Do you change your tune to be what people expect of you or do you brave the world with a melody that perhaps they don’t understand but it is uniquely yours?

I prefer the latter.

I'm not saying it's any better or worse, but lately I've come to note the fleeting motes of light between the darkest columns of my mind; and when I close my eyes and focus, I even hear voices in the thunder, bringing me back to familiar places I've never seen.

I tell you that his name doesn’t reverberate from the side of these thoughts anymore, but the integrity of daylight is lost at the end of my fingertips.

"I worry if I let the sadness out, it will never stop: too many aches, and not enough heart; too many scars, not enough ocean left to write to. He's every somewhere I want to be, and without him, everything i touch, will be a wound."

I would like to preface this by admitting that I am not perfect in any way, and that no matter how much I've joked about it, I have never seriously considered myself as such. I would like to preface this by admitting that I am aware I have fucked up and have done things to hurt you and that I have to live with those mistakes every day for the rest of my life. I would like to preface this by admitting that perhaps, when it comes to love, I don't have all of the answers, like I try and appear to. I would like to preface this by admitting that I understand no matter how easy love should theoretically be, I know it isn't.

These days, I've come to the realization that, despite valuing love above all else, and even being as big of a hopeless romantic as I am, perhaps I've never really known or understood what love is. Is it truly just an emotion? Is it just an excuse used to justify why we as a people do crazy things that, under other circumstances we wouldn't do? Is it even nearly as beautiful as I believe it to be, despite only having fictional proof? Is it worth all of the heart ache and sadness? Why do I even bother valuing it at this point? Why is it that even now, I still believe it to be the most powerful thing in existence?

Truthfully, I know not the answers to any of those questions. I don't know what love is or why I value it in the way that I do, or as much as I do. Whatever it is, though, I'm certain that I have such an overflowing amount of it within me. And I'm certain that whenever I find someone that I feel as though I love, I do everything in my power in order to make them feel that love. I am certain that whenever I love anyone, I love them deeply, passionately, and all at once, and that the love I have for them is never ending. Even after everything that you've done, my love for you has always been never-ending. To make a probably cringe anime reference, my love is like Naruto's Nine tails cloak during the 4th great ninja war. It's surrounding you, encompassing you whole in an attempt to shelter and protect you from anything that may wish to hurt you, and even when you can't see it or perhaps can't feel it, just like the cloak, it is always there. If love were a currency, you'd be the richest person alive because the infinite love that I possess would always be given to you. But my love isn't money, so it can't make you rich. And it's not a cloak that can physically protect you from anything. I don't really know what it is, but like Bella, even against my own will, it's being projected onto you. It drives my desire to be there for you no matter what you do, it makes me want to do whatever it takes to protect you from anything that may hurt you, and to do my very best to comfort you if you do so get hurt. Physically, my love cannot protect you from anything, but it drives my body to protect you in the ways that it can not. My love cannot be your shield or your cloak, but I can and I will.

You can't tell me that there aren't songs you avoid.

That if you heard them playing you'd instantaneously be reminded of a time where things were different, for better or for worse.