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SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER
Crescent Theatre, Birmingham, Tuesday 23rdJune 2026
First produced in 1773, Oliver Goldsmith’s comedy has become a classic, a staple of British theatre. This year’s summer touring production by the Crescent is a sterling attempt to bring the show to accessible life.
Director Michael Barry strips the scenery to a minimum, as befits a production touring a range of outdoor…
Oh I'm so excited for this chapter guys!! Hope everyone had an amazing New Year, WTH 2024 flew past r u kidding. Im ready for 2025 manifesting good vibes!!
It had been an awkward walk. Marleen was clearly still pissed at Sam and Sam, well she didn’t know how to relieve the tension. So they walked in silence, which was odd for the chatter-box that was Marleen. But every time she went to open her mouth to speak to Sam, she quickly snapped it shut, remembering the harsh words and new promise Sam had made to her the previous night.
The older girl’s words flashed through her head, ‘Mars, I think it’s best if we do find someone else to take you.’
‘There are better people to help you on your journey.’
‘I am sorry, Mars.’
Each time Sam’s voice echoed in her head the more she became angry all over again.
Mars grunted in frustration as she kicked a rock with force. It flung ahead and pelted into the tree in front of her. Her eyes followed the trajectory of the stone and saw movement.
Sam had noticed the same, signalling for the pair to stop. Even though she was angry, Mars still abided by the rules. Crouching down next to her taller so-called ‘friend’, they strained their eyes and ears to listen.
Marleen's eyes widened with shock. She sprung from her hiding spot and sprinted forward towards the familiar voice.
“Marleen!” Sam called out quietly. Mars had been too quick from her position; she didn’t even have time to lunge for her.
“For fucks sake.” Sam went against every fibre of her being and ran after the petite blonde woman.
The younger of the two couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself onto her face. She dove for her target, pelting him full force in the chest. The man who she now had in a bear hug, ‘oofed’ out at her sudden attack.
“Denver!” She squealed in so much delight. The man’s face went from shocked - to puzzled - to pure joy.
“Hands off!” Sam emerged from the bushes with her gun raised, she aimed it right between the big man’s eyes.
“You’ll have to tell her that.” The man’s southern tone quipped. He was right, it was Marleen who clung to him like a limpet.
“Mars, what the hell are you doing?” Sam questioned the younger girl, had she lost her damn mind all together or was she that pissed at Sam she was endangering her own life to get back at her.
“What happened? How did you get here? Did you get hurt? I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Do you know how happy I am to see you!” Marleen couldn’t shut up, her word vomit was like a broken dam; forever spilling from her lips.
“Woah, now hold up there, little lady. Take a breath before you faint.” Denver smiled down at his young neighbour, Mars had no idea how relieved he was to see her alive and well.
The built man pressed the young girl into his chest to hold her tightly. “My girl, I’ve missed you so much.” He pulled back with teary eyes.
“I missed you so so so so so so so-”
Denver cut her off with a soft kiss to her forehead, “So much.” He finished her sentence for her.
Marleen practically shook with delight, she couldn’t contain her excitement, “I could scream. I won’t, but I could.”
“Wait, I am.” She pressed her face into the man’s big chest like he was a pillow and screeched with all her might.
“My goodness. Good to see that the end of the world hasn’t dimmed your sparkle, young lady.” The pair couldn’t tear their eyes away from each other, forgetting their surroundings completely.
Until a clearing of someone’s throat pulled them back down to earth.
“Well, that was quite a reunion.” The taller man that had been walking with Denver interrupted. Mars finally stepped back from her beloved neighbour.
She took in her surroundings. Sam still stood with a rigid posture, hands tightly gripped around her weapon. Mars was going to tell her to relax but the two men who stood with Denver captured her attention before she could do so.
“You going to introduce us, Bull?” The shortest man spoke. Mars couldn’t help but smile at him, his face was built with soft features and kind brown eyes. He looked familiar and inviting.
