#sbl03w16

The next time I can confidently say I remember after breakfast is being in a hospital room. I have bits and pieces of the ambulance ride there. Someone asking me my name, the date, things I knew. But when they started asking me if I could remember why I was there I shut down. I didn’t know. It was scary. Like... how could I not know?

I was lying down when my parents came in, cautiously approaching me and telling me everything would be alright. Then Dylan and Apollo came in. Dylan tried to hug me but I recoiled. I didn’t understand what was happening and I couldn’t stand touch. They sat opposite me and while Dylan tried softly talking to me, Apollo just looked wrecked.

Then an old man came in. I felt like I should remember him, but I couldn’t place him, thinking made my head hurt.

Malcolm: I’ve looked at all the scans, they’re clear. She’s going to be okay

Daniela: Oh thank the watcher

Papa let go of my hand and walked over to him.

Byron: Are you sure the scans are clear?

Malcolm: Yes. She has sustained no permanent brain damage. No swelling, no bleeding

Byron: But they were asking her questions about today... the only one she could answer was what day it is. The rest... well her echolalia kicked in

Malcolm: I know this is probably very scary son but memory problems, especially around the time of the injury, they’re pretty common in concussion. Give her time. Now Apollo was it?

Apollo: Yes?

Malcolm: Don’t fill in the blanks for her. When the police get her statement they will be looking for if she’s been coached on what to say or if it seems like genuine recall

Papa walked over to me and took hold of my hand again, bending down to be at my eye level.

Byron: I’m going to go talk to the police and the dean of the university jitterbug. There will be a way through this, I promise

Delilah: *quietly and confused* Promise

They left and some kind of nurse came in. She bent down to touch my arm and I tried to crawl away.

Delilah: NO *gasps at pain*

Daniela: Delilah, sweetie, sweetie, the nurse here just has to tend to your arm so it will heal properly

Delilah: Heal?

Daniela: She’s only going to touch you as much as necessary, no more

Mama looked at the nurse who nodded her agreement. Reluctantly I stuck my arm back out and she began to wrap a bandage around it.

When the nurse left I couldn’t stop staring at my arm. I didn’t understand anything. Dylan stood up and came over to sit on the bed with me. I was on a hospital bed?

Delilah: I...

Dylan: Take your time

Delilah: *scared* Dylan... I don’t understand what I’m doing here or why that nurse put this wrap on my arm. It hurts but I don’t know why

Daniela: Sweetie you sprained your wrist. They did an X-ray so they know nothing is broken. Do you remember that?

I remembered a woman lying my arm on a table and telling me to hold still. That must have been it. I nodded.

Delilah: Nothing is broken?

Dylan: Nope. You’ll be back to kneading bread with both hands soon if you just rest it

I looked over at Apollo. He looked so sad, and something else. Some emotion I couldn’t place.

Delilah: Apollo are you okay?

Apollo: *sadly* I’m not the one in a hospital bed. But I should be

Daniela: Apollo sweetie it’s not your fault

Dylan: Lilah, what is the last thing you remember from today before being here?

Delilah: Umm... We were all having breakfast. Rina said she would let me know when I could shower. *winces* My arm really hurts

Daniela: I’ll go check with a nurse if you can have more painkillers

As Mama left James walked in. Talk about a day that made no sense.

Apollo: *confused* What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you still be with the police?

James: They have no more questions right now. I wanted to see how she was doing

Apollo: Well she remembers fuck all and is lucky not to have a broken wrist

James: That is quite a shiner

Confused I felt around my eyes and winced. One side was definitely sore- maybe there was a bruise coming?

James: Look, I just wanted to apologise for-

Delilah: Wait. Wait wait wait. We’ve... we’ve talked already today? Is that right?

James: *nods* Yes. We were the last two on the roster for the staggered start

I closed my eyes, bits of memory trying to reassert themselves.

Delilah: Give me a minute...

The door closed behind Apollo and I was left with James. Fifteen minutes until he would go in, thirty minutes until I would.

