๐๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฒ | ๐ด๐ฆ๐ท๐ณ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ถ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ณ๐ค๐ข ๐น ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ
SUMMARY: In a world built on war, survival, and impossible odds, feelings were a luxury neither of them could afford โ especially not feelings for Sevro au Barca.ย After years of Y/N hiding her feelings, it takes Sevro returning from a near-fatal mission for her to realise that tomorrow isn't promised โ and neither are second chances.
warnings/disclaimers: she/her pronouns used, mentions of violence, blood & gore, near death experience, mutual pining.
notes: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from the red rising series by pierce brown, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally (10.4k words)
โ โ โ โ
The med bay had emptied hours ago.ย
The last patient had been discharged, all supplies restocked, the reports filed โ most of them, anyway.ย
Y/N sat alone at one of the workstations, shoulders aching from being hunched over for so long. The overhead lights had dimmed into the ship's night cycle, casting everything in a soft blue glow.ย
The smart thing would have been to go to bed.ย
Instead, she found herself staring at the same line of text for the fifth time, the data pad casting a pale glow across the desk. As a Yellow aboard the ship and the resident doctor, she sifted through patient reports left behind.
She rubbed at her eyes as exhaustion started to seep through, forcing herself to focus. These werenโt new cases โ just old files, half-updated notes and lingering treatment logs from the previous shipโs doctor โ but sheโd promised herself she would finish reviewing them before sleeping.
That had been two hours ago.
Y/N pulled the sleeves of her jacket over her hands and drew a knee up to her chest, resting her chin on it. Her socked foot tapped lightly against the floor as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, then opened them again, as if she could chase away the warmth buzzing in her chest.
A knock sounded from the far corner of the room.
Her eyes lifted, glancing up in reaction.
There stood Sevro in the doorway, holding a tray in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.ย
He wore dark cargo pants, scuffed black combat boots, and a hooded jacket that mirrored her own, making him look like a shadowy reflection of herself.
"You're alive," he drawled, tilting his head as his gaze swept over her.
Y/N shot him a playful, dry look. "That's usually how it works."
"Hmm,โ he sauntered, stepping inside, carrying that same careless confidence he seemed to wear as naturally as his wolfskin. "Wasn't sure. You've been staring at that screen so long, I figured your brain might've started leaking out your ears."
Her lips twitched into a small smile despite herself.
Sevro grinned almost immediately, catching it. He crossed the room and set the tray down beside her on the desk with a small flourish, as though he'd personally prepared a feast instead of whatever scraps he'd managed to scavenge.
Food.
Real food.
Well. Real enough.
Y/N glanced down at the tray, then back up at him, raising an eyebrow, "What's this?"
He dropped into the chair beside hers before she could protest, deliberately angling himself away from the desk like he had no intention of doing anything productive, then stretched his legs out with a satisfied sigh. โI stole it.โ
Her eyebrows furrowed instead now. "Youย stoleย food?"
"I liberated it," he pointed a finger at her in mock correction. "Big difference."
She couldnโt help but eye him suspiciously.
His grin was still there, but up close he looked exhausted.ย
Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and there was a fresh bruise blooming across his jaw that definitely hadn't been there that morning. His hair was a mess even by Sevro standards, sticking up in every direction possible.
She picked at the food, turning over a questionable-looking piece with the fork before deciding it was probably edible. Beside her, Sevro leaned farther back in his chair until it balanced precariously on two legs as his boots found their way onto a nearby cabinet.
He watched Y/N eat out of the corner of his eye like he was monitoring a tactical situation.
โHave you eaten?โ she asked him between bites, reaching out for the bottle of water with one hand while the other absently pushed a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear.
He didnโt answer right away. Instead, Sevro lingered in that infuriating way of his โ half-distracted, half-defiant.
โMaybe,โ he finally muttered, shoulders lifting in a careless shrug that didnโt do much convincing.
Y/N stopped chewing mid-bite, slowly lowering her fork as her eyes narrowed at him.
โSevro,โ she said, his name coming out sharper now, threaded with warning.
He glanced at her then, feigning innocence for exactly half a second before it cracked.ย
โWhat?โ he shot back, voice edging toward defensive as he shifted in his seat.
Her grip tightened slightly on the bottle of water before she set it down with deliberate care.
โHave. You. Eaten.โ she repeated, each word spaced out with controlled patience, her gaze locking onto him like she was about to diagnose something far more serious than stubbornness.
His eyes narrowed, defensive on instinct, like sheโd just accused him of treason instead of malnutrition.
โWhy do you Yellows always ask so many gory damn questions?โ he muttered, voice rough with annoyance, though it lacked any real bite.
โBecause idiots like you keep trying to survive on caffeine and spite,โ she shot back without missing a beat.
โAnd it works just fine,โ Sevro said automatically, leaning back in his chair with that familiar feral ease, chin tilting up like he was daring her to argue further.
She lifted the bottle of water to her lips and gave him a long, unimpressed look over the rim as she drank. โIโll pull rank on you,โ she said flatly once she lowered it.
That earned a pause.
His expression shifted just slightly โ but he soon shrugged as if heโd already decided the outcome in his favour.
โI think itโsย meย who holds rank overย you,ย actually,โ he said, too quick, too smug, a crooked grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.
She let out a slow breath through her nose.ย
โThen consider this a threat,โ she replied, setting her bottle down.
โA threat, huh?โ Sevro echoed, leaning closer now, eyes glinting with that sharp, feral amusement he always wore when he thought he was about to win something.
She rolled her eyes, but the edge in her voice softened as she nudged her tray closer to him, sliding it across the table. โEat something real,โ she said, quieter now, like it wasnโt a request he actually had a choice about.
He narrowed his eyes at her until he reached forward, taking a piece of food into his mouth before shoving his hands back into the pockets of his hooded jacket.ย
A few seconds passed.
โYou always like this?โ he asked, tilting his head slightly as he watched her, even though he already knew the answer.ย
โLike what?โ she replied, not looking up right away as she adjusted something on the tray.
โBossy,โ he said, leaning back in his chair again, boots shifting under his weight.
Y/N let out a quiet snort, finally meeting his gaze. โOnly when Iโm right.โ
That earned him a low, amused huff of laughter.ย
โThatโs most of the time, then,โ he shot back without hesitation.
She rolled her eyes at him, โI hate you.โย
She had said it rather flatly, nudging the tray a little closer again, insisting without words.
Sevro didnโt even blink. The corner of his mouth curled, smug and entirely too sure of himself.
โNo, you donโt,โ he replied, softer now, like it was the simplest truth in the world.
Y/N didnโt argue.ย
The words slipped out so casually that it was as if her heart had faltered.
Fortunately, Sevro seemed completely unaware of the effect he'd had.
Or maybe he wasn't.
Sometimes it was impossible to tell.
Outside the ship, the void kept doing what it always did โ falling apart, rebuilding, starting wars it couldnโt finish.ย
Sevro leaned further back into his chair, still chewing, still watching her like she was a problem he hadnโt decided how to solve yet.
