#sdj fic

when you first take him outside of your apartment, he chuckles at the congestion of the evening traffic.

the two of you are sitting down by a taco truck, watching the day darken and the people of the city rush and bike their way home.

"well, that's familiar," jack says, smiling at the press of the traffic. "some things never change."

"you drove?" you say, imagining the clown before you behind the wheel of a regular sedan. you briefly wonder how many clowns could fit into a compact vehicle. "like a real car?" 

jack scrunches his face in confusion before bursting into laughter.

"yes, sunshine," he replies, wiping a tear from his eye. could ghosts cry? "it was very much a real car."

the look he gives you then is one of pure amusement: cerulean curls framing a gentle smile. he's got dimples, you notice, and dark eyes that seem to bore into you. although you have come to know jack as full of joy, a part of you senses that he contains far more depth than his jokes and sunny optimism.

you find yourself wanting to know more. what was behind the gentleness of his gaze? there's more. you're sure of it.

your hand moves on its own accord.

jack inhales sharply, his eyes wide and searching.

"s-sunshine?" his voice is quiet. this is the first time you have ever heard him stutter.

you realize that one of your hands has slipped beneath his hair to lightly cup his cheek, the tips of your fingers ghosting along the edges of the red marks that adorn the skin beneath his eye.

"not even a smudge," you say. the pads of your fingers smooth across his skin.

the gesture is friendly, nothing out of the usual, but there's a level of intimacy underlying it that is palpable to the both of you. although you have never reached for him like this, it feels familiar.

"sunshine," he says, taking your wrist lightly by his gloved hand. "why don't you eat? it'll be important to keep your energy up for your walk home."

"right," you say, coming back to the moment. you pull your hand away, embarrassed. was that too forward? too strange for him?

you turn your attention to the plate of tacos, which is still rather hot. you taste nothing as you chew, your thoughts entirely focused elsewhere.

i can touch you, you think over and over. he felt real. solid. a part of you feels relieved.

jack glimpses at you then, a smile dancing at the edge of his mouth. you hope that the blush that warms your face is all due to how spicy your food is rather than anything else.

✷✷✷

"how does any of this work?" you ask, running a small towel through your damp hair. you are in your pajamas and jack is in his. never in your life did you think you would see a shirt with so many clouds and smiley faces on it. next to your plain sweatpants and loose shirt, jack's clothes are absolutely vibrant.

what you find strange is that considering that jack is a ghost, he shouldn't have a wardrobe. right?

he shrugs, hands in the air. "i'm not entirely sure myself, sunshine," he says. he's got sleeping gloves, you notice. "i just kinda blink and my clothes are different."

how convenient, you think. what if you never had to think about what you were going to wear again? perhaps there were some perks to being a ghost.

you maintain eye contact with him, trying your best not to stray any lower. this particular nightshirt on him was loose, but it had a deep v-cut that exposed a rather generous glimpse of his chest. in that space you could see fine wisps of dark hair shadowing the curves of sculpted muscle.

"do you want to touch it?" jack says quietly. "my clothes, i mean," he quickly clarifies. "to see if they're real?"

you lean closer to him to reach out a hand to trace the edges of his collar, the sofa cushion yielding to your weight. blue curls brush against your knuckles and at your fingers, you feel the hard ridge of his collarbone beneath the layer of soft cotton.

jack makes a sound as your hand moves to the hollow of his neck. you are surprised to learn that his body is warm, although not nearly to the extent of any living person. he feels solid, steady—

"—good?" you hear him say. "are you okay, sunshine?"

you realize that your hand is in his hair, the vivid curls looped around your fingers. you are closer to him than you were just a moment ago, your face hovering just inches from his. when did that happen?

at this close, you can see that his mouth is slightly parted. his gaze is soft, imploring.

rather than pull away out of embarrassment, you stay as you are.

"how can i touch you?" you say, feeling the softness of his hair and the warmth of his body. "how is that possible?"

in his eyes, you see a glimpse of hunger that is quickly smoothed away. a figment of your imagination, maybe. nothing more. he's your friend, after all, and this just you trying to learn more about him.

jack smiles, leaning into your touch. his eyes are so beautiful. they're this deep brown framed by long lashes that make his gaze seem so gentle.

"because you want to," he says, his voice low and quiet. you feel the rumble of it against your palm. a shiver runs down your spine.