Delilah: What do you make of the chef then?

James: He seems nice enough, if quiet. I do think it’s weird he doesn’t want to watch us cook

Delilah: Right? Like who doesn’t love to watch cooking?

For the first time we chuckled together and I felt my chest unclench a little.

James: Look, I ah... I think I might owe you an apology

Delilah: For what?

James: When we met I assumed you were spoiled idle rich. These last two years though... you’re a good cook Delilah. You have talent

Delilah: You really think so?

James: I do. I don't think we're ever going to be friends. While it's not malicious and you're hardly alone in this, you still have a lot of privilege to unpack. But I'll be happy to tell people I worked alongside you.

Delilah: *smiles* Thanks. You’re a good cook to. I don’t doubt you’ll work hard to achieve your dreams, whatever they are

I sat there on the bed starting to rock back and forth.

Delilah: *wailing* Oh no. Oh no no no no no

Daniela: Delilah sweetie, take a breath

Delilah: I’m going to go to jail. I am not built for jail

Daniela: Dylan go grab the nurse

Delilah: Mama what do I do? I killed someone

Apollo: You didn’t kill him!

Delilah: *confused* I- I didn’t? But I felt like I wanted to, surely I-

Daniela: Wanting to kill him isn’t the same thing sweetie. Physically he is fine okay? Unharmed. Yes hi, I’m worried she’s going to have another panic attack

Nurse: Let me get this into her IV line, it should work in a few minutes

Monroe: Put the fucking knife down Delilah, I won’t tell you again

Delilah: No! I’ll kill them humanely myself before I let you boil them to death

Monroe: Don’t you dare screw up my final dish

Delilah: It wouldn’t even cost you anything to let me-

Monroe: I am sick and tired of people like you thinking you can do whatever you want just because you have money and I don’t

I became aware of the others moving towards us, but I couldn’t put the knife down. I couldn’t let him subject those lobsters to torture. They couldn't speak, someone had to stand up for them.

Delilah: You can't-

Monroe: I said I wouldn’t tell you again

He swung for me and in my confusion I dropped the knife. His fist connected with the side of my face and I fell to the ground. My wrist twisted under me but before I could cry out at the pain my head hit the ground and I lost consciousness.

Monroe’s Father: This is clearly a matter for the police. She attempted to kill my son

Byron: She didn’t

Monroe’s Father: What don’t you get? She approached him, unprovoked, with a fucking knife

Byron: *pleading* Both instructors say that Monroe has been hostile to her in the past

Monroe’s Father: Neither of them were in the room! Delilah snapped and my son could have been killed had he not disarmed her. He deserves fair treatment

University dean: Surely there’s some other solution than to file charges and send the girl to prison. If that happens our entire culinary branch will have to be shut down and overhauled. It will effect years of students

Monroe’s Father: *sighs* I may be able to dissuade my son from pressing charges, providing Delilah does not get off consequence free solely because of who her family is to the university. She must be held accountable for her actions the same as any other student would be

I was sitting on my bed nervously when Papa came back. Whatever they had put in the IV had helped though, and I’d given my statement to a nice sounding officer half an hour before.

Byron: I spoke to the dean, and our lawyer... and the police, and Monroe

Delilah: Papa I am so so sorry for the mess

Byron: It’s okay jitterbug, I don’t blame you

Apollo: Are they going to charge her? Monroe was screaming his head off about attempted murder when she was unconscious

Byron: His father and I have talked to him. Since he is physically unharmed, he’s willing to not press charges. The university don’t want a court case tied to their classes either

Apollo: Do we know if they’re going to let us redo the exam?

Byron: They’re going to get Mr Warner and Clara to approximate your grade based on your past work

Delilah: That... Papa you didn’t use a plural for grade

Byron: No, I didn’t. I’m sorry jitterbug, but they were threatening to sue the university over financial discrimination. The dean caved... you’ve been expelled for breaking student code of conduct

I felt like the room was spinning around me and I leaned into Dylan to stop myself falling.

