#scalpel

Dex was tired. So unbearably tired.

No matter how many nights he tried to sleep he was rattled by nightmares and terrors. All the things he'd done, he'd seen, he'd felt, on a endless loop like a broken reccord. Constantly replaying the same events over and over. Dex chained to the seat, eyes forced to watch. Every new perspective every angle. Retraumatising him a little more each time.

His early child hood that of which he could actually remember. His time in the boys home, coach Bradley, doctor mercer, the stuff he'd seen In the army and his time at the fbi. Each night the time slot of his life would alternate to a new period of traumas.

He'd wake up doused in sweat,panting, as if he'd ran a marathon. His body would hurt from thrashing around, evidence of dex triying to claw his way free from his sleep.His bones seemingly trying to break free from it's fleshy constraints that encased his soul in his own horrifying thoughts and skin

For the first few minutes after he'd wake he couldnt move. The only thing he could move was his head which throbbed in agony, pounding like a hammer had slammed into the back of it. Even the slow blinks he would do to try and regulate himself would feel tedious.

So he didn't sleep, or at the very least not for very long. Part of him dreaded coming home after work because he feared what awaited him when his head would hit the white,firm,sweat-stained pillows of his bedroom. It's why dex often worked on later raids, later missions or jobs. The longer he kept himself awake for, the better.

So when he turned the key into the lock at his apartment after a long day at work, he didn't anticipate that his nightmarish fantasy would have seeped out into his reality..

You were sat on his couch. The one that faced the dust covered tv that he barely used if atall. He could see the shiny surgical scalpel that rested on your lap. He felt his body tense, imediatly feeling the cold sweat that was almost always brought on whenever you'd return. The chill that shot up his back wrapped around his spine like a millipede.

"Hello Dex."

"Get out of my house."

Dexs eyes didn't leave you. 

Hearing your voice further amplifying his perpetuating fear. You hadn't chanced one bit since the last time you were here. And of course dex remembers exactly how it had ended.

After it was over,you silently got up to leave and he'd caught you. Pleads and begs spilling from his mouth as he tried despiratly to keep you from going. But of course, you weren't to be detered. You'd bloodied his face.He hugged your body to prevent your exit. You struck him in the lip causing him to Drop you for a second allowing you to slip out of his sight as his hands tried, but failed to contain the blood spilling from his burst gums, soaking his teeth as he sobbed for you to stay.

The thing was dex apsolutely couldve struck you back. You knew he couldve swung back even harder. Knock you to the floor split your lip and bust your nose, probably ripping a few teeth from the root aswell. But you knew he'd never attempt to do that, he'd never dare with you. His violence cursed the ground where you stood because he knew something unbeknownst to him held him back from ever trying it.

Not even coach Bradley who at one time was "awesome" was imune when the baseball rochocheded off the steel metal post into the back of his occipital bone. imploding into the rest of his brain when he fell to the floor.

Not even doctor mercer got said privilege when he pulled the oxygen away from her nose, even afraid she still asked question after question. Burdening dex with the powerlessness to stop her fast fading mortality. But for some reason, he couldnt. Not with you.

No matter how much you harmed him he still crawled back on nails and needles each stride drawing blood from his body weakning him further with the only source of support being you as you let him move, never shifing to take the steps closer to him to shorten the journey or ease his suffering.

"You know I'm not going anywhere,Dex."

Eyes fixated on the way the dim fluorecant darkened his Hazel eyes. Scalpel taken off your lap and placed on the couch as you stood up. One foot placed forward towards him, as if challenging Dex to stop your progression by pushing you back or turning on his heels, running far away from the cold tiles where your feet rested.

"I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this"

He stood still fighting back the tremble that dared to slip from his nerves.a deer in headlights. Voice shakenly ushering in the words he hoped would change the fate he would find himself entangled in. Manifesting him away from his own house.

"Yet here we are, again. As always."

Your reply. Hollow of emotion. You'd been here before. You knew the outcome would remain unchanged. He could say whatever he wanted to push against the tide that was this.

