#s10m5

~

ERNIE VAN ARK: Well, Ranger Five, that should be it, on the horizon. The base holding your namesake, Runner Five. A top secret Valmont facility in the Spanish desert. An entire prison dedicated to a single high-priority captive. That’s what it said in the intelligence we stole from Casablanca, but all I see is an Old West town. A single strip of wooden buildings. A saloon, a sheriff’s office. No signs of life.

I don’t know much about the American West, Five. They only had so many history texts on Red Scorpion Base. Sam once said they used to make cowboy movies in the Spanish desert. There must be old sets in this area. Sam knew a lot about movies. I hoped... one day I might get to watch some with him.

[Ranger Five’s implants whir]

Weeks of searching, Ranger. Weeks since we escaped Red Scorpion. All those Valmont decoys. The fake prison in Gibraltar. The false Fives in Tangier. This can’t be another dead end, it can’t be! What would the old me say, I wonder? Something megalomaniacal, I expect. I hear him sometimes in the night, Five, scolding foolish little Ernie for letting Valmont get ahead.

Valmont’s weakness is his flair for drama. That’s what the old Van Ark would say. His tendency for fancy. Just because he built a prison doesn’t mean it looks like one! See? Most of these buildings are wooden backdrops, but not the saloon. Its windows are all barred and sealed. Hiding a prison in plain sight surrounded by tumbleweed, that’s the sort of thing Brent Valmont would do!

You’d better get your implants ready for a fight. Runner Five’s imprisoned on that film set, I’d bet on it. It’s getting dark. We can use those wooden carts to cover our approach. Watch out for guards. There’s a hero waiting on our rescue. Run!

~

ERNIE VAN ARK: Here we are, Ranger Five. The saloon. It’s even got swinging doors. Sam’d love this, wouldn’t he? We’d best be careful. We don’t know what we’ll find inside, although... it’s strange we haven’t encountered a single guard yet.

[footsteps on creaking wood, piano plays]

I don’t understand. This place is deserted, but it’s certainly not a real saloon. Look at that thick metal door behind the self-playing piano. And the bar’s a computer terminal in disguise. [sighs] Hold on, I’ll hack the door. [computer zaps] Inside, Five. Quick!

[door opens, devices whir and hiss, chemicals bubble]

So much for the Old West. This is a laboratory! Centrifuges, robot arms, dissection tables, all fully automated. There! A cell door, in the corner. That must be where Runner Five is kept. Can you wrench it open? [implants whir, metal creaks, monitor beeps] A padded cell. One poor soul strapped to a gurney... Don’t worry, Runner Five, we’re here to - ! Oh. That’s... Not Runner Five.

PETER LYNN: Time for another robot checkup, eh, Brent? Got to top me up? Oh God! Oh, that’s Van Ark himself! That’s all I... [laughs] That’s all I need.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Peter Lynn! He’s unconscious. So many tubes connected to him. The immortal! He’s the priority prisoner, not Runner Five! [discordant piano chord, alarm blares] Damn! Can you carry Peter, Five? [implants whir] Please try not to hurt him when you unhook the tubes. There’s a back exit past the fume cupboards. Must lead up into the hills. We’ve got to get him out of here. Come on, Five!

~

[alarms blare in the distance]

ERNIE VAN ARK: Alright, Five. We’re out of the immediate danger zone. These hills and gullies will give us cover, but security can’t be far away. There must be guards somewhere. We need to keep moving. How’s our patient faring? Can you hear me, Peter?

PETER LYNNE: [gasps] Cold... So cold. Oh... no, no, no! Take me back!

[cloth rustles, metal clanks]

ERNIE VAN ARK: Don’t struggle, Peter, you’ll hurt yourself. Here, take my coat. [rocks clatter, zombies growl] What was that? A hand reaching out of the ground right where my foot was a moment ago. Zombies! Another one. Careful, Five. That one almost got your leg. We need to get Peter out of here before they surface fully. Quickly, run!

[footsteps in gravel]

PETER LYNN: What’s going on? Van... Van Ark? No, you can’t have me.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Keep a good hold on him, Five.

PETER LYNN: Get your metal monstrosity off me. I can’t be here! Jenny needs me.

[cloth rustles, metal clanks]

ERNIE VAN ARK: You won’t be doing anything for anyone if those zombies get you. Now, where have they gone? [rocks clatter, zombies growl] Up ahead, Five, clawing their way out of the ground. They must have burrowed under us. No time to evade them, Ranger. We’ll have to take them out. Put Peter down and fire.

