Wet Cat Bracket — Round 1
Who is the wetter cat?
Pamela Winchell
Sam Bailey
Voting ended onMar 1
Pamela Winchell (Welcome to Night Vale):
Pamela Winchell is the former mayor of Night Vale, and verifiably one of the wettest cats (to me at least). After stepping down, there is an entire episode dedicated to her (now as a private citizen) calling emergency press conferences, just to show how well she is adjusting to her retirement. Which is to say… poorly.
"'Retirement is great,' she said. 'I've taken up bird watching.' She then showed off this new hobby, in the process demonstrating a deep misunderstanding of both the concept of 'birds' and the concept of 'watching'. The resulting fire wiped out the podium and, indeed, the entire press conference gazebo, sending both Pamela and the attending reporters fleeing in every direction.
'See how wonderful being retired is?' she shouted behind her as she sprinted away, smoke-fueled tears streaming from her sunken eyes. 'I love being retired. It's the best.' she concluded, as the fire spread to several nearby structures."
— From WTNV, Episode 52, "The Retirement of Pamela Winchell"
Pamela literally takes stepping down from her job so badly that she is unable to stop calling emergency press conferences and they give her a job as the Director of Emergency Press Conferences just so that her post retirement hobbies stop killing people and crashing the economy. So pathetic (and deadly… but on accident) that they literally had to employ her so she would stop moping.
And now for a small compilation of "Pamela being pathetic and also iconic post-becoming Director of Emergency Press Conferences" because I love her.
"Cecil: But wait, she’s a patch of haze, how do you see an outfit on her?
Pamela: I dunno, man! Is she single?
Cecil: Pamela!
Pamela: I mean, she is also super mean and emotionally distant. The complete package!"
— From WTNV live show, All Hail
For context, here Pamela is talking about Cecil's coworker, Deb, who is a sentient patch of haze. She likes a woman who is mean to her and emotionally distant. Iconically pathetic of her.
"I once asked a dog 'Who's a good girl?' and it was silent. It didn't know. Or it didn't want to say. Either possibility made me sad. I'm still sad about this.
Let's have a moment of silence for my sadness."
— Pamela in WTNV Episode 74, Civic Changes
"There was an Emergency Press Conference held by Pamela Winchell. After several loud snorts and sneezes, she handed over the mic to the three teens who came to our rescue."
— From WTNV Episode 242, The New Branch
Listen. I feel like this is more on the cat side of things but it proves a point. Cats would absolutely just sneeze into a microphone for a couple minutes. Source: my cat sneezes so much, and she's probably like a… fairly pathetic one? Sorry Scraps, if you read this I promise I'm joking. Mostly.
Anyways. I'm tired now so… I'm gonna call this good enough in terms of evidence. Your honor. My client is sopping wet and cat and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Mod Note: I have removed the introductory quote because propaganda from books is not accepted.
Sam Bailey (The Sheridan Tapes):
Spoilers beware!!! He almost drowned in a lake as a kid and the only reason he didn’t is because of a deal made with the entity in the lake. His whole being is intertwined with this lake so he is quite literally the wettest cat. Also just generally he’s having a really terrible time at any given time