Daniela: By? That was the best they could do? Can’t we fight it?

Byron: We fight it and Delilah will have a record for the rest of her life. We can’t prove Monroe deliberately provoked her, he didn't break any rules, they can prove she brandished a knife at him. She will fail every police check for every job. Ela they won’t let her in any kitchen again if they can’t trust her around knives. Our lawyer is adamant. The best thing for Delilah is to accept the expulsion, there will still be a way to a career in food just... just not the way we all hoped

Delilah: *sniffling* And not counting all my perfect work

Dylan gathered me into her arms and rubbed my back as I got hold of myself. Once my sniffles subsided she tried talking to me again.

Dylan: This isn’t the end of the world

Byron: The university cannot give you the degree but I’ve spoken to Mr Warner and Clara, they’re both willing to act as referees for you still. And all the knowledge you gained during the course isn't going anywhere, it's in your head

Dylan: You need a break from full time food. There’s got to be some other job that is like, food adjacent

Delilah: Food adjacent?

Dylan: We’ll think of something. Some job where you can be you without a distinguished degree

Delilah: Okay. Umm... I like kids? I could try be a nanny maybe? I'd still be able to bake and to cook at least a little

Daniela: Good idea but you don’t have to decide right now sweetie, give yourself time to recover

Dylan: Yeah. You don't need to be perfect all the time

Delilah: No one could accuse me of being perfect after this

Dylan: *grins* Don't worry, I still will

I walked to my bench defeated. I tried to shut out what was happening around me, to just focus on my own dish, but it was hard. Cook the spices, add the other aromatics, stir in the milk... they were things I had done so often they were routine. But I couldn’t escape the fact that I was at the bench behind Monroe. Any time I raised my eyes I could see his bench. See those two lobsters waiting for a fate worse than death which really would end in death anyway.

I looked over at Apollo but he was clearly in deep focus, the deep focus I should be in. As I stirred I looked over at Audrina and James. They appeared oblivious to my turmoil, working away at their own meals. I could feel my muscles tensing up, my chest getting tight, my breathing getting more frantic. Every bit of meditation I had ever done didn’t do anything to slow down the spiralling that was going on in my head. There had to be a way to make Monroe change his mind. Something so that he could see that there was no need to be so cruel.

Delilah: Yeah I was... not in a good place...

Dylan: I’m not surprised

Delilah: I just looked at them and I saw Reginald. Obviously he’s not the exact same. He’s bigger because he’s older

Dylan: They were young?

Delilah: *sniffling* Above catch weight but not much more. You probably think I’m an idiot for going into cooking with a pet lobster

Daniela: Hey, no, we’ve never said that sweetie

Delilah: I just didn’t think that-

I froze as a memory popped into my head.

Dylan: Lilah?

Delilah: No, no that can’t be right. I wouldn’t- would I? But that would explain why you say police need to talk to me...

Enough was enough. Monroe walked away from his bench and I seised my opportunity before anyone could stop me. I took some water and coated the lobsters to help their gills, and there was something else. The knife from my cooking station. I cut the bands holding their claws closed. They started to look better, and I was going to move them but Monroe came back.

Monroe: What the fuck are you doing? Stop messing with my stuff

Delilah: I’m not messing with anything! I’m stopping suffering

Monroe: Lower the fucking knife Delilah

Delilah: No. No. You have berated me for three years and I have carried it but I will not let you hurt these innocent creatures. Let me put them in the freezer to sedate them

Monroe: Don’t tell me how to cook my meal

Delilah: You... you are a cruel man

Monroe: It’s not illegal to boil lobsters here, everyone boils lobsters

Delilah: Yeah well once upon a time slavery was legal. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right

Monroe: Have you cut their bands? The fuck did you do that for

Delilah: If you do not know how to handle them without them being restrained, maybe you should have chosen another protein

Monroe: I’ve chosen the protein that will go best in my dish

Delilah: We both know that there are plenty of other seafood options that carry taste better-

Monroe: Tough shit. It’s my meal choice

Byron: I think you’re exaggerating

Monroe’s Father: Exaggerating? Your daughter threatened my son with a knife

Byron: None of the students have said they heard her threaten him directly

University dean: But you concede your daughter had the knife?

