#self diagnosed

I can’t stand anti-self-diagnosis people because it’s classist and also because self-diagnosis isn’t always “oh I saw this thing on TikTok that I show one symptom of so I must have it”

I’m self-diagnosed with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. Wanna know WHY? Because I went to do a sleep study for Narcolepsy, but the doctor said my results lined up with DSPD rather than Narcolepsy. Instead of diagnosing me with DSPD, they told me I’d have to do a whole other sleep study to… get the exact same results??? but just looking for DSPD this time??? Naturally, my parents refused to pay for another sleep study just to get the same results. Since I can’t get another test done, and I already have had a doctor tell me my sleep study lined up with DSPD, I self-diagnosed with it. I didn’t hear it from social media, I heard it from my doctor. It’s only self-diagnosis because I don’t have it on paper.

so if you wanna self-diagnose, go for it dude. fuck the rest of em

Doctors hate when you so much as ask to be tested for a specific condition, because they want control.

Doctors hate when you so much as suggest a med may help you (even when the med has zero recreational value), because they want control.

I think I just thought I did because of my dissociation moments that I thought were "alters" taking over, when in reality I was just dissociating in a stressful/traumatic situation.

And my memory was always poor, but it gots worse every time I was either stressed or mad in certain situations.

Plus, I have "split" when it comes to my emotions and feelings like I'm detached from my own body, like I'm just going through the motions instead of actually living.

Plus my depression & suicide ideation is very heavy on me. And my struggle with self harm is also a factor.

So, with that being said, I don't think I'm a system or have DID, but I'm very certain that I have BPD, I just wasn't fully certain considering every time I heard about that disorder it was seen in a more "violent" way, but looking over how I've acted in the past, and even still now, I'm fairly certain I'm right.

I might not ever get diagnosed, but trust me when I say that I'm fully aware of my actions, and know the mistakes I've made, and while I do regret them, it doesn't excuse them in the past or present. Which is why I wish I was more aware of this in the first place, because it would explain a lot of my behavior issues in the past, especially in school.

Anyway, just thought I'd get this out there bc I didn't want anyone to accuse me of "faking" or misinterpreting DID, I was just mislead and misunderstood and I'm sorry for claiming to know more than I did.

So yeah, I have BPD, highly possibly, and I am wanting to work on it.

Maybe I don't have APD and maybe I am faking, but I have unlearned shame by asking people to repeat themselves countless times over and over, asserting my importance as a listener in a conversation.

Maybe I'm not nonbinary and maybe I am faking, but I feel so much special when I look it the mirror and tell myself I am a very important they.