#sageon

so, today is the last day before Kuro gonna go to Japan, and the “Mapres??” group’s members were gathering. minus Rani, tho. 

me is the one who got there first, and then Ocel, and come Cipa afterwards. before that, Kuro said that she’ll gonna be there at 4, but she really comes late, so we bombarding her with messages.

but when she comes, she looks…….. worn out? so we just said hi to her, and there, we knew that something was happening before. we asked her why, and she lies with a lame excuse at first, but in the end she told us what happened with red eyes and a runny nose, hahahahah.

after that, she says, “Perjuangan Ibu tuh emang gitu banget. makanya, Pin, hormati ibumu.” yea, something like that. i don’t really remember it, lol. and me being me, i just said “Oh gitu ya? iya dah.”

and again, me being me, when i arrived at kost-an, after sholat maghrib, i cried when i read Al-Qur’an. lemah banget lu, Pin. err, actually, i didn’t really know why my eyes are teary. yeah i know i missed my parents, i realized that i’m a selfish child, because i didn’t really put my parents’ name in my prays, i know that very well. but why? why did my eyes become teary? is it my heart that was really touched and give an effect to my eyes? #halah #sokbingo

and after i put my Al-Qur’an on the bookshelf, i send a message to my mom. but, she didn’t reply it. yet. and just wondering my mom’s reply, it make me “aah maybe she’ll say this, or that. maybe she’ll reply seriously, or just being herself like always, joking as if it didn’t important at all.”

when i really curious like this, why didn’t she replying? for goodness sake -___-

God, Mom, plz. hellooo what are you doing? ah, right, maybe Dad was home and they’re having dinner. hmmm until when i should wait and keep writing like this? -___- this is literally the time that i write while wait for my mom’s reply. so yea, nggak penting banget part ini.

and after 1 hour i abandoning this text, my mom didn’t reply my message. fine. bye.

hi, i’m back! after 2 hours of waiting, my mom replied. finally! so, it goes like this;

me: ma, lagi ngapain? hehe

mom: nonton TV. ada apa?

me: wkwk formal amat. gapapa, iseng aja hehe. kangen mah, pengen pulang :(

and after that, my mom calls me. lol. i’m shocked.

we talked about how was my day, my proposal skripsi, she told me “sebelum puasa harus khatam baca Qur’an ya. sholat jangan ditinggalin.”, then talked about my brother, and she told me that my uncle is really glad that he can read WA messages from the big familiy because i did gave him my old phone. she told me to ask my cousin about some books or skripsi that may help mine.

and in the end, i didn’t get the chance to ask the real question. indeed, me being me. too coward to do everything, even just ask a question to my mom.

so, this question, the “Ma, kalo seandainya kita mendadak jadi keluarga yang uangnya pas-pas-an dan aku lagi perlu sesuatu akhirnya mama harus ngorbanin uang mama buatku, gimana?”

yea, i know that every normal mom would answer with “ya gapapa lah. uang masih bisa dicari. peduliin yang utama dulu.” and my mom would answer like that, too.

but, what if it’s me that being asked? what if it were me? would i do that, too?

maybe, just maybe. i don’t even want to imagine those things. thing about me being a mom, and thing about my family suddenly being pas-pas-an.

bukan, gue bukan sombong. tapi gue takut. banget. duh ini mata mulai lagi berkaca-kaca. huft.

i’m scared, because since i was a baby, i’ll get everything i want. i would rebel like a labil teenager, thrown my dad’s money, and maybe he won’t even get mad at me, let alone kick me from the family. because one thing that i know about my dad, he’s a daughter fool. he’ll do everything for me. and i’m glad that i know that. i’m glad that i can control myself and didn’t stressed him out. i’m glad that my parents taught me well about life even we can get everything we want in the world without a single difficulties. and i’m really glad that i have a “must save money. just use it when you have alot to left.”

sumpah, itu kepribadian gue dari kecil. tiap gue main monopoly, duit gue pasti yang paling banyak. kalo orang lain punya duit langsung beli rumah atau hotel, kalo gue nyimpen dulu, baru beli. dan dengan cara itu, gue bisa sering menang. terus gue dulu suka nabung dari uang jajan, sama sekali nggak gue lirik kecuali gue udah ngerasa banyak. dan ya namanya anak SD, paling duit itu dibuat jajan burger aja ya senengnya udah setengah mampus. pas SMP udah upgrade tuh, sukanya ke timezone, atau photobox. pas SMA, duitnya masih ada sampe sekarang di kamar. pas mau kuliah celengannya gue buka, tapi duitnya nggak diambil. gatau deh itu totalnya berapa, tapi recehan semua. dan beneran nggak disentuh sampe sekarang. cuma tersungkur di dalam celengan yang sudah terbuka, dipojokan di dalam lemari. waktu itu sempet pengen ngasihin ke papa biar dituker ke kantor, eh lupa melulu. nggak jadi-jadi deh. 

kalo sekarang pas kuliah, yang kekumpul ya duit 2000-an sama receh koin-koin. tergeletak asal diatas meja. kemaren pas Dina main, reaksi dia “buset itu duit kertas ketumpuk sampe segitu. ya bisa sih, tapi nggak segitunya juga kali. modal angkot banget ya, Pin?” hahaha. iya emang modal angkot, Din, tapi walaupun naik angkot tiap hari, kok ya nggak ngurang-ngurang juga itu duit receh, wkwk.

terus yaudah deh segitu dulu. udah lumayan terhibur tadi liat-liat cewek-cewek tjakep lewat di timeline :’’’)

P.S. sorry for the messy grammar, tho. i didn’t really write and speak well in English. i just suck at everything.