I need, like, $900 or $9000. I’d prefer the latter, but whatever.
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I need, like, $900 or $9000. I’d prefer the latter, but whatever.

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Guess who just bought a truck
Wine tastes so disgusting. I’m convinced the whole world is in on an inside joke together, trying to persuade me that wine tastes good to them. There’s no way anyone can like the taste of it. It’s like bug spray. The whole frickin’ world pretends to like bug spray. I don’t understand why. Please stop the madness.
Did anyone hear about the guy that was... that was sleeping with cashews? He’s fucking nuts.
I brought five lighters with me, and now I only have one. I'd like to know who's swiping my fucking lighters.

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I feel like I'm gonna die. Is it healthy to be sick for this long? It's crazy, because as a kid I never got sick, and here I am in the same clothes as I have been wearing for the past week with the world's worst migraine. Fuckin' sucks to be me right now and I never say that. So it's that bad.
But, who else remembers when there was that whole 'Flappy Bird' pandemic? Those 2 months... or, whatever, were nuts. Like, didn't someone kill their own brother 'cause he screwed up their game?
I don't know if nature just has some random grudge held against me, or if I'm unlucky because I never forwarded that chain-mail in grade 6, but I nearly got mauled by a fucking raccoon today. No lie -- the thing chased me down the street, hissin' and shit. I'm almost positive it had rabies, considering it was out in broad daylight. But yeah, I almost died today, and sadly, that's the most exciting thing that's happened to me here so far.