#sanssweep

sans sweep? ok.

wait, you didn’t want me to sweep him off his feet? shoulda said so earlier

eh, fuggedaboutit. happy valentines day

Photos by Dragon Dreams Photography

About a year earlier, people made many jokes about how Queen Elizabeth was probably dead. People were waiting on her death. I don't have many receipts for this but I remember it well.

Reigen Mobpsycho100 was in several polls on Twitter, none of which he had the qualifications for, all of which he fucking won. He won Twink Supreme. He won internet sex symbol. He won a dilf-off. He was winning a milf-off. He was in a poll for hottest anime women. He was in a babygirl competition. He was unstoppable.

Reigen sweeping the competition (the origin of "[blank] sweep" becoming such a popular phrase onthe internet, i think) was especially funny to Mob Psycho fans, since there was apparently an arc in the anime where Reigen got cancelled on Twitter.

The next poll he was in was the Tumblr Sexyman Showdown, where he effortlessly swept the competition, before in the finale, going against Sans Undertale.

For 24 hours, things were tense. People watched the votes tick up and down. Things were extremely close- Sans was winning one minute, Reigen the next. People were drawing dramatic art. People were drawing art of the two kissing. People were drawing art of them fighting.

That same day, Daniel Howell of Dan And Phil fame, who had released four videos in the past four years, released a video called "Dan And Phil Finally Tell The Truth"

The poll had two hundred THOUSAND fucking votes. I cannot express how insane the atmosphere was. I do not have a Twitter account, so I was refreshing the fucking #reigensweep tag like my life depended on it, reblogging so much art, so many calls to vote. Every time the votes tipped in Sans's favor I yelled. It was fucking insane.

And then, early in the morning of September 8th, anniversary of a really gay Steven Universe episode, SANS UNDERTALE WON THE FUCKING TUMBLR SEXYMAN COMPETITION BY ONE VOTE

SANS UNDERTALE, THE DEFINITION OF TUMBLR SEXYMAN, A SKELETON PEOPLE HAD GONE NUTS OVER IN 2015, THE POSTERCHILD FOR SELFCEST

WON THE TUMBLR SEXYMAN COMPETITION

BY ONE

VOTE

Let me tell you Tumblr was EXPLODING. There were memes galore. People drew more art. Reigen getting his ass kicked. Sans and Reigen kissing. Sans and motherfucking Komaeda. The resolution was so dramatic and hilarious it was suffocating.

And then TOBY FOX, CREATOR OF UNDERTALE, WELL KNOWN to be a reclusive motherfucker, WROTE FANFICTION OF THE FUCKING POLL

OMOCAT, CREATOR OF VERY GOOD GAME OMORI, RESPONDED TO IT WITH "Toby..."

This same day, Sega announced Sonic Frontiers. You can guess this did not make things calmer.

Oh, did I mention it was Out Of Touch Thursday this September 8th? I should mention that!

And then. Well. We started getting reports about the queen's health. I cannot personally report on this part, because I was fucking asleep. But after a year of silence on the queen's health, ONLY TO GET THIS, WHEN TUMBLR WAS ALREADY HOPPED UP ON TUMBLR SEXYMAN POLL ENERGY.

And then TRISHA PAYTAS, ONE OF YOUTUBE'S MOST CONTROVERSIAL, STARTED GOING INTO LABOR

HARRY STYLES APPARENTLY SPAT ON CHRIS PINE?????

People were rabid. They were waiting on any news of the queen's health. BBC was suspending all regular programming after "news of the queen's health." Tumblr was posting Not Yet Ferb and that one image of Tighten from Megamind when he said the line "There is no Easter bunny, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no queen of England" with the last line cut off.

AND THEN THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND FUCKING DIED

BUT DON'T THINK THAT WAS THE END OF IT BECAUSE MINUTES AFTER HER DEATH TRISHA PAYTAS GAVE BIRTH AND NAMED HER DAUGHTER ELIZABETH

THERE WAS A DOUBLE RAINBOW OVER BUCKINGHAM PALACE

PEOPLE JOKED ABOUT SANS KILLING HER

PEOPLE POSTED THE MEGAMIND IMAGE ENNE MASSE

IRELAND ESPECIALLY WAS IN ABSOLUTE CELEBRATION

CRAB RAVE WAS EVERYWHERE

THE BIG BANG THEORY WAS THE ONLY CHANNEL ON

There were very serious discussions on the effects the queen's colonialism had had on the world, on how her death deserved to be celebrated due to all the pain she had caused, giving a shoutout to all the people she had colonized, talking about the effects this would have on the poor as England would spend more money on her funeral than on doing anything to fix poverty and

YOU COULD NOT GO A FEW FEET WITHOUT FINDING CRABS

THE ONION POSTED A HILARIOUS ARTICLE

I LEARNED THERE WAS A CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT JUNGKOOK BEING THE REINCARNATION OF PRINCESS DIANA

PEOPLE SAID PRINCESS DIANA WOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF LIZZY

TUMBLR WAS BETTING ON CHARLES BEING NEXT

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON WAS TRENDING FOR ANTI MONARCHY POSTING AND IT WAS ALSO HIS BIRTHDAY I THINK

SEGA DROPPED A SONG CALLED "I'M HERE" ON THE SAME DAY (SONIC IS CANONICALLY KING ARTHUR BTW)

PEOPLE POSTED THE SCREENSHOT FROM STAR TREK ABOUT THE IRISH UNIFICATION OF 2024

PEOPLE WERE PLAYING THE SONGS CRAB RAVE AND DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

SPEAKING OF WIZARD OF OZ, THAT VERY NIGHT, A PERFORMANCE OF BROADWAY MUSICAL WICKED WAS HELD, AND THE FIRST WORDS OF THE PLAY WERE "Good news! She's dead!" FOLLOWED BY A SONG CELEBRATING THE DEATH OF AN EVIL WITCH

IT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY OF AN EXTREMELY GAY STEVEN UNIVERSE EPISODE

EWAN MCGREGOR WAS TRENDING FOR SOME REASON

HATSUNE MIKU KICKED THE ASS OF BOTH SANS AND REIGEN

IT WAS APPARENTLY THE ANNIVERSARY OF MOB FROM MOB PSYCHO BEING CALLED ANTIFA BY A REPUBLICAN DIPSHIT

POKEMON HAD AIRED A CRAB POKÉMON WHILE TUMBLR WAS POSTING CRAB RAVE LIKE CRAZY

MIGHT I REMIND YOU OF THE EVENTS OF THE FUCKING TUMBLR SEXYMAN POLL

AND DAN AND PHIL MAKING THAT FUCKING VIDEO

AND TRISHA PAYTAS'S DAUGHTER ELIZABETH HAD JUST BEEN BORN

AND THIS WAS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME

SANS UNDERTALE KILLED THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND AND SHE WAS REINCARNATED AS TRISHA PAYTAS'S BABY

Why? Because it’d be funny as hell.

to prove a point against my friend, i’m making a poll. WHO IS HOTTER? Josh Hutcherson or Sans undertale (sans obv)