#ryan sinclair: thread

“Okay, now I believe you know the Doctor. ‘Cos if you didn’t, you’d be major freakin’ out right now. What is that thing?“

“Excellent friends, I like to think.” Clara said, standing her ground between Ryan & the creature. Her fists were held together tightly, knuckles white as she took in a deep breath. “Cyberman. These things have killed too many people I love, promise you won’t tell the Doctor what you see me do,” she said, looking over her shoulder to the man for a second. “Clara Oswald, by the way - & you are?”

“Ryan. Ryan Sinclair. What are you plannin’ to do? Because if they’re as dangerous as you say, shouldn’t we go tell her they’re here?” One of the Cybermen stepped forward and Ryan flinched, “Are they some sort of robots? ‘Cos, if they’re robots perhaps we could hack in? Or I saw the Doctor do a trick with a power unit once… Knocked a bunch of SniperBots down flat.”

“Ryan Sinclair - brilliant idea!” Clara smiled. Her tone reflected the Doctor’s - a telling sign of how long she’d been alone, how much she’d been forced to change, how she’d modeled herself after the time lord, just to be able to survive. “Might I recommend you go tell her they’re here, I’ll just deal with this one. Cybermen & I have something a bitpersonal I need to take care of. D’you mind?”

“Don’t know how it was when you traveled with the Doctor, but that’s not how we roll. ‘Cos you’re talkin’ ‘bout killin’ it, aren’t you? See way I see it, he’s metal and he’s walkin’ ‘round on a metal ship, and that just screams bad idea.“ He peered out at the Cyberman, from their hiding place, as the metal man marched past, then turned back.

“You traveled with the Doctor for a long time, yeah, think you could use this to magnetize the floor?“ he held up the Doctor’s sonic. It had fallen out of a tear in her pocket, which was how they’d come to get separated from the rest, to back track and find it. “Cause she said the gravity’s a demagnetized thing,” demagnetized centrifugal gravity conductor, “and I’ve been seein’ those pipes there everywhere we’ve gone so far. Might be some sort of access.“

“Yeah, well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Clara shrugged, pausing for a moment before turning & raising an eyebrow. “Hang on,she? Blimey, Doctor’s changed since I last saw them,” she said, trying to hide the hurt from her voice. That meant the Doctor she knew had regenerated again, & she could only hope that they hadn’t been alone… taking the sonic out of Ryan’s hand, she nodded.

“Course I can - but you can keep this one, got my own.” She smiled, pulling her own sonic from her pocket. “You need to take it back to her - don’t tell her you met me, though. She doesn’t remember me.”

“What are you on about, her not rememberin’ you? She’s mentioned you a couple times. You’re the school teacher, yeah?“ Nevertheless, Ryan took the screwdriver back, tucking it into the depths of his trouser pockets. He frowned at the sonic Clara held up - that the Doctor hadn’t mentioned. And how was it that Clara was here, without a younger version of the Doctor traveling with her. The Doctor had mentioned her, in a story of one of their adventures, going up against an entire sentient sun, but he’d never heard the end of Clara’s time with the Doctor. “If I go back to find her, m’tellin’ her you’re here. She doesn’t take to us keepin’ secrets. She’ll be right cross and she’s still goin’ on about a button I shouldn’ve pressed last week.”

Clara’s heart would’ve stopped if it was beating. The Doctor remembered her. Stopping where she stood Clara could only stare at Ryan in confusion, heartbreak, pain. Clearly the Doctor hadn’t told the full story if Ryan was considering telling her.

“The Doctor & I were… close. Too close. When we knew each other, she was a man, & he spent billions of years suffering the worst torture imaginable because I’d died & he wanted to bring me back. Then, when he went to erase my memories of him, he forgot. The Doctor can’t know I’m here, I don’t know what she’d do.” Clara paused for a moment before speaking again. “If you do tell her, tell her a while after this trip - give me time to get away. Tell her I miss her, that I still love her.”

