#saffronandperi

Character List

The Staff of the Space Police Station:

Captain Adam Bradimov:

Gender: Male

Personality: An optimistic and charismatic people-person.

Recommended Lines:

Greetings Crew. Glorious day, isn’t it? Stars shining. Engines humming. Dashboards bleeping pretty colors. Lieutenant, set the ship to patrol mode. Detectives, your prerogative for today is to keep the peace in our sector and serve our citizens to the best of our abilities. Let’s see what’s on my own agenda for today…. “Update Captain’s log”. Let’s just check the last entry: “Logs are boring. Delegate log-writing to the Lieutenant.”

The LK701, mostly known as Leckie:

Gender: Female

Personality: An artificial intelligence that acts as the lieutenant and the ship. We’re not looking for a full robot monotone, but a voice that’s pleasant, level and smooth.

Recommended Lines:

Lieutenant’s Log. The captain has delegated log writing to me so I shall dedicate a portion of my resources to monitoring and recording our daily activities. I can report that the atmosphere is breathable for all crew members, nutritious and enjoyable food is fully stocked, and all crew uniforms are up to standard. My tasks for today are charting a path for the usual patrol and monitoring the frequencies for distress calls.

Sergeant Stanistem

Gender: Male probably? (your guess is as good as mine)

Personality: A grouch, very reluctant to go along with any of my crazy writing. The sergeant prefers to express himself in a series of grumbles and mumbles, not actual words.

Recommended Lines:

Give us your best grumpy mumble! Try for slightly varying levels of grumpiness.

Detective Connis:

Gender: Female

Personality: No-nonsense, has a bit of a temper, highly efficient and prides herself on doing her job well, not the best manners. A little twitchy, since she recently tried to give up caffeine.

Recommended Lines:

With the workload I got? Central Command has sent an epic novel’s worth of paperwork to my drive. This will take all day!

Captain, the lieutenant has observed some suspicious activity on the boundaries of our sector. I recommend we steer the ship there immediately.

I know I told you to hide all the caffeine from me, but now I changed my mind, okay? So tell me where it is NOW. Tell me now OR I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS.

Detective Urswin:

Gender: Agender, but we’re looking for a feminine voice since they are often mistaken for a woman.  

Personality: Calm and compassionate, good with people. They have a voice with kindness in it. Speech pattern prefers questions to direct statements.

Recommended Lines:

Thank you for coming in. You must have been nervous to contact us, yes? But I will do my very best to make you as comfortable as possible. Where would you like to begin? Take your time, there’s nowhere else I need to be. Yes, I can personally assure you that your anonymity will be protected. No, no, I do not think it’s trivial at all. Jaywalking puppens is a very serious matter!

Cadet Caffree:

Gender: Male

The youngest member of the ship. Over-excited, very passionate about his hobbies, not very good at picking up social cues. Talks very fast and excitedly

Recommended lines:

Hi! Are you new to this sector? What sector are you from? Really? I’ve never been there! Tell me all about it! How many planets are in your sector? What are the main languages? What’s the food like? What about the music? What’s the weather like? Do you have a lot of different species or is it one of those places that are just dominated by one species? Do you - OH MY STARS IS THAT A ZIGGY STARDUST PIN YOUR WEARING?

Special Agent Katticus Attison:

Gender: Male

A talented and highly skilled special agent, but prone to paranoia and mood swings. We’d like an actor who can alter his voice slightly to suit his calm moments and erratic moments, as his personality tends to fluctuate with stress, often in the same sentence. (those are in all caps in the script)

Recommended lines:

Everybody, please calm down. We need to approach this case in a methodical manner, so let’s start by interviewing - WHO MOVED MY PEN? I TOLD YOU NEVER nevermind that, it’s not important. What’s important now is cracking this case as soon as possible, unless of course YOU STOLE MY PEN TO PREVENT US SOLVING THIS CRIME BECAUSE YOU WERE IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME!

The Pirates:

Captain Starbeard:

Gender: Male

Literally the worst criminal in the universe. Egotistic, taunting, and abusive, his dialogue is pretty much all insults. He’s either angry or bragging, sometimes both. Strong pirate accent wanted please!

Recommended lines:

Out with it you scurvy swab! I’ve seen space pigeons smarter than you, you whimpering buffoon. Suffering supernovas, half a dozen tongues and not a single one of ‘em attached to a brain cell. Speak yer piece, you lily livered landlubber, or I’ll make ye walk the plank and straight into a black hole.

Veke:

Gender: Male

The captain’s second in command. A figgety whimpering sycophant. Pirate accent here too please.

Recommended Lines:

*gulps or whimpers* Y-yes C-Captain S-Sir.

Permission to blow it to smithereens, sir?

The Smuggler:

Gender: Male

Calculating and merciless. Needs to sound tough and cutthroat, but no pirate accent required.

Recommended lines:

I didn’t get as far as I did without learning how to call a bluff. You’re sweating. Your left eye is twitching. These are not the movements of a man who has the upper hand. Now hand over the goods and it will be like this little incident never happened.

The Tavern Keeper:

Gender: Male

A gigantic bully, not very intelligent. We’re looking for a deep gruff voice with a bit of a growl in it. No pirate accent needed.

Recommended lines:

What will it be?

Get out or I’ll throw you out!

Pirates 1 through 4:

Gender: Male

Just give us your best pirate voice!

Recommended lines:

Well, well, well, what have we here?

Captain Starbeard says you’ve been getting too big for your boots lately. Now, would you like to be split gullet to gizzard... Or do you prefer tongue to tentacles?

Saffron and Peri Voice Actor Form

When emailing us your audition, please fill out the following form and include it in your email.

Name/Contact Information:

(Please provide your name and an active email address where you can be reached.)

How you would like to be credited:

(If you don't want to use your actual name and have a stage-name you would prefer to go by, please state it here.)

Part(s) auditioning for:

(Please list the part or parts you are auditioning for.)

Previous Experience:

(If you have had any previous experience lending your voice to a podcast or other such enterprise, please list them here.)

Commitment:

(Doing a podcast with a regular schedule means commitment and ability to work with a deadline. Can you assure us that you can submit your work within the time limits we set? If you have a minimum amount of time you need to provide us with your work, please state it here. Example: “I can only record on weekends” or “I need at least a week to record an episode”)

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