✷✷✷

your favorite part about jack is that he is your friend. he's there to watch movies with you, to listen to you rant about your day, and to hold you whenever you find it hard to say anything else. you like thinking about his smile, his laugh, and how he looks at you in a way that makes you feel like you are the only person in the world.

jack is your friend. your dearest, joyful, and beautiful friend. you say this in your mind like a mantra and an anchor and not at all like a denial as your fingers slip below the waistband of your sweatpants, thinking of him.

a part of you is grateful he is not in your room to see this. there are moments he slips out of existence off to god-knows-where. cloudy town, perhaps, or maybe some other clown world you have no access to. whatever the case, you can tell he is somewhere else because the air does not feel as bright as it does when he is around.

in his absence, a part of you almost yearns for him to see you like this. what would he say, you wonder, to see his sunshine in the bed you both share panting like this? how would he feel about the fingers that traced his collarbone just the night before, the very fingers that ghost along his face, now circling this part of you that is full of heat?

the walls are thin, after all. if he was around somewhere, it wouldn't be hard for him to hear you.

your other hand slides beneath your shirt to cup your aching breast. in this moment, you close your eyes and imagine that your hands are not your own.

jack is your friend, and yet you cannot stop thinking about him. the warmth of him, the heft of him, the amused rumble of his voice in the air.

jack is your friend and your legs shake at the thought of him. when you cry out to the empty room, you press your face into the pillow he lies on every night, and it is his name that slips past your teeth.

✷✷✷

for the next few days, you barely even glance at jack, and he notices.

"sunshine?" he says, placing the last plate he just washed onto the drying rack. "you've been acting a little weird these days. is there anything i can help you with?"

he dries his hands with a dish towel. in the moment before he slips on his gloves, heat warms your face. his hands are strong and beautiful, complete with a small array of veins that ripple underneath his skin like humming guitar strings.

now that you are done putting away the glasses, you close the open cupboard and look away.

"i'm fine," you say, hoping he didn't catch the blush reddening your cheeks. "i've just got a lot on my mind."

"are you sure?" a hand cups your shoulder in an attempt to be reassuring. while you have been making an effort to not meet his gaze, he's been more forward about touching you. it's as if he wants to know that you are there and that he is still a part of this world.

"you can tell me anything, you know," he says assuringly. "all i ever want is to make sure that you're happy."

"i know," you start. "i just—" you stop yourself. it's not like you're going to tell him you've been touching yourself to the thought of him for the past few nights, wondering just how strong his hands were.

you shrug him off and turn away to leave the kitchen. there's a pained sound behind you and you find yourself pressed against the wall of your apartment with two arms caging either side of you.

"sunshine," jack says, exasperated. it's the first time you've heard him frustrated.  "what's going on? why are you avoiding me?"

shock and surprise ice your veins, but you find the words spill from your mouth before you can stop them.

"what if i said i wanted to touch you?" you say quietly, your skin warming.

"touch me? is that all?" jack pauses, as if considering. "you can touch me all you want, sunshine."

before you can say anything more, before you can try to take what you said back, you feel the hot press of his mouth against the base of your neck.

"but only if you let me touch you back," he says, voice low and husky in a way that makes you clench your thighs. his breath is cool against your skin, raising goosebumps that prickle along your arms.

this is different. unexpected. never in a thousand years would you have thought he would have reacted in this way, but his tongue glides along your skin in a hot streak that makes you whimper his name.

"yes, sunshine?" he says, slipping a hand beneath your shirt to trace your nipple through the thin fabric of your bralette. "is this what you want?"

he's toying with you, you realize. the sensation of his gloved fingers rubbing circles around your sensitive breast has you biting your lip for more. there are far too many layers of fabric between the two of you and not enough of what you need.

"not here," you breathe, your fingers curling against the wall.

effortlessly, jack takes you in his arms and carries you to your bedroom.

"jack," you say, burying your face in his neck. was this real? a dream? shame sinks into your skin. you feel the need to apologize.

"it's normal to feel this way, sunshine," he says gently. "you've been so pent up this past week—the least i can do is help you."

as he lays you down onto your bed, you take his face in your hands before he can move to do anything else.

"is this okay?" you say, pressing your forehead to his. jack is your friend and you find him beautiful. jack is your friend and you do not want to lose him. "are you sure you want to do this?"

there are those brown eyes again, so deep and dark you want to get lost in them. he nods against your palms and you take this moment to kiss him.

it's a light kiss—hesitant, imploring. your mouth locks with his bottom lip, swiping the tip of your tongue against its softness. he makes a sound, one that feels like your name, as his body moves to envelop you in his embrace.