"You know," he began after a while, staring at the ceiling, "Darrow thinks you're going to work yourself into an early grave."
Y/N groaned almost immediately, letting her head fall back. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"
"Because you're insane." He answered without missing a beat.
She looked at him with a sarcastic look plastered on her face, "Oh, coming from you?"
"Exactly," he jabbed a thumb toward his chest. "I'm a professional. Takes one to know one."
A laugh had escaped from her before she could stop it.
The sound seemed to catch both of them off guard.
Her smile lingered on her lips.
Across from her, Sevro blinked, then his grin started to soften around the edges.ย
For a brief moment the usual sharpness left his expression, replaced by something warmer, quieter. He shook his head slightly, like he couldn't quite believe he'd managed to make you laugh.
"There she is," he murmured, almost to himself.
Then, noticing she'd heard him, he immediately ruined the moment by reaching over and stealing a piece of food off the tray again.
Y/N took a moment to glance toward the big digital clock on the wall.
2:03 a.m.
โYou should be sleeping,โ she remarked quietly, voice softer now, more tired than teasing.
Sevro snorted in response, dragging the heel of his hand lightly over the bruise along his jaw like he was testing how much it still hurt. โSo should you,โ he shot back, like it was obvious she was just as guilty as he was.
โFair,โ she admitted after a beat, exhaling through her nose.
โFair,โ he echoed immediately, the word bending into something wry as the corner of his mouth twitched into a faint, crooked smile โ gone almost as soon as it appeared.
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she looked back up at him properly.
The smile didnโt last.
She watched as he shifted in place, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his oversized jacket, shoulders slightly hunched now as the casual edge slipped off him. His gaze dropped for a moment, and he caught his lower lip between his teeth โ thoughtless, almost absent.
Gods.
That was dangerous.
Y/N looked away quickly, suddenly far too interested in the edge of the tray in front of her.
Somewhere along the way, Sevro had become one of her favourite people to be around.
She weren't entirely sure when that had happened.
Maybe during the endless months aboard ship.
Maybe during one of the countless nights spent patching him up after training accidents.
Whatever the reason, it was a problem.
A massive one.
Because every day it became harder for her to ignore the way her stomach flipped whenever he walked into a room.
Harder to ignore how closely sheโd tracked his injuries.
How relieved she always felt when he came back from missions alive, well and in one piece.
โYou thinking too hard again?โ
Y/N blinked.
Sevro had his head turned toward her already, like heโd been watching for a while and only just decided to call her out on it. Elbows resting loosely against the back of the chair, posture lazy in that coiled, predatory way of his โ like a blade pretending it wasnโt sharp.
โWhat?โ she asked simply, brows furrowing and gaze narrowing.
His eyes narrowed right back, bright and assessing under the dim med bay light. โThat face.โ
โWhat face?โ
โThe one you make when youโre trapped inside your own head,โ he said, like he was diagnosing a problem heโd seen too many times to ignore.
She immediately looked away. โI donโt make a face.โ
A beat.
Sevro scoffed, low and amused. โYou absolutely make a face.โ
โI donโt.โ
โYou do.โ
Y/N huffed another quiet laugh before she could stop it, lips twitching despite herself. โYouโre annoying.โ
โProfessionally,โ he agreed without hesitation, leaning back like the accusation was actually a compliment.
Then, like it was nothing at all, he added, โDarrow says itโs one of my best qualities.โ
โWell, Darrow is wrong.โ
โNo, heโs not.โ
โOh, yeah? You ask him that yourself?โ she pressed, finally looking back at him, eyebrow raised.
โNah,โ Sevroโs grin turned crooked, wolfish at the edges. โBut if I did, heโd agree.โ
That got her. A short laugh slipped out before she could catch it.
It was infuriating how easy he made that.
And that was when it changed.
Just slightly.
Her laugh seemed to catch him off guard again. Not enough for most people to notice โ but Y/N did.
His grin didnโt disappear, not fully, but something in it shifted. Softer at the edges. Less shield, moreโฆ exposed.
The room felt quieter after that.
The med bay hum filled the space where words had been.
She had only now became properly aware of how close he was sitting to her.
Close enough that if either of them shifted, there wouldnโt be room to pretend it didnโt matter. Close enough to see the gold flecks scattered through his eyes โ wild, restless things that didnโt belong in anything so human. Close enough to notice the scar cutting through one eyebrow, old and familiar.
And close enough that her hair โ dark, dyed deliberately over what used to be Gold โ fell forward near her cheek, hiding the faint reminder of what she were born as.ย
What sheโd chosen to cover.
Sevro didnโt look away.
Neither did Y/N.
The jokes had burned off without either of them noticing.
His gaze flicked โ slow, almost heavy โ from her eyes to her mouth.
Heat rushed up Y/Nโs neck before she could stop it.
The space between the two of them tightened, taut as a drawn wire.
One move.
That was all it would take.
She could feel her breath catch in the back of her throat.ย
So did his.
And thenโ
Sevro shifted slightly.
Not away, but toward her.
His hand lifted, slower than anything about him ever was. Rough fingers โ scarred, calloused, built for knives and violence โ hesitated for half a second like they didnโt trust themselves with anything gentle.
Then he reached for her.
A strand of Y/Nโs dark-dyed hair had fallen loose near her cheek. Black against skin that still carried faint echoes of Gold beneath it, no matter how much she had tried to bury it.
His fingers brushed it back into place.
Barely there.
Careful in a way Sevro au Barca never was.
He tucked it behind her ear, knuckles grazing her temple for just a second too long to be accidental โ and just short enough to pretend it was.
For a moment, neither of them moved.
His hand lingered like heโd forgotten to pull it away.
Then his throat bobbed.
โShit,โ he muttered under his breath.
The word cracked the spell.
Y/N looked down too quickly, suddenly very interested in absolutely anything that wasnโt him.
Sevro stood up so fast his chair scraped harshly against the floor.
โI should go,โ he said, voice rougher now. Controlled again. Forced back into shape.
โRight,โ she answered, though neither of them moved properly yet.
He dragged a hand over the back of his neck, rubbing like he could scrub the moment off his skin. Then he let out a short, awkward laugh โ wrong on him. Unstable at the edges.
Sevro didnโt do awkward.
He did war.
He did chaos.
Not this.
โGet some sleep,โ he muttered.
She simply hummed in response, โYou too.โ
โYeah,โ he huffed. โGood one.โ
Her eyes rolled, but her mouth betrayed her with a small smile anyway.
His returned it โ smaller now.ย Realer.
When he reached for the empty tray, his fingers brushed hers.
Then it was gone.
His eyes met hers, almost purposefully, one last time.
Something unspoken passed between them โ dangerous in its softness.
Then he finally stepped back.
โGoodnight, Sevro,โ Y/N said quietly.
He lingered in the doorway just long enough to make it feel deliberate.
โNight, sweetheart,โ he said, low and rough, like the word didnโt quite fit in his mouth.
And then he was gone.
Leaving the med bay too quiet.
Too empty.
And Y/N sitting there with the ghost of his touch still on her skin โ and the very inconvenient realisation that Sevro au Barca had just looked at her like she was something worth being careful with.
