; the next moment Caleb came rushing down the stairs.

“Ach, sorry to keep you waiting. Had to finish a few things up before you get me too drunk to remember.”