°˖➴ COOL ABOUT IT
₊⊹ pairing . hirai momo x im nayeon (brief sahyo, misana and michaeng)
synopsis . 2 times momo's heart raced for nayeon, and 3 times it sunk.
₊⊹ content . long fic. angst. obsessive lover nayeon. possessive nayeon. drinking. home sickness. breakups and post breakups. failed communication. indifference. relationship issues. jealousy mentions. relationship pressure. cheating. college au.
notes . dedicated to @minarisbaby my therapist & the close personal friend of cavemen
001 - the first meeting.
momo picked anxiously at her pants. she wasn't a social girl, that's for sure, so when sana decided to drag her along to her girlfriends party, the poor thing felt more like an outcast and less like a plus one. drinks were being shared and memories made, and the girl was hiding away in a back corner away from everyone, afraid of socialization.
she really couldn't help it. sana's girlfriend, jihyo, was a friend of a friend. a mutual, if you would, but momo didn't really talk to her. no, momo didn't really talk to anyone. she came to the college as a transfer from japan with sana and their friend mina. while sana had immediately clung to jihyo and been accepted into the group with open arms, mina and momo were short of like stray pups. mina got 'adopted' in a sense e by another member of the group, chaeyoung, and then there was just momo.
momo, who's solo cup sat still filled beside her, tempting falling over. most of the group had been in the living room, sana and jihyo in jihyo's room, and momo? momo sat at the balcony. her legs bunched to her chest, her eyes watching the city lights.
when another presence joined her.
she expected mina, knowing the middle of the trio was off lip locked, but was surprised to find a different brunette. nayeon. the eldest of the little friend group, and a 'junior', if you would, in college. momo blinked, and nayeon sighed.
"this is boring, don't you think?"
another slow blink, before momo returned her head to it's earlier position, quietly watching the lights. it was mid November, and the colder air was starting to nip at her arms. nayeon seemed unbothered, probably having drank earlier.
"I mean, why throw a party when you're just gonna sleep with your girlfriend?" the brunette continued, shaking her head and moving closer to the edge of the balcony, slipping her legs through the bars and dangling them.
a sense of unease filled momo at the sight, but she herself took a tiny scoot closer. the smile on nayeon's face made her stomach flip slightly.
"...I want to go home." momo whispered softly. she was always nervous speaking Korean, and knowing nayeon was a native made it even worse.
nayeon, however, gave her a sympathetic smile.
"and where is home?"
the japanese swallowed, eyes falling slightly. "kyoto."
nayeon's brows raise slightly. "yeah? that's cool. do you like it there?"
momo nods softly, expecting the conversation to end there, but it doesn't. nayeon opts to sigh, laying back against the cold balcony floor. "i've been here for almost twenty six years. that's crazy, huh?"
the younger nods without thinking.
nayeon grins.
"you're weird." she chuckles. "what's your name again? mimo?"
momo huffs. "momo."
"close enough." the brunette glances up into the night sky. "well, any way, mimo. I think we're a lot alike. I mean, we both hate our lives, and the people we're surrounded by are absolutely insufferable." nayeon waves a hand.
the look on the youngers face is impassive. but on the inside, she can't help but agree. it was never her idea in the first place to come to Korea of all places for college. Japan had perfectly fine colleges, and momo had even been eyeing a few of them. but sana wanted to go, and mina could never say no to sana for reasons left unaddressed, and now they were here.
slowly, she repeats nayeon's earlier words. "you're weird."
and nayeon grins.
"let's be friends, mimo. don't worry," she waves a finger. "I won't leeave you like these idiots. we can be weird together."
for the first time, momo's heart jumps.
she glances to nayeon's face as the moonlight hits it and there's almost something pretty about the way the Korean looks up at her, as if she were a closed book only allowing momo to read certain pages. momo realized in that moment, she wanted to read all of her. her heart raced.
and so, she nodded.
"alright."
...
maybe momo was in over her head.
nayeon was a wild ride. between the partying and the drinking, stumbling back into momo's arms at the end of the night littered in bites and kisses from partners and partners of partners - momo decided being her friend would have to be a full time job at this point.
they'd roomed together by the end of first semester.
nayeon was dependent on momo on the smallest things. even if they didn't have the same major, or even the same classes, she'd whine and beg the girl to help her. and momo would do it. nayeon was her friend after all.
