#sattire

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The Thorny Path

Artist: Thomas Couture (French, 1815–1879)

Date: 1873

Medium: Oil on canvas

Collection: Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia, PA, United States

Description

Greetings, fellow seekers of the supernatural!

I am Melvyn Choly—the seasoned paranormal adventurer and author of many books such as, The Aristocrat’s Guide to Vampire Hunting and Beguiling Bog Witches.

For ages I have kept my escapades captured within the sanctity of the written page. However, as it seems that the digital life is here to stay, I have decided the time has come to share my wisdom with the wider world. 

Through this online diary, I hope to recount my many daring exploits as well as those of my faithful and wearied assistant, Jasper. By sharing my notes, illustrations, and stories from my research, I hope that you, dear reader, are inspired to have adventures with the unknown for yourself!

It is also not unknown that funding for my expeditions have…dwindled as of late. There was a time when many were willing to finance my explorations with nothing more than a hunch. However, the baseless rumors that my starting an online mercantile was for this reason—well, I won’t even dignify them with a response!

Dear reader, I hope that in finding my stories, you gleam a deeper understanding of what lurks in the shadows and that your passion for the macabre will grow just as mine once did.  

Embrace the extraordinary—Unveil its secrets—and discover your place in the unknown!

Yours Enigmatically, 

@daily-writing-challenge​

Notes: This post is entirely satirical and should not be considered canon at all for Aislinne. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Aislinne warps into a busy Revenant's Toll via the large aetheryte right outside the Seventh Heaven - the best and fastest way (if only it didn't cost so much) to travel for any adventurer! She had been called upon by Cid Garlond and the other staple Final Fantasy characters others of Garlond Ironworks to help out with something they've been working on. She's a little concerned that she was asked to come in 'garments you'd wear if you were meeting someone special' rather than something more practical for what their projects typically consist of, but she wouldn't dare question the brilliant mind of Cid Garlond.

She makes her way to the workshop, which is only a quick hop, step, and jump away from the aetheryte plaza. She gives a greeting to Slafborn, who stands guard at his usual post.. right in front of the damned door. After convincing the Roegadyn to move, she makes her way inside the workshop where she’s caught by surprise as Jessie holds what seems to be a tomestone in front of her face. It flashes brightly and leaves Aislinne stunned and wide-eyed for a few moments. Jessie turns the tomestone around and shows Aislinne the other side, “Look, look! This is what you looked like just now.”

On this side of the tomestone, there’s a bright screen and a still image of Aislinne’s surprised face in the dead center, “That’s.. me? I don’t understand. How do you have me in a tomestone?” She takes the device from Jessie’s hands and looks around it as Cid approaches with Biggs and Wedge just behind him.

“It’s a new device we’ve been tinkering with,” the white-haired traitor former Garlean exclaimed, “We call it, ‘the G-Pose’.”

Aislinne looks bewildered at the man who seems to have lost his materia, “...And it does.. what exactly?”

Cid’s eyes light up as he begins an explanation that sounded not at all rehearsed, “Well, I’m glad you asked, lass! You see, some people would like to capture momentous moments in their life! Something like an Eternal Bonding Ceremony, or maybe a spectacular event during one of Eorzea’s many holidays! Maybe you’d like to capture an image of those blonde look-alikes that just... stand in the way in Limsa Lominsa.”

Wedge raises his tiny, Lalafellin hand in the air and shouts, “I believe I overheard other adventurer’s call them ‘the Jades’!”

Cid clears his throat, “Right, them. The point is to get your group together, strike a pose, and capture such a moment right here on the device you hold in your hand! Your group could do the same pose or whatever may feel right in the moment.”

Aislinne nods slowly, “Riiiight.. I think I get the gist of it. Group, pose, capture!” Her eyes light up with amusement in what seems to be a period of enlightenment, “Ah! So the ‘G’ in ‘G-Pose’ must stand for grou--”

“Garlond,” Cid interrupts bluntly.

Aislinne’s face immediately twists with a puzzled look, “Whuh--”

“The ‘G’ stands for Garlond, lass,” he repeats.

Aislinne stares at Cid, hoping he’s not being serious, but during many silent moments of prolonged eye contact, his face remains dead serious. “Of course it does. Right! So what did you call me here for?”

Cid gives her a pat on the shoulder, “Well, we would like you to take the G-Pose out for a test run, as you are the more traveled one out of all of us.”

“Well, color me intrigued. I can certainly do that for you,” she gestures to herself with confidence. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” She gives them a goodbye and sets out on a new journey. One rife with pictures and silly poses with a broad range of people! She traveled high and low, near and far, thoroughly enjoying her experience using the G-Pose. Eventually, she decided to give up her title as an adventurer and decided to become this world’s first professional G-Poser, founding her own service, ‘La’quorra Studios’.

Who knows? Maybe she could convince the Garleans and the Ascians to join her and stop their invasion altogether.