A laugh escaped Ryan’s lips and he clamped a hand over his mouth and cast a glance over at the retreating form of the mechanical man. “What,”he whispered, “you tryin’ to say you’re exes or somethin’? Look,“ he ran a hand against the back of his neck, “m’goin’ to go find the Doctor, but you should come too, okay? She said once that she was alone, that she carries her loved ones with her. Kinda get the idea she hurts more than she says, you know? You should tell her that yourself, that you miss her. That you’re here.“

He stuck the sonic into his jean pocket and stood, slowly venturing out from the alcove, aware of every slight sound from the ship, any hint that one of the Cybermen might be returning. “Or are you just goin’ to stay and fight Cyberthings?”

Clara thought on that silently. They weren’t exes in any traditional sense of the term. They had never dated & they had never broken up - but they had loved so passionately & fiercely, & the universe had split them apart for its own good. Seeing the Doctor again was dangerous - she didn’t know if the feeling would still be mutual, & if it was, what would they do? But her selfish desire to see the Doctor again made the decision for her. She wanted the Doctor back.

“I suppose I’ll come - I can’t stay, though. Don’t let me stay,” she said, pointing a finger at Ryan. Clara could always excuse herself saying she was just making sure Ryan made it back safely & be on her way before saying more than a word to the doctor. “Which way did you come from?”

“Hold on, you’re UNIT? Thought you were all shut down, somethin’ about fundin’. Or is this before?“ He’d not thought to check the date, but the last message he’d gotten from the Doctor had been a list of names and addresses, and Osgood’s was closest. “M’a friend of the Doctor’s. She sent me this list of names, with you on, said you could help me. Could I come in?”

“Yes, I am UNIT. I’m their scientific advisor, well… one of.” She said, looking this young man up and down. Ever since UNIT had been ‘suspended’ she hadn’t really had the time to update the files on the Doctor’s companions. “As for UNIT being shut down, as far as the government is aware we’ve ceased all operations until further notice.” But with important issues such as the peace treaty between the zygons and humans and the many other alien refugees on this planet, actually ceasing operations simply wasn’t an option. She took a step aside, allowing Ryan entrance to her flat. “Please take a seat, I’ll have my sister make us all a cup of tea.”

“I’d love one, thanks. Today’s been way crazy. And all my days are crazy, so that’s sayin’ somethin’.“

Ryan paused as he came into the kitchen, stopping in his tracks when he saw her sister. He’d never seen two twins look more alike, assuming they were twins. After several months, that might have been a year, traveling with the Doctor there were several other possibilities that came to mind. “Thanks,” he said, taking a cup of tea from the other woman and then looking back around for the one he was almost certain he’s been talking to before.

“So here’s what’s happenin’. We were in the 2050s to watch the Mars shuttle launch, the Doctor, Yaz, and my gramps. She said it was basically like the new Moon Landing. ‘Cept, people at the base kept disappearin’ and there were these stone Angel things. The Doctor got sent back first, she got stuck in the ‘60s apparently - we got this note from her,” he held out the letter, which contained a short summary of where she’d happened and how the Weeping Angels worked, a list of different companions and friends on Earth, and an explanation of how to use the TARDIS’ emergency systems to take them all back to their own time,“'bout five minutes after. Only, the Angels cut us off from the TARDIS. They took Yaz and Graham, but I managed to get through. So, basically, there’s Angels in the future, m’friends are stuck sometime in the past, and I’ve got a TARDIS that won’t go anywhere but here.” Not that he’d dare try to convince the ship to take him anywhere but where the Doctor had instructed. He didn’t want to end up on the moon or stuck fending off dinosaurs for the rest of his life because he hit the wrong switch.

It always amused both Osgoods whenever people reacted to how similar they looked. Those who knew the Doctor started racking their brain for an explanation that wasn’t “twins” and those who didn’t usually just assumed they were just really similar and that there would be differences that they couldn’t see. Regardless, now wasn’t the time to start explaining the reason why they were so similar. The Doctor was in danger and had sent her companion to see if they could help.

“2050s? Oh, I’d hoped it would be sooner than that.” Focus! Now wasn’t the time to be disappointed about the course of history. She took the letter from him and read through it, most of the information about the weeping angels she was already familiar with. “The Doctor is stuck in the sixties… Usually, I’d have a solution ready, but I lack access to the black archives at the moment and even if we did have access, I’m not sure if we still have the Vortex Manipulator. I’d have to ask Kate.” She muttered, looking through the list of companions and friends. “I could get you into contact with some of these people, others might be a bit trickier. For example, I haven’t been in contact with Torchwood for years, nor would they be particularly happy to speak to a UNIT officer.”