โ โ โ โ
The morning air inside the ship tasted recycled and metallic, threaded with antiseptic from the med bay lockers stacked near the hanger bay.
She stood beside one of the secured medical crates, checking inventory against a data pad while technicians moved through final launch procedures around her. Greys shouted over one another. Harness locks clicked into place. Somewhere deeper in the ship, engines began their low, vibrating hum.
Another doctor hovered nearby, fussing over supplies with increasing irritation.
โYou packed enough coagulants for a battlefield?โ he asked her for the third time.
โYes.โ
โAnd the trauma kits?โ
โYes.โ
โPortable scanner?โ
She looked up flatly.ย โYes.โ
He sighed dramatically. โIโm trying to keep people alive.โ
โYou assigned me to a ship full of Howlers. Bit late for that.โ
A few nearby crewmen snorted.
The doctor muttered something under his breath about reckless idiots and stalked off toward another crate.
And through all of it, Y/N only saw him.
Sevro came down the narrow corridor from the cockpit with Darrow beside him, wolf cloak thrown over one shoulder like it weighed nothing at all. His pulse armour was black this morning, scorched at one pauldron from some older fight he clearly hadnโt bothered repairing properly.ย
Knives lined his body in ugly, familiar places. One was strapped sideways against his chest. Another at his thigh. Gods knew how many more were hidden.
His hair looked worse than usual. Like heโd cut it himself with a combat blade in the dark.
Darrow was saying something serious beside him, low and measured in that usual Reaper way of his.
โโฆwe hit the dockyards first,โ Darrow said under his breath. โIf the jammers fail, we abort immediately. No improvising.โ
Sevro scoffed at him, โImprovisingโs my best quality.โ
Darrow glanced toward her then, catching the way Sevroโs attention had already drifted completely away from the conversation.
Always too fast.
His mouth twitched immediately into that crooked little grin that wasnโt quite a smile.
โThere she is,โ he muttered, though loud enough for everyone standing in the launch bay to hear.ย
Darrow followed his gaze, expression unreadable for exactly one second before he shook his head faintly and continued toward the cockpit.
โTry not to antagonize the medic before launch,โ he said as he passed.
โNo promises.โ
Sevro peeled away without hesitation.
The closer he got, the more she noticed the bruising along his jaw. A split knuckle. Fresh blood beneath one nail. He smelled faintly of smoke and gun oil and cold recycled air.
โThought youโd still be asleep, Doc,โ he said, voice rough from lack of sleep. โNormal people rest before suicidal missions.โ
โI work with Howlers,โ she replied quietly. โI stopped being normal months ago.โ
A sharp bark of laughter left him.
โFair point.โ
But then the grin faded a little.
Just enough.
The noise of the ship seemed to dull around them. Not gone โ just distant now. Secondary.
His eyes dragged over her face like he was checking for something. Making sure she was real. Still there.
The memory of yesterday still sat heavy between them.
The too-close moment in the med bay. The way his hand had rested briefly against her temple, running over her cheek and tucking that strand of hair behind her ear, leaning in before he pulled away completely.
Like he hadnโt meant to do it.
Almost like it had scared him.
Sevro scratched at the back of his neck now, suddenly restless in her company.
โMissionโll probably be quick,โ he muttered in the space between them. โCouple idiots to kill. Couple explosions. Maybe a dramatic escape if the Reaperโs feeling theatrical.โ
โThat doesnโt sound reassuring at all.โ
โItโs not supposed to be reassuring.โ His mouth curled faintly. โItโs supposed to be honest.โ
She hated how easily fear settled into her chest whenever he geared up like this.
Because Sevro always looked most like himself before violence.
Alive, in a terrible way.
Like some feral thing finally being let off its chain.
โYou could at least pretend to care about surviving,โ she said softly.
The words landed somewhere between a plea and a reprimand. She stood with her arms folded tightly across her chest, watching him like she expected him to bolt the second she blinked. The concern in her voice was quiet, but it carried enough weight to make lesser men pause.
He snorted.
The sound was sharp and dismissive. Sevro dragged a hand through his unruly hair, smearing dirt across his temple in the process. He shifted his weight against the wall, mouth twitching with the ghost of a grin that never quite reached his eyes.ย
As usual, seriousness seemed to itch beneath his skin. โDoc, survivingโs literally my best skill.โ
He spread his hands as if presenting an undeniable fact, then tapped two fingers against his chest. The grin widened into something crooked and feral. โLook at me. Still here.โ
The joke came easy, automatic. A shield thrown up before anyone could get too close to whatever sat underneath. But beneath the sarcasm, there was the familiar restless energy โ the constant readiness of a man who'd spent most of his life expecting the next knife, the next ambush, the next impossible fight.
โSevro,โ she sighed heavily, his name leaving her lips like a warning.ย
At that, he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and let his head thunk lightly against the wall behind him. One corner of his mouth twitched upward.
For a moment he didn't answer. He just stared off somewhere over her shoulder, jaw working slightly as if chewing on words he'd rather swallow.
Then he glanced back at her, expression caught between amusement and annoyance, already preparing another joke to dodge whatever came next.
Yet, something in her voice made him pause.
Actually pause.
Her throat tightened immediately when she saw the shift in his expression. The humour dimmed. The sharpness softened around the edges, just for her.
โBe safe,โ she pleaded, the words were barely above a whisper, almost lost beneath the noise around them.
Simple words.
But they somehow felt enormous.
Sevro looked at her for a long second.
Then another.
Gods, he was awful at this part. At feelings. At tenderness. She could practically see him fighting his own instincts not to deflect with some crude joke.
Instead, to her surprise, he stepped closer.
Close enough she could see that same tiny scar cutting through his eyebrow.
โYeah,โ he relented after a moment. โIโll try.โ
Not cocky this time.
Not teasing.
Real.
Her fingers curled instinctively against the sleeves of her jacket to stop herself from reaching for him first.
Because if she touched him now, she knew she might not let go.
Sevro noticed anyway. Of course he did.
His gaze flicked downward briefly before returning to hers.
Then, as quickly as breathing, he leaned in and bumped his forehead lightly against hers.
A Howler sort of affection. Strange and fleeting and far too intimate.
โYou worry too much,โ he drawled, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.
The grin that followed was familiar โ crooked, irritating, and entirely too pleased with itself for someone who regularly treated self-preservation like a suggestion rather than a rule.ย
He nudged her shoulder lightly with his own, trying to steer the conversation away from anything serious.
โYou almost die too much.โ
She didn't miss a beat.
Her stare was flat enough to stop most people in their tracks. Unfortunately, Sevro had spent years charging headfirst into situations that should have killed him, so a look of disapproval barely registered.
A short bark of laughter escaped him, โThatโs also fair.โ
He lifted both hands in surrender, as if conceding a point in an argument he'd never intended to win in the first place.ย
โSee?โ his grin widened, equal parts sheepish and unapologetic, โGlad we can agree on something.โย
For all the humour in his voice, there was a flicker of acknowledgment beneath it. A rare admission that she wasn't wrong.
