These starters are only thing keeping this blog alive, pfft. Well, my Biology teacher, really. She said all of these.

I don’t know if I’ve used some of these before but I can’t find them so eh.

Long post so starters are under the cut. Feel free to change pronouns or business names.

“When did we learn this?”

“I’ll do it later.”

“I’ve seriously been staring at this problem for the past half hour.”

“It’s been ten minutes. Stop being so dramatic.”

“Can’t you ever get anything done in advance?”

“Nope, I don’t have any homework.”

“If it’s not due tomorrow it’s not getting done today.”

“When is it due?”

“I have so many missing assignments, though.”

“Do teachers like get together and all decide to give homework on the same day?”

“Have you started the homework yet?”

“I have an essay due tonight.”

“Why do you always wait till the last second to do any of your homework.”

“You know, I think the point of homework is to do it at home.”

“How can you even focus on your homework with your music up this loud?”

“I have a question on the homework, ________.”

“Time to get some study snacks.”

“Wait, we had homework?”

“Stupid printer! Always breaking just when I need it.”

“______ can I borrow your homework? I forgot to do it.”

“Who has time for a job when all my time is spent on homework.”

“You’d probably be less stressed about your homework if you didn’t wait till two hours before you went to bed.”

This is from multiple lessons. These were all said in one day (well, the first one was said yesterday but same thing). Feel free to edit at will.

Some came from school, some came from home, some came from Skype conversations, some came from talking to myself and some from things I overheard.

Enjoy. And yes. These were all said.

"I have a stick. Fuck you."

"I was a pacifist. But then I got a stick."

"I thought she was actually dead."

"Fucking locomotives."

"... Hentai exists. You ever think about that?"

"They are the children I will never sprout from my uterus."

"Never say that [sentence/pun] again."

"I AM THE NIGHT. I WILL FIGHT SPACE."

"Void vs Universe!"

"That's how you handle the young-uns. Parenting 101 with [Name]."

"Today I discovered I'd probably be a [shitty/neglectful] parent."

"You are best friend."

"Later, skater!"

"Don't sit on my shitty log."

"You don't get sitting privileges."

"LET ME QUOTE."

"Put your child in front of you. Don't literally put your child in front of you!"

"But you can tell mine was shit."

"Look at the luscious green grass. It is very strange."

"It's not warm whatsoever."

"Where's Hard Anal?"

"Throw at me, Daddy."

"He smells like a tent."

"Why are you sniffing him?"

"How are you dying? Do you need doctor? Don't worry, I'm surgeon. Yeaaaah. I'm a surgeon, let me steal your kidneys. I'm a doctor, you don't need your organs, give em to me."

"Give me all your organs."

"I WANT HARD ANAL!"

"Let's sit on this... where something used to be."

"This is where we worship Satan."

"DAISIES."

"I am slipping towards the soul."

"Slave(s). Back stratch."

"YOU LITTLE FUCK. YOU ARE A FUCKBAG."

"GET OUT OF OUR SWAMP, DONKEY."

"I see what you did there - tree-son!"

"All I heard of that was 'WHAT DID YOU DO'?"

"I bleed guilty."

"[Name] just said what if [Name] had a hole in his trousers while you were recording, and then [Name] said that you'd keep the video anyway."

"Not even subtle anymore."

"There's a kid in the tree. We're betting he'll fall out and die."

"Holy shot." "We're trying to escape."

"[Name]. [Name]. Stop."

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Just wait until whatever lives in there comes out."

"Mm hm that's a good ass... tree."

"We need to make our hole bigger."

"[Name], you're standing on my aesthetics. You're standing in front of my aesthetics."

"Twist dat anus."

"I hunger. I eat your food. Give me all your tea. I'm gonna munch. I'm gonna crunch. Firkc."

"Go in the Earth's butthole."

"YOU FORCED THESE CRAMPS INTO MY UTERUS!"

"TAKE IT LIKE A MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

"I want to go J.D on this school."

"I will go Yandere but without the Senpai."

"Salt."

"Me neither, Sharpay."

"I love how you're just vandalising my calculator and I'm just letting you."

"I did not consent to this."

"Petition for [Name] [optional: and Name] to get a haircut."

"You look like an emo girl!"

"That whistle summons all the bitches."

"Fucking fight me."

"I would totally sing Stick to the Status Quo from High School Musical if someone asked me if I was a boy or a girl."

"Get out of my life."

"YOU FUCKBAG!"

"Do you screm?"

"Screm."

"Aesthetics."

"Pissing all over the car equals aesthetics."