“Maybe if we got all of them together?” Like TARDIS Club, everyone working together to think of a way to get the Doctor back. Although she did claim to be thousands of years old, so he supposed if anything she might just catch up to them but seeing as she’d sent a request for a lift there had to be a reason she didn’t want to wait around, beyond boredom. “Or, like a big group chat or something? And there was a note about Torchwood on the back I think,“ he reached over to take the paper from her, flipping it over. “Here it is, yeah. ‘Try not to have to call Jack, I’ll never hear the end of it’.”

“Right, so you used to be a bloke. That I get. What I don’t get is why you were glowin’. It was right freaky.“

Oh, she had been glowing? Makes sense, she supposes. It tended to linger for several hours, keeping on changing in the ‘background’ so to speak.

❝ Residual regeneration energy. See, when we’re mortally wounded or jus’ get too old, we regenerate. Create a whole new body and keep on keepin’ on. It releases a massive amount of hormones called lindos, burning every cell in me body and rewritting my DNA, my brain and my personality. S’why I was a bit confused when we first met. My brain was still cookin’, rewrittin’ itself and changin’. ❞

Lots of information. Slow down a bit.

❝ It ain’t the first time I’ve done it either. First time bein’ a woman, though. ❞

Oh my stars! M’travelin’ through the universe with a video game character, Ryan thought. It was like when you ran your character off a cliff, but the game didn’t save right and you ended up at the bottom, with one less life than before. Nice, easy short cut. Or like reincarnation.

As always, the Doctor was speaking like she was on fast forward, but he caught most of it, even the nonsense words like ‘lindos’. After what he’d seen of the Doctor before, he decided to just take her word on it. She died an old Scottish bloke and turned into a pretty blonde. Okay. She was alien, after all, so why not? “Wait, your whole species does it? Doesn’t that get confusin’, everyone changin’ their face? And do you have a choice, or is it a sort of random avatar sort of thing? And the glowin’ light, if it was healin’ you, then why’d it float away like that?”

❝ Yep! At first, yeah, but we’ve got a way of just… knowin’ who’s who. Can’t really explain it. ❞

For a second, she paused, trying to come up with a good way of putting it. Oh! She’s thought of what to liken it to.

❝ S’like when y’get your hair cut. Or change your clothes. Y’look a bit different but it’s still you. It’s a gamble really. Though I ‘ave seen a few choose what they wanna look like. I never really bothered t’ try. ❞

She gave a shrug at that. Why bother? Let it happen and what she got, was what she’d stick with. It didn’t matter to her what she looked like, so long as she kept on being the Doctor and helping those who needed it. That was all that mattered.

❝ Dispersing, I guess. Eventually it just fades. Very handy though. Helped me survive crashin’ through the train roof. Never wanna do that again. Y’think that crane was high? Should’ve seen how far I fell. Still, can’t blame her. I’d toss me out too if I got wrecked. ❞

“Getting a haircut doesn’t normally involve dyin’. That would be a really, really bad haircut.” Ryan leaned against one of the golden, crystalline columns that lined the TARDIS’ console, trying and failing to picture the Doctor as anyone else than she was now. He believed her, entirely, he accepted it, but it was hard to imagine. She was the Doctor. “Sort of a big change, whole new body.”

An entire world where people just grew a new body when they died, lived their lives over again. That had to be incredible - your loved ones never actually being gone, just changing a bit, and knowing that if you messed up being young you could try again eventually.

“Doctor,” he began, with a weighty pause after, for it felt a bit strange asking - maybe she didn’t have a world, maybe her whole race just went bouncing about in space in blue boxes, “maybe before you take us home, could we stop off on your world? Planet of the Face-Changin’ Time Ladies, that has t’be cool.“

❝ True. ❞

Was her only response to the hair cut comment. It sure would be a bad hair cut. Going in to get it done and bam! You’re dead. Awful business. Anyway. Moving on. She simply nodded as Ryan spoke again, silently agreeing. A very big change indeed, over and over again. It never got any less painful but it was better than alternative.