Even if he'd rather throw himself into another fight than say so outright.
The animated voice of a Blue interrupted them, crackling over the ship comms.
โLaunch in thirty seconds.โ
Sevro exhaled through his nose and leaned back slightly.
Then he looked at her one last time.
And for one dangerous second, she thought he might kiss her.
Instead, he took a step backward, boots scraping against the floor. The movement put space between them, but judging by the way his jaw tightened, he seemed to regret it instantly.
โWhen I get back,โ he said, pointing at her lazily, โyouโre sleeping. You look like gory damn shit.โ
The accusation came with a careless flick of his wrist. He squinted at her as though conducting a thorough medical examination, then nodded once to himself, apparently satisfied with his own diagnosis.
Y/N crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head, fighting a smile. The look she gave him was equal parts disbelief and challenge, โYouโre giving me orders now?โ
Sevro tapped two fingers against his chest and puffed himself up dramatically, โIโm basically a medical professional myself.โ
ย The smug grin spreading across his face suggested he expected recognition for years of distinguished service in a field he had absolutely no qualifications for.
โYou drank disinfectant once,โ she managed to smirk, the reminder left her lips so quickly it was obvious she'd been waiting for the opportunity to use it against him.
โIt said not to. That sounds medicinal.โ
He spread his hands wide in a gesture that somehow managed to be both defensive and triumphant. One shoulder lifted in a shrug, as though the conclusion was completely reasonable and everyone else was simply failing to appreciate his genius.
She laughed before she could stop herself.
Her hand flew to her mouth a second too late. The sound escaped anyway, warm and genuine, cutting through the tension that had lingered between them all day.
The laugh seemed to hit him harder than expected.
His grin stalled.
Not enough for most people to notice.
Just enough.
His eyes flickered toward her, then away again. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, suddenly finding the floor far more interesting than he had a moment ago.
His expression softened again โ brief, startled, almost warm.
For a heartbeat, he looked younger. Less like the infamous Goblin and more like the exhausted man underneath all the scars, sarcasm, and reckless confidence.
Then he caught himself.
His mouth twisted into that familiar crooked smirk. He pushed himself off the wall and hooked his thumbs into his belt, dragging the walls back into place before anyone could notice they'd slipped.
The moment was gone.
The Goblin had returned.
โDonโt patch anybody up while Iโm gone,โ he called while backing toward the cockpit ladder. โCheating on me with other patients would destroy me emotionally.โ
โYou are impossible.โ
โAnd yet you like me anyway.โ
Before she could answer, warning sirens pulsed softly through the ship as the engines roared louder beneath their feet.
Sevro grabbed the overhead rail and shot her one last crooked grin as he disappeared toward the cockpit.
He never looked back.
But just before the blast doors sealed between compartments, a hand appeared briefly through the narrowing gap.
Two fingers raised in a crooked salute.
For her.
โ โ โ โ
She did not sleep well.
Not that she expected to.
The ship had settled into the strange artificial quiet that only came after deployment โ low engine vibrations beneath the floor, distant comm chatter bleeding through the walls, the occasional thud of movement from crew rotating shifts.
But underneath all of it sat the waiting.
The ugly kind.
The kind every medic learned to live with.
She lay half-awake in her bunk for what felt like hours, staring at the dim ceiling while thoughts circled endlessly through her head.
Be safe.
Such stupidly small words.
As if words had ever stopped death before.
At some point, exhaustion had finally managed to drag her under.
Thenโ
โWAKE UP!โ
Hands grabbed her shoulder and shook her hard enough that the world jolted violently back into focus.
Urgent in a way that cut straight through sleep like a blade.
Her eyes snapped open instantly, instinct taking over before thought could even catch up.ย
For a brief, disorienting moment she didnโt know where she was, only that something was wrong โ deeply wrong โ because nothing about the way she was being woken suggested safety.
The narrow bunk.ย
The low hum of the shipโs engines.ย
The dim corridor light bleeding in through the half-open door.ย
It all came rushing back in pieces, snapping into place like broken glass reassembling itself.
Then she saw Virginia.
She was standing over her in full uniform, golden hair pulled back into a tight, disciplined knot, every part of her appearance perfectly arranged in a way that only made the expression on her face more alarming. Her jacket was fastened cleanly, gloves already on, as if she had come straight from command without stopping for anything.
But it wasnโt the uniform that made dread slam into her chest โ it was her face.
Virginia au Augustus did not look like this.ย
Not ever.
She was someone who held herself steady through crises, who spoke with composure even when everything around her was collapsing. If anything, she was known for being infuriatingly calm when others were losing control.
Now her face was pale beneath the harsh overhead lights, her jaw clenched so tightly a muscle jumped near her cheek, and her eyes carried a weight that didnโt belong there.ย
Something carefully contained was pressing against the edges of her control, threatening to spill through.
And that alone was enough to make a cold dread settle in her stomach.
โMustang?โ she asked, her voice still rough with sleep as she pushed herself up slightly.
Mustang didnโt answer immediately. Instead, she glanced toward the corridor behind her, as if checking who might overhear, then stepped fully into the room and closed the distance just enough to make her next words quieter, more controlled.
โThe ship just docked,โ she said quickly. Her tone was steady, but it was the kind of steadiness that required effort, like holding something fragile together with bare hands. โThe mission went wrong.โ
Her stomach dropped so sharply it felt like the floor had fallen away beneath the bunk.
โHow bad?โ she asked, already knowing she didnโt want the answer.
Virginia hesitated.
Just for a second, but it was long enough that it pressed like a weight between them, thickening the air in the small room.
Her gaze flicked away again, only briefly, before returning with something harder in itโsomething forced into place.
โBad.โ
Y/N was already moving before the word fully landed.
Cold metal flooring hit her bare feet as she shoved herself upright, pulse roaring in her ears. Somewhere beyond the cabin walls alarms were sounding in short, controlled bursts โ medical emergency alerts.
Not evacuation.
Wounded.
Gods.
Her hands shook as she blindly reached for her clothes.
โCasualties?โ she demanded, already bracing herself for the answer.
โMultiple,โ Virginia replied without hesitation.
The word landed like a physical blow anyway.
Y/Nโs breath caught sharply in the back of her throat. โHowlers?โ
Mustang didnโt answer at first.
She didnโt need to.
The silence did it for her.
The room suddenly felt too small to hold either of them, like the walls had shifted closer without anyone noticing. Heat pressed in from nowhere, suffocating and sharp, and she pushed herself upright too quickly, fumbling as she reached for her combat pants.
Her hands didnโt cooperate the way they should have. Fabric twisted awkwardly between her fingers, and she nearly cursed under her breath before Virginia moved.
Mustang crossed the room in two brisk strides and picked up her boots from beside the bunk, holding them out without ceremony.
โHere.โ
โIโve got them,โ she snapped automatically, though she was still struggling with her footing.
Virginiaโs gaze flicked over her once, sharp and assessing. โYouโre shaking.โ
That nearly broke through the edge she was clinging to.