“I’m Marleen Finch. But you can call me Mars.” She didn’t wait for Denver to introduce her, she stuck out her hand for the man to shake. A smile broke onto his lips and she eagerly smiled back as he gently shook her hand.
“Darrell Powers, but everyone calls me Shifty.” He introduced himself to the young blonde.
After shaking his hand she turned to the taller leaner man, “Pleased to meet you.” She greeted everyone in her friendly manner.
“Carwood Lipton, call me Lip, ma’am.” The tall man politely spoke.
“You can lower your weapon miss, we mean no harm.” Denver's soft voice pulled Mars’ attention back to Sam.
“Bam, how do you know him?” Sam asked questioningly, still not shifting from her defensive stance. Mars forgot that Sam wasn’t as eagerly pleased to see other human life like she was.
“Oh, um. Sam, this is Denver. He is my neighbour. We were together at the start of the outbreak and then I lost him, we got split up by a hoard. I was by myself for a bit before you found me. But he saved my life. This was the nice neighbour I told you about.”
Mars had avoided talking about Denver, feeling too sad and guilty about losing him. She conveniently ‘forgot’ to tell Sam how she ended up in her predicament and Sam being Sam, she never asked.
“Denver, Lip and Shifty. This is my good friend Samantha-uh, Sam.” Mars paused, trying to recall her surname but came up blank. Sam hadn’t told her what her last name was. “She saved my life a couple of weeks ago.”
The men smiled at her cheerily, but unlike with Mars they kept their distance from Sam.
“Hi.” Sam’s retort was short, she wasn’t planning to stay long or get to know these men.
“Well, Mars. This looks like the group for you.” Sam tucked her gun back into the holster on her hip.
“You aren’t planning to stay?” Lipton asked.
“Mars and I thought it would be for the best if we split up. We were just looking for a safe group for her to join.” But during her explanation Mars huffed in displeasure.
“We? No, I never said we should split up. But old Sam here doesn’t think I am safe with her.” Mars’ turned to Bull to complain.
“Would you like to spend a few days with us? If you truly don’t want to stay, we won’t force you.” Denver offered a solution.
“Yes.”
“No.”
The girls both replied in tandem.
“Don’t listen to Sam. Yes, she will take that offer. Thank you Denver.”
“Marleen!” Sam tried to argue, but the younger girl held up her hand, in turn silencing Sam.
“Stay and make sure I’m safe. You promised.” Mars’ tone was firm, she didn’t fuck around with pinky promises.
“Fine.” The older girl sighed, rolling her eyes at the smug looking Mars.
After the awkward introduction and decision to stay as a group, everyone continued on in their journey.
“Where are you guys heading?” Mars asked as she walked alongside Denver, “And what’s with Bull?” She had caught the nickname that Lip had called the larger man.
“We are heading to a safe zone in Idaho.” Denver informed his smaller counterpart.
“And Bull got his name from when we first met.” Lip interrupted their conversation, he fell into step next to Denver.
“Do tell.” Mars pried, curious to know the reason for the odd nickname.
“Well, Shifty and I watched this behemoth of a man tip a whole car onto an oncoming hoard. He was like a bull on steroids. Hence the name.” Lip clapped his friend on the shoulder as he grinned widely.
“The car was already half tipped.” Denver ever so modestly clarified. But Lip only laughed and squeezed the man’s shoulder.
“So, what’s up with your friend?” Bull leant in to whisper to Mars, his eyes cast forward on the lone walking woman ahead of them.
“Well, when I lost you I thought I could try and find you in Albany. So I did my very best and made my way there. Unfortunately, I didn’t find you, but a group of unfriendly men did. Sam had arrived just as things were getting hairy and saved my ass. I have been superglued to her side ever since.” Mars explained the nature of their meeting.
“She’s not much of a talker.” The young blonde started and stopped when Bull started to laugh.
“What?” She asked, tilting her head in confusion.