❝ Yeah? ❞

She answered, resting back on the console as she waited. Something in his pause had her a little concerned. Was he going to ask a heavy question? It sure felt like it. Annnnd he did.

Any traces of happiness drained from her face at the question he asked; Gallifrey. He wanted to visit Gallifrey. Of course. She should’ve seen that one coming. Talk highly of your species and they’ll wanna visit your home for tea and biscuits. Her tongue darted out, wetting dry lips and lowered her head, turning her attention to her boots.

❝ ‘fraid not. I mean, it is cool. It used to be cool. But… ❞

She shook her head; she couldn’t, for multiple reasons.

❝ I can’t go back. I won’t go back. Sorry. ❞

Ryan looked at her in concern - he hadn’t imagined that she’d react like that, drawing into herself. He’d always gotten the impression that she didn’t tend to head home very often, but he’d just figured she was like the people who’d left Sheffield after school and now only ever came home for Christmas, and sometimes not even then.

“M’sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just figured, we go to all these places, and your world…” This ship… Her ability to cheat death and survive a fall through a train… All the beautiful insanity of this life, on the TARDIS… How could her world not be cool? “It was just an idea, s’fine,”he shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing, and not missing the way she looked down at her boot, which wasn’t nothing, “Are you, you know, fine?”

Oh. She didn’t mean to make Ryan feel bad. It just brought up bad memories she’d rather not think about but… maybe she could give the vaguest of explanations so that the other could understand why she didn’t want to return.

Her head lifted, forcing a smile back on her face.

❝ S’okay, you didn’t upset me. I just… ❞

Another pause, struggling to find the right words to say. Funny, that. The Doctor struggling with words when she’s always so bubbly and talkative. But talking about Gallifrey is something she needs careful words with.

❝ It was beautiful. The second sun would rise in the east and it’d make the forest glow like it was on fire. And one of the moons shone so bright you’d see it up there with the sun. At night, the sky would turn a warm orange, and you’d see all the stars the universe had to offer. All the stars we were only allowed to watch. Oh, but the golden fields, and the slopes of red grass I used to run through when I was a kid. ❞

A pained but adoring smile on her lips. It was beautiful, and they were good memories. But it also hurt. She spoke lovingly of it, even if there was sadness in her eyes. She’d love to return, but there was a reason she left in the first place.

❝ I’d love to take you back there but they won’t welcome me back with open arms. Why would they? I stole a TARDIS and ran away. Broke their rules. But who needs ‘em, am I right? I’ve got you guys ‘n’ the whole universe out there to explore. ❞

That wasn’t all but it was all she was willing to say right now. A grin was back on her face, wiping away any sadness she had displayed. Focus on the good things. Her fam. The TARDIS. And their adventures. It was all she needed.

“You stole the TARDIS?“ Ryan blurted, almost more surprised that he wasn’t surprised than he was surprised about that particular revelation. Why did that fit so well? He’d never been quite able to imagine the Doctor picking the TARDIS out of a line of blue boxes like a car lot, and her confusion over the controls had dissuaded a theory that she’d built the ship herself. But stole it? It suited, somehow, her way of approaching life, breaking the rules and putting them back together for the better. “So what,“ he joked, “you afraid you’ll go back and get her repoed? Sounds really amazin’ though, your world. You know, sometimes I think Graham still half-believes you’re joshin’ on the whole alien thing.“

He strolled around the console. Flying around the universe in a stolen time machine with a blonde alien who sounded like she was from Yorkshire. He’d never get used to this, he never wanted to get used to this. “What d’you mean though, only allowed to watch? Why’d they go and build a bunch of time machines if they weren’t goin’ to use them? S’like those people who buy action figures only to stick the boxes on a shelf.” He’d once made his mate Mike livid when he was about ten and he’d pulled one of his ‘collector items’ off a shelf to play with it. Mike had only ever come round his place after that - Ryan was half sure Mike, or Mike’s dad, had secretly banned him from their house.

There was a simple ‘yep’ and a nod in reply to his question, a smile on her face that showed that she didn’t regret it for a second. The TARDIS was her ship, her home, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. It gave her a chance to explore everything she had dreamt of visiting, to take part in traditions and meet new species. Who wouldn’t love a ship that can give you everything you’ve ever wanted?