"god, this sucks," the eldest had whined, entering her room one day. "i'm so bored."
momo raises a brow. "bored? don't you have assignments to do?"
nayeon rolls her eyes, flopping down on momo's bed and glancing around her room. "you need to decorate. it's like...white noise in here. how can you look around at all of this and not be bored?"
the youngers lips purse. "I like my room."
"hm," nayeon shrugs, patting the bed beside her. "come lay with me baby, take a break from your work."
right, there was that too. nayeon's overtly affectionate behavior. it didn't matter time nor place, if she was in the radius of momo, she was dropping kisses here and there, or caressing the younger's waist, saying those damn pet names - or something. typically, momo didn't mind it. but when that stupid flip in her stomach was accompanied by it, she might have. just a bit.
clearing her throat, the younger stood and approached, settling into her own bed as nayeon's arms slid lazily around the younger, a kiss pressing to the crown of momo's head. momo shuffled, slowly sliding closer and pressing her head to nayeon's chest.
"...sana messaged me earlier."
"mm."
"she was wondering if we could hangout tomorrow." momo glances up at nayeon, who's hand drops on her waist, rubbing slowly.
"and what did you tell her?"
"i-" momo's breath hitched lightly when the hand traveled up her shirt, drifting under and teasing the hem of her bra. touchy. always so damn touchy. "...I said i'd see."
"hm," nayeon leaned again, pressing slow kisses across mmomo's face and jaw. "you don't need to hangout with her tomorrow, i'll be home. okay?"
and with that the conversation was over. momo melted into nayeon's touch, allowing her body to fall plush and compliant against nayeon's. the older mused at this, hands exploring as she whispered again into the intimately charged air.
"..'m so happy you're here with me, momo. I'm all you need, alright?"
for the second time, momo's heart raced.
"...okay, nay."
"good."
002 - the decline
momo's hands held onto the simple solo cup, pressing it to her chest as she watched nayeon dance around through busy bodies - a grin on her face. she was at home, momo knew that, yet still she longed to be apart of that home - even if she knew it wasn't for her. a sigh slipped from her lips, and a presence joined her side.
"hey, havent seen you in a bit."
her eyes lifted, softening. mina. her long black hair had been tugged back into a simple half up/half down style, showing off her pale neck. she was as beautiful as always.
momo gave a tiny smile. "I've been busy with studying and helping nay."
mina raises a brow, glancing over at the girl dancing provocatively with a different person. "...helping, huh?" she raises her cup, water instead of alcohol because she frequently embarrassed herself when drunk, and took a small sip, murmuring into the cup. "so what exactly are the two of you?"
the elder paused. it was... hard to say for certain. at some points, she thought nayeon was her girlfriend. right? I mean, she was possessive over her and wanted all her attention.
and then she would turn around and dance with others.
appearing happier.
noting her silence, mina speaks. "do you like her?"
"I like her...presence." which was the truth. nayeon felt like a warm hug after a cold winters night. her voice, not her loud one she used for socialization, but the softer one reserved for momo, felt like an intimate kiss between two lovers. so yes, her presence made momo's heart thump, made it flutter to life with the idea of likeness. but. there was always moments like this.
"her behavior..not so much?" mina offered.
momo nodded. "yeah." she pursed her lips and sighed through her nose. "how are you and chae?"
a bashful smile grew on the younger, making the brunette nudge her playfully. mina chuckled. "she's great, I mean- she's..." she sighs. "i'm glad we came to Korea."
momo pauses, as mina looks off toward chaeyoung.
despite having nayeon and...whatever this was, was she truly grateful to be in Korea?
no, she didn't think so.
"...i'll be back," momo murmured, nodding to mina before disappearing into the thicket of bodies. she grunted, making her way to the familiar balcony. empty, as it always was.
the air was warmer now, it being the middle or so of march, and momo slipped into the same position she had been in that night, eyeing the city line with a heavy gaze. she'd eye the bars but not attempt to slid her legs through the way nayeon had, nor would she lay to look at the stars. simply, she'd watch the lights. it was the only thing that reminded her of home.
of Kyoto.
not of nayeon, surprisingly.
would she truly ever figure her out?
probably not.
moments bled into minutes, and an entire hour passed before someone stumbled out.
"I knew I'd find you here." nayeon's body collapsed over the rail, her hand running through her long hair as she groaned. "fuck..my head."
momo doesn't tear her eyes away as she mumbles. "I told you not to drink."