[implants whir, zombies splatter]

Thank you, Five. These must be a variant of our Tunisian zombies. [footsteps] Oh no, Peter’s running away! I didn’t think he was well enough. He’s in no state to fend for himself out here. We need to get after him. Come on, Five!

~

ERNIE VAN ARK: Another Old West film set, and nothing but scrubby desert all around. Peter must be hiding in there. Keep your sensors hot, Five. [devices whir] There, slumped against that stagecoach. The adrenaline must have worn off finally. Peter, please do listen to me. We’re here to rescue you. Well... maybe that wasn’t the initial intention, but it’s certainly what we intend to do now. You have to stop running away! Let Ranger Five help you.

PETER LYNNE: [laughs] Your oversize Roomba can just keep its distance! I have had enough robotic hands inserting things in me for a lifetime! There are only so many curative substances one man can take, even me!

ERNIE VAN ARK: Curative substances?

PETER LYNNE: Which one was your favorite, Ernie? The one that blistered every inch of skin on my body? Or what about the projectile vomiting? Or – or that one where all my blood vessels ruptured at once, leaving me clinically dead for a week?

ERNIE VAN ARK: Peter, these experiments, these horrible experiments, they weren’t mine! I-I know what my other self did to you. Janine told me. I think it was the thing she was angriest about. But I’m not with Valmont. I was his prisoner, too! He destroyed the only homes I’ve ever known. Red Scorpion Base, my friends from Abel. He even killed Guillemette. And she was... kind to me, in her way. I saw him bragging about it in a Ranger’s files.

PETER LYNNE: I... don’t know what your game is. Maybe you are telling the truth, [laughs] I can’t tell! I think I lost touch with reality several experiments ago. You need to stop your walking Tonka truck stomping around like that. If you are who you say you are, I would get going while I still can.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Not without you.

PETER LYNNE: I have to say, [laughs] I’m surprised this latest batch is so mild. Uh, you know, I’ve had worse comedowns in abandoned warehouses in Manchester. Credit where it’s due, though, it certainly is... moreish.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Moreish? Has Valmont been injecting you with opiates? To make you dependent, I suppose.

PETER LYNNE: You know, a normal person’s first thought would have been to numb the pain.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Oh. Yes, I suppose it would.

PETER LYNNE: It doesn’t. Just FYI. Numb the pain, I mean. Oh, and as-as for the dependency, bit redundant if you ask me. Not like I have much choice but to stay here. [rock rumbles and clatters] Oh, [laughs] there’s my ride now.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Burrowing zombies, more this time! We need to move before the whole street gives way! [ground collapses] Peter, Ranger? Is everyone alright?

PETER LYNNE: Oh, yep, never better!

ERNIE VAN ARK: Fascinating! We’ve fallen into some kind of underground tunnel system.

[zombies growl]

PETER LYNNE: And we’re not the only ones.

ERNIE VAN ARK: There’s zombies breaking through the walls. I thought they had human hands, but they’re actually more like huge blunt claws.

PETER LYNN: This is no time to admire monster design, Van Ark. Listen, I don’t much care if you live, but assuming you do, I suggest you follow me. I’ve been here before... and I know a way out, but we need to go now.

ERNIE VAN ARK: You heard him, Five. Run!

~

PETER LYNNE: Looks like we’ve lost them for now.

ERNIE VAN ARK: A chamber in the tunnels filled with Old West memorabilia. A sheriff’s hat, a gun holster, a giant cow’s skull. Wait. Not all of these are animal bones. That’s a human tibia with some flesh still hanging off it. It looks like it’s been... gnawed! Peter, what is this place?

PETER LYNNE: Ah, it’s just a cavern.

ERNIE VAN ARK: A cavern with claw marks on the walls that are a perfect match for those mole-like zombies and pits in the ground filled with more half-eaten corpses. I think that one’s moving! This isn’t a cavern, it’s a larder!

PETER LYNNE: I suppose you could call it that.

ERNIE VAN ARK: You brought us here deliberately! You wanted to be caught!

PETER LYNNE: Well, what was I supposed to do, trust you? Ernie Van Ark, action hero? Oh, forgive me if I don’t buy that from the man who ended the world!

ERNIE VAN ARK: And you allied with him from what I’ve heard! Why am I irredeemable, but not you?

PETER LYNNE: I don’t know! Uh, maybe both of us are, uh... But I can’t leave. The way out’s over there. I’m going this way, into the belly of the beast. Follow me or don’t follow me. I don’t care.

~

ERNIE VAN ARK: There he is, Ranger. Just standing in the center of a huge chamber surrounded by decaying, half-eaten corpses. He looks utterly without hope. Peter, please -

[intercom squeals]

BRENT VALMONT: Petey, Petey, Petey. If you’re hearing this, it means you’ve tried to escape again.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Oh no.