For a moment she didnโt respond. Then she exhaled sharply through her nose and gave up the argument, sitting hard on the edge of the bunk as Virginia crouched in front of her.
The boots went on efficiently โ no wasted movement, no hesitation. Just practiced urgency, laces pulled tight and secured with hands that didnโt tremble.
โYou need steady hands,โ Mustang said firmly, not looking up as she worked on the laces. โBreathe later.โ
The words struck something solid inside her. Not comfort exactly โ something sharper than that. Structure. Order. A command she could follow when everything else threatened to splinter.
Doctor first.ย
Compartmentalise.ย
Break down later.
She swallowed once, hard, and stood the moment the boots were secured, shrugging into her jacket as she moved for the door without waiting another second.
Virginia matched her pace immediately as they stepped into the corridor, the shipโs lighting washing over them in cold, rhythmic pulses.
โWhat happened?โ she asked, forcing her voice to stay level as they walked.
โAmbush,โ Virginia said, eyes forward. โDockyard trap. They got the civilians out, but the Sons lost the extraction route.โ
Her jaw tightened. โHow long ago?โ
โTwenty-three minutes.โ
The number hit harder than anything else had so far.
Twenty-three minutes wasnโt just delay โ it was momentum, collapse, aftermath already unfolding without them there to stop it.
Her pace quickened instinctively.
Too long.
Gods.
Too long.
She yanked her hair back while half-running through the ship corridors, fingers moving automatically as she twisted it into a knot at the base of her neck. Crewmen flattened themselves against the walls as she stormed past. Somewhere ahead she could already hear shouting spilling from the med bay.
The doors slid open.
Chaos hit her full force.
Blood.
So much blood.
The sharp antiseptic sting of sterilizers mixed horribly with copper and smoke and burned flesh.
Howlers filled nearly every available surface.
One Grey medic was trying desperately to stop arterial bleeding from a mangled leg.ย
Another patient screamed somewhere behind the surgical divider. Medical trays clattered to the floor. Somebody shouted for plasma. Somebody else shouted for morphine.
And through it all, bodies kept coming.
The entire room snapped toward her the second she entered.
โDoctor!โ
โOver here!โ
โWeโre losing this oneโโ
She moved instantly, eyes darting around the room as she began barking out orders.
โSeal that wound before transport!โ
โYouโget pressure there now!โ
โNo, not that injector, are you stupid? The blue one!โ
Her voice cut through the panic sharply enough to stabilize it.
Not calm.
Never calm.
Controlled.
That was enough.
Years of training took over completely now, pushing everything else aside. Fear became compartmentalized. Buried under procedure.
She crossed to the nearest patient first โ a young Red, barely more than a boy, with jagged shrapnel embedded deep through his abdomen. The smell of antiseptic and blood mingled in the air, sharp enough to make her stomach twist.
โVitals?โ she asked, crouching beside him.
โDropping,โ a voice answered, tight and clipped.
โGet him into Surgery Two.ย Immediately.โ
A hand gripped her arm, tugging her back slightly.
โWeโre out of clot foam.โ
Her eyes flicked toward the supply cabinets on the wall. โCabinet Seven.โ
โThat was emptied,โ the medic said, voice tight with panic.
Then she snapped, precise and cold: โThen strip emergency reserves from trauma storage. Now.โ
The medic sprinted away, leaving her to the boy on the table.
Another person shoved a scanner into her hands, and she barely caught it, eyes darting to the readings.
โCollapsed lung,โ she muttered, already moving. โTube him.โ
โWe need another surgeon,โ someone said, voice shaking, barely holding authority in the chaos.
โYou have me,โ she snapped without looking up, hands already working.
The controlled calm of command pressed against the chaos, a brittle order holding the room together. And thenโ
The med bay doors burst open.
The sudden intrusion split the roomโs rhythm, and silence rippled strangely through the space.
Not complete silence.
Something heavier. A shadow of anticipation, of dread.
Every pair of eyes in the med bay turned instinctively toward the sound.
Darrow stood in the doorway.
Armor blackened.
Blood soaked nearly half his body.
And slung over his shoulderโ
No.
No.
Her breathing stopped.
Sevro hung limp in Darrowโs grasp, head lolled unnaturally against the pulse armour. Blood dripped steadily from his fingers onto the floor below, leaving a trail behind as Darrow dragged him.
Too much blood.
Way too much.
For one terrible second she genuinely could not move.
Could not think.
Because it did not look real.
The Sevro everyone knew was loud.
Violent.
Sharp edges and filthy jokes and movement.
Notโ
This.
Not limp.
Not silent.
Darrow crossed the room in three brutal strides, grunting with every step as he dragged Sevro across the room like a dead weight.
โMove.โ
Everything exploded back into motion.
She shoved an entire tray of instruments violently off the nearest surgical bench. Metal crashed across the floor in a deafening scatter as Darrow laid Sevro down hard atop the surface.
The sight of him nearly shattered her composure instantly.
His armour was torn open across the chest.
One side of his abdomen had been ripped apart so badly she could see exposed muscle beneath the blood. A mixture of burns and deep cuts climbed one arm. A gunshot wound sat just below his ribs.
And there was so much blood.
Far too much.
His skin looked grey beneath the smears of red.
โNo pulse ox.โ
โHe lost too much blood,โ Darrow said roughly, trying to catch his breath as he helplessly stared down at his best friend.
She grabbed Sevroโs jaw carefully, turning his face toward the light.
Nothing.
No response.
A horrible sound built in her throat before she crushed it down violently.
No.
Not now.
A medic approached Y/Nโs side, pale-faced after one glance at Sevroโs injuries.
โWe need someone more senior,โ he said quietly.
The words landed heavy in the cramped med-bay, swallowed almost instantly by the hum of failing systems and the distant shudder of the stationโs damaged spine. A monitor flickered behind them, stuttering through half a heartbeat of light before dying again.
She shook her head, tugging back a hand to have it stained a dark crimson red with Sevroโs blood, โThereโs no time.โ
โWe can stabilize untilโโ
โThereย isย no one else,โ she said sternly, fingers hovering for half a second above the exposed wound before pressing down again, as if committing herself to it physically as much as verbally.
She pressed her palm harder against his open wounds, jaw tight, eyes flicking to Darrow like she might silently ask for confirmation.
โHeโll die before then.โ
The words came out cold enough to freeze the room.ย
Even the tech at the far console stopped typing for half a second. Someone swallowed audibly, then pretended they hadnโt.
She looked at Darrow then.
Actually looked at him.
Before now, he had been just another shape in motion โ blood, armour plating, dusted ash still clinging to the seams of his skin. But now her focus narrowed, cutting through all of it until there was nothing left but the man.
And for the first time since sheโd known the Reaper, she saw fear.
Real fear.
Not for himself.
But for Sevro.
Darrowโs jaw flexed once, hard enough to click. His eyes didnโt dart away, but they werenโt steady either โ not the way they usually were when ordering death like it was logistics.
โHe crashed the jammer manually,โ Darrow said quietly. His voice had gone rough, scraped raw by whatever heโd seen down there. โStayed behind to hold the dock.โ
A beat.
