#self dxing

i self diagnosed myself with ocd at 10 years old after weeks of research mind you i was supposed to be doing homework but that’s besides the point

i didn’t really understand what self dxing was, i just knew something was wrong with me, and when i read about a character similar to me, i googled the disorder

eventually i didn’t even bother with a label. it wasn’t technically a diagnoses, it was just me saying i know i have ocd, i have no doubt, it’s that fucking obvious.

it was like telling myself 1 + 1 = 2. it wasn’t an opinion, it wasn’t my own thoughts, it was simply a fact to me. i knew it was true.

years later, it led to an eating disorder that landed me in the hospital that landed me with a therapist that landed the label of ocd onto my insurance to cover therapy.

No, I don’t mean that just anyone can decide they have a disorder. But if you have done in-depth research on an issue, or an educated, non-biased professional gets enough information to say you might have a disorder, if symptoms line up, if you hit the required points in the DSM, I think it’s valid to say that you looked at the facts and likely have a disorder.

I.e., I’m autistic. This is self-diagnosed, currently. Why? Both my biological brothers have characteristics of/have been diagnosed with autism. My dad has strong symptoms from what I have seen. I stim. I have sensory issues. I have meltdowns when I get too stressed out. I have special interests. I have echolalia. My therapists, psychiatrists, and counsellors all agree I have strong symptoms. However, I am not yet diagnosed, because I’m a POC biologically female teenager and places who do screenings for autism are biased, so they keep rejecting even letting me go take the screening test. We’ve been trying to get me screened for a year. But all the evidence points toward myself being autistic, and so I use the label.

If you have the research, truly in-depth, in particular with stigmatized disorders like DID or ASPD, not only is self-diagnosing valid, but it can also be safer. I.e., people with ASPD can be locked out of certain professions. Getting an official diagnosis could take away a dream. Many people with these disorders, once they learn about it, can get abused by their therapists, being told they’re making up symptoms or that they’re too well-adjusted to have that disorder.

my sensory issues? totally not related. meltdowns and nonverbal episodes? i guess it’s the depression! lifelong tendency to stim? oh that’s just quirky! hyperfixations and special interests? guess i’m just a gifted little goober. problems with social cues, masking, samefoods, a ritual of self-harm built around trying to fit in, and a host of other really obvious symptoms.... cant be ASD. doctor didn’t say so.

for a community that seems very aware of how difficult it can be to navigate the realm of professional diagnoses, let alone an ACCURATE one, it seems exceptionally easy for people to forget how barren the resources are for people trying to figure shit out on their own. its hard enough to get a clear idea of symptoms for anything that isnt depression and general anxiety. just attempting to diagnose a single mental illness in yourself can be ridiculously difficult, and it gets even worse if you've got more than one thing going on. understanding comorbidity is like navigating a fucking minefield of non-information. there's no chart or grand venn diagram explaining different mental illnesses and disorders and how they can overlap and work off each other. even checking symptom lists can lead you astray by virtue of mental illnesses manifesting in different ways in different brains.

so for people who should understand how fucking hard it is to figure out what the fuck is going on with your brain, and who claim to want to help people that have shit going on by advocating so strongly that youre checking Disorder Credentials (lmao stop doing this) you're sure doing a lot of mentally ill people a massive disservice by demanding they have a set of labels for their issues. i assure you all this is doing is 1) making them doubt themselves 2) denying them support 3] ostracizing them and most of all 4) making you look like a giant fucking toolbag

But I thought I was? Because I had those symptoms? But I’m realizing that it’s probably CPTSD

I didn’t mean to offend anyone. But it’s hard, because I’ve been diagnosed w/ PTSD but CPTSD isn’t in the DSM yet, and I was terrified of being labeled borderline (I know how a lot of therapists and psychiatrists treat people who have BPD.My grandmother is a psychologist. The way she talks about people with BPD is pretty shit. Same with other mental health professionals I know/have met.)

