Any headcanons on how the couples are on family gatherings?
Doing a content warning here and at the start for sake of convenience:
CW: mentions of the Korean War, very vague mention of Russia's invasion of Ukraine, censored cuss words, mention of England and France's imperialistic and colonialism pasts, vague mention/insinuation of 20th century tragedies in East Asia and other historical events of East Asia
So, this will heavily depend on if it is in universe or in an AU where one can fiddle with family dynamics a bit. For those who just want the actual content, skip to the dotted line and read after it (content warning will be just above the dotted line), for I'm going to be discussing a little.
Personally, back when I first watched Hetalia (I think back in 2010 or 2011) I mostly based my experiences of what was popular in the fandom on Youtube videos, since I didn't go to Deviantart nor knew about Tumblr by that point. So, I did adopt, very early on, what I thought was popular for family groups, but I've since matured enough to be more nuanced about them. Ones like FACE I still subscribe to in a sense because of the historical content, but East Asia I no longer think of it in terms of early Hetalia fandom due to the intricacies and complexity that are the interpersonal relations throughout history. I view it more like, from an outsider's perspective, it looks like a big brother taking care of multiple siblings, but inside there are a lot of power dynamics and is like multiple games of chess in the form of politics and military flexing up until the 20th century, with lots of double meanings and this particular dynamic shines brighter when China is teaching.
Some of the East Asians may have viewed the dynamic closer to a kinship than others, but they all eventually became aware of the politics and what it meant to be a nation and their views on family is more complicated. For brevity sake I'm focusing on just the Koreas and will give some detail on the others when they are talked about. South Korea (keep in mind this is very early in both the Koreas' history when they were the chibi-equivalents), I think, was a little more naĆÆve in the beginning simply because it was a dynamic he never experienced before and was more prone to taking things at face value prior to fully understanding what it means to be a nation and the politics of immortal relations, such as being taken in by China and living with him for a time was more than just out of the kindness of the Chinese man's heart. North Korea was a little more aware of the power dynamics and politics than his twin, but he lacked the experience and knowledge on how to deal with it at the time and was generally just more self-aware knowing there wasn't much he himself could do. NK did get closer to China on a more mentor level and calls him "brother" more out of respect than actually thinking of him as family. Basically anything dealings with Japan, with East Asia on a whole, barring one or two countries, is heavily politicized and less family gathering after the 20th century, while dealings with China can sometimes get politicized if the wrong topic comes up.
With that cleared up, it's time to delve into question at hand. And this going to be a long one. Also I finally figured out how to change font styles on here so I might have gone overboard with it with experimentation.
CW: mentions of the Korean War, very vague mention of Russia's invasion of Ukraine, censored cuss words, mention of England and France's imperialistic and colonialism pasts, vague mention/insinuation of 20th century tragedies in East Asia and other historical events of East Asia
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Kimchiburger:
SK meeting FACE and subsequent family gatherings:
SK tends to be very quiet and shy if it is with people he has not been around a lot or knows well, especially early after his war with NK where he no longer has his twin to be there as emotional support. He vaguely knew England and France due to the UN and them sending troops as well to his country, as well as knowing what they did to most of Asia thanks to imperialism and colonialism, so he was very hesitant around them. He knows they are what America considers family, but that doesn't stop him from being very cautious regardless early on. Canada, on the other hand, he was pretty excited to see again, since he knew the quieter nation before even meeting America and hadn't seen him in a while.
France he got along with fairly well after the first initial awkwardness that was the context of he is now America's boyfriend with the American's family. France was a bit too touchy for his liking and made some rude comments from his cultural perspective, but the Frenchman never went too far and was pretty quick to correct mistakes if the other was offended, though was prone to unsolicited advice that embarrassed both himself and America. Canada hadn't changed much and was able to get SK out of his shell faster than the other two, as well as just provided general tips on how to handle America when he gets to be too much.
England was the rough one in the beginning, both personality wise and just because England kept giving him this "stink-eye" or highly judgmental look over every little thing he did or say. He later learned from France that England was just extremely protective over America, even after independence, and was just making sure that SK wasn't going to end up breaking the American's heart and was a good fit. He still didn't care for England's poor attitude most of the time along with his tsundere tendencies (he hated using Japan's word for it, but it was a pretty apt description and he lacked a better word for it). They did bond a bit more when he introduced his cooking to England, who was actually pretty receptive to it to America's shock. England had been used to India's cuisine so he wasn't too fazed by the spice, and both were shocked that they had some similar foods, such as Korean sundae and English black pudding. Although this was also the time when SK figured out England was not the greatest cook (but baking he was generally okay at, if a little rusty or needed some work considering not all of his scones would come out like hockey pucks).
Once SK got comfortable, these family gatherings became quite entertaining and SK often felt included or was part of the family at that point. France and him were prone to baking and sharing recipes a lot (I was inspired by those videos on Youtube of Korean street food and baking), England and him were more prone to quiet talks and tea (which was a welcome reprieve from some of the more neurotic family tendencies) unless England got into a rant over something, and Canada and him often were more boisterous than anyone thought they would be. Add America to that mix and it was always chaotic between the three of them. France figured out that letting the three of them compete in video games was the best way to make sure the North American nations and the Korean wouldn't end up destroying something or end up with the police knocking at their door. Though England got more and more flabbergasted once he realized just how similar both SK and America were, meaning double the headaches were going to happen.
