#shadowbringers.

Meiko felt like a godsdamned fool. So much time had passed since Y'shtola had been retrieved from the Lifestream – why, how, did she not realize the woman was blind?

It was like how she had felt with Thancred being possessed by an Ascian all over again. Too absorbed in her own selfish insecurities to really see the people around her. Too intimidated by anyone who enunciated every letter in a word to forge bonds with her own comrades unless they were children or common-born. If she could go back in time and bust her own jaw, she would.

But there was no room for such nonsense right now. She would make it right. And even if she couldn’t quite do that, she would bring the Scions home no matter the cost.

Meiko took a moment to regain her composure before she knocked on Y'shtola’s – Master Matoya’s – door. Once beckoned inside, she let herself in; she hadn’t tried to memorize what she wanted to say because she knew there was no point in it. She’d end up babbling regardless.

“Err, good evenin',” The skittish part of her didn’t want to do this, wanted to flee like a shy child, but she bowled that feeling over. She wouldn’t let herself feel the regrets and loss she felt in the days leading up to finding her way to the First. She was far more scared of feeling that way again than she was of social rejection. “Is now a good time tae chat…?”

It had been a trying couple of days. After reuniting with Y'shtola and slaying the Lightwarden of Rak'tika, Meiko felt... fine. She was fine, despite the revelations of Hydaelyn and Zodiark, as well as the reveal of her own condition.

Although, it wasn't really a reveal. Meiko had already gotten a sense that absorbing all the Lightwardens' Light couldn't possibly be good for her, blessing or no. Even waking up today, her senses felt...keen. Sensitive? Like she was more aware of her breath, of the air around her, of the sounds and voices of the Crystarium.

She needed to walk and move around. To distract herself from her mind and body. Talk to someone, probably. A'kihiko, or catch up with the twins, or...

Or, maybe she couldn't leave her room. How stupid was that? Meiko lingered at her own door, palm resting on the knob but unable -- unwilling -- to turn it.

Come on, ye dumb bitch, we made it past this, she squeezed her eyes shut. No room for hesitation. Just do what we have tae, and...let the consequences be.

She gripped the door handle tight, but muffled voices from just beyond stopped her. She recognized their voices immediately.

"...seems well enough, despite her second visit the Lifestream. Still, I wish she would consider rest."

"Tis true, but I worry of the toll her aethersight taketh. Our forms in the First are but solid spirits -- Y'shtola very may well be depleting herself at a faster pace."

"I had that thought, too. Unfortunately, I've spent all my strength necessary to argue with her. We shall simply have to trust she knows her limits."

Shite. Y'shtola's sight was....depleting her? How?

Meiko's brow furrowed as she reviewed what little she knew of the situation, and by the time she opened the door, Urianger and Thancred had already left the Pendants.

A very big part of her told her to leave it be. As they had said, she trusted Y'shtola to know her limits. Still... between this and how willingly Y'shtola had thrown herself down that damned pit to save the antidote for the Night's Blessed (it wasn't her fault; if Meiko had been faster...), Meiko couldn't bear to consider what else might put the sorceress at risk.

She ran her hands down her face. She had only just begun to forge a closer bond with Y'shtola. Maybe now would be a good time to speak more openly with her...? Or maybe she would ruin it all in one fell swoop.

I need tae try. I didnae try all these years. Goin' back tae what I was wilnae help anyone.

Meiko had far too much on her mind. It was one thing to merely be the Warrior of Light's sister, and an entirely different thing to be the 'prophesized' Warrior of Darkness. A title she disliked for more than responsibility-related reasons.

Maybe this was divine punishment for cringing at Fray's monologues when they first spoke them to her.

Still, she had managed to absorb two Lightwardens so far. That was progress. But knowing that her brother and the other Scions' bodies grew weaker in the Source by the minute -- perhaps faster -- was an ever-present worry in her mind. She couldn't just be successful, she had to be successful and quick. Even now, as exhausted as she had been after talking late into the night with Ardbert, she felt restless enough to rise. Fortunately, if Ardbert was still watching her, he didn't interrupt her decision to slip out for a walk.

Even at this late hour -- it must have been well past midnight -- the Crystarium hummed quietly with activity. Crafters carrying on with their tasks, a few folks milling by the market boards. It felt like the people of the Crystarium were so thankful to have night returned to them, that they'd sacrifice sleep just to experience it a bit longer. It was sweet and she was happy to help those in need.

Yet still, there was an emptiness in her chest that she couldn't quite shake. Something known and yet unspoken -- at least for now.

If the Exarch had successfully summoned A'kihiko as a whole being, rather than the shade of solid aether as he and the others were now, Meiko would not be here. There would have been no need for her, just like there would have been no need for her in that fight against Elidibus on the frontline.

Convenience was the phrase that resonated in her mind. Her brother was taken out of play by chance -- little more than a miscalculated spell -- and she was the only viable substitution. A last ditch effort. And even when she performed adequately (or better), it was difficult not to feel like an impostor.

Of course, if she said these words out loud she would receive platitudes and reassurances and encouragement... appreciated, but not what she needed. Hell, she didn't even know what she needed or wanted to hear.

Maybe she never would.

"Pah," she scoffed, shaking her head. Her voice was low, speaking only to herself. "Stop it, Mei. Thinkin's no yer strong suit for a reason."

Her feet had carried her out onto the bridges that extended out from the Rotunda, giving her a measure of privacy as she stopped by a railing to stare out at Lakeland.

There was so much on her mind -- her brother, the Scions, the Lightwardens, Ardbert, everything happening back home and that damned Ascian showing up earlier -- but when she tried to focus on a single subject, her mind felt everything was on fire.

This Meme || Accepting!

It has tae be. That or I die.

She wasn't being cheeky. It was the truth. If she couldn't contain the Lightwardens' Light, then the cycle would simply repeat.

And the Exarch said, "No, I did not find anyone within."

And A'kihiko just. "Oh... Okay. Maybe he's just in a secret room. Or maybe he got out before this happened. I haven't checked the Tower in awhile back on the Source...."

Because A'khiko, for all his ability and experience, still takes people at face value. The Exarch probably felt so bad deceiving him.

BUT THIS IS WHY WHEN HE TOLD MEIKO HE 'JOINED A SECRET GROUP' AFTER FIGHTING THE AMAL'JAA'S GOD IFRIT SHE SAID NO YE DID NOT, YE JOINED A CULT AN' NOW I HAVE TAE GET YE OUT O' IT

Hug The Bun Memes || Accepting

She had been holding it together rather well, all things considered. But now that G'raha had indeed awakened -- she had been half terrified it wouldn't work -- Meiko felt all her strength rush out of her like a dam. She let out a sigh of relief and hugged him back, resting her forehead atop his shoulder.