#sangyao

Couldn't decide whether I wanted to go with sci-fi clones or cultivation-somehow-or-another clones, so I flipped a quarter and got the latter, and here we go.

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Approaching the array carved into the center of the cave floor and the bound and gagged figure lying on it, Jin Guangyao lowered himself to one knee and gently swept long hair that had been removed from its braids out of the way.

Like the last dozen times, the face revealed was ash white, glazed-over pale green eyes flickering in several directions before landing on him.

Unlike the last dozen times, the unsure fear in them wasn't immediately cleared away and replaced by rage on seeing his face.

Good. That was good.

Perhaps this would be the last time he would have to conduct the duplication ritual. He was getting tired of having to clean up the bodies.

He was getting tired of having to watch the life bleed out of Nie Huaisang.

Getting tired of seeing the betrayed anger on his face.

Getting tired of-

Couldn't Huaisang just behave? Stop this obsessive little investigation of his? Jin Guangyao had removed all of the evidence that had been pieced together, so how did he keep ending up on that track? How did he keep remembering? Could it be a fault in the ritual itself, or was it something else, some trigger that-

-that Huaisang must have set up for himself.

Of course.

Well, whatever the cue was, it wasn't happening now. When he reached down and soothingly stroked his lover's hair, this Huaisang made a muffled little whimper and tried to curl into the touch, rather than rip away.

"You're safe, A-Sang," Jin Guangyao murmured soothingly. "I can't let you free just yet, but I promise you're safe now."

Safe as long as he could find the trigger before Huaisang activated it himself somehow, that was.

That got another muffled noise, confused and questioning, as Huaisang tried to squirm against the binds holding his hands fast behind his back.

Jin Guangyao just smiled reassuringly and pressed his fingertips against his beloved's forehead, the sleeping spell taking effect in moments. Once he was sure Nie Huaisang wouldn't be waking up any time soon, he gathered him up in his arms to shift him to a more comfortable resting spot to begin the examination.

After all, even if he intended for this to have been the last time, it wouldn't do for the repeated use of the ritual to have had an ill effect on Nie Huaisang's body that he didn't catch.

...

Speaking of catching...

He ran his thumb over the neckline hem of Huaisang's innermost robe again.

There was definitely a spark of... something that he hadn't noticed before, and when he slit open the hem, he found it had been stuffed with what smelled like ground ginseng.

Nie Huaisang was hardly in the habit of using such a method for scenting purposes... could the robe itself be part of whatever trigger process he'd developed? Was that why it always seemed to happen so soon?

Pressing his mouth into a thin line, Jin Guangyao rolled Huaisang up onto his side and repeated the qi-sweeping motion over the back of the neckline. And this time, he saw the responding flicker turn into characters hidden in the silver-on-silver weave of the fabric.

Jin Guangyao couldn't keep a small laugh from escaping. If he wasn't so annoyed, he'd be impressed. Huaisang had always loved this particular fabric for sleeping in, even before his first death. To use it to hide a memory restoration charm-

There must have been other things as well, for Nie Huaisang to have even known he would need this, but Jin Guangyao would eventually find them all, just as he had found all the evidence pointing to how Nie Mingjue had died.

And... if he did end up needing to use the duplication ritual again before he'd ensured there was nothing left, then so be it.

Normally, the only time he willingly brought his saber out for travel was to avoid having to climb these particular stairs. He even preferred the ones at the Cloud Recesses, steep and winding and difficult as they were, because at least those came with a nice scenic view instead of tacky decoration in every direction.

But today, he was climbing the stairs at Golden Scale Tower because he'd just wanted some mindless thing to do so he could think, and he was doing it alone, because he'd insisted going into town alone, and-

He paused in the climbing, looking down at his shaking hands clasped together rather than any of the shining gold around him.

This... this was stupid. What was he doing? He'd heard the rumors that San-ge was pursuing someone else and... thought if he just practiced the right words enough, he could talk him out of it? To what end?

It wasn't as though San-ge would pick him instead.

It wasn't as though he had anything better to offer.

Even if things were becoming more stable at home now that the staff was beginning to settle around him; even if he needed less help than in those first few horrible months, the fact remained that his sect was now on the shakiest ground, and it was one San-ge had left already, despite... despite them having been...

Even if San-ge still cared enough not to leave him to his own struggles, that didn't mean...

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hiding his hands in his sleeves, then resumed walking up the steps.

He just... he wasn't going to say anything. That was all. He was going to keep his stupid mouth shut and not make things worse for the both of them trying to appeal to something that didn't exist anymore.