Of course he did.
Of course the suicidal goblin stayed behind.
Her hands were already moving over the wounds, assessing damage automatically.ย ย
Internal bleeding.
Possible organ rupture.
Massive blood loss.
If she hesitated โ he wouldnโt make it out alive. He would die.ย
The realization hit with brutal clarity.
One of the doctors beside her spoke carefully.
The room fell silent again, the kind of silence that didnโt settle so much as collapse inward โ cut off mid-breath, mid-thought, mid-denial. A monitor beeped once, then twice, too loud in the absence of speech.
Because everyone understood exactly what that meant.
No one looked at anyone else. No one wanted to be the one who did.
And if she failed โ Sevro would die on this table.
Her throat tightened as she swallowed, hard, like the thought itself had weight. Her hands didnโt stop moving, but the precision sharpened, as if speed could outrun consequence.
Her stomach twisted so violently she thought she might be sick. She exhaled through her nose instead, shallow, controlled, forcing it back down where it belonged.
But then her eyes caught on his hand hanging off the edge of the surgical bench.
Still.
Cold.
A slight tremor ran through her fingers โ but only for a second. Then her grip tightened around the surgical drape until it creased under her palm.
And suddenly all fear burned away.
Her shoulders set. Her spine straightened. Her breathing evened out in a single, deliberate pull.
โNo one touches him but me,โ she said.
Her voice cut through the room this time โ no hesitation, no fracture in it. One of the medtechs flinched at the tone alone.
Commanding this time.
โPrep operating room one. Full trauma surgery. Now.โ
She didnโt look up as she spoke. Already her hands were moving faster, peeling back damaged material, mapping what had to be done before the machines even arrived.
Everybody moved.
Fast.
Footsteps snapped into motion. Cabinets hissed open. A crash cart rattled as it was shoved free. Surgical systems woke in cascading sequence โ beeps, locks releasing, sterilizers cycling up with sharp mechanical certainty.
Machines activated around them in sharp bursts, like the room itself had been startled awake. Surgical lights flared overhead, white and merciless, bleaching colour from skin and blood alike.
Darrow stayed exactly where he was.
Watching and waiting.
He didnโt speak. Didnโt blink often enough. His hands hung loose at his sides like theyโd forgotten what to do without an order attached to them.
She cut the remains of Sevroโs armour away with shaking hands that steadied only once the first incision began.
The moment blade met skin, her breath changed โ no longer fear, no longer hesitation โ just focus, narrowing everything down to tissue, bone, and the thin, stubborn line between life and loss.
Doctor first.
Break later.
Blood covered her surgical gloves almost instantly.
โHeโs crashing,โย one medic warned, voice cracking slightly as the monitor spiked into an ugly, irregular rhythm.
โI know.โ
She didnโt look up, fingers already adjusting a clamp, tightening it until metal clicked against bone. Her wrist trembled once โ then steadied.
โPressureโs dropping.โย Another voice, sharper now, urgent enough to cut through the sterile hum of machines.ย
โI know.โ
She shifted her stance closer to the table, shoulder pressing in as if she could physically counter the failure. Her breathing went shallow, controlled, forced into rhythm with her hands.
Gods.
A breath slipped out through clenched teeth. Not spoken loud enough for anyone to answer. Not meant to be.
Stay alive.
Her fingers tightened around the instrument so hard her knuckles went pale beneath the gloves.
Please.
For a fraction of a second, her eyes shut โ just a blink too long to be procedural โ then snapped open again, sharper than before.
The surgery blurred into something unreal after that.
Time stopped behaving properly. There were only fragments: a monitor screaming, a clamp dropped and replaced, someone calling for suction that arrived too late, the sharp hiss of oxygen recalibrating mid-crisis.
Hours collapsed strangely inside operating light.
No dawn. No night. Only white glare, blood-warm air, and the relentless, mechanical insistence of not letting go.
Clamp.
Suction.
Stitch.
Blood.
More blood.
Her shoulders burned. Sweat rolled down her spine beneath surgical gear, sticky and heavy.
It was twice that his heart threatened to stop entirely.
And it was twice that Y/N managed to drag him back.
At one point, she felt someone touching her shoulder gently.ย โYou need another surgeon.โ
She flinched, stiffened for a heartbeat, then shook her head, eyes still locked on Sevro.ย
โNo.โ Her voice was sharp and clipped, jaw tight, fingers pressing harder against his chest.
โYouโre exhaustedโโ
โNo.โ
Her head barely moved, only her eyes, scanning monitors and vitals, hands moving faster than thought.
She did not leave the table once.
Not once.
Because every time his pulse weakened beneath the monitors, terror clawed violently through her chest.
Not him.
Please not him.
Not Sevro.
Finallyโ
The bleeding eventually slowed itโs pace.
Her hands shook just enough to remind her sheโd been holding her own breath.
Then stopped.
She exhaled, a sharp, trembling hiss through her nose, shoulders sagging fractionally but refusing collapse.
The monitors stabilized into something steadier.
Weak.
But alive.
Alive.
The realization nearly made her knees give out. She pressed one hand to the edge of the table, leaned close, heart hammering against her ribs as she stared down at Sevroโs unconscious face beneath the bright surgical lights.
She swallowed hard, tasting iron, and for a long moment, the room felt impossibly still.
โ โ โ โ
Sevro remained completely motionless and did not wake for thirty-six hours.
The first twelve passed in a blur of post-surgical chaos.
The next twelve dragged.
The final twelve nearly destroyed her all together.
The operating room eventually emptied around her piece by piece. Other wounded needed treatment. Emergency calls continued throughout the ship. Medics rotated in shifts, exhausted and hollow-eyed.
But she barely noticed any of it.
Because Sevro remained motionless beneath the dimmed lights of recovery room three.
Too pale.
Too still.
Machines breathed and beeped softly around him, monitoring every fragile thing his body was still trying to do.
And she sat beside him through all of it.
Still wearing bloodstained scrubs, smelling like iron and antiseptic and death.
At some point someone draped a blanket over her shoulders, though she couldnโt remember who.
She watched the slow rise and fall of his tattooed chest like it was the only thing keeping the universe intact.
Every now and then she reached out unconsciously just to touch his wrist, feeling his pulse beat underneath her touch.
Checking.
Alive.
Still alive.
The first time she caught herself doing it, she nearly broke apart.
Because she understood then exactly how terrified sheโd been.
Not as a doctor.
Not as a medic responsible for a patient.
As her.
As someone who had already let him crawl far too deeply beneath her skin.
The room doors slid open quietly sometime during the second night cycle. She didnโt look up immediately, fingers still brushing against Sevroโs arm.
โY/N,โ she heard Darrowโs voice fill the room. It sounded rougher than usual. Tired. Gravelly in a way that made her chest tighten.
She leaned back in the chair slowly, scrubbing both hands over her face.
Only then did she realize they were still faintly stained pink despite repeated washing.
โIโm fine,โ she muttered automatically, voice brittle, eyes refusing to meet his.