Byron: Yes but-

University dean: And the other students do say she was holding it with the sharp point facing Monroe

Byron: Yes but did any of them step in? No. You know why they didn’t? Because they know my daughter. They know she would never attack someone with a knife. Monroe was never in any danger

Monroe’s Father: My son had a knife pointed at him! His following actions were self defence and should not be held against him

Delilah: I... I can’t believe Monroe would choose to cook lobsters in front of me. For our final exam... But that’s what my memory is telling me?

Dylan: Well you always said he felt off to you

Delilah: Yeah but I mean- he had to know I would see him. Did he pick them deliberately to throw me off? Or am I just making too much about myself?

Daniela: Sweetie we don’t blame you for being shaken by it

Dylan: Course not. It was a dick move by him

Apollo: I tried to tell him not to as soon as I saw them

Delilah: You did?

Apollo: Yeah when I went in I saw them. I tried to get him to switch protein but he said it was too late, the ingredients were picked

Delilah: The ingredients were picked...

Apollo: *sadly* Yeah

Delilah: No I mean... I think I remember him saying that to me

Daniela: Do you sweetie?

Delilah: Yeah. I... I think I talked to him before I went to my bench

Apollo: You did, but I didn’t hear what you said. I had my hearing aids off, I always turn them off in our practical exams

I just couldn’t walk past those two lobsters...

Delilah: Monroe... what the hell do you think you’re doing?

Monroe: Making a dish. You should go to your bench and make yours

Delilah: What are you going to do to those lobsters?

Monroe: Serve them obviously

Delilah: But they’re alive

Monroe: Yeah well they won’t be for long when they get in the boiling water

Delilah: *shocked* Do you not realise how cruel that is? Boiling them to death? They will feel excruciating pain for upwards of thirty sec-

Monroe: They don’t feel pain. They don’t have a brain

Delilah: They may not have a central brain but they have nerve clusters and plenty of neurons and studies show they act differently when they have painkillers which means-

Monroe: Look, my ingredients have been picked so I can’t change now. Leave me alone. Go make whatever you’re doing

Byron: The study in question was a big deal for Delilah. Basically some people thought that the reflexes displayed by lobsters were an automatic reflex to sensation. But when they triggered the lobsters that had painkillers they had reduced reflexes, which they conclude has to be due to them feeling less pain. Therefore, lobsters feel the pain of being boiled alive

Monroe’s Father: Surely your daughter wouldn’t suggest that nobody ever eat lobster again

Byron: She wants compassion for these animals, a law saying they have to be killed before cooking. There are quick humane methods of killing them before plunging them into boiling water that Monroe should have been prepared to use as a chef-

Monroe’s Father: My son was prepared with everything they taught him in this degree. We don’t have the luxury of free time to peruse journal articles at our leisure, some of us do real work

Byron: *sad sigh*

Monroe’s Father: What is happening here is that you are trying to use your wealth to pressure the university to side with you

University dean: Mr Carmen, I assure you, this university will not be pressured-

Monroe’s Father: Really? My boy got in to this university on the Delarosa scholarship that he earned with his merit. Now you’re going to say that someone with the same last name isn’t trying to pressure you to keep the truth quiet?

Dylan: So he wouldn’t listen to you?

Delilah: No, he wouldn’t

Dylan: Did you ask him if he could kill them before he cooked them?

Delilah: I think I did? I think... he gave me some nonsense about rigor mortis and the effect it has on lobster meat

Dylan: Does it have an effect?

Delilah: Disputed. There are humane methods of killing them quickly and if you get them into the water immediately after they will taste practically the same

Apollo: I’m sorry I didn’t come back you up

Delilah: Apollo it’s fine. Like you said your hearing aids were off. You should have been focusing on your dish, and I should have been focusing on mine

Dylan: Are you saying you weren’t?