But speaking these words didn't change the harsh reality that he needed more than anything to keep going. To tredge deeper into the water.A void within him that could only be filled by the company of someone who simultaneously drowned his senses with as much hate and dread as it did lust and want.

"Please. I can't. Not again. You wont stay, you never do."

His eyes slipped away for what couldnt have been a second. He shouldn't have done that.

Eyes locked shut under lock and key as he realised his fatal error. Dex heard the quick succession of thuds on the ground. He didnt need to open his eyes to imagine or sense what had happened.

"You know I'd never hurt you willingly Dex. Sometimes these things just happen"

You were stood infront of him face practically resting on his chest. The room didn't feel as quiet when you could hear the violent pattern of his heart beating fast. Like a child at school who knows they've been caught being bad and could be called to the office any second. His breathing reflected the same nervousness, trying to steady his lungs but he couldnt.

Not with you stood so damn close. Not when your harsh lips were a mere headraise away.

"You know you're going to make this worse,make me worse. But you still come back because you want to get off. You dont give a shit about me"

His fists clenched as he fought back every urge within him to repeat the cycle as he had done every single time you showed up unanounced. His thoughts scrambled to think of anything to take his mind away from where he currently was.

The first thing that came to mind however was the feeling of his large hand that-no matter what position he was in-would grab your waist to stable himself. The feeling of your flesh reminding him of every time the two of you had met in circumstances similar to this. Not even his thoughts granted the sanctuary he begged to have.

"You're wrong, Dex. I'm here because I care. You might not think that now but trust me I do. Why cant you see that?"

You replyed. You watched as a single tear slid slowly down his face. Your palm resting along his jaw beside his ear. Thumb softly erasing the salty droplet. He leaned into your palm like a stray dog who can't quite decide if its love or pity its being shown. Face cold against the warmth of your hand.

He could kill you right now and no one would ever know it was him. Another victim of the martial law across new york. Your body, limp and lifeless dumped In an allyway with a bullet through your head which of course would be shielded by a mask, one of his old ones. You'd stand no chance if he attempted to end your life. You'd never slip out of his grasp in this dingy apartment. 

But in the same breath you could kill him. If you struck him he wouldn't dare fight back, he never did. And if physically you couldn't drive him, mentally was another story. He held on by a thread each time the impending pain that was you appeared.

You knew where he kept his guns, his knifes,surgical tools and his pistol. But of course this time you'd brought a scalpel of you're own. You acknowledged the temptation to coo sweat nothings into his ears as the barrel of his old pistol would be pressed into the back of his mouth. Imagining it was a body part of yours, a piece of your flesh filling his gums instead. Killing him softly.

"Take your hand off me."

He sighed through vibrato.One bullet, one punch, one grasp of his hands round your neck twisting your head out of place like a child playing with a doll.

Except dex knew-in the current scenario playing out-he was most definatly the doll being toyed with.

"Tell me you don't want me and I'll go dex."

You spoke, other hand sliding around dex pulling him closer by the back of his waist.

"Dont touch me"

The sudden feeling of another body even closer to his prompted his eyes to open. Face to face, unable to look away from your dilated pupils which tempted him.

"Tell me you don't want me"

He didn't say anything. Instead letting you pull his face towards yours. Lips melting completely into you. Flames flowing underneath his flesh at the simple feeling of your mouth on his and the gentle touch you had on his body.

The control you exerted over him was like nothing he'd ever experienced in his entire life. His hands now guided by your own wrapped around your body hugging you tightly like a weighted blanked as your toungue slid against his own. He moaned into each movement no matter how small. Feeling everything so intensly.

You've known him long enough by this point to know his routines, his limits, his depraved turns on that would make any sane priest walk out of a confessional. Any normal person when hearing what Dex wanted would run away in horror or disgust or frankly a bit of both. Not you. You enjoyed the moment he sheepishly told you. Such vile things he liked But of course none of these would be inflicted onto you. It was all to be done to him.

