#ryand

constantly serving ✧✧✧✧

Conceal edit “Wolves” by Selena Gomez & Marshmallow

BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT! BOYLIIFE PHOTOSHOOT!

No matter how hard I try to push him away; actually watching him walk away - face red, set up to cry because he’s so upset that I’m upset - creates the most stomach wrenching, heart crushing, brain buzzing feeling I could feel.

4/20/2016

“I know you don’t care too much but I still care.”

Lauren

The employees of Ivy Park have been whispering about our boss since Lemonade’s listening party. Personally I feel it’s kind of juvenile. It’s been a few weeks. The album should be dropping shortly. As a woman I admire her strength. She suffered and kept a smile on for the cameras.

A message icon appears on my desktop and I hoover over it carefully before opening it. It’s an urgent message from Bey saying that we have a meeting in five. I look over to Maurice who’s lost in his own little world. In the office he’s always reserved and observant, while at home we our always laughing about something.

I make a pit stop at his desk before making my way towards the corporate meeting room.

“What’s cooking good looking?”

He greets me with a side hug as his cologne lingers in the air. I take in his appearance. His H&M light washed jeans fit to perfection and accent his multi colored Memphis Grizzles jersey while his black and gray Jordan 1’s and gold chain makes his ensemble come to life.

“I should be saying that about you.”

“These rags are nothing.”

The subtle cockiness is actually attractive on him. Normally he is humble about everything. Maurice grabs a hold to my arm and interlocks it within his. This budding friendship that we have is refreshing to me. I left a lot of drama behind to be at this internship.

As we are approaching the conference room we notice we are the only ones heading in that direction. I mean sure we are the only interns but not the only people who work here. The door is slightly open, I’m the first to walk through the threshold.

“Hi Lauren. Hi Maurice.”

Beyonce is always in a cheerful mood no matter the hour or day she greets us. Something about her always feels so warm. Maybe its the country in her that makes me feel at ease. I am a fellow texan myself. I greet her with a simple wave of the hand and Maurice gives her a head nod.

“As you both know you are the only interns right now. I called this meeting specifically for you two. I’ve been checking out both of your sketches and designs. You two have a similar style. I would like you two to work together to create two mock designs of your choice. If the designs are dope they will be sold and you both will receive percentages of the profits.”

I was thinking maybe something like this would happen months from now. This isn’t a typical internship. Call me crazy but I expected to receive lunch orders and get coffee for employees.

“Bey I don’t want to seem ungrateful or anything but is this how it’s going to be the whole year? No mistreatment no hazing process?”

“No Lauren you two are here two learn and grown. If I wanted assistants and people to boss around I would have hired two assistants.”

Maurice has been quiet the whole time jotting things down in his notebook. He is probably sketching something that he does all day.

“Maurice do you have any remarks?”

“No boss lady just tell me when the deadline is and we’re good to go.”

Maurice

“I’ll give you all two months. I trust your visions.”

“Well if you two excuse me I’ve got some planning to do.” Lauren cheerfully exits the room.

Bey just giggles at her antics and I shrug my shoulders. I think this project between Lauren and I will be dope.

“Maurice do you have any questions for me?”

Bey’s brown eyes widened with curiosity. I have a few questions for her but none are regarding this project.

“I do have a question actually. Are you ok?”

“I don’t understand your question.”

“You walk around here daily in a cheerful mood but I know there are more layers to you. I want to make sure you are good. I know how it feels to be placed under scrutiny.”

“Maurice I’m grateful for your concern but I think this conversation is treading the thin line between personal and professional. You work for me and what goes on outside of this office shouldn’t be your concern.”

“I got you boss lady.”

I exit the room before she could get another word in. This conversation rubbed me the wrong way for a certain reason. I didn’t know she would jump down my throat.

Now its clear to me that I must keep things professional at  all times. The more I’ve listened to Lemonade the more I feel she truly has no one to talk to. ___________________ “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Lauren tiptoes to the pot and raises the top.

“Get away from my pot now.” I shoo her with my hands. I decided to cook dinner tonight. I’m making deep fried chicken, dirty rice and cabbage greens.

