Uhhhhh very self-deprecating vent under the read more, I have nowhere to talk about this but please don't feel obligated to read it or take it seriously please that would make me feel bad. I love you all ♡
Being ugly and overweight is so so difficult, when I WANT nothing more than to change it, but have no discipline to do so. It's not even a body dysmorphia thing, and I am NOT LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY or to be told I'm beautiful on the inside whatever etc. so please don't even bother. All of my weight is in my stomach and neck. I have acne and scars all over my face and chest because I pick at it. I slouch. I lean to the left. People tell me that I'm pretty or beautiful or whatever, and I know it's a lie. I wish people would stop lying to my face like that. I see pictures of myself or videos with myself in the background and I am physically repulsed. I'm repulsive. No wonder I've never been able to get a boyfriend because I'm ugly and disgusting. Like, yes, I will be the first to admit that I'm a good person on the inside: I'm caring, I'm selfless, I love to serve, I'm kind. But I can't blame people for getting hung up on how I look. I can't even stand the way I look. I hate hate hate hate it. Yet I don't do anything about it??? I know I need to lose weight, I know I need to stop picking my acne. And I just? Don't? I'm the worst. I'm the worst and I know I need to change but I just don't. It's like I can't? And I hate that even more.