"sunshine," he breathes, before deepening the kiss. jack tastes sweet and warm and his hair is soft between your fingers. a part of you feels like his nickname for you is ironic—it is him who burns so bright.

your hips jerk against his groin, the sudden pressure making him moan and grind against you. you gasp at the friction and he takes that moment to peel his shirt from his chest and run his tongue against your neck.

it's not enough. as if sensing your need, jack helps you slip off your shirt and remove your bralette to expose your skin to the cool air.

"you're beautiful," he marvels, taking a moment to card his hair back from his eyes.

"you aren't half bad yourself," you say, your face hot at the fact that you are doing this at all. can clowns fuck? you think, your mind hazing. does jack know how to fuck?

jack laughs and lowers his lips to your skin, his amusement rumbling along your collarbone and down to the curve of your breast. as his tongue circles around your nipple, you let out an involuntary sound, something between a moan and a whimper.

"i'll make you feel good," he murmurs, his laugh sending vibrations along your aching skin. "don't worry about that."

his mouth moves lower and lower, his hands gliding to peel your sweatpants and underwear from your body.

"could you do me a favor, sunshine?" he asks, lips swollen from kissing you all over.

"what do you need?" your mind reels. it's all far too much, but your skin is electric with need. it's been so long. far too long.

"look at me," he says, placing your legs on his shoulders. his breath is warm against your thighs and he drags his lips softly against your tender skin as if to make sure he has your attention. "only look at me."

"mhm," you nod. how could you not? he's so beautiful, so warm, so lovely. "just you."

satisfied by your response, jack dips his head between your legs and tongues at the hot seam. the pressure is so delightful that your back arches at the pleasure. when was the last time you had been touched like this? you can't remember. there has been no other time.

"sunshine," he says, the pressure abating as he pulls away. you mewl at the absence of his heat, the press of his mouth against the most tender part of you. how cruel of him to deprive you. "you told me you would only look at me."

"sorry," you say, breath husky with desire. you gaze at him. it's a scene so scandalous: his tongue lapping at your core, his arms secured around your thighs, and his eyes half-lidded with desire but still on you.

"f-fuck, jack—" you stutter, your body going tight. it's all so much. "p-please—"

"such good manners, sunshine," he praises, his mouth still full of you. 

before you are able to say anything else, jack plunges two fingers inside of you and curls them in a way that floods your body with sudden warmth.

you come trembling against his fingers and his lips all while staring into those deep, dark eyes.

when he pulls away, he licks his fingers slowly. "my hands are pretty, sunshine," he says. "and they can't get enough of you."

you inhale deeply, your mind hazy from the orgasm. a part of you can't believe that this is happening. a part of you wants more.

"jack," you say, pulling him to you. your fingers tangle in his hair as you press your mouth to his, the taste of you still warm on his lips. he feels so solid against you. you find that it's so easy to kiss him, as if you have done this all before.

you feel the press of something large against your legs. jack moans at the friction, his hips grinding against you to find more.

"sunshine," he says, breathless. there's a flush to his skin, a glazed look in his eyes that reflects your own. you sense that a part of him is afraid. "d-do you want more of me?"

when you nod, he slips his pants off, the full warmth of him settling against you. jack lifts one your legs to rest it against your shoulder, his member sliding along your slick seam.

he cards his deep blue hair away from his face, a smirk alighting on his mouth as his member presses against you but not into you.

"as much as i want us to have more fun, sunshine," he starts, breath heavy. "i can't help but think about all the days you spent ignoring me."

your face warms with embarrassment and your core tightens with desire. the fucking tease. you should have known better. whenever jack would get into these moods, he'd find ways to make you crawl back to him.

"are you going to make me beg?" you ask. you wanted nothing more than to buck against him, but his hold on your leg is just tight enough so you are unable to move as he pleasures himself against you.

"you're making me sound mean," he pouts, huffing as he thrusts along your slickness. "i'd give you anything as long as you ask nicely."

"jack," you pant, the press of him so delicious yet still not enough. your hands claw at the sheets.

"yes, sunshine?" he says, his voice sweet and saccharine even as he rubs himself against you.

"i want you inside me," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady. "c-can you do that for me? please?"

"of course, sunshine," he says, smiling as he pulls his hips back and thrusts inside.

your body shakes at the sudden fullness, your skin trembling as you swore you could see stars. he was so big, so deep, and his hips sway so slowly as if to get you used to his length.

"i missed you," he muses, his breath hot against your skin. "every time you ignored me, i couldn't help but think of ways to make you look at me."