❝ After everythin’ we’ve seen, it’s hard to deny that I am. ❞

She shrugged a shoulder. It’ll sink in eventually. Sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes they get into it immediately. She’s pretty sure that Graham is on board with it all, even if he still questions her choices of running into danger sometimes. Less so now, thankfully.

❝ ‘Cos of the damage the Time Lords did. They changed events, took part in wars, messed with things they shouldn’t have ‘n’ it caused the Eternal War. Minyans almost went extinct after we gave ‘em technology that couldn’t use responsibly and the Time Lord’s meddlin’ on Klist accidentally reversed evolution for the inhabitants there. Drove ‘em all mad.  After that… Rassilon issued the non-interference policy. Only allowed to observe ‘n’ not get involved. ❞

A rule which the Doctor breaks frequently despite saying they weren’t going to interfere. Sometimes she just can’t sit back and do nothing when there is injustice happening to the people in front of her. Especially when it takes lives. The only times when she can’t do that is when it’s an event that is a fixed point in time. An event that she can’t interfere in no matter how much she wants to.

❝ You can guess how much they must’ve loved me, eh? They forced me t’regenerate and exiled me to Earth when I broke the policy. So, y’know. Try t’avoid ‘em. ❞

Non-interference. That was so not the Doctor, no matter how much she might insist that they not interfere on different planets or different times they nearly always ended up fixing something, changing someone’s life, saving someone. He could see why she didn’t get on with her people and beyond that… they’d executed her. And for what? Saving people. Although it wasn’t the same as it was on Earth, being executed when she could just take on a new body, all of his desire to see her world flickered to nothing in a moment.

“That’s horrible,“ he said. “That wasn’t when you fell through the train though, yeah? ‘Cos you said the TARDIS was explodin’. How long ago was that then, the whole exile thing?“ She’d gone through a few regenerations, he knew; there was the grey haired Scotsman, and a few she’d mentioned before that one in her various stories.

“You remember when you asked me to make sure you left? Is that still a thing? ‘Cos I think the Doctor is really keen on you stayin’ around and so far the universe hasn’t fallen apart or anythin’. Not yet anyway.”

“I can’t quite tell if you’re trying to kick me out, or asking me to stay.” Clara said cheerfully, though her face wasn’t quite as cheerful. “I do need to leave, I do. I just need to get to where I need to go, a last favour from the Doctor. Though somehow, I don’t think she’ll be a fan of it.”

“M’askin’ you to stay ‘round, yeah. You’re fun, and you make the Doctor really happy bein’ here.“ He took a cup of hot chocolate and a sandwich out of the food dispenser, dropping down onto the sofa beside Clara.”What is it, this last favor?“

“You’re not gonna be a fan of it either, then.” Clara hummed a little, waiting for a moment before she spoke. “I need the doctor to help me die. I can’t do it without her - it’s why I’ve been looking.”

“To help you what?” he couldn’t have heard her right, yet he was almost certain that he had. “No way. Why would you want - Have you even met the Doctor, she’s not goin’ to be down for that. Me neither.“

“I’m meant to be dead now, I’m not really alive,” Clara explained, holding out her arm & showing her wrist to Ryan. “Try & find a pulse, there’s nothing there. I died, but the Doctor came back & saved me. Not enough, I still have to go back to that point in time & die one day, & I can’t do it alone. How old do you think I am?”

“Couldn’t sleep either?“ Ryan asked, coming down the staircase that curved into the console room, tucked in behind one of the octagonal-patterned walls on the far side of the room. He stepped towards the door, joining Yaz in watching the stars outside the ship. “Still can’t get over bein’ in space,” he said, peering out through one of the windows. “It’s, like, completely insane.” Quiet for a moment, he shook his head, “My mates back home will never believe me. And this ship - the Doctor said there’s a swimmin’ pool.”

Yasmin glances up when footsteps sound against metal, flashing a smile as Ryan stops beside her. It’s nice, honestly, having a familiar face on board in the midst of all their wild adventures. Comforting in its own way. “Not so much, no. Too wired to fall asleep after everythin’, i suppose.” Somehow, hurtling through all of space and time seems to have the opposite effect than what she’d have figured it would.