I was raised by my country grandmother and she didn’t play about her food. We didn’t know what we were eating unless we smelled the aroma and it was done.

“Fine I’ll just pour us wine.”

Lauren grabs two glasses and pours red wine to the rims of both. Taking a seat next to her I examine her face.

“How was your day lil bit?”

“Better than most of my days. I’m glad I have you here. I can see it in your eyes that you’re worried about me. I will be fine.”

“I know we’ve only been around each other a short amount time I don’t want you to hesitate to talk to me.”

“Well I do have a confession. That day I broke down during our lunch is because I saw someone from my past. When he was in my life he wasn’t a pleasant person. I don’t want to scare you away so I will give minor details for now.”

“Thanks for opening up to me. Just know I’m here when you’re ready to tell me the rest.”

Of course curiosity is burning within me and I want to know more but I'm not into the prying business. Woman always open up when they’re ready.

“Enough about me how was your day? After the meeting with Bey you seemed a little spaced out. Did you get a call from home or something. Everything is alright with your grandmother and brothers?”

“Yeah she just misses me a lot. I’m going home one of these weekends and I would like you to join me. I know you haven’t left Texas a lot.”

“Thanks roomie. I am truly enjoying our bonding in all now let’s eat.” Lauren sets the table with silverware and plates. I come from a family where we ate dinner together so this is a temporary cure for my home sickness.

“God bless our bodies with nourishment. Bless our bodies with good food and last but not least bless the cook.” 

Lauren does us the honor and says grace. I place our plates on the table to prepare for our grub session. This shit is about to be delicious.

My phone begins ringing loudly. I look towards the living area contemplating if I should answer. Grandma’s rule was love and laughs are only allowed at the table. Even in adulthood I’m not allowed to be on the phone during dinner.

Bey

“Hi Maurice this is boss lady. I’m calling to apologize about my behavior. You were truly trying to help. Call me when you get this message.”

Making personal calls to employees has never been a sport of mines yet I find myself feeling awful for my actions earlier today. So many years I have been reserved that it terrifies me if I feel someone is attempting to enter my personal bubble.

My father taught me early one that as an artist your work should answer any questions fans have. I’ve rarely done intimate interviews or opened up. Its hard being this way. At times I journal my thoughts feeling I have no one to turn to.

Blue is away at my mother’s house and Jay is out in the studio. I often find myself feeling lonely in the one place that is supposed to bring me comfort.

To take my mind off things I decide to do laundry. Knowing that I do laundry can shock plenty of people. I’m just a practical country girl at heart. If it was up to me I would be a librarian or something. 

I begin ransacking through my family’s dirty clothing distributing the light washed in the light hamper and same for the dark. As I pull up a pair of customized Sean John jeans of my husband a strange fragrance invades my nostrils. I grab a hold of the jeans to get a better smell. Chanel number nine invades my nostrils causing my nose to twitch.

“This motherfucker.”

I yell loudly feeling myself grow angry. He couldn’t possibly be cheating again. We discussed how we were moving forward and that he wouldn’t jeopardize his family again.

I look at a photo of blue and her dad wondering if this heart ache is truly worth the trouble. He has been an outstanding father and a lousy husband. More and more everyday I’m feeling I don’t have time to waste.

Right on cue the jingling of keys are heard from the front door. I give myself a mental pep talk to hold my ground.

“Shawn what the fuck is this?” I snatch the jeans from the floor before shoving them in his face.

“Those are my jeans babe whats the problem?”

“The problem is they smell like some bitch and I want to know why. I’m tired of this shit. I think you like embarrassing me.”

“You’re jumping to fucking conclusions without proof. For all you know those jeans could have got mixed in with yours.”

“Fuck you. I don’t wear Chanel perfume. It’s nice to know that you are consistent in one thing and that's cheating. I told you last time that me and my baby can leave your ass where you fucking stand Jay,”

The tears cascading down my face makes me feel he’s won. I don’t want to appear weak on the battle field. With love you are constantly at war. Am I overreacting or is my intuition right? I don’t want to be tampered with or made a fool of.

“Bey I love you and Blue. You think I will do some shit again to hurt my girls? You are my life and I don’t want you to walk away from me.”

Omg did you hear the news about Ryand??