“Marleen, you aren’t one to be quiet. Poor girl, you must’ve chatted her ear off.” Denver teased the young woman.
Mars chuckled and nodded her head in confirmation.
“So, where’s she from?” Bull naturally enquired about Marleen’s friend.
“Uh-“ she started, searching her brain for the information, “I’m not sure.” The young blonde shrugged, but Denver’s brows furrowed together.
“What did she do?” He asked another basic question, one that Mars would surely know.
“I- I don’t know.” Mars shyly replied.
“Where is she going?” Bull continued in his line of questioning. She surely had to know something about the girl.
“I-uh. Um.” The young girl stalled before she sighed, “She didn’t tell me. But in hindsight I can’t remember asking.”
“Marleen, how long have you known Sam?” Denver questioned his young friend.
“Like two weeks.” Mars replied meekly, ducking her head out of view. “I told you she isn’t chatty!”
Bull laughed and swung his arm around the young girl's shoulders and squeezed her in tightly. He had so dearly missed Mars, and was thanking his lucky stars that she had found someone, however mysterious, to keep her safe and well.
—--------------------------------
Sam walked ahead of the group, she could hear them chatting behind her. Mars seemed thrilled to be reunited with her neighbour, but Sam felt on edge.
This was now more people she didn’t know and quite frankly didn’t really want to try and get to know. She had gone against everything in her being to befriend the young blonde but now there were three new people.
“SR-25.” The young man fell into step with Sam.
“Yeah, government issued.” The tall woman glanced over her shoulder to her army rifle that was slung over her back.
“Army?” Shifty asked.
“Three years.” Sam confirmed with a nod. “I am, was, a specialist.”
“You served?” She queried, the man seemed to know his rifles.
“No. But I do enjoy hunting. My father loved to hunt and shoot, taught me everything he knew.” The young man seemed to beam with pride speaking of his father. He appeared to take him in high regard.
“You must be a good shot.” Sam hummed in agreement.
“No, no. I’m not a good shot. Now Dad, he was an excellent shot- excellent, I declare. He could shoot the wings off a fly.”
“Don’t listen to Shifty, Sam.” Lip caught up with the pair as Bull and Mars were hot on his heels, “That boy is the best sharp shooter I’ve ever met. He can toss a coin in the air and hit it with his rifle. Hits it dead centre every time.” The taller man boasted about his shorter friend who blushed.
“Ah, I’m not that good.” Shifty smiled widely up at the taller man.
“Shifty, you’re too modest.” Bull chimed in, patting the man on his shoulder.
Mars smiled along the line that fell into step with Sam and Shifty. Even though she had only known the two men for a couple of hours she could tell they had the same nature as her neighbour.
The group had made camp in a clearing in the woods. The men had their own tents, and equipment, so Sam and Mars kept their sleeping arrangement.
Mars quickly set up the tent a couple of metres away from the firepit as Sam searched for wood to burn. She laid flat their sleeping bags and slotted their bags into the opening of the shelter before she zipped it up.
The young girl perched on the log next to Sam as she started the fire. She watched the girl lean over and spark the flint. Mars sighed in content resting her head on the older girl’s back as she worked.
“You allgood, Bam?” Sam checked in, cursing slightly when the wind blew out her small fire.
“Just happy we are altogether.” The blonde let her heavy eyes close as she listened to her friend's steady breathing.
Mars seemed to be more exhausted than normal. After Sam had successfully started her fire and sat up straight the younger girl let out a groan of complaint. Samantha didn’t think much of what she was doing as she pulled the petite blonde’s torso into her lap. Mars’ head laid on her legs as she snuggled in getting comfortable.
“Sleepy?” Sam questioned the quiet girl. She nodded, her eyes still closed. “Must’ve been all that excitement. Huh, Bam?” Sam ran her fingers through the girl's hair.
It was oddly second nature and unlike before it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Sam felt as if she had a small kitten nestled into her lap.
Mars mumbled incoherently. Sam craned her head down to hear her better.
