#screener

Crystal leads Jarvis away to distract him with the dinner party guests. While Jarvis mumbles to himself "what in heaven's name is a gnarled radish?"

Meanwhile, in the meeting room time area, the rest of the Avengers interrogate Swordsman.

They don't want to hurt the guy but they really, really want to know what the fuck the plot is.

The Swordsmen they knew is dead. There was a second T'Challa in Wakanda. The fuck is going on?

And they're not getting great answers out of Swordsman because he's got the mother and father and great aunt of all migraines. The Avengers have had doctors check him over but they can't figure out what's causing his pain.

And adding to the mysteries, Swordsman really, really fucking hates the Vision. He accuses him of leaving him to die.

Vision asserts that no such thing occurred as far as his experience but Swordsman does not believe his protestation.

Swordsman: "LIAR! You haven't changed, Vision! I never trusted that pasty-face of yours! Never!"

Which is rude. But it's also a thread that Black Knight starts pulling on.

Black Knight pulls up a hologram of Classic Vision. The good ol' green and yellow and also red. And Swordsman is like 'who the fuck is this?'

He doesn't recognize Classic Vision at all. He doesn't even take the logical leap of a guy that looks similar to a guy and going 'oh is this a palette swap?'

The Vision this Swordsman knew was always the Bleached Vision.

And since Black Knight is the biggest genius and the protagonist of this book, apparently, he's been noodling on the problem of why was there an identical tall woman to Magdalene who then vanished?

So he pulls up a hologram of Mantis. You know, good ol' Mantis? She and Swordsman were dating? But she always kind of wanted to jump Vision's bones but then Swordsman died but then he became a tree and Mantis married the tree and got tree powers because tree powers are sexually communicable? That Mantis?

Yeah, this Swordsman has no idea who this Vietnamese/German lady hologram is. Why are you showing him this Vietnamese/German lady with antenna?

So Black Knight plays a hunch, a long leap of a hunch, and pulls up a hologram of Moondragon. You know, Moondragon? Bald lady? Called herself Madame McEvil for a bit? Joined the Avengers but the Avengers always kind of didn't enjoy having her around because she spent most of her time trying to convince people to quit the team? And then she had some deep thoughts about Korvac and decided to take over a planet and psychically forced Thor to sleep with her and lobotomized Drax and that's why he's so dumb now? That Moondragon?

Yeah, Swordsman doesn't know a Moondragon but he sees bald lady in green and calls her Mantis.

Which is VERY interesting. In the context of Black Panther/Coal Tiger.

Moondragon and Mantis were both candidates to become the Celestial Madonna. They trained at the same space temple and learned the same martial arts and PSYCHIC skills. It's not too implausible that there could be a universe out there where Moondragon was Mantis instead. But it's certainly interesting.

And it suggests that Swordsman is originally from a universe that had various What If elements going on. Moondragon was Mantis. Swordsman and Hawkeye grew up together. Vision was always white and apparently a jerk.

Very interesting indeed.

Downtown in Soho, a lady who I think is Sersi just hooked up with 70s mustache ponytail guy and he's begging her to stay longer.

Maybe Sersi: "You flatter me, but we've been through this. This was a lark... a whim for the both of us. I thought you understood that. In any event, I have places to go -- yes, many places to go."

But the guy keeps begging and smooching her neck so she agrees to stay. But tells him not to say she didn't warn him.

Huuuh.

I thought Sersi was dating Black Knight. But also, I don't know for certain that this is Sersi. But she is wearing red and black. Which are Sersi's new colors.

Later, back at the Mansion, Hercules struggles to put on a bow tie because he is DRESSED TO THE NINES for Miss Taylor Madison. But first there's shop talk to talk.

Black Knight catches Hercules up on what they've discovered about the Swordsman they have in custody.

And the answer is that shtuff is weird.

All of his biometrics match the Swordsman that was in the Avengers. Fingerprints, DNA, retinal scan, etc.

Similarly, the bio-scans they managed to get of Coal Tiger all matched Black Panther.

Black Knight: "I think he is the Swordsman... but from another time, another place. Another reality, if you will. One that parallels ours, but doesn't quite match it."

I honestly don't remember if alternate realities are such a novel thing at this point in comics history.