Her gaze turns back to the stars, then, only nodding slightly in agreement when Ryan continues – not that she can relate so much to the last bit. He’d always been friendlier than her, even back in primary school. back home, Yasmin doesn’t have many mates to speak of, let alone any that she could breathe a word of this to. “A swimming pool? Don’t think I’ve found that one yet.” She replies after a moment, grin returning full-force. “Heard there’s a bowling alley somewhere in there too, though. We’ll have to ask her to show us them both some time.”

“She did say t’make ourselves at home.” For all their grand adventures out there, this ship was equally a wonder, even after you’d gotten past the incongruity of the inside and the out. He’d watched the Doctor as she’d worked on the console once, elbow deep in the mechanics of it, and only scratched the surface of understanding how any of it worked. It was mad and impossible - a bit like the Doctor herself. Maybe this ship went on into eternity - strangely enough, stranger things had happened. “It couldn’t hurt to have a look ‘round, could it?“ he gave Yasmin’s shoulder a light nudge, “I mean, since we’re both up and everything. I promise not to touch anythin’ that will get us in trouble.”

“I suppose you do have a point.” As if it would take much more than that to convince her. The TARDIS is nearly as amazing as the woman who pilots it, and – as Yasmin has slowly but surely learned – has an incredible life of its own. If there’s any place worth exploring in the universe, this ship is it. “Guess it couldn’t hurt, yeah?” Unless Ryan does touch something, but even then she pretty sure that the Doctor will forgive them. “So, which do you wanna look for first? Swimming pool, maybe?” 

“Police… Amy Pond. Sorry- what’s going on here?”

“Funny, a mate of mine’s mentioned a friend of hers by that name a few times,“ which was odd, because you didn’t come across many Ponds. “But that’s not really important now. Look, I know this doesn’t look great, but you really can’t come in,” the Doctor had said not to let anyone through into the building, so he was officially on door control and intended to do as she had told him.

“Do you think that’s an alien thing, or a future thing? Because it’s right weird.“

“Probably both…” Yaz steps in between Ryan and the tiny creature that seemed to eat everything that was in it’s way. “Maybe we should go somewhere safe, what d’ya say?”

“Alright there, Ryan?”

“Yeah, m’fine,“ Ryan said gruffly, stuffing his phone back into his pocket just as the ringtone went off again. With a sound of annoyance, he pulled out his phone and pressed the red hang up button. The Doctor had sonicked his phone - universal roaming, she’d called it - but now all his dad’s calls were going through. Why was it the guy didn’t care to get in contact until Ryan was busy traveling through time and space?

Graham nodded, knowing full well that was a bullshit answer, but he’d learned not to call Ryan out on these little lies. If he wanted to share, he would. But still, he could more directly ask about these things.

“Those calls you keep dodgin’ - they from anyone in particular? Or do you get telemarketers even out here in space?”

“S’just me dad. He won’t stop. He’s left like twelve messages.“ Most of the other calls he’d taken, even the occasional telemarketer. It was really fun to say that he didn’t want to install sonar because it wouldn’t fit on the ceiling of the spaceship he was currently exploring all of time and space in. They’d hung up quick. And he’d been keeping up with his mates, with the claim that his Nan had left him some money and he was off traveling.

Ah, just as Graham had thought. Well, at least the man was trying. Graham could see both sides, really, but first and foremost, he wanted to be there for Ryan as he tried to work through this new chapter. “Yeah? He got much to say?”

“Not really, most what he was sayin’ in that letter. That he wants t’be a family again. He sounds like a broken record. I’ve only listened to a few of them. He never bothers to properly apologize, it’s just a load of excuses.”

“Ah,” he said eloquently. He was quiet a moment, not entirely sure what to say, what would help the most. He was coming up empty, but he also knew that if they never actually talked, there’d be no progress. “Want me to speak to him for you?”

“No, no,“ Ryan said quickly, “Please don’t. That will just make it, like, ten times worse.“ The last thing he needed was a feud between his dad and Graham, it was bad enough with the whole ‘proper family’ rubbish.

“You sure?” Graham knew that he was extremely unlikely to change Ryan’s mind on this issue, but he still wanted to show his support.“Alright, is there anything you do want me to do?”