"to make you—" he rocks into you deeper, his hips flush to the core of you. a moan slips from his lips. "—only think of me."

his name falls from your mouth. you feel your body tightening once again, but his movements slow right before you reach the crest. a frustrated mewl escapes your lips, but jack only smiles.

"could you touch yourself, sunshine?" he says, sliding his hands along the length of your leg. "i want to watch you."

your skin flushes. to your silence, jack's voice takes on the soft and encouraging tone you know all too well.

"it's alright," he says, all syrup and sugar. coaxing. "don't you want me to see you?"

you bring your fingers to your core and trace circles around your aching clit. jack thrusts into you slowly, deeply, as if savoring the way you clench around him.

he's enjoying this. it's obvious from the way his eyes glide across your body, the hunger you would catch glimpses of in his gaze in full view.

"look at you," he says, his voice full of admiration. "you're so good to me."

"do you forgive me, now?" you whine, the pressure building within you once again. you get the sense that he's trying to prolong your pleasure, to keep you on the edge so that he can watch you squirm for him.

"of course," he says, moving to match the rhythm of your strokes. "you're my sunshine."

your core goes molten and you come shaking, your eyes never leaving his.

"sunshine," jack says, hips swaying deliciously with yours. "you feel—"

there's a sound outside your door. the faint jingling of keys shaking a lock open and the call of your name resounding from across the hall.

jack stops mid-thrust, his face twisting into an uncharacteristic scowl. it's shaun, you realize, back from his school trip a day earlier than you expected.

"hey, i'm back!" he says, his voice loud enough that you realize that he is just behind your door. "i've gotta put my stuff away, but i can't wait to tell you what happened on set."

you're not sure when it happened, but at some point, your bodies had shifted positions so that the side of your face was pressed to the mattress and jack was behind you, grinding his hips into you.

"you're not going to leave me, are you?" he says, his breath warming the shell of your ear. "we've barely even started."

"you okay in there?" shaun calls for you again, giving your door a few knocks. "if you need help, i can—"

"no, don't!" you yell, struggling to keep your voice level as jack continued to move inside of you. "i'm just sick, okay? i'll catch up with you later."

"alright," shaun says. "i'll see if i can pick up some soup for dinner to make you feel better."

"thanks," you say weakly. "t-take all the time you need."

as shaun's footsteps faded, jack thrusted into you harder, eliciting a moan of unanticipated pleasure.

"back with me, sunshine?" he says, wrapping his arms to bring you closer as he pounded into you. in his voice, you could hear a thread of what almost sounded like jealousy. a part of you figured that he didn't like that your time together had been interrupted.

"jack—fuck—oh my god ohmygod—"

"c-careful, sunshine," he said, placing his palm over your mouth as you shake in his arms. "the walls are thin."

the walls are thin. the walls are thin. a part of you feels horrified. that was the phrase that you would repeat like a mantra in your mind every time you had touched yourself. whenever you would fall apart, you would either bury your face into your pillow or cover your mouth just like he was doing right now.

"jack—" had he known, all this time?

"i don't want anyone else to hear you, to see you like this," he murmurs, as if answering you. he rocks into you, filling you as another orgasm crashes into you. "sunshine," he breathes, kissing the base of your neck. "my sunshine—"

you feel him spasm, a new wave of heat spilling into you as he thrusts in deeply, burying himself inside of you. jack's body tenses, and then after a few seconds, goes limp.

"jack," you say, wincing at the full weight of him. "you're crushing me."

"sorry," he replies, moving to pepper kisses along your shoulder. he was still inside you and the shifting of his body was enough to make you tremble.

jack slips out of you, placing his hand on your hips to steady you as you roll over to face him. in the dim light, you see that his lips are swollen, his hair is tousled in unruly waves, and his eyes are soft as they gaze at you.

"well?" he says, a sheepish smile on his face. "you mind telling the class your favorite part?"

in this moment, your skin slicked with sweat and your legs intertwined with that of your best friend's, you laugh. after a moment, you lean over and pull his face to yours, kissing him deeply.

he tastes sweet. his arms wrap around you like home. and his voice, so beautiful and gentle, moans your name against your lips.

you push him onto his back, peppering his skin with kisses, your mouth moving against all the parts of him that make his breath hitch. you could never forget this—your body remembers so much, even after all this time.

he lets out a moan, breathing your name into the air so beautifully that it only makes you want him more.

"What brought this on?" not that he minded or anything. Any excuse to show his sunshine affection, intimate or otherwise, was a welcome one.

"Nothing really, just wanted to feel you against me." they state before moving their arms to wrap around him neck. With the new leverage they trail kisses up his neck to whisper in his ear "And hopefully inside me. How does that sound?" they punctuate the sentence by nipping the lobe.