Of course, you don't have big stuff like Spiderverse yet. There's no Ultimate Universe. But the Avengers have visited Justice-League-with-serial-numbers-filed-off Squadron Supreme world. They know about it to that extent. And the X-Men are always dealing with alternate realities were similar people. You'd think they'd have at least gossiped about it around the watercooler.

And Professor X and Cyclops were hanging out with the Avengers just seven issues back in 350.

Anyway. Black Knight is done talking shop because Taylor Madison has shown up, in her fancy dinner dress.

And Black Widow and Crystal have shown up in their own dresses. And Black Knight still has the major feels for Crystal and is speechless at how pretty she is.

Dane, you need to stop torturing yourself. Break up with Sersi and ask out Crystal or be content with Sersi and all the hot smoochings.

Also, just real quick. I like Hercules noting that him shaving off his beard has been controversial. Because he's right. It is. With me. Grow your facial hair back right now.

Black Knight better watch himself before he ends up in front of HR.

And I think they should have put a bow tie on Vision or something. It just feels off that everyone else dressed up and he's floating around in his usual outfit and not even wearing shoes. Someone dress this man up!

Over on Mount Olympus, Hera is watching Hercules and Taylor Madison in the Pool of Revelation. The scrying puddle. And being very invested in Hercules falling in love with Taylor.

If you recall, when Ares and Hera competed to ruin Hercules' life in issue #349, Ares possessed Thor and tried to force Hercules into killing his friend. Hera didn't seem to do anything but insinuated afteward that Hercules meeting Taylor was the set-up for her evil scheme.

Hera being super invested in how things are going isn't her being a shipper. She's up to something.

Zeus rolls on up to the Pool of Revelation to be grumpy that Olympians have been breaking his rule about not going to Earth. The punishment is going to be SO SEVERE when he discovers who did it.

Hera smoothly offers to head up the investigation.

Hera: "B-but, husband, all know, to their peril, that only thy son, Hercules, is exempt from thy interdict. If any god hath cruelly betrayed thee, allow me to seek him out and punish him accordingly. For in this, and all things, good and gentle thunderer... thou canst depend on thy loving wife."

And Zeus doesn't see Hera smirk because she's got her face all nestled up against his chest. What a smooth criminal she is.

Back over at the Mansion! The party is in progress! Hercules is hanging out with Taylor, talking about how Thor is off doing his own solo book stuff. Black Widow is spying on how her ship is doing. And also gossiping to Vision about how Sersi has been acting erratic lately.

Jarvis comes into the... uh... sitting room, wherever the hobnobbery is going on. And he starts to announce dinner but gets distracted by the Inhuman waiter. Who is a weird bird dragon thing carrying around a bottle of wine.

Jarvis: "*sigh* Ladies and gentlemen, dinner... and I use the term extremely loosely... is served."

Poor Jarvis.

Hercules escorts Taylor to the dinner table. Dane offers to escort Crystal, to make up for bad behavior. But then Sersi arrives, fashionably late, and draws Dane into more bad behavior.

She just smooches right on him.

He's really in this relationship whether he agrees to it or not =\

He half-heartedly tries to protest and explain himself to Crystal as Sersi drags him off. But at this point Crystal is like what the fuck ever. And when Vision offers to be her escort (to the dinner table) Crystal is happy to accept.

In the chaos of the kitchen, Jarvis finally has enough and decides to tell Marilla what is what!

Jarvis: "Madame, may I have a word?" Marilla: "Ah, me! Would that I had the time, Jonas... but can't ye see I have a culinary masterpiece to supervise?" Jarvis: "What I see, Marilla, is that you have usurped my position... commandeered my kitchen... and let this beast slobber all over my waxed floor!"

But sometimes when you're mad, you hurt people you don't mean to. Or dogs. Or delightful dogs named Lockjaw. Who is the aforementioned beast slobbering all over the waxed floor with a big bone.

Lockjaw growls and heads upstairs and Marilla scolds Jarvis for hurting Lockjaw's feelings.

Marilla follows after the giant pupper and tells "Jebediah" that he's in charge in the kitchen while she's gone.

