#secular witch

there’s a spell for when your nervous system is fried and you have approximately 30 seconds and zero supplies.

you might already know it. i do this when I’m on the verge of a panic attack, i’m about to present at work, or when i realize i’ve been subconsciously holding my breath because i’m so tense.

THE SPELL:

breathe in through your nose. then take a second smaller inhale through your nose — like a sniff on top of the first breath. now exhale slowly through your mouth. all of it. until your lungs are empty.

as you exhale, say (in your head):

"I release what is not mine to carry right now."

do it twice. If you can’t remember the spoken intention, just do it without

WHY IT WORKS:

when you're anxious, carbon dioxide builds up in your bloodstream and tells your nervous system something is wrong. your brain hears that as threat. it starts spiraling. you start spiraling.

the double inhale fully inflates the small air sacs in your lungs that constrict when you're stressed. the long exhale dumps the CO2 faster than a normal breath can. your vagus nerve registers the change. your heart rate drops. your nervous system goes: oh. we're okay. we're safe.

It’s called the physiological sigh. it's the fastest acting stress relief method currently documented in peer-reviewed research.

WHEN TO USE IT:

when the intrusive thought won't stop. before you open that email. in the bathroom before a hard conversation. at 3am when your brain has decided to revisit every embarrassing thing you've ever done. when you need to come back to your body and you need to do it right now.

no candle required. no moon phase required. no special anything required.

Capitalism loves to be able to sell you things and keep you buying things from self-help books disguised as witchcraft to crystals of explorative extraction. Capitalism loves to isolate you and focus on your individualism leaving you open to shit like the "Law of Attraction" shaming you for just not wanting things enough and never considering all the cultural obstacles from racism to sexism to class that permeate society.

Capitalism replicating itself in magic says you will be happy if you just buy the next thing and that your spiritual enlightenment can be just one purchase away.

It never focuses on community or cooperation or connection, unless it is to make money for someone else.

I know so many of us are solitary due to location, or needing to hide our practice, or not finding a lineage you would want to join. But that does not preclude you from having community with other witches, which is kind of what Tumblr is about when we share and grow together.

But in the real world you can have study groups or attend one of our free CritWitch Brews. We always share and learn things and we have guides breakout rooms with questions to answer so it's not so awkward. It's good practice to talk about magic if you aren't used to doing that in real time.

Not everyone who comes to the CritWitch events is atheist, agnostic, or secular in their practice. A lot are animists or pagans who genuinely enjoy the critical thought aspect of what CritWitches focus on.

I lit a candle for him and made a little altar tonight with his very first toy from 2011, selenite, rose quartz, amethyst, and my urn necklace with Nilla's ashes (my 16 year old cat who just died in August).

His candle is burning really weakly, barely lit.

I miss him so much already, my home feels so weird with two gone in three months.

It's no secret that Halloween is related to an ancient Gaelic harvest festival called Samhain. (That's “SOW-en,” not “Sam-hane,” thank you very much.) But Halloween really has become its own thing in our modern culture, especially in the United States. Halloween still shares some of Samhain's associations with death and the dead, but it's expanded to include all manners of flirting with the supernatural, plus a general sense of mischievous fun. 

Witches who don't feel inclined to celebrate Samhain can use modern Halloween traditions for ritual inspiration instead. Take inspiration from kids in costumes and pumpkin-flavored everything to create your own magical traditions. 

Here are a few suggestions to get you started on brainstorming for your Halloween rituals and spells: 

Connect with your inner child. I strongly associate Halloween with the inner child, probably because it's one of the few holidays where children are at the center of most public celebrations. Halloween is a great time for inner child work, especially reclaiming your childlike sense of wonder. Dress up in a costume, watch your favorite spooky childhood movie, read your favorite spooky kids' books, or buy yourself a bucket of Halloween candy. Let yourself have fun with it. Afterwards, meditate on your inner child and open yourself up to the unique wisdom that comes from our younger selves.

Try a historic Halloween divination ritual. Halloween has long been associated with fortune telling, especially love fortunes. In the Victorian era and the early 20th century, this was one of the main things Halloween was known for in popular culture! One famous fortune telling game involved walking backwards and looking into a mirror on Halloween night to see an image of your future spouse. Another involved plucking a hair from your head and letting it go outside on Halloween night -- supposedly, it would fly in the direction where your future spouse lived. Recreating one of these old-time fortune telling games can be a fun way to celebrate Halloween, and to switch it up from your usual tarot deck or runes.

Make a ritual out of doing something that scares you. Halloween is strongly associated with facing our fears. For kids, this often takes the form of ghost stories and haunted houses. For adults, it can take the form of finally doing something we've been putting off because it scares us or makes us nervous. This may include things like having a difficult conversation about boundaries with a loved one, leaving a situation that is making you miserable, or finally talking to a doctor about that weird medical symptom you've been shrugging off for months. You can turn this fear-facing into a ritual to help you find the courage to do the thing.

