#sepanx

It's midnight. It's been minutes after I ended a phone call with my man. And as soon as I hear that beep, tears just started to fall on my cheeks. He's just a 4-hour bus ride away from me. Not too far as it may seem. But travelling to see each other on a weekend for a few hours is costly. Doing it weekly would be an impractical idea. So we wait. We just wait until the time comes that he can go home. And maybe that was the thing I hate doing the most now. Waiting.

I thought I have already made this clear with myself. I thought I'll be okay with just talking to him thru phone calls or messages. Because that was how we were when we started. Then the time comes when we didn't get to see each other for few months. It was hard but we endured it. Then came his birthday more than two weeks ago. Maybe a part of me was growing impatient that time. I really wanted to see him, to get to hold him, to hug him and feel him close. So I went there, not minding that the total travel hours would be longer than the time I'd get to spend with him. It was great. Definitely the best decision I made. But after I get to spend the whole afternoon with him, after he bring me to the bus station, after that short, subtle kiss, I found myself in tears as I was on my way home. That was when I knew that being separated from him really pains me.

And now, after 2 weeks and 2 days, I am again in tears. I am starting to grow impatient again. I am in pain again. I tried to divert my attention by scrolling on the newsfeed of my socmed accounts. But I ended up crying even more after feeling envious at how some people can easily be with the person they love whenever they want to. I know feeling envious is a bad thing but if you were in my shoes, at one point, you'll also feel the same way I do.

Todai Senka | Todai Special Class

We both are,

... and will always be.

I am so happy that it makes me sad.

What if we are so happy to the point we can't feel pain even we part ways.