Every three steps, he repeated it in his mind, trying to drill it into the very depths of his feelings.

He wasn't going to say anything.

Anything at all.

Not a single-

As he reached the top, he made the mistake of raising his head from where he'd been staring at the steps he'd been climbing, and froze when he found he was being watched.

"A-Sang." The smile read as confused amusement, but the gaze read as concern, as San-ge reached out to guide him in towards the main building. "Your guards told me you'd given them orders to stay here while you went into town, but walking all the way there and back alone? What's gotten into you?"

Just as he'd kept telling himself to do, he said nothing.

Unfortunately, he hadn't been telling himself to hold back his emotions as well, and his breath hiccuped painfully in his chest as his eyes started to burn.

"Oh." Gentle hands quickly tugged him towards one of the covered corridors so his fracturing state wouldn't be so public, but that only made him feel worse, and then he was being held, and that broke the dam completely.

"Shh, sshh, it's alright. I know this trip has been hard for you. Come, let's get back to your guest room and-"

Part of him wanted to laugh through the tears at the fact that San-ge apparently thought this was simply stress brought on by his father's less-than-diplomatic behavior, and it was true that the negotiations of the past day had been deeply miserable, but that was practically the last thing on his mind at the moment.

By the time he'd managed to get himself under some measure of control, they had already completed the journey to his room and closed off the world outside. A cloth patted at his stinging eyes, and he sniffed and took it to finish wiping his face, because-

-he didn't... he didn't want to look at San-ge. Not when he felt like this. It wasn't fair, especially not to San-ge, and he-

He wished he could have just made it back without being seen, could have licked his wounds unnoticed. But even though they weren't anything anymore, San-ge seemed intent on not letting that happen, and the tears were threatening to come back.

"A-Sang," San-ge murmured, cupping his chin in his hands. "Won't you tell me what's wrong?"

Oh, he'd realized it wasn't just sect business stress. That was bad, because if he kept being pushed, he might break his promise of keeping his mouth shut, and then-

-and then-?

The kiss was a soft, fleeting brush, over and done with so quickly that he found himself wondering if it had merely been the hallucination of a cracked mind and heart. Long fingers swept his hair out of his face in just as swift a motion, before San-ge pulled back and turned towards the door.

"I'll have some calming tea and pear soup brought to you," he said as he walked away. "And tell the servants you aren't to be disturbed otherwise until dinner. Try and get some rest, and I'll check in on you soon."

He was still trying to register what had just happened -if it had just happened- when the door clicked closed behind San-ge's departure.

Perhaps... perhaps 'cracked' wasn't a strong enough word for his state of mind, he thought as he put a hand to his now-aching head.

Perhaps he really did need that rest.

Some form (any form ; fruit bits are fine!) of continuation of this: https://www.tumblr.com/allthelittlecreepycrawlies/789452513528233984/for-the-jam-modern-au-lingering-feelings-meng

I'm glad you reminded me of that post because I'd forgotten to edit a mistake I'd made originally writing it. :p Anyway, skipping ahead in the timeline until after they're secretly established.

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He had warned Nie Huaisang well ahead of time that public appearances came first. That if anything happened, he would not step in.

Huaisang had agreed to it.

Therefore, Meng Yao had no reason to feel guilty for having stayed out of the latest incident in the cafeteria.

Reminding himself of this did absolutely nothing to stop the guilt welling up in his guts as he watched Huaisang struggle to oil soften and scrub out the gum that had matted several of the braids in his hair to each other.

The guilt won, and he bit back a sigh before unbuttoning and rolling up his sleeves, then going to grab a stool and taking a seat beside his friend partner pet kneeling on the floor.

The unruly curtain of hair making him mostly blind on his right side, Huaisang jumped slightly with a noise of surprise when Meng Yao took the comb and the bottle of oil out of his hands.

They sat silently, Meng Yao slowly working through the gummy mess while Nie Huaisang rested his head against the edge of the tub.

"How far does the bystander rule go?"

"Hm?" Meng Yao asked, leaning forward so he could see Huaisang's face.

"If I put the business end of a mat cutting knife in one of their hands next time-"

"A-Sang," Meng Yao murmured warningly.

Huaisang made a sharp huff, then closed his eyes. "I wasn't serious."

He was lying.

They'd been together long enough that Meng Yao could read all of his tells, and the sheer amount of tension in his neck and shoulders was a dead giveaway.