He responded by bringing their mouth to his for another deep kiss. 'They really are wonderful.' his tongue snakes into their mouth where theirs responds eagerly.

Preoccupied with the taste and feel of their mouth he doesn't notice one of their hands wandering down his front. That is until it sneaks into his pants to stroke his growing erection.

He pulls away with a groan to see a cheeky little smirk on their kiss swolen lips. "Something to say Jack?" before he could respond they gently squeezed him causing his breath to catch in his throat witj a hiss. They give him a few more strokes before retracting their hand to cup his cheek.

"It's not like you to be so silent." they practically purr as their thumb rubs his lower lip. Their voice was barely a whisper when they spoke next "I want you to tell me exactly what you want.".

His response comes in tbe form of one of his arms hooking under their legs to hoist them up. And judging by how their legs eagerly wrap around his waist tightly it's an action they very much appreciate. Without missing a beat he uses the hand at their head to drag them into another heated kiss.

joseph

although you'd see him joking around with his cast members on set, his smile would never reach his eyes. it's all too rehearsed, too careful. anyone else would think that even out of character, joseph was the star of the studio: so bright and so warm.

but you know better. you've traced the shadows beneath his eyes made from the hours he'd spend poring over his scripts. you've seen the way his eyelids soften at the sight of you, relieved that he has one place in this world where he doesn't have to be anyone else. his dark eyes hold so much and after everything he's been through, he's more than grateful that they get to hold you.

jack

jack doesn't let you look into his eyes. not for long, anyway. he's too preoccupied with holding your gaze in other ways. look at the breakfast he made for you. the pancakes are perfectly cooked, the eggs warmed the way you like them. look at all the chores he's managed to get done. you wanted to move the bookshelf over there, right? it's a good thing you've got him here. look at the way he slips inside you, slow and deep enough for you to memorize every inch of his embrace. do you see that, sunshine? how much he wants you?

you can smell smoke in the distance, like charred corn and smoldering charcoal. there's laughter. the crackling of a great fire.

"you came at a good time," the strange man says as he leads you deeper in the labyrinth of blooms. "our summer feast is one of our most sacred of celebrations."

jack, he said his name was. just a few days ago, he offered to take you and your friends in after your van had broken down. you had offered him cash, but all he wanted was company in return. you'd enjoy the feasts, tour the town, maybe help with the harvest if you were able.

it was a good deal. almost too good to be true.

you follow him through the field, a basket of flowers slung in your arm. earlier, you had woven wreaths for the children of the town, taking joy in the way they delicately prodded at the blooms resting atop their heads.

before you packed up to join your friends, jack himself had asked for one.

"if you don't mind," he said, almost sheepish.

"i'll make it special," you replied, twisting the stems of the freshly picked sunflowers into a soft circle.

"just like you?" there was an air of amusement in his voice, light and sweet. he took a seat beside you on the hill overlooking the children as they played. "i'm a lucky man."

you looked away, trying to hide the blush that warmed your cheeks.

he had been nothing but kind to you, after all. always so doting as he made sure that you were fed, clothed, and comfortable. if the repairs to your van weren't almost done, you probably would have considered staying just a little longer.

when you finished, his eyes widened at the crown of red blooms.

"for my savior," you said, presenting the wreath to him. "how could i ever repay you?"

although you had said it with mock fealty, jack lowered his head solemnly. you placed the crown, so brilliant and full, so that it rested perfectly amongst cerulean curls that were as vivid as the sky above you.

"payment isn't necessary," he said as he looked up, eyes warm with delight. "when being beside you is already such a gift."

you took that moment to stand up faster than you wanted to, proclaiming that you were going to look for your friends. his laugh was bright and hearty as he helped you retrieve the fallen flowers.

now, he was leading you deeper into the field. there was a forest full of effigies celebrating the rise of the sun, he said. there were many things in this town you would find beautiful.

"we weave flowers into the bundled hay," he says, adjusting his crown. "i'm sure it's something you would also appreciate. maybe you could even contribute."

he tells you that some of the townsfolk had already taken your friends there, excited to join the summer festivities.

"already?" you say, surprised considering all they've wanted to do is leave. "but—"

a scream cuts through the quiet. it's blood curdling. pained. familiar.

you take his arm, fingers creasing the soft linen sleeve. "what's going on?"

the man, eyes golden in the sunlight, merely turns and smiles at you. it is a warm smile. a beautiful smile.

despite your fear, you find yourself returning it.