#scoundress

how to talk to short people by Han Solo: You don't, you pick them up and start running.

no Han version

-

“Your own padawan saved her from an assassination attempt. That you are married is irrelevant to the fact that I know you are well aware of how to properly use contraceptives. I gave you the Temple-approved sex education lecture.”

“Three times.” Luke stepped back and both Jedi Generals turned to gape at him.

“How the kriff do you know that?” Anakin asked, clearly horrified.

Luke held up a hand and launched into a perfect mimic of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s crisp Coruscanti accent. “Luke Skywalker! I gave your father the Temple-approved sex education lecture three times and yet here you stand to prove just how well he did not listen. Force help me, if you get a girl into trouble I shall take this lightsaber and—”

“Wait,” Wedge interrupted. “You? A girl?”

Luke shrugged. “I tried to tell him.”

-

Knight Kestis sighed and shrugged as he leveled a sympathetic look at Obi-Wan. “Just think, you only have one Skywalker to deal with. I have two of them. Every gray hair on my head is named Luke or Leia.”

“You poor dear,” Obi-Wan replied. “I understand completely. You must need a strong drink.”

“It’s a constant struggle,” Cal said. “Right, Chewie?”

-

“Who’s your chief medical officer?”

“Helix,” Luke said.

“Kid, how can you possibly know that?” Solo asked.

“Ten years in the desert,” Luke said. “Just me, Ben, and a ton of war stories. And stories of all the kriffed up things my father did when he was a padawan.”

“Hey!” Anakin scowled.

“Like the time you disassembled Master Windu’s speeder bike and re-assembled it in his quarters,” Luke said.

“Oh, yeah! I forgot about that.” Anakin grinned.

“Clearly I did not.” Obi-Wan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again. Kark, he was definitely getting a migraine.

- Once More, With Feeling by ravnoschick