#schizophrenic-narrative

You're not really worth it. But you were quiet even as I repeated it inside of my mind. Usually you'd chide me for everything I say. I was expecting you to shoot the phrase back at me. Yeah yeah, but you're still gonna do it. I wanted you to throw it back at me. I miss the old banters, the old sparring matches with words. But you were quiet, and it worries me. I know you're still inside, I can feel your thoughts flitting back and forth in my head even when you can't find the words to express them. Don't worry, alright? I'll find a way to get you out, and you won't have to sacrifice yourself for my wellbeing, and I won't either.

I plug my mind into my personal computer, and I can feel you retreating back. It worries me, that one day you might not be able to find your way out of that corner. I accesses the prototype devices, the directives I'd uploaded into the flash drive. Everything about it is brand new. A device powered by minds, a machine you can put human souls into. My father said that it worked in their lab, but that they couldn't imagine releasing it to the public. If he hadn't been my father I wouldn't have found a way to give you a body.

It is exhilarating, to interface with my computers, to access the machines. I wish you don't have to hide when I do, I wish you can know what it's really like. The uploading protocol is clear and simple; the modifications I've plugged into it so it doesn't have to download the entire mind is considerably messier, but trust me when I say that it'll work.

The truth is, I'm not really worth it. You were always there when I was at my worst moments, but you don't have to. You shouldn't have to see all of my darkest thoughts, you don't have to fight all of my demons. I can never be free of me but you should be. You came to be for me, when I was little and lonely and friendless. The least I can do is help you be more than just a friend for me. I want you to see more of the world than just my tired self.