โYouโve been here almost two days,โ he leaned against the doorway casually, though his posture was tense underneath, like he wanted to step closer but hadnโt yet.
She tightened her fists in her lap, shoulders rising slightly, โHe could crash.โ
โHe wonโt.โ
Something in Darrowโs tone made her finally look at him.
The Reaper stood in the doorway out of his armour now, though bruises still shadowed one side of his face. He looked exhausted in a way that reached all the way to the bone.
For a moment neither of them spoke.
Then Darrow crossed the room slowly and stopped beside the bed, his eyes wearily on his best friend.
โYou saved him,โ he said quietly.
Not praise. Not gratitude. A fact.
She swallowed hard, throat tight. โBarely.โ
Her hands twitched against the edge of the chair.
โYou still did it,โ Darrow whispered, his gaze lingeringย ย steady as a tether.
The room went silent again except for the steady monitor tones, each beep punctuating her heartbeat.
Then he looked at her properly.
And whatever he saw there must have broken something in him a little, because his expression softened immediately. โYou should rest.โ
She shook her head faintly, lips pressed tight. โI canโt.โ
โYes,โ he said gently, stepping closer. โYou can.โ
His hand hovered briefly at her shoulder, patient, grounding.
Her throat tightened violently without warning.
She was so tired.
Not physically.
Everywhere.
The adrenaline had finally burned away, leaving nothing behind except trembling exhaustion and fear she still hadnโt fully processed.
โI thought he was going to die,โ she admitted quietly, voice breaking at the edges.
The words cracked on the way out.
Darrow stepped forward before she could look away.
And then, to her complete surprise, he pulled her into a hug.
Not formal.
Not restrained.
Real.
Warm arms wrapped around her shoulders while one large hand settled briefly against the back of her head.
And thatโ
That nearly undid her completely.
Because Darrow did not hug people lightly.
โYou did well,โ he said softly, voice pressed into the top of her head.
She shut her eyes hard.
For one horrible second she thought she might actually cry against the Reaperโs shoulder like some exhausted child.
Instead, she inhaled shakily and nodded once.
Darrow pulled back carefully, hands lingering just enough to assure presence without pressure. โIโll stay with him for a while.โ
She hesitated.
Looked toward Sevro instinctively.
Even unconscious, he somehow looked irritated about being injured.
It would have been funny if it didnโt hurt so much to see.
Finally, she stood slowly from the chair. Her entire body ached immediately in protest.
โWake me if anything changes.โ Her voice sounded far too soft in the quiet room.
โI will.โ
She paused at the doorway.
Then looked back once more.
Sevro remained exactly where she left him.
Alive, but just barely.ย
The shower water ran red.
At first she stood beneath it fully clothed, too exhausted to think properly while steaming water poured over her head and shoulders.
Then slowly, she watched hazily as the blood began to slide away in ribbons.
Down her arms.
Off her hands.
Across the shower floor.
Sevroโs blood.
The sight of it turning the water pink made something crack violently inside her chest.
She braced both hands against the wall suddenly, unable to contain how hard she was breathing.ย
There had been so much blood.
Enough that she still remembered the feeling of it slipping warm between her fingers while trying desperately to keep him alive.
Her hands started shaking again.
Then harder.
A broken sob escaped her before she could stop it.
She slid down the shower wall until she sat curled beneath the water, forehead pressed against trembling knees while exhaustion and delayed terror finally hit all at once.
He almost died.
He almost died and she would never have told himโ
The thought hurt too much to finish.
Steam curled around her while the last traces of blood spiralled slowly down the drain.
โ โ โ โ
When Sevro woke, the first thing he did was try to rip out his IV.
โDonโt you fucking dare,โ she snapped from beside the bed, her voice cracking sharply through the recovery room before his fingers could reach the tubing.
Sevro froze mid-motion.
Slowly, painfully, he turned his head toward her.
His face looked awful, bruised and cut open in places.ย
Paler than usual beneath the scars.
But his eyesโ
Alive.
โThere she is,โ he rasped weakly, relief and exhaustion mixing together as his gaze finally found hers.
Relief hit her so hard she actually had to grip the edge of the chair beside his bed.
โYou absolute bastard,โ she breathed, the insult falling apart beneath the sheer weight of her relief.
His mouth twitched faintly.
โMissed me?โ he asked, managing the smallest hint of a grin despite looking like death itself.
โYou nearly died,โ she shot back, staring at him as if making sure he was actually there.
โBit dramatic,โ Sevro muttered, barely lifting an eyebrow before the effort seemed to tire him.
โYou flatlined twice,โ she reminded him, refusing to let him joke his way around that particular fact.
โOnly twice? Much be losing my touch,โ he uttered dryly, the corner of his mouth twitching upward before a wince cut the expression short.
She stared at him in pure disbelief.
Then suddenly she was moving.
Making her way around the bed in three fast steps before sitting down next to him on the thin mattress, grabbing his face carefully between both hands like she still needed proof he was real.
Sevro went completely still beneath her touch.
Not joking now.
Not deflecting.
Just staring at her.
โYou idiot,โ she whispered shakily. โYou stupid suicidal idiot.โ
Something shifted in his expression then.
His injured hand lifted slowly, painfully, until it wrapped weakly around her wrist, โI saw you.โ
She frowned slightly, studying his face.
โWhat?โ she asked quietly, unable to read the strange look in his eyes.
โWhen I was bleeding out,โ he admitted, his voice rough and quiet from the damage to his throat. โSaw your face.โ
Her chest tightened painfully.
โSevroโโ she started, but the words caught before they could go any further.
โI knew if I made it backโฆโ he swallowed hard, his gaze dropping briefly to where her hand rested beside his, โItโd be because of you.โ
A heavy silence settled between them.
Sevro looked at her like he was trying to figure out how much honesty he could survive.
Probably not much.
Still, he tried.
โYouโre in my head all the time now,โ he muttered bitterly, a faint grimace crossing his face. โItโs gory damn annoying.โ
A wet laugh escaped her unexpectedly.
He continued staring at her.
Serious despite the words.
โYou consume me, Y/N,โ he confessed, the admission sounding almost reluctant as it left his mouth.
The confession sounded like it physically hurt him to say.
Which somehow made it worse.
Better.
Everything.
His thumb brushed weakly against her wrist.
โI go into missions thinking about you,โ he admitted, his jaw tightening as though the truth itself was uncomfortable. โWake up thinking about you. Half the reason I survived down there was because all I could think wasโโ
He stopped abruptly, like heโd already said too much.
Her eyes burned instantly, tears beginning to blur her vision.
โWhat?โ she whispered, afraid of the answer and desperate for it all at once.
Sevro looked away toward the ceiling briefly.
Actually embarrassed.
A miracle.
โThat I wasnโt done with you yet,โ he finished quietly, refusing to look at her.
Gods.
That nearly shattered her.
She leaned down before she could think better of it and pressed her forehead carefully against his.
The same way he had before the mission.
Only this time neither of them pulled away.
โI thought you were gone,โ she admitted softly to him, her voice trembling despite her best efforts to keep it steady.
Sevro exhaled shakily against her skin.