PETER LYNNE: Don’t worry, it’s a recording. I don’t even rate live surveillance, apparently.

BRENT VALMONT: You remember the rules of La Prisión de la DeLuca, don’t you? You stay put and let me try out my samples on you and I don’t cut off Janine’s fingers one by one and make you listen to her screams. Got it? Good! Now you enjoy the zombies hospitality and I’ll have someone out to pick you up ASAP. ASAPish, anyway. Only fair to let my undead security team have a nibble after the trouble you’ve given them. Oh, and uh, don’t try this again! Third strike, and Janine really will be out. Ta-ra.

PETER LYNNE: Oh, I escaped once before, but the zombies caught me. They’ve got a slow-acting strain of the virus, so they don’t need to feed as ravenously as your normal zom. They just bury you in a pit and pull bits off whenever they fancy a snack. It was... Days before the extraction team arrived.

ERNIE VAN ARK: So Valmont says he has Janine, and you just... believe him?

PETER LYNNE: [laughs] What choice do I have? If there’s any chance I can keep her safe -

ERNIE VAN ARK: No.

PETER LYNNE: What do you mean, no?

ERNIE VAN ARK: I won’t allow it. We came here to rescue a friend and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. We can find Janine together. Runner Five, too.

PETER LYNNE: And if I don’t want to come, you’ll just kidnap me again, I presume.

ERNIE VAN ARK: No. If you stay, we stay, too.

PETER LYNNE: Oh great, very productive. We can all enjoy Brent’s lovely acid trips together!

ERNIE VAN ARK: Yes, except he won’t need you then, will he, if he has me? I can be his scientist and lab rat rolled into one. What do you think happens to you then? To Janine?

PETER LYNNE: You... [laughs] you wouldn’t.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Don’t presume to know what I would or wouldn’t do, Peter Lynne! You refuse to believe I’m on your side, so do you really want to risk Valmont getting his hands on me again? [zombies growl, rock clatters] Hundreds of burrowing zombies bursting out of every square foot of wall and ceiling. Decision time, Peter. Them or me.

PETER LYNNE: Alright, fine! That tunnel to the left, that’s the route Valmont’s men took the last time they hauled me out of here. It’s a safe passage to the surface. Follow me. Go, go!

~

[footsteps]

PETER LYNNE: [gasps] The surface. We’ve made it.

ERNIE VAN ARK: Keep running. These zombies tunnel at incredible speed. We’re not out of the woods yet. [zombie growls, rock clatters] To your left, Five! Claws bursting out of the ground.

PETER LYNNE: Up ahead, a whole line of them like an undead barbed wire fence!

ERNIE VAN ARK: We’ll have to jump them, then head for the river beyond. Ready, Ranger? 1, 2, 3, jump! [implants whir, footsteps, water flows] We’re over the river. Keep going!

PETER LYNNE: Wait! [laughs] Wait! [laughs] They’ve stopped following us.

ERNIE VAN ARK: The river must act as a natural boundary to their territory.

PETER LYNNE: Oh God... Oh God, what was I thinking? I can’t go on the lam with Van Ark! Janine...

ERNIE VAN ARK: Peter, you being locked up in that lab helps no one but Valmont. What do you think he’ll do to Janine once you’ve outlived your purpose, hmm?

PETER LYNNE: But when he finds out I’ve escaped -

ERNIE VAN ARK: Who’s going to tell him, the zombies? That message was prerecorded. He doesn’t know you’ve escaped yet. And he doesn’t expect you to actually try, not with Janine at stake. He won’t know you’re not in the zombies’ larder until he can get a recovery team out here. That will be two weeks at the earliest based on the map I’ve constructed of Valmont’s facilities. Find her before then, and Janine’s safe.

PETER LYNNE: All right... Say I trust you on that. What’s next? Do you even have a plan?

ERNIE VAN ARK: That recording, do you remember hearing anything in the background?

PETER LYNNE: I don’t know. Bird calls, maybe?

ERNIE VAN ARK: Several different species, if I’m not much mistaken. And more than that. There were waves, too, crashing against rock.

PETER LYNNE: So we’re looking for a seaside location that’s... popular with birdwatchers, or-or used to be?

ERNIE VAN ARK: There’s only one Valmont facility that matches those criteria. I’ve got the map here. Look, this island.

PETER LYNNE: Tabarca. That’s... really close. All right. Okay. I don’t know what Valmont’s drugs have done to me, or... how I’ll cope without them. But I can last until we get to Janine. I can free Jenny. And then nothing else matters.