"and I told you it wouldn't matter," the older grunts as she slips to her butt, sticking her feet out and laying on her back. "...deja vu much."
momo glances finally at her.
she mimicks the night they met almost perfectly, slightly dazed from drinking, where as momo was sober. eyes lit up by the stars. brown hair sprawled out like a halo. for a moment, a rush of nostalgia hits momo square in the chest. she's perfect like this.
the olders eyes glanced briefly over, holding her gaze as she mumbles. "what?"
"...what are we?"
nayeon sucks in a breath and sighs it out as if momo had just asked the hardest question known to all of mankind. and to nayeon, maybe it is.
"...people?"
"no, I mean-"
"I know what you mean, momo." nayeon shakes her head. "I'm not in the headspace to talk about it, okay? let's just focus on...existing. or whatever."
momo's heart does it's usual twist. as on late, nayeon had been difficult.
but she nods, looking back to the skyline.
"I miss my home."
"i'm right here, mimo."
the younger rolls her eyes. "thought I told you I hated that name?'
"thought i told you I don't care." nayeon smiles, and momo smiles too. because she did tell nayeon that, and they did joke about it, and nayeon didn't listen. at the time it was funny - mimo - it was as unserious as a joke could be.
momo just didn't realize her feelings would be a constant thing ignored by nayeon.
something made out to be a joke.
her hand twitches, and she grabs her cup, downing it in one go.
nayeon whistles.
...
momo's leg beat up and down anxiously inside of the restaurant.
the reservation had been a week in advance, and she'd told nayeon the time to arrive again and again. and now here they were. well, here she was at least. nayeon was late. doing what? she didn't know, especially because they lived together, but nayeon had left a bit ago to run some errands before their date. momo sat now, alone, after twenty or so minutes past.
she'd dismissed waiter after waiter, awkwardly downing glass after glass of water. and twenty minutes passed into an hour before finally, nayeon collapsed into the seat in front of her. "sorry, I got busy."
momo softened. "ah. um," she glanced over nayeon. "you..where were you?"
nayeon reaches up, fixing her hair. "I said I was busy."
the conversation is over after that and momo quietly looks down at her menu with a sigh. silence stretches between them, and momo doesn't try to fill it. instead, she flips through the menu, softly murmuring. "..what um, what are you gonna get?"
nayeon sighs, shrugging. "my usual."
momo hums. six months of dating, and this is what she gets.
her eyes traced the outer edges of the menu, hesitating to look up. when she does, nayeon isn't even looking at her, but rather at her phone. she swallows. "...could you please put that away?"
nayeon looks up, and for the briefest of moments, she softens. she tucks her phone away, crossing her arms.
"..what's up with you?" momo whispers.
nayeon frowns. "what do you mean?"
"I mean- you're...acting weird, and stuff." the younger sets her menu down softly, whispering. "like...avoidant. and you're late and stuff, on your phone-"
"what, I can't answer stuff?" nayeon scoffs, picking at her jeans. "can you just- calm down."
momo winces, looking down. "...sorry."
the older sighs. "...just drop it, yeah?"
"..yeah."
this wasn't right, momo wasn't used to it. for once, her heart didn't race, it didn't thump, it didn't flutter with feelings.
it sunk.
a low, horrible sick feeling in her gut.
painful. weak. dizzying.
as she glanced briefly at nayeon, it only became worse. a wave of nausea hit her square in the chest, and she swallowed thickly.
something felt...off.
and momo hated it.
003 - the last words
the breakup was inevitable.
momo saw it coming, nayeon anticipated it - hell, everyone did.
slams of the apartment door. argument after argument. and nayeon in public? cold, silent, different. not herself. not nayeon. not momo's at least.
it was a night the same as the one they'd met. cold. the house was beyond freezing and momo had waited up in the living room. listening for the telltale sign of nayeon's return. the keypad rang through the silence, startling their dogs slightly. the door pushed open and a sigh was heard as it shut. shoes were slipped off, jackets discarded, and the - nayeon walked around the corner.
she stopped when she saw momo.
silence, for a few moments. then?
"you're still up?"
momo swallowed thickly, nodding as nayeon walked to the kitchenette, grabbing stuff awkwardly. she smelled of alcohol and something sweet and distinctly not nayeon. momo's heart ached. it ached so bad, but all she could do was whisper.
"where've you been?"
nayeon shrugged. "out."
and the simple word welled anger in the youngers chest. she stood weakly, sputtering. "w-with..?"
the elder huffed. "friends?"