Connect with the spirit world. Halloween is deeply connected to death and the dead, and especially to the idea of connecting with deceased loved ones. A full, dramatic, old-school seance can be fun, but this can also be an opportunity to connect in more subtle ways. You could spend an evening reconnecting with loved ones who have passed on, going through old photos and telling stories of your time together. You could visit a cemetery and pick up litter. If you're curious about mediumship, you could even plan a time to flex your psychic muscles. (Ellen Dugan's book, The Natural Psychic, has lots of helpful exercises for this!) And of course, if you'd like to host a Victorian-style seance, more power to you.

Carve a jack ‘o lantern. Okay, this one may have some overlap with Samhain, but to be fair: 1.) Jack o' lanterns and Halloween are inseparable in modern secular culture, and 2.) It's unclear if this tradition started before or after the Christian conversion in Ireland and the switch from Samhain to Halloween. Jack o' lanterns are traditionally associated with protection, but you could carve different symbols into your pumpkin to represent different qualities you want to attract. For an added plant magic boost, sprinkle some cinnamon powder inside your pumpkin before adding a candle and lighting it. (This has the added benefit of smelling really nice.)

Celebrating with kids or with non-witchy friends? Here are some ideas inspired by the history of this spooky holiday:

Share a harvest feast. We might not think about it today, but in the Middle Ages, Halloween was a harvest festival. For a fun throwback to medieval celebrations, host your own harvest feast with loved ones. Why not have a potluck and invite each guest to bring their favorite fall food? You can also load up on Halloween goodies to share. If you're in the southern hemisphere (meaning October falls in the spring, not the fall), you can ditch the fall treats and serve your favorite springtime foods instead. And of course, if you can't cook, a store-bought meal is totally fine.

Host a Victorian-style Halloween party. In the 19th century, Halloween was actually a much more adult-oriented holiday. We've already talked about Halloween love divination, but the Victorians also established some of the traditions we still see today. Wealthy families went all out on the decorations (mostly in shades of red and brown, but this is also when we first see the orange and black combo we associate with Halloween today). Costumes were a big deal for adults and kids, although Victorian folks usually created their costumes using clothing they already owned. Sweet treats at these 19th century Halloween parties usually included nuts and candy apples. The evening entertainment was ghost stories and parlor games. To celebrate a modern, Victorian-inspired Halloween, try making your own costume and gather some loved ones to eat candy apples (or other apple-flavored treats), tell spooky stories, and play classic Halloween games like bobbing for apples.

Take part in some light-hearted mischief. Another part of Halloween's history that doesn't come up much anymore is the tradition of "Mischief Night." During Mischief Night (either Halloween night or the night before, depending on the community), kids and teenagers would run around and cause mischief, ranging from lighthearted pranks to actual theft and destruction of property. Modern kid-centric Halloween traditions were apparently originally a response to this and a way to keep kids busy so they didn't hurt or steal from their neighbors! For a modern-day Mischief Night, see if some of your loved ones would be down for an evening of lighthearted pranks. (April Fools rules apply here: no actual harm and no public humiliation, please!)

Go retro with a midcentury Halloween. After World War II, Halloween began to look more like something we would recognize today, complete with sugary candy, mass-produced costumes, and orange-and-black everything. If you want to celebrate in a way that feels familiar and nostalgic while still letting you try something new, try taking inspiration from 20th century Halloweens. A great way to do this is by searching your local library or an online archive for vintage homemaker's magazines -- the October issues are filled with recipes, DIY tips, and advertisements for retro Halloween products. Use this inspiration to come up with your own DIY celebration, and enjoy a vintage Halloween without vintage values. (Yes to popcorn balls and paper-mache decorations. No to racism and misogyny.)

Embrace the modern form of the holiday. Not everything needs to be a history project. Sometimes it's better to live in the moment. I personally love modern Halloween celebrations, and I try to fit in as many of them as I can every October. Enjoy this modern, spooky, candy-coated holiday on its own terms. Go to a haunted house or a corn maze. Bake pumpkin cookies and eat them while watching your favorite scary movie. Go see a parade or a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Enjoy the rest of the world matching your witchy energy for once.

Sources:

"Century-old Tricks for Finding Your True Love on Halloween" by Peter Armenti, posted on the Library of Congress website: https://blogs.loc.gov/catbird/2015/10/century-old-tricks-for-finding-your-true-love-on-halloween/

"Historical Halloween Divination Games and Spells" by Evvie of Interrobang Tarot: https://www.interrobangtarot.com/blog/historical-halloween-divination-games-and-spells

"How Jack O’Lanterns Originated in Irish Myth" of History.com: https://www.history.com/articles/history-of-the-jack-o-lantern-irish-origins

"The History of Halloween, From Mysticism to Mayhem" by Christina Pérez of Vogue: https://www.vogue.com/article/halloween-history

"Halloween in the Middle Ages" by Paul Watts of Medieval History: https://medievalhistory.info/halloween-in-the-middle-ages/

"Halloween" by the Victorian Historian: https://thevictorianhistorian.com/halloween/