I'm saving America's interactions with East Asia for after getting through RusNK, because they share the same event.
RusNK:
North Korea and the Kievan Rus Trio:
North Korea knew from Russia that he had two sisters and that Russia was the middle of the three. He vaguely got to know them through political meetings, but outside of politics he didn't know much considering he spent most of his time either at home, with China, or with Russia. So when Russia proposes that he gets to know his sisters personally one day, he just kind of rolled with it figuring that it couldn't hurt and might benefit political relations more if he did. He did not count on how... "interesting" the family gathering would be, for lack of a better word.
He thought Ukraine was quite a strong and dependable young woman, though a little too emotional at times. He could tell she became the substitute mother of the trio with how doting she was. A lot of the cooking for the family was actually done with everyone there and was a family tradition, so he learned quite a bit from her about the family traditions and that she was definitely the better cook out of them, though he wouldn't admit that to Russia. She was generally more welcoming and warm towards him, but he could tell she got nervous at times because she didn't want to end up offending him or Russia on accident, whether through fear of politics or simply because Russia can be quite intimidating when mad. NK learned some of the more embarrassing parts of her, such as when the story came up, from Ukraine herself, about how she tried to advise Russia on how to make friends ("show them your boobs" episode for anyone confused), and thus became slightly weirded out.
That weirded out feeling intensified when he finally got to know Belarus, especially with how attached she was to Russia. NK thinks Belarus didn't quite understand the meaning behind the "marrying" Russia, since he was told she had been doing that since she was fairly little, but he absolutely hated how Belarus would but in when he and Russia would get too close or cuddly. He had half a mind to tell her off about how he is Russia's boyfriend and he can do what he damn well pleases, but he knew better than to say stuff like that for it would more than likely come back around through politics and his boss would get mad at him for angering an ally. It seemed at some point Russia pulled Belarus aside and must have gave her a stern talking to, because part way through the first meeting she eventually let up on her antics. He was much more aware of the atmosphere around the trio, and came to the conclusion that, though this family is weird, they do care about each other and they are definitely not ones he should ever anger.
Future meetings are much more scarce, especially after the fall of the Soviet Union and tightening up of NK's own nation. Currently, though he only admits to himself and not aloud due to politics and current events, but he very much admires how strong, tenacious, and smart Ukraine is, and that is when he learns that she is probably the scariest of the trio when provoked. He somewhat wishes she wasn't so cold to him now, but that is thanks to politics and himself basically becoming the world's pariah and knows it is outside of his control. He finds he misses those winter nights when the trio and him would laugh and have dinner together or celebrate the trio's shared holidays, mostly because he himself would even forget the greater politics that dominate their lives and simply live as themselves and cherish the fond memories.
Kimchiubrger and RusNK:
America, Russia, and East Asia "family" gatherings:
SK had to explain a lot of the "family" dynamics to America because he was really hesitant at bringing America around them. Considering America has had numerous dealings with his neighbors, both good and bad, it wasn't like he was meeting them for the first time, but that meant there was so much more baggage to go through and this was in a context of introducing the boyfriend to the family. America semi-understood SK's explanations, considering how complex and intricate East Asia's relations with each other are and how much history played a part, but he at least knew how nervous SK was with this gathering more out of the political games that were bound to happen. Also, SK was not 100% sure if North Korea would be there, which would throw so many wrenches into the issue that he might as well have been in a hardware store.
Likewise, Russia was taught about the dynamics, and he himself was more understanding at the chess game that was East Asian relations. NK was fine bringing Russia around the other East Asians, especially China, but was very wary of if SK was going to show, since it was common for only one of them to be at these gatherings because they despised each other that much and it never ended well if both of them so happened to be there. Since he and SK never communicated about these meetings, it tended to fall to China to make sure neither were there at the same time, meaning he would invite each Korea every other gathering.
Well, both Koreas didn't expect the absolute worse case scenario: both show up with America and Russia to a gathering (with China's permission), AND China's boss got whiff of the gathering and told China he had to invite Japan as well for "political relations". So Japan being there was the badly made icing on this already disastrous cake from both Koreas' perspectives. They just hoped their respective boyfriend's understood to not embarrass them or cause a fight.
Thankfully, China was in a more "f!ck politics, get along of I'll make you" kind of mood and laid down the law very clearly and quickly. Hong Kong and, surprisingly, Taiwan were there, as well as Macau, so Russia and America got treated to the full extent of the chaos that can be when all of East Asia is in one room. Apparently the favorite pass time was ragging on China, much to China's chagrin. Particular favorite subjects to rile China up and poke fun of were his age and old man tendencies. Russia and America couldn't help but stay silent and look on in shock, wonder, and trepidation at how much sass and shade was being thrown around in teasing manners. They also were eyeing the wok and bamboo stick in the corner knowing just how dangerous China could be with them if he got out of hand.