"SAGE PLUS PISSING ON CARS EQUALS AESTHETICS."

"Pissing on sage coated cars."

"I need to get a grip."

"You need to McChill."

"Everything is better with a Mc on the front of it."

"[Sometimes/It's moments like these where] I wish murder wasn't illegal."

"I'm shook."

"Eat the fruit."

"Pure."

"I hate everyone in this place."

Okay, so these were made by people who are not cis and heterosexual/heteroromantic! They were made by nb folks, trans folks, bi folks, etc.

If you find these offensive, you can tell me a tag to tag this as and I will add it so you can block it. I won’t remove the post, I’m sorry. These are meant to be jokes, and no one at my school who made these had any intention of hurting anyone.

“Straightjacket? You mean a bijacket?”

“How come nouns and adjectives can have genders but I can’t have no gender. Double standards.”

“MOVE I’M GAY.”

“Are you full gay, half gay, quarter gay, somewhat gay or no gay?”

“Me about my gender, sexual orientation and romantic orientation in that order: no, no, YES.”

“Adjectives have no gender? Saaaaame.”

“I steal all of your gay.”

“Stop stealing my gay!”

“I am not a fucking plant.”

“There’s loads of gay guys but [Name] can’t seem to get one.”

“I can’t make things straight but I can certainly make them gay.”

“Must be straight? Nah, can’t do that.”

“Maybe my sexuality is why I’m failing Maths.”

“I can’t believe [Name] is super gay.”

“Is this stuff reserved for your fellow non-cis friends?”

“Well, I accidentally hit on my teacher’s [wife/husband].”

“What does asexual mean?”

“No fucky.”

I have been asked to not state where in the school these were taken from, and therefore I will go with the vague ‘school’. Every time, unless I say this, I put the location as school, it is because the starters were taken from several places in the school.

“I’m not sure if I like or hate this girl.”

“Flamingos are the porn stars/strippers of nature.”

“[Name], you’re hurting my brain.”

“You look like a dodo.”

“Do a dodo and get eaten.”

“Do you know what I’m going to say?”

“No, no, I hit that guy on Friday, I fought this girl on Thursday.”

“You really are a pain in the neck, aren’t ya?”

“I hate reading.”

“I am insult.”

“You hate everyone, don’t you?”

“You are meant to be seen, not heard. I don’t know how this applies to the situation but shut up.”

“[Group of people/community name] are brats.”

“You know, I almost feel sorry for you - my lack of empathy stops me from fully caring.”

“I’d rather you didn’t kill anyone, there’s a lot of paper.”

“He’s such a cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-”

“I’m going to stab him.”

“I’m not angry.”

“You’re being verbally angry!”

“You’re threatening to stab him, of course you’re goddamn angry!”

“She used magic to turn me around.”

“Now I’ll use magic to shut you the hell up.”

“I’ve got a fork in my arm - I’ve definitely deflected this!”

“I misread Sally Fountain as Salty Fountain.”

“How exciting.”

“Shut up, Tiny.”

“Good luck.”

“Horse is very close to whore and if that doesn’t say a lot about them-”

“How does your hair get so curly?”

“I feel so sorry for you - you have to deal with him.”

“All you learn in History is people getting shot in the eye.”

“You’re not Pac-man, mate.”

“Sataaaaan!”

“Oh joy!”

“I love the gaame!”

“No.”

“I know a lot about the Chinese.”

“It chases babies. Nom, nom, nom.”

“Demon kitties! They're so cute!”

“I thought it would be more difficult. Cause it's Maths.”

“Pigeons have weird legs.”

“Could you not talk? You are disturbing my inmates?”

“Look at all those chickens!”

“That’s a hundred, right?”

“They have almost American necks.”

“MLG seagulls.”

“Why are we laughing at children’s pain?”

“I’m a regular.”

“You’re condoning violence.”

“Intense dabbing.”

“Sorry!”

“Geese are the Devil.”

“Their screams amuse me.”

“You’re not allowed to have joy. You haven’t earned the right.”

“Where do you think it came out of, my mouth?”

“Don’t do it, seagull, you have so much to live for!”

“Do your work, bro.”

“What time is it, dude?”

“Time you got a watch.”

“I am poor, I cannot afford a watch.”

“Killed by death!”

“I’m not nice.”

“Stab them with spoons!”

“You shouldn’t have cracky bones at your age.”

“Cracky bones.”

“Begging is bad unless you are homeless.”

“After 3:15, the lesson ends. And we can feast.”

“Don’t judge the hair.”

“Oh, I am judging the hair.”

“Weird midget and his weird hair.”