The fall of josies rooftop had done a number on his already injured back, over a year spent in a wheelchair recovering from a botched spinal surgery that left his bones at constant war with his skin. Whatever the doctors had done to him wasn't right. Something foreign lived inside him that provided him,if he thought about it for too long,with the unnerving feeling it was moving under his flesh.

As absurd as it was, this affliction of new found discomfort made him come to realisation that for years he'd repressed. Maybe out of shame or fear of judgement. He wasn't supposed to enjoy pain, he was a man and men give it out. Atleast, it's what society told him.

The problem was that dex couldn't enjoy it for the life of him. He'd slept with several people over the years both men and women. Both of whom expected his inner turmoil to be brought onto them. But he hated it. He didnt like how it made him feel. The only people he was violent with were criminals. So under his logic it made them on par with criminals. He despised that. Even if he was sleeping with someone purely to get off no strings attached he recognised the flaw.

So when he met you by chance it couldn't have been at a better point of time. He was dealing with so much shame, it ate away at him like a parasite. The thing is when you'd began he was tamer, less extreme. The first time you'd slept to gether the only thing you actually did was choke him, both hands round his thick neck. And he loved it, he wanted more. Escalating extremely quickly till he brought up the topic of blades something he'd always been fascinated by.

You'd maneuvered dex towards the couch where you picked the scalpel up,mouth not separating from his as you stumbled into his bedroom. The blade in your hand came behind dex, sliding from the bottom of his shirt just above his suit pants all the way up in a satisfying slow motion that hovered just above the scarred tissue of his spine. Not deep enough to cut his skin but still enought to be felt as the white fabric of his shirt teared.

You could feel the vibration of Dex whining into your mouth. Maybe that was why he was so godamn clingy. Because Dex knew no one else would ever be willing to do these things to him. He'd live in a constant state of shame and despair that he may never find someone who truly didn't care what he enjoyed and if anything possibly enjoyed it more than he did.

"Don't..."

He pulled his arms out the now tattered drapes, whining hard as ever when you resumed dragging the scalpel up and down along his scar. Making sure the blunt end was facing his back. As to not cut his skin, or atleast not yet.

His legs buckeled when he reached the firm matress, body sitting down as you slinked behind him arms moving round his waist to unfasten his pants as his own hands moved in inpatient fumbles to take off his socks and shoes. You dragged his body back till yours rested on the headboard and he lay against your clothed body, skin sticking to your shirt.

Your legs, wrapped around his own forcing his legs apart so he'd be easier to reach, your hand wasted no time wrapping fingers around his already wet tip. Gasp echoing into your ears as your hand moved slow. His head rested on your shoulder. Your other hand had already began tracing familier shapes along dexs back with the blunt side of the scalpel.

"God I, I missed this. I really missed this.."

It had barely been 5 minutes and already he was prasing this arrangement, the same thing he tried everything he could to fight against.

There was truly no hope for Dex if that is how quickly he's able to forget all the times you've left him without notice of your return, crying into his void apartment late at night longing for the feeling of you on his cock and a blade pressed into his back. Not caring how much he suffered mentally or emotionally, as long as you inevitably returned.

He was so lost in his movements, body shifting slightly eratically. Tracing along the scar on his back with your scalpel when Without warning he jolted hard against you after your hand had increased its pace. You heard the slash imediatly followed by the shout that scratched it's way out dexs larynx. The scalpel which was on his back hadn't been the blunt side forward. Instead an incision along the top of his scar was now very much visible and spilling hot blood slowly down his back Which stuck to your shirt.

"Dex..shit I'm sorry... are you ok?"

This was one of the first times you were genuinly concerned for him during your sessions. But instead of crying or pushing you off, he instead opened his eyes, looking at you as he spoke

"Can you tell me what you can see?"

The request whilst odd was not out of character. It could be debated who actually enjoyed the pain more. The inflicter or the victim. Moments like these typically leaned more in Dexs favour.

"I can see past the blood, there's pink flesh I think its your muscle."

You stared at it, fingers going to the skin at the side of the incision lightly pulling it apart to have a more clarifying view inside of dex.