If he did resort to that, no amount of clear precedent for self-defense would save him. At best, he'd be expelled and blacklisted from ever attending any of the sibling schools, even if by some miracle he found another sponsor.

At worst...

Meng Yao laid the bottle of oil aside and curled his hand around the back of Nie Huaisang's neck. There was a squelching noise as he tightened his grip, but he paid it no mind. Shifting his hold, Meng Yao began gently kneading at the base of Huaisang's skull with his thumb; it got more of the oil in his hair, but they were both practically filthy and in need of a shower at this point anyway, so it didn't matter.

Nie Huaisang shuddered, looking for a moment like he might pull away, but then he simply huffed again, the tight squeeze working to calm some of his frustrations.

Some.

Meng Yao pressed his mouth into a thin line, a mix of frustration and irritation and concern swelling up in the back of his mind. He had clearly underestimated how stupid and petty and cruel his schoolmates could be, and how much of a toll it was taking on his secret pet.

He refused to lose Huaisang over this cliquey bullshit.

Sangyao, (pref modern AU) Boundaries;

Meng Yao has a hard time saying no to Huaisang. Which is 80% indulgence, but even in cases where it's absolutely inconvenient; denying him is almost impossible (because of internalized social status). From Huaisang not noticing at all to him slowly becoming better at looking for signs.

"Yao-ge?"

Meng Yao internally cursed himself, but even so, his body remained frozen, staring down at the travel brochure Nie Huaisang had handed him what felt like almost an hour ago, but had more likely been fifteen minutes at best.

Even with Huaisang insisting on covering most of the expenses, as he tended to do, there was no way Meng Yao could make this trip.

Even setting aside the issues of money -as if he could ever set aside the issues of money- the timing-

His father would never let him off work for two weeks, especially not on this short notice, and then there was the work he'd be leaving to pile up, and... and the whispers from the coworkers when they found out where he'd gone and why and with whom, and also the-

But he'd never turned Huaisang down before.

In all honesty, he'd hardly ever felt like he needed to. Huaisang mostly only demanded his time and affection, and he was more than happy to indulge that as much as possible. There were the times when it would get embarrassing that he could contribute so little to costs... and those had been becoming more frequent, since Huaisang always wanted to take him everywhere now that they were getting even more comfortable with each other...

But were they really comfortable? Were they? Here he was half panicking just at the thought of telling Huaisang he couldn't go-

"Yao-ge."

He jerked, startled out of his spiral by hands taking hold of his, and found Nie Huaisang staring at him.

Shit, how long had he been stuck in his own head? When had Huaisang stopped talking? Had he realized- had he seen-?

Meng Yao swallowed hard, mouth and throat almost painfully dry. "Sorry," he said, voice faint. "I wasn't paying attention."

Nie Huaisang frowned, looking like he might say something, then shook his head. "It wasn't important," he said instead, giving Meng Yao's hands a squeeze and then plucking the brochure out of them. "I was just saying the more I look at the actual schedule of events, the less I think I want to go."

...What?

But...

Nie Huaisang had been so excited when he'd arrived; they hadn't even decided where to go to lunch yet before he'd pulled the brochure out of his bag, and now...?

He had to have read the whole thing already, he'd been talking about specific...

Oh.

Nie Huaisang was talking again and had partially turned away, but had switched subjects to their lunch. Sometimes, it was hard to tell whether it was just his attention flitting between topics, but this time, Meng Yao was sure he was intentionally brushing aside their previous discussion.

Like it was nothing that he'd just scuttled an entire trip he was clearly looking forward to.

Was this... was this Huaisang backing out to give him an out? So he didn't have to ask for it? So he didn't have to say no?

He wasn't sure how to feel about that. Part of him felt awful, true. Both the embarrassment of having been caught in such a panic, of having been afraid of how to handle this whole dilemma, of... And then there was the guilt that Huaisang was giving this up-

-and yet at the same time, he was relieved. Glad, even. He wouldn't have to stress over either making the trip work, or figuring out how to let Huaisang down gently. If Huaisang was going to let him have this, why shouldn't he take it?

"What do you think?" He was startled out of his thoughts again by Nie Huaisang's question. "Out of the three, I kinda want to try the kebab place the most."

"I'm okay with that," Meng Yao agreed, falling in beside him to head down the block.

As they passed a trash can, out of the side of his vision, he saw the travel brochure float down into it. A hand lightly nudged his, and when he reflexively clasped it, he found Nie Huaisang grinning at him.

Just like that, the last of the knots in his stomach vanished.

Let's see how long it took me to paint it now 🥀