“What?” She whispered not wanting to disturb the settled girl.
“Stay.” Mars said sleepily, her breathing quickly turned even as she fell asleep.
“She’s tuckered out.” Bull said as he took a seat next to Sam.
The tall blonde nodded her head looking down at the now peaceful girl on her lap.
“I wanted to say thank you.” Bull started, making Sam look up.
“For what?” Her brows furrowed, she had done nothing to this man for him to give thanks.
“Looking after Marleen. You don’t really seem like the type of person to take kindly to strangers.” Bull had made a quick assumption about the girl, but he wasn’t wrong.
“And I’ll be the first to say she can be quite a handful.” The bulky man jested, attempting to lighten the mood and extend an olive branch. Sam smirked, she knew exactly what he meant.
“So, where are you from Sam?” Shifty asked as he sat across from the pair on the log they had placed on the other side of the fire.
“Massachusetts.” Sam replied politely, it seemed like Mars had rubbed off on her. “Where are you all from?”
“I lived above Mars in New York but I’m originally from Arkansas.” Sam could tell that Bull was a country boy from the thick twang of his accent.
“I’m from Virginia and Lip is from West Virginia.” Shifty answered for his friend who settled beside him with a smile.
“We met up when we were both trying to flee the state.” Lip added. “We both appeared to be heading in the same direction, so we stuck together. And then we found Bull wandering on his lonesome, so we had to pick him up.”
“Yeah, the boys found me just in time.” Bull replied with his head down. The two other men shared a sad smile.
“Did something happen?” Sam finally caved and asked the group.
“A group had found me prior to these two, took everything I had and roughed me up a bit. Bastards left me for dead.” The larger man frowned in displeasure at the memory.
“When we found him he hadn’t eaten or drunk in days and had some serious blood loss.” Shifty noted. “Didn’t seem fair ten against one.”
Sam’s brows raised in shock. It was sick how people thought they could get away with anything during this time. But then her own actions flooded through her head, the way she had killed that man was nothing but brutal. However, Sam would never leave someone half dead and struggling. She always finished her jobs.
“It’s been crazy out there.” Sam stated as the rest of the group nodded.
“Yeah, people have kinda lost their minds.” Lip agreed.
They spent the rest of the night sharing stories around the campfire, it was mostly the men who talked amongst themselves while Sam listened. Mars by the end of the evening was still sleeping soundly in the older girl’s lap.
“Would you like some help?” Bull asked as Sam looked down at Mars trying to figure out how to get the both of them back into bed without waking her.
“Oh, yes please.” The tall girl lent back as Denver scooped the small girl from her lap and into his arms. He seemed to lift her with ease, the girl snuggled into his warmth as she buried her face into his chest.
Bull and Sam walked to their tent, Sam opened the sleeping bag for the large man to carefully place Mars. Once she had been sufficiently tucked in, Bull ran his hand over the sleeping girl’s hair.
“Night, you two.” He whispered waving Sam goodbye as he made his way back over to where the other men had set up their tents.
The taller girl got into her own sleeping bag and laid her head on her makeshift pillow, which was just t-shirts she hadn’t used yet scrunched into a ball.
Mars lay facing towards her, her features were at rest. At that moment Sam didn’t think she had anyone look so at peace. The older girl reached over to her sleeping friend and brushed the stray hair away from her face.
“I’ll stay.” Sam whispered before she turned over and fell asleep herself.
WHOOP WHOOP Bull is alive and well and we have more BOB men joining us the party is really heating up now! We love Shifty and Lip what cuties, of course they would find each other in the middle of the end of the world, our cute little country men!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Some of the small bands that Louis supported or defended, tweeting about getting Louis the number 1 spot.
The Snuts x, Outland x, Fat Dads x, Small Talk x, Cavalcade x, Sam Jackson and Only the Poets x, Lunarca x, The Juice x, Cruz x & Manila Times x (15 November 2022)