"Please, keep going.."

Dexs hand had moved your own back onto his length, guiding you're movements back as you continued.

"I can see you're vertebrae I think. But somethings next to it. It's metallic and shiny i dont really know what it is.."

Your breath hitched when you saw the blueish tint of whatever exactly was in dexs back move slightly. A coil or a snake wrapping around his bones. It was like nothing you'd ever seen before or letalone even heard about. Where did he even get his surgery done?

"You, your mouth. Put your mouth on it please."

He leaned forward no longer sticking to your chest. Shirt stained red from where he once lay. Hand still moving on his length but eyes preoccupied with Dexs toned back and the way the blood dripped slowly down it highlighting the defined muscular plates that lived under his skin.

Your toungue followed the trail of blood. Feeling the hot, sticky, metalic liquid on your tastebuds. Dexs voice crying louder when you moved up along the ridges of his spine. Similar to the feeling of the bumps on a roller coaster until you reached the deep gash at the tip of his old surgery scar.

Dex had eaten you out before. Lapping up the wetness that dripped fron your cunt with desperation. You'd always wished to imagine how it would feel from his perspective. Sure you'd given him head a few times, holding his hips in place so he would cum straight down your throat, nose breathing in the sweat that slid down his tits onto his groin.

But this was diffrent. This was something that should be hurting him and mortifying you at the thought of even being asked such a request. 

Yet the feeling of your mouth lapping up the blood that spilt from this open wound made dexs back arch, his voice loud, untamed. You could imagine this was probably the feeling male praying mantises would have mid fuck when the female would begin eating their brains in a sexual cannibalistic ritual. Knowing they were as good as dead and that fighting back was futile. So why not savour the feeling of intertwinement?

"Oh God. You're hand.."

He whined. Dexs cock leaked so much pre cum you were half convinced he'd came already but he hadn't. This however, did not mean he wasn't close

"Fuck I, i can't I'm gonna."

His voice high almost feminine. Hand moving so quickly you were half convinved his skin would rip. Your mouth lapped up his blood even faster, tip slipping inside the hot fleshy innards of his back for what couldnt have been more than a few seconds.

Dexs hand came behind your head grabbing your hair with the same aggression as if he was throat fucking you, pushing your head into his back a sick signal for you to keep going deeper to which you obliged as you felt your hand become sticky, shooting white ropes all over his chest and stomach as he panted helplessly.

"Oh God.."

The room weighed heavy in the inate silence that followed only interrupted by His Shaky breathing, trying to regain control of at least one thing.

"I shouldn't be doing this, this is wrong. You should go.."

Dex spoke almost frantically, almost as if he didn't say it quick enough the idea would fade and it would be nothing more than a fleeting feeling he would only remember after it was all over.

"Nothing about this is wrong Dex."

A lie spoken straight to his face with an inate sense of calmness that worked well enough to enull him back into the depravity. A kiss planted to his forehead was all it took for him to reimerse himself back into your command. He pulled back, only because of course he needed to taste you, his blood on you're toungue. His hand gently placed at the nape of your neck, pulling you in to kiss him.

He whined when he felt it, the blood that coaxed your saliva dripping down his throat. And while he couldve sat there all day exploring every part of your mouth and yours his. You grew impatient. You needed him to be inside of you.

You stood up. Stripping off as his breaths turned from shallow to deep. You climbed ontop of him, naked, bare. His eyes had the same anticipatory glossy shine as the first time he ever saw you like this.

"So fucking gorgeous"

He whispered, watching you prowl onto his lap, legs at the side of his waist just behind his thighs. Hovering as your hands slinked into his hair, yanking him upwards to stare back.

"God you are so pretty. Need to be inside.."

He smirked, eyes shining with adoration as his hands found the top of your hips, lining you up. You're hands wrapping round his neck as you felt his tip nudge your entrance, dripping onto it as you slid down.