Jarvis: "me? But, Marilla, I've no idea how to communicate with... them." Inhuman kitchen team: =| Jarvis: =T

I am living for getting more slice of life. Drama around the mansion. Who is dating who. Squabbling among the staff. A good Avengers run needs some downtime to just hang around.

And it's something that really feels like its lacking in recent runs. MacKay gave the team an entire sapient space city with beautiful vistas and then barely gave them any quiet time to exist in that setting. Aaron made the team live in a hollowed out dead giant alien. AND BARELY GAVE THEM ANY QUIET TIME TO EXIST IN THAT SETTING!

Anyway. Dinner party.

Hercules asks Taylor about her work at a children's hospital, which she says she chose because of PERSONAL REASONS. Sooooounds like backstory!

And Dane confronts Sersi about her behavior. Saying she is embarrassing him with all the smooches and also embarrassing Crystal.

Sersi: "Dane, I'm truly sorry. I know I seem the dilettante. The brusque, haughty snob. Believe me, it's a pretense. A protection for myself so I keep a distance from you mortals... Sometimes, I play the role too well. I'll apologize to Crystal. But I'm not pretending whe I say I like you, Dane. If I seem careless or flip about it, I'll stop because I do think you're wonderful." Black Knight: "Sersi, this isn't like you. Is anything wrong?" Sersi: "I bare my soul and people think trouble must be brewing. I do seem to have a communication problem, don't I? No, nothing's wrong... as long as I know you are my friend."

Pffft, Crystal's face!

Sersi and Dane keep doing their drama right in front of her. Without fail.

Black Widow gets an update on Swordsman's medical scan, showing he's resting comfortably. And then she gives a SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH! A toast speech.

Black Widow: "My fellow Avengers... and guest... I'd like to propose a toast. Some months ago, Captain America and I expressed concern over the future of the Avengers. The team had been drifting for far too long with no cohesiveness, no heart... no soul. To be an Avenger seemed to mean less day by day. But that was then... and things have changed. Tonight, I ask you to join me in celebrating a reversal of that sad trend. This line-up has been together six months and in that time we have forged a team worthy of the name --"

How meta. Black Widow is really talking about the difficulty in keeping a long-term writer on the book. Probably because editors kept annoying the writers into leaving. Or firing the writers.

Also, six months? Really? Wow, comic time sure is fake.

ANYWAY.

Marilla followed Lockjaw upstairs, assuming Lockjaw was hurt by Jarvis' thoughtless words.

WRONG.

Lockjaw is a true professional doggo, best friend. And he was really investigating an intruder!

Screener, one of Magneto's Acolytes broke into the Mansion (get better security, ffs!) to scan lil Luna's genetic and biological data.

She reports to Cortez "she is all too clearly human. A cleansing is definitely required."

It was brought up earlier... innnnn issue #350? That some of Magneto's Acolytes might be mad that Magneto's grand-daughter, daughter of a mutant and an Inhuman, is a perfectly normal unpowered human child. And I guess the Acolytes wanted to verify she was that before they start planning something unkind.

Since Marilla and Lockjaw spotted her, she MIND BLASTS them, which wipes their memories of the encounter. As far as Marilla knows, she came upstairs to find Luna peacefully snoozing.

Also, AT THE DINNER PARTY:

Uatu is a party crasher.

He showed up just to gesture dramatically and ominously and then vanish, leaving the word BEWARE in everyone's minds.

Since Uatu only looms ominously for the most dire of cosmic circumstances, this is an unwelcome appearance.

I do have to say I dig how he's shadowed with his eyes glowing. Really ups the ominous.

Also, he may have eyed Sersi a little harder than he eyed everyone else. It is unclear! But she's the one that has plot threads based on her maybe being a threat to the world!

And this better be of cosmic significance. I still can't believe that Uatu gave his stamp of approval to Civil War by putting in an appearance. The sell-out.

After Uatu peaces out, the Avengers fret about what this could all mean. But Sersi decides hey! Why worry! "Forewarned is forearmed! Let's not let that old fuddy-dud spoil tonight."

Oh and the last page has some cops investigating a corpse by the docks. Sixth victim in six months. And lucky number six? It's that guy from earlier that was spending time with Maybe Sersi.

Dun dun dun?

But we have to circle back to the Avengers West Coast and a trilogy of Ultron issues before we can get back to that. Then, dun dun dun.