Delilah: It’s a bit fuzzy still. Can I have some water please?

Delilah: You ah... you going to offer up what your dreams are?

James: Right now?

Delilah: It’s chat to each other or get more tense

James: *shrugs* Alright. I’d like a brick and mortar place one day. A cafe I think, something that can keep the prices low so everyone can stop by and enjoy the food. What about you?

Delilah: A bakery. But maybe like a sit down bakery? So like a side are where you can purchase stuff to go, and then a seated part where people can get proper meals and baked desserts

James: Not a fancy restaurant?

Delilah: I mean... I want kids one day. I want to be there for storytime, not missing it because of dinner service you know? So maybe not a place open too late

The time passed as we sat and exchanged possible menu ideas, ways to balance the budgets, and before I knew it the chef came out and indicated that it was time for James to go cook.

Delilah: Umm, good luck. I hope you do well. You deserve it

James: Thanks. You to

Byron fidgeted nervously as the university dean reviewed the statements already gathered from the students. Eventually she put them aside and looked up.

Byron: You can see, Delilah was her normal self before going into that room. No one thought she was acting odd in the waiting room

?: She was plotting

Byron: She was not plotting. Trust me. This is my daughter, she hasn’t plotted a day in her life

The dean cleared her throat and Byron and the other man fell silent.

University dean: It is in the best interests of San Myshuno university if we can avoid police charges being filed over this incident. However we obviously cannot ignore that it happened

Delilah: You were nice to me... before we went in?

James: You were nice to me to. I guess we both wanted to end on a good note not *gestures around the room* this

Apollo: She’s not really up to visitors

James: Right, sorry. I just.... I really did want to apologise. I had no idea that he was going to do that and-

Apollo: Stop! We can’t coach her on what happened or she could get in more trouble

James: Shoot, right. Umm, well I hope you get well soon

He left and I was only slightly less confused than when he had arrived.

Delilah: *quietly* No idea he was going to do that... What was he talking about... I need to remember

Apollo: Just breathe Delilah

Dylan: I myself would like to forget the whole debacle. Or take to his face with a frying pan. What? Oh come on Mama, Gran would approve. She is way ashamed of him and Gramp is having to stop her going all assassin on it

Delilah: Ashamed? Who would she be-

When the chef indicated for me to enter the room I took an extra deep breath first. I put my earrings in my pocket and walked into the kitchen. I looked over to the left first. James was underway with his meal and gave a nod to me. Behind him Audrina was briskly stirring something. When I looked at her though she met my eyes and gave a faint smile. I think? Faces were still hard.

I looked over at Apollo who was busy on our bench but something was off about his smile. It didn’t look right. He seemed... more nervous? Gathering myself I kept approaching when I glanced at Monroe’s bench. And that, that was what made my heart crack. We all gave our supply lists to the school so that we would have what we needed for our meals. They must have gotten what he requested.

In a small crate on the edge of his bench were two lobsters, claws taped shut to stop them hurting anyone. But what about the hurt to them? They were clearly still alive.

Monroe’s Father: Delilah was overreacting. Lobsters have been cooked by humans for years

Byron: You have to understand, she’s had her pet lobster Reginald for over a decade

Monroe’s Father: A lobster as a pet is not something my son could have anticipated

Byron: Well that’s ridiculous and false. Lobster’s are her special interest. Theo Warner told me that a their very first ice breaker Delilah told the group, Monroe included, that she had a pet lobster. That’s not a fact you forget about someone

Monroe’s Father: So what if he did know? That would not excuse her behaviour

Byron: Oh come on! If I was faced with being in a room with someone who was going to torture and cook a cat, I would lose it to

Monroe’s Father: So you admit your genetic line is prone to violent outbursts?

Byron: *scoffs* I never said that

University dean: Gentlemen, let’s stay on topic