"really? because i- I checked with our friends-"
"I have other friends."
"other friends? or other girls?" nayeon turned as if she had been slapped, but the sight before her was just another cold hit. momo, shoulders slightly shaking, eyes widened in confusion as if she still didn't fully understand the situation at hand. her eyes were glossy from the beginnings of tears.
nayeon swallowed, stunned.
but - her shoulders slowly rolled back, a look of impassiveness on her face. "...does it matter?"
momo winces, brows furrowing. "you're supposed to be my girlfriend-"
"i'm not." nayeon snapped. "we're just - we were just helping each other, okay? I'm not anything to you."
momo sucks in a breath.
months.
months of dedicating herself or nayeon.
of not even thinking of other girls. or pursuing other people.
"...how can you say that?"
"how can you say we were together?' nayeon shakes her head, indifferent. "we're not. we never were. and if you thought we were then - then I don't know what to tell you. we aren't together. we never, ever have been. do you understand?"
momo swallowed.
no. she felt like the fucing ground was caving in beneath her. no she didn't understand. hurt and anger swelled, but she couldn't say anything. her head was moving a mile a minute between Japanese and Korean and damnit - for once she dreaded not being fluent. not knowing the difference - the words to say.
her heart sunk.
nayeon sighed, turning and leaving, and momo fell to her knees, pressing her hands to her face.
months. gone in the blink of an eye.
...
the weeks of agony would go by slowly.
summer break.
transitioning out of the apartment and into her own. working during the summer. missing birthdays, missing friends. missing nayeon. but all calls went to voicemail, and all messages were left on read. momo became a ghost in her life. a memory.
and then the first day back. walking through familiar halls and hearing a loud squeal behind her, turning and being jumped on by sana.
"how could you!!!!!" the brunette would whine and whine as mina joined, grinning ear to ear. "no calls! no texts! we thought you went back to Kyoto!!!!!!!!"
momo's hand tentatively rested on sana's back. "i'm sorry, i've been busy.."
a loud whine tears from the brunette again.
mina chirps. "we missed you. sana and I kept trying to call you.."
the eldest of the trio sighs. "I mainly kept it turned off. after how everything ended last year..i- didn't want the drama. you know?" she chose to leave out the messaging and the texts, instead slowly whispered, toying with her hands. "I was kinda working nonstop."
sana pulled back, humming with a soft sniffle. "w-well you could've talked to us. I would've made time for you."
time.
momo softens.
she never had time for the girls when she was with nayeon. it was always nayeon this and nayeon that, never having time for hangouts or something besides the brief parties at jihyo's. and honestly? momo missed it. she'd put herself in the shoes of nayeon for so long, acted as her shadow, that things she used to love became so foreign. not this year, she swore.
she'd get it back.
that piece of home that had been missing for so long.
"lets hangout this weekend then." spoke the older.
sana grinned from ear to ear, and mina smiled.
"okay!!!!!!!!!!" "sounds good."
and momo's heart finally, raced again.
she'd be back.
everything would be okay.
...
the balcony became a friend.
a month of nothing but friends and school and work. and momo felt happy. her legs slipping through the bars. her eyes not the skyline. the way the sun dipped behind the buildings. her solo cup was no where in sight, but it didn't matter. she didn't need it.
she'd spent a year trying to understand nayeon.
trying to be in her shoes.
when she should have focus on herself.
as she scans up to the growing night sky, the door opens.
"...hey, mimo."
her heart seizes.
she turns.
nayeon's hair is lighter, but her face is the same. she watches momo softly, music thumping in the background. no cup in sight either. she looks as if she'd just arrived.
momo couldn't find the words, as nayeon gently toyed with the doorknob. her face. her damn, beautiful face.
and the look.
"...you look well." momo suddenly finds her voice.
nayeon's face doesn't change. she glances away, toward the party, and then back at momo, who shifts to the side for room. she seems to think - to..contemplate.
but?
she shakes her head, turning and leaving.
momo sighs through her lips, looking back out.
she doesn't cry.
her heart doesn't sink.
she looks up to the stars and falls onto her back, a tiny smile on her face.
so nayeon wanted to approach the situation indifferently?
part of her wanted to scream at the idea, and part of her wanted to cry and cry. but she wouldn't. she tried, and nayeon didn't, or maybe to the older she did. momo didn't know.
she was just now beginning to understand herself.
understanding nayeon wasn't worth it right now.
but maybe in the future?
