#saberclaw

Standard disclaimer: The theme of this week's reviews is the worst toys in my collection. If you enjoy these toys, great! It is not a personal attack on you or your tastes. Not everything you love has to be good, and you are not defined by the quality of the things you like. Essentially, you don't need to defend your honour on someone else's view of plastic robot men.

I try to live my life by the golden rule of satire: only ever punch upwards. So I can't help but feel a little mean to be picking on Robots in Disguise Crash CombinersBisk and Saberhorn, aka Saberclaw. They're not meant for the likes of us, the poncey collectors with our noses stuck firmly in the air. They're cheap, cheerful nonsense for the young'uns, all function and very little form.

But they are shit.

It's a problem as, while there's plenty of different ways to get a Bisk, including a rather delicious Warrior-class toy that's a right chuckle, this is the only toy of Saberhorn ever made. That's an outrage! He has the single best design out of the entire RID line-up, and the best we got in plastic was Zoidberg's old trousers? Rubbish.

Annoyingly though, Saberhorn is the best of the two. He wears a delightfully regal shell suit in purple and pink, and viewed from the front cuts a decent enough dash in robot form, though there's nary a bit of real articulation to be had, just the ability to move his arms outwards to separate them from the rest of his body. But then, from the back he's just a giant pair of legs. There's no getting away from it. Beetle mode is easy to get to, just close everything up and flip a few bits down here and there. Again, it looks fine, and it's refreshing to be able to get between moulds so quickly. But... not this quickly, eh? Even the wee kiddies appreciate some complexity so that they feel like they've mastered something challenging.

Bisk is just plain rubbish. he's barely a robot, more a car with a few robot details sculpted into the underside. The only thing that separates him from those godawful RPMs from years ago is the fact that his lower arms technically move outwards. There's a kind of claw moulded in there, but there's no escaping the knowledge that the entire claw for this mode is made up of the lower part of the claw in combined mode. In his Warrior-class toy the claws are his main feature, a pair of mighty clamp-clamp-ca-bamps that eschew any need to carry other weapons. Here there's like a pair of butter knives. And then you turn him over and he's a rubbish car. Snooze.

Now, I know what you're saying. "But that's not the point, is it? They combine into a bigger dude, so it doesn't really matter if their individual modes are a bit wank!" To which I have to say: then why bother with the individual modes at all? The thing about a good gimmick is that it should add to the enjoyment of a toy, not take it away. Look at Combiner Wars for instance. Each one of that line (well, maybe not Sunstreaker) is a good toy in its own right, and then can combine as an awesome bonus. They are not made worse by the addition of combining. Saberclaw is worse because of the gimmick.

So anyway, smush the butts of the car and the beetle together and suddenly Bisk splits apart into an upper torso with some surprisingly effective engineering. This isn't like Energon's powerlinxing where arms become arms and legs become legs, Bisk sprouts an entirely new set of joints, and reveals a magnificent space-pope hat on his new bonce. He's got his fancy disco trousers on as well, thanks to Saberhorn's more fun-loving colour scheme. It's a good look, but it doesn't get any more articulation than they had in individual robot modes. You can open and close the clamps this time, I guess. But they still only move at the elbow, not the shoulder.

All the same, while I moan about this not-very-good toy I can imagine some kid somewhere getting a kick out of it. Say what you will about RID, it didn't make things difficult to get a good roster of characters if you didn't mind that their size classes and gimmicks didn't match up. You might have Legends-class Bumblebee mixed in with Warrior Windblade up against Crash Combiner Stunticons and these two clowns. Kids aren't going to fuss over that. They're having fun, and it's a dick move for someone like me to sit on his settee with one eye on the impeachment hearings and the other on his laptop bitching into eternity to try and get in the way of that.

But then, there's still good toys and bad toys. As a kid I had G1 Wheelie, who was crap, and G1 Thunderwing, who was an absolute delight. I knew which one I loved and which I only tolerated, and I know I was heartbroken when I lost the outer shell of one and didn't give much of a toss when I lost the visor of the other. Even less so when the visor turned up and the shell didn't. There are better Bisks. By rights there ought to be better Saberhorns. And deep down, the ability to transform into someone else's long johns isn't really that great a gimmick.

“Saberclaw”

Furcate, Love Lost, Lionwing, Triumph, Saberclaw, Siberian and Miss Wisp. Stormtiger can be their punching bag I guess.

Tigerclaw blushed and shocked that sabertooth was here: sabertooth?

Sabertooth is now just as shocked: tigerclaw?

Rahzar: Who the hell she.

Bebop and rocksteady standing their Jaws open shocked.

Fishface: I don't know. But I'm hope she is single.

Tigerclaw overhearing fishface growls: Don't even think about!!

Sabertooth chuckles: glad to see you haven't changed much sourpuss.