there were some things that he could not scrub away no matter how hard he tried and ---- oh, did daryl dixon every have it in him to always try. before the hilltop his bathing rituals had all been the same: quick, mechanical. autopilot at it’s best as he went through his thoughts of the day and what needed to be worried about for the next. something changed from then to when he’d stepped into the luxurious and clean bathroom of the old museum; eyes wet and new clothing so heavy in his arms. for one thing, he’d taken so much extra time than usual. in most cases he was in && out --- right back in the dirt a moment later but this time he lets it drag on well past the point where water is cold. filth is scrubbed from skin and then skin is scrubbed again. then again. and again. the scrubbing doesn’t get the song out of his head. it doesn’t get the taste of whatever they were feeding him out of his mouth. it doesn’t uplift the guilt in his chest or what felt like permanent stains on his cheeks from crying over the photograph on the floor. it doesn’t do much, only enough. enough to keep him moving ---- enough to force him to keep functioning.
after racing thoughts slow down he’s able to put things in an order. baby steps. simple tasks. get up, get clothed, get out. gregory’s company was the very last thing that he wanted and he knew that, at some point, he would need to find paul and thank him or whatever. there was a topic that needed to be touched, words that needed to be exchanged but he gets ahead of himself in all the strangeness of yet another unfamiliar place. he bumps into the other man quickly once he’s outside ---- almost as if paul were waiting for him. maybe. it was likely. a moment passes where he stares and then bows his head, words lost to lyrics he hates and the fact that he’d spent so much time clamping up. when was the last time he’d had a conversation with someone? the argument with glenn? the thought makes him visibly wince and he decides against the interaction entirely. too soon. he’d jumped into this way too soon. it hurt. things still hurt and he almost considered going back and scrubbing himself again but paul is near him and despite turning away to leave he feels stuck. how pathetic for it to only take a few weeks for such a skilled tracker to lose his way. {starter for @sospes}