If I were to self dx myself I’d end up with aspergers, dyscalculia, ADD and an anxiety disorder. 

Since I know better than to blindly believe in the results of thousands of internet tests, and I’m lucky enough to have access to mental health professionals, I know for a fact that: 

- I don’t have aspergers; Just socialization issues, whatever that means. (Like gee, doctor. For the money my parents paid you you could’ve at least tried to come up with something better than “Not aspergers, you’re just socially challenged”)

- I don’t have an anxiety disorder, but my family makes me anxious and I have bad coping strategies. Or had, since moving out and MMA has helped me a lot. 

- My ADD self diagnosis? Probably a result of dyscalculia. 

- And the Dyscalculia? That’s almost guaranteed, but the tests are too expensive, so I’m not paying for that. I’m out of college anyway so who cares if I screw up numbers more often than not? 

Point is, self DX allowed me (or in the case of the aspergers, my parents) to march up to a professional and say “Hey, I’ve done a bunch of tests and I think I have this” and then get a professional opinion by someone with years of studies in the area. 

Self DX also allows you to use online tools that might help you deal with whatever difficulties you’ve noticed in yourself. Like, in my case, using free resources to help myself improve my grasp on numbers in order to not feel overwhelmed when coming up with budgets, paying bills and the like. 

But self DX the way Tumblr does it? Where you use your self DX as label, shield and weapon? 

That is harmful, both to the person who’s self dxing and, more importantly, to the people who actually have whatever condition they’ve diagnosed yourself with. 

I don’t want to keep adding onto that really long post already, because that’s just not fun for ANYONE to scroll through. But if you want to read everything so you feel as if you are at least educated on what the whole matter is, that’s fine too.

But I saw some people who were stating that they had fears about not going to get a professional diagnosis via a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist.

If you’re scared about professionals treating you different after you get a diagnosis, i.e. them no longer taking your physical ailments seriously due to you having a mental disorder, you have a bad doctor. That is a BAD doctor. A doctor needs to listen to their patients and needs to survey what a problem is before jumping on the “oh you have a disorder that alters your perception of reality, EHHH YOURE FINE.” That’s bad. You need a NEW doctor. It has nothing to do with you having a diagnosis on your medical history. That’s THEIR bad. That’s THEIR fault. You DESERVE to have that diagnosis.

If you’re scared about potential employers looking for your medical history and firing you for your mental disorder, that’s literally illegal. That is against Discrimination Laws. Your medical history is none of their concern and should never show up. If they go digging (your medical history is no where for them to find, it’s only for those with medical degrees to find, WHO actually require your consent to disclose that information between other medical professionals, you actually have to sign for them to do that) and they somehow find it, and they fire you, that is against the law. You don’t deserve some boss like that anyway. You deserve a better boss who won’t go snooping. That is not how the world should work. 

If you’re scared about now having a “label” slapped on you, as if that diagnosis is all you are, you aren’t. You will NEVER be Just Your Illness. That sort of encouragement is passed around on this site amongst hundreds of suggestion blogs, self care blogs, self love blogs. You are NOT suddenly just what is written on your medical history and you never will be.

Getting a professional diagnosis is meant to benefit you. You cannot, absolutely cannot get the proper treatment by getting over the counter medication because it will not be there for you to ask for. Those medications are carefully picked out for you. There are certain dosages required for each individual case and your case may not be the same as the next person (regardless if you both have the same diagnosis). It could damage you. It could worsen you. You may accidentally kill yourself if you do not follow the dosage given by a medical practitioner. 

Getting a professional diagnosis is meant to help you get better. Schizo- disorders require having both medication and talk therapy. It’s a hand in hand project. You don’t get to pick between one or the other. You have to put the effort needed into helping yourself. Getting a diagnosis helps the therapists or psychiatrists or psychologists to understand your needs from the get go, and after talking to you over a period of time, they understand you more and more. YOU also understand yourself more and more. None of this is an easy fix. It is a long and stressful and strenuous journey. But it will not be like this forever.