โYeah,โ he murmured, his eyes slipping shut for a moment. โMe too.โ
Then, because he was still Sevro even now, he added weakly, a crooked smile tugging at his bruised mouth. โPretty hot that you carved me open though.โ
She laughed through tears immediately, the sound breaking free before she could stop it.
โYou really are unbelievable,โ she informed him, shaking her head in utter disbelief.
โSaved my life. Violated me medically. Basically married now,โ he declared with the confidence of a man who had absolutely no business making jokes in his condition.
โYou were unconscious,โ she pointed out dryly, rolling her eyes.
โStill counts,โ he insisted, shrugging without hesitation.
She shook her head helplessly, smiling despite herself.
And Sevroโ
Sevro looked at her like he'd never seen anything more dangerous in his life.
The room fell quiet after that.
Not truly silent โ the recovery monitors still hummed softly beside the bed, engines still vibrated faintly somewhere deep in the ship โ but the noise faded into the background until it hardly mattered.
Because all she could seem to hear was him breathing.
All she could see was the way Sevro looked at her now.
Open.
Or as open as Sevro Barca could possibly be without immediately setting something on fire out of self-defence.
His forehead still rested lightly against hers. His fingers remained curled weakly around her wrist, rough and warm despite the blood loss.
Neither of them dared to move away.
For once, there was no armour left between them.
No filthy joke quick enough to fully hide behind.
Though she could practically see him trying to think of one.
โYou keep staring at me like that,โ Sevro murmured hoarsely, โand Iโm gonna start believing you actually like me.โ
She huffed a soft laugh through lingering tears. โYou are unbearable.โ
โAnd yetโฆโ he whispered.
That crooked little almost-smile nearly ruined her.
Her gaze flicked downward before she could stop herself.
To his mouth.
Bruised now.
Split slightly at one corner.
But still Sevro.
Still him.
His breathing pattern changed immediately, barely noticeable.
But she felt it.
Saw the exact second he realized what she was looking at.
For all his recklessness in battle, Sevro went strangely still in moments like this. As if tenderness confused him more than violence ever could.
โYou should probably rest,โ Y/N whispered, though she still made no move to leave.
โProbably.โ
His eyes searched her face carefully, like he still couldnโt quite believe she was real. Like maybe he thought if he blinked too hard sheโd disappear.
โYouโve been crying,โ he said quietly.
She stiffened immediately.
โNo, I havenโt.โ
โYes, you have,โ his thumb brushed faintly against her wrist again, โYour eyes are all red and angry.โ
โIโm a doctor. I was stressed,โ she argued rationally, as though that somehow strengthened her case.
โYou cried because you like me,โ Sevro countered immediately, looking entirely too pleased with himself for someone currently held together by stitches.
โI cried because you lost half your blood volume,โ she shot back, refusing to give him an inch.
โRomantic,โ he deadpanned.
She rolled her eyes softly at that, but her chest hurt with affection so intense it frightened her a little.
He watched her for another long second before his expression shifted again, becoming smaller and somehow vulnerable.
โYou really stayed?โ he asked quietly.
The question hit harder than anything else had, because underneath it sat something ugly and old and wounded.
Her heart nearly broke open.
โOf course I stayed,โ she answered without hesitation.
Sevro swallowed once, his throat moving beneath bruised skin.
โYou shouldnโt say things like that to me,โ he muttered, staring somewhere near her shoulder instead of directly at her.
โWhy?โ she asked softly.
โBecause Iโll believe you,โ he admitted.
The honesty of it stole the air from her lungs.
Slowly, carefully, she lifted her other hand to his face again, her fingers brushing through the mess of golden hair near his temple.
Sevro closed his eyes instantly.
Not dramatically.
Instinctively.
Like no one touched him softly often enough.
โYou absolute idiot,โ she whispered, her thumb grazing his cheek.
โYour idiot though,โ he replied automatically.
The words were meant as a joke.
Deflection.
But neither of them laughed.
Suddenly the space between them felt impossibly small.
Sevro opened his eyes again slowly, and the look in them this time felt raw, hungry and terrified all at once.ย
Like he wanted this so badly it made him angry.
โYou keep looking at me like that,โ he warned softly, his gaze dropping briefly to her mouth, โand Iโm gonna do something medically irresponsible.โ
Despite everything, she smiled.
โYou can barely sit upright,โ she pointed out.
โDetails,โ he dismissed.
Her hand slid carefully along his jaw, mindful of bruises.
Sevro leaned into the touch before he could stop himself.
The tiny unconscious movement shattered the last of her restraint completely.
She kissed him.
Softly at first, tentative.
A question more than anything.
For one heartbeat Sevro froze entirely beneath her.
Then he made a rough sound low in his throat and kissed her back like he was a man starving.
His hand came up abruptly to the back of her neck despite the pain it clearly caused him, attempting to sit up as he pulled her closer with surprising desperation for someone half-dead two days ago.
The kiss turned messy immediately.
Not polished and definitely not graceful.
Just pure Sevro.
Too much feeling crammed into one moment all at once.
She could taste the faint copper of blood where his lip had split. His breathing hitched sharply every time she touched him. Like he genuinely could not process this was happening.
When she finally pulled back slightly for air, his forehead dropped heavily against hers again.
โHoly shit,โ he whispered, sounding genuinely stunned.
A helpless laugh escaped her as she sniffled, keeping her eyes closed for the briefest of moments, committing this feeling to memory.
Sevro stared at her for a long moment, then suddenly looked deeply offended. โYou waited until I looked like fried death to kiss me?โย
โYou tried to remove your IV five minutes ago,โ she reminded him with raised brows.
Sevro shrugged boyishly, โConfidence is attractive.โ
โYou are on three painkillers.โ
โAnd still incredibly handsome,โ he informed her gravely.
She laughed again, quieter this time.
Gods, she loved him.
The bravado had cracked.
โWhat?โ he asked carefully, immediately noticing the shift in her expression.
She shook her head slightly as she hesitated for a moment before cupping his face gently again, โYou scared me.โ
Something vulnerable flickered across his face.
โYeah,โ he admitted quietly. โSorry.โ
โNo,โ she whispered, shaking her head. โNot sorry. Just... don't do that again.โ
Sevro snorted weakly, โDoc, my entire lifestyle is โthat again.โโ
โIโm serious.โ
โI know,โ he replied.
He studied her for another long second before adding more softly, โI tried.โ
She frowned slightly, โWhat do you mean?โ
โWhen it got bad down there,โ he explained, his gaze dropping briefly to the blanket across his lap, โI actually tried to stay alive.โ
Emotion closed painfully around her throat again.
Because she understood exactly what he meant.
Not fighting because it was instinct.
Not surviving out of spite.
Trying, for her.
Sevro reached out, his fingers brushing shakily against her cheek.
โGory hell,โ he muttered, almost to himself as he looked at her. โYou really got me, didnโt you?โ
She smiled faintly through burning eyes, โLooks that way.โ
He stared at her one more second.
Then kissed her again first this time.
Slow.
Certain.
Like despite everything terrible in the universe, this one thing was real.
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