#scrotoplasty

I’ve sat on it (or lack of it) for a decade as of the past May.

When the election was going on, in fact, it might have been the day Trump was announced the winner, I messaged my PCP and told her I was ready and would like a referral, since I knew this would potentially be the last chance I had before the right and ability to legally and safely do so might be no longer available.

Of course I’m scared and nervous, it’s surgery, who wouldn’t be?

But I’m hopeful and elated that it’s finally happening.

With the recent attempts to make things even worse for trans people, especially in this last month, I’ve been “joking” if they can at least wait until the end of October.

Even if I get arrested/“detained” at some point afterward, even if they come to the hospital and rip me from the bed and I potentially bleed out or die from infection issues from not being able to safely and properly heal, at least it’ll have been done after I feel more like my authentic self.

Guess I can die/be arrested for being a “violent extremist” peacefully so long as I have a dick

Talking about my genitals is probably not something everyone wants to hear and could be argued as something very personal and private, but for those who are curious, especially genderqueer people (or even binary who were interested in this sort of idea), but the plan is to keep the vagina and add a penis (and a scrotum so I have the option for the pump penile implant). I was inspired by a very specific case for the exact method I’d like to do.

created scrotoplasty page

updates to metoidioplasty page

updates to ffs page

updates to mastectomy page

links added to surgeon page

links added to transandrophobia page

updates and links added to period underwear page

Like theres not just full phalloplasty and vaginoplasty, there's also the option to construct the thing you want while preserving your original plumbing entirely, or mostly, you can get phallo without a vaginectomy (tho it is highly recommended if you're going to reroute your urethra theough your neo-phallus) and you can even get a scrotoplasty while retaining your vaginal opening and canal, though that will mean using your labia to form the "sack", so it onoy preserves SOME of your original bits ...

i know a bit less about vaginoplasty, since I've had PERSONAL reason to research FTM surgery options, but i have done a bit of research on that as well to better understand it, and i know there is the option to take tissue from the colon to construct the neo-vaginal canal instead of using the penis, or even using BOTH if the penis doesn't provide enough to work with on it's own.

But also, you dont even necessarily need to go through the whole "constructing a meat tube (external vs internal version)" if that's not what you want, theres also the option to have a clitoris and vulva and everything constructed WITHOUT a full canal, or simply removing the testes to lower testosterone production, and on the other end of the spectrum theres metoidoplasty, where you use the bottom growth of the clitoris and add tissue to make it a bit bigger, with or without scrotoplasty and/or vaginectomy, and even just the "simple release" option which simply disconnects the clitoris from the things sides of the vulva and labia that connect to the clitoral hood, allowing it to both stand more erect without having to be "pulled back" and also allows the whole length to be... Utilized, more easily

And tmi, but I've personally always liked the idea of the simple release for myself, or if i ever do choose to get metoidoplasty or phalloplasty, i will definitely be retaining my original plumbing as well (aside from removing the bits that make babies and periods happen, hysterectomies are also gender affirming surgery after all!) because

1: ive really never struggled that much with bottom dysphoria, i have no issue with what i have, i would just be HAPPIER with something else is all, and

2: my back door dont fuckin work bro thats not rlly an option i have...

my health issues affect me in such a way that, as much as i WISH it was (again, tmi) anal is really not much of an option for me, at least not reliably, and i wanna keep all my options open for how i can enjoy my own body myself or with someone else, ykno? Why limit myself, anyway, when Both is an option i have at my disposal??

Oh, and another option i almost forgot to mention, its less common but still absolutely a thing people do!! Is the removal of ALL the external genitalia entirely, creating more or less a flat featureless mound, (of course has to retain urethra for, ykno, peein out of, or you would die) which i wouldn't personally be interested in but i do think its neat!!! Shout out to ppl who dont have/dont want ANY JUNK AT ALL y'all are cool as hell

The why is pretty easy: I wanted something as close to cis male anatomy as medically possible. That’s what it feels like I’m supposed to have, the same way it feels like my feet are supposed to have my toes facing forward. I love balls, both on others and the idea of having my own; it felt right. I’m really looking forward to getting my implants in December so I’ll have the full package—because with scrotoplasty, you get that and whatever else done first, heal up for 6-9 months, and THEN you have the option of getting silicone implants (the same ones cis men who lose one or both testes often get).

Having what I have now, even pre-implants, feels…peaceful. No longer burdened by the weight of missing what I should have and having something I shouldn’t. The wrongness is gone. Emotionally, it feels like when a migraine finally goes away.

I don’t really notice my scrotum a lot, per se, but it did change the way I sit a bit. Not full-on manspreading, but it’s easy to tell why cis men don’t tend to sit with their thighs together, and why they typically cross their legs with an ankle on a knee instead of crossing one knee over another: it’s uncomfortable at best. Squishes things.

I'm part of a WhatsApp group with the three guys I shared a room with as I had meta surgery and some two other guys that the others met at their first time at the hospital. 

We check in with each other from time to time: How's life going, what's up next, who's going to have surgery soon. Yesterday, one of those convos sparked up. We shared our next scheduled dates, we talked about about balls, since O got his recently and chatted about our preferences regarding EDs, the unreliability of the models available. M told us he met a guy who accumulated no less than 19 hospital stays (!) for his ED alone. Dark humored, we turned about other unreliabilities within surgeries:

"You remember that one time where Dr L squeezed out this hematoma on O's scrotum right there in his bed?" O said he'll never forget that for sure. And that's what it got started. Just as the clocked dark blood exploded in Os bed, all this anger, frustration, angst, desperation sprayed around. 

The bitterness that there are still just pumps designed for cis guys available, that the current EDs fail regularily and there is no silver lining to recieving better medical care in time. Insecurity to be stuck between two less than optimal options and to need it anyway. Frustration of one hospital stay after another, surgical burnout and The Fear To Never Be Done After All. Piled about, delayed longing for a life of just a guy among guys. The anger, that we didn't succeed to fulfill this so very basic human need. The desire to Just Be Done With It Already. Our dwindling resources to hold on, keep going and get shit done nonetheless. Tired, sore and fucked up.

Then we went on to compensate with sarcasm: the crowded hospital, where you never know whether you get to stay at the hospital itself or get a bed at a non-specialized facility (non-educated medical staff being a real thing). The burnout after three surgeries on your urethra and no end in sight. The transphobia medical professionals displayed (stories about an endocrinologist, a psychologist and a nurse). Transphobia within college, work and society in general, where we're told that autism and trans don't occur together, that trans is a trend, that we do all that for attention, that we just have to think positive and it's all gonna be resolved by itself.

All the minor disturbances within surgeries: the crowded hospital, thats doesn't allow the patient to stay the night before surgery any more, so you have to afford at least one night at a hotel (or more, if you have your pre-medical consultation on Friday and surgery on Monday, like M did). You have to get tested for HIV for every surgery you undergo in the phallo process (All the orgy you're going to have between stage 1 and 2, with your frickin sexy healing penis!). Dating cis women. Being prohibited to donor blood. All the shit.