Dex sighing loudly almost a whimper but not quite. You sank slowly, mouth agape as subtle gasps spilled out as you adjusted to him, chest flush against his. Head buried into his firm shoulder looking down his back at the blood that still slowly trickled but had mainly stopped.

"Fuck Dex"

His breath hitched when your hips began to rock against his, slow and sharp. His entire body rocked with each movement. You took your head from off his shoulder, palms holding his face to look at yours. His hair sticky on his forehead, eyes still glosy from adoration but also tearfull, a gap between his lips so small you could barely see his teeth yet could hear the light crys that already with mininamal movement already had him more worked up than he'd like to admit.

"Who do you belong to dex?"

You spoke sternly. Watching how his eyes lit up.

"You already know-"

The sound of your palm hitting his cheek bounced back into his ears before the burn even registered on his skin. Your hips moving harsher.

"That's not an awnser, try again sweetheart" You smirked. Palm softly rubbing the skin on his face to soothe the red mark.

"You, I'm yours completely yours"

He smiled, brows lowered as you returned to your place beside his shoulder, head turning planting teeth to the divot in his skin you made him melt. You could feel the unsteady jolts of his cock matching to meet your rocks. Subtly to test the waters to see if you'd allow it. Your teeth grazed his skin, licking the flesh.

Dex threw his head back, still restraining himself. But you could feel in his movements he was getting close. Your hand snaked up to his throat, pressing softly. Not enough to stop his breathing, enough to make it lighter. Words came out unfiltered, as If he didn't think before they came out. So lost in your warmth he couldn't think.

His hands had tangled in your hair and without warning pulled back, you faced the ceiling moaning loud at the feeling. Dex however imediatly realised the fuck up he had made. He didn't ask permition.

"Wait, I'm sorry I should've asked.."

"You're right. You should've asked Dex. You're being bad. Such a stupid slut, so pussy drunk you can't even fucking think."

The slap had landed harshly, the red imprint visible against his cheek. His hips had jolted eraticly, he was enjoying this. You stare at him anticipating his response.

"Fuck hit me again"

All he could say. You're movements now rapid as your hips slammed against him. His fingertips sinking deeper into the skin just above the top of your hips. Not so much possessive but despirate, needy, pathetic. His moans came out as mangled sobs that dared to escape from underneath your grasp on his throat .

Your movements ontop of him still as harsh as ever. Taking him for everything he had. Of course in the back of Dexs mind he knew this was wrong. But it didn't stop the raw desire he felt with your weight on him and your hands claiming his skin.

"I'm close, I'm going to cum Dex..Please.. with me"

You're whines loud as your hands slinked round his neck again, nails burying into the skin as his dug into your hips that were sure to leave perfect purple bruising. You moaning straight into his ear was enough to send him over the edge.

"I can't.. I'm cumming"

Tears from overstimulation dripped down his cheeks, he whined feverishly spilling inside of you. You're hips fast and unsteady as you rode the high, eratic and uneven movements which slowed as you came down. Room loud with your moans and the echo of lungs despiratly trying to self regulate. Panting as you felt him fill you.

But he didn't pull out. Instead he spun you around, your back pressing into his chest and layed down on the bed, still inside of you. Wrapping himself around your smaller body.

"Dex what are you-"

"You're not going anywhere sweetheart. Not now, not ever."

His hands came to wrap round your chest. That was when you noticed it. The shint metal glint in one of his hands. He'd taken it when you hadn't been paying attention. The scalpel, once in your hand to toy with him was now in his, a silent threat as a means to keep you exactly where he wanted. No possibility to bail on him or attempt to, the faintest movement could cause him to cut you or worse. Dex finally had a tiny edge over you.

Maybe for once, things would be diffrent this time. He lay there hovering behind you and still inside, waiting for you to fall asleep, he'd never sleep before you in fear of letting you go and you know he would be able to tell if you were faking it. Eventually, sleep claimed your mind and you dozed off in his arms. And for once in his life, Dex actually wanted to sleep. And so he did. Except his night terrors were no longer filled with his childhood or time spent shooting. But rather infested by you. His hands gripped the scalpel a little tighter.