Eventually, Japan got sassy and told China he was more than happy to take him to a nursing home after China made a comment about his age and forgot where he put a few of the drinks he bought for the occasion. This lead to America, before SK could stop him, saying how Japan shouldn't throw stones when he himself has a glass house since he's heard Japan complain multiple times about how he had a bad back and was getting to old for some of the antics he got wrapped up in. This gained him points with most of East Asia as many laughed at how true it was (even SK and NK had to try and stifle their laughs) while Japan was too shocked to speak until he made a vague threat towards America that he would get his revenge later without exactly divulging how he would do so. This lead to Russia making a comment about what might happen if both China and Japan were put into the same nursing home, which quickly spiraled into hypothetical discussions with lots of teasing. Both Koreas were really silent during most of the exchange, often either too occupied keeping an eye on their respective boyfriends or were too dumbfounded at how well America and Russia easily fitted themselves in.
At some point the topic of Mahjong comes up and America gets really interested in it. A snide comment from Russia about how real Mahjong is different from the one played on Microsoft computers sent both Koreas on edge, especially when America fires back that he knows they are different. Thankfully, America continued with asking to be taught how to actually play it and learn, to which the previous hostility evaporated when China had both he and Russia (since he knows Russia doesn't know sh!t about Mahjong himself) learn with him and Japan, with Macau serving as a guide for America and Russia for the first few games. China waved the Koreas away and told them to go help Taiwan and Hong Kong get the food ready in the other room, much to the hesitance of both Koreas. China definitely took the opportunity to not so subtly tell both America and Russia that he still cares for the twins, despite politics and history, and that if they themselves hurt the two in anyway shape or form he would be more than happy to murder them in their homes, politics and international relations be d!mned. First few seconds Russia and America didn't take the threat too seriously until they see that Japan didn't even bat an eye at the threat and remarked how much more tame China was being about it, then they realized he was serious and they were definitely more scared.
NK and SK were constantly peeking around the corner from the kitchen to check in on their boyfriends, often accidentally silently communicating with each other when one of them went to check. Taiwan found it absolutely adorable that they were that concerned, while Hong Kong rolled his eyes at how love clearly changed the twins far too much, even making a comment about how those two aren't themselves if they aren't actively adding to the chaos. NK, being more resistant to the teasing, usually made off-handed comments on how he was just making sure blood wasn't being spilt rather than out of actual concern, but everyone could see right through it.
It gave a moment for both Koreas to reflect on their respective twin's relationship with their boyfriends. SK noticed how, though not being the most PDA couple, NK and Russia had much more subtler ways of checking in on the other and showing affection, such as Russia occasionally holding NK's hand and rubbing small circles over the knuckles or NK leaning into the other and providing much more eye contact than he's seen the other do in a lifetime. Even the small smiles and stilted laughs coming from them during the night made SK start to soften on them. He may not approve of his brother's choice in partner (as he knows NK doesn't approve of America), but he could tell they truly cared about the other and was a little happy that Russia could get NK to smile and laugh more, since he can't be there to do it now. Likewise, NK, though absolutely despising America, slowly started accepting that he could tell SK was happy with him, from the way they easily shared laughs and smiles to how he could easily see the adoration in their eyes when they looked at each other. As much as he doubted and refused to trust America, he knew from their interactions that America was very much wearing his heart on his sleeve for his brother and was borderline willing to be the other's servant with constantly getting him anything he need during the night. He started accepting, despite his personal issues with America, that the American was kind of what he knew SK needed now that he himself couldn't be there to support the younger twin. If he were to ever make serious progress in mending his and SK's relationship on a personal level, he knew he had to start with easing up on the two of them, so he became less snippy and sarcastic with them later. It's a start, at least.
Commieburger:
This headcannon has to have the major asterisk of this is a "what if" scenario in normal universe since they are having to be super secretive about their relationship and may not reveal they are in one outside of the ones who need to know (SK and Canada) until super later in the relationship or when political improvements occur. With that said, this is a "what if" scenario of when East Asia and the rest of FACE learn of their relationship on the grounds that they are slowly letting it be known they are together:
East Asia Gathering:
The whole idea was partially pushed by South Korea, who by that point already knew of their relationship for a while now, with the excuse that it was only going to be a matter of time before they found out and it would probably be better if they were told rather than found out through something more scandalous. North and America were quite hesitant, especially with telling China and Japan considering their power and involvement in East Asia, but decided that they should know at some point so long as they are sworn to secrecy and partially agreed with SK's logic. Ideally, they would have liked to only tell China, and maybe Japan for security purposes, but it was not going to be easy for Hong Kong and Taiwan to not know since they all were in the same circles. SK was even willing to share black mail material in order to make sure the others wouldn't tell a soul about their relationship.
South Korea pushed China to have a family gathering and only having Japan, Taiwan, and Hong Kong join them, not really telling him about the fact that America and North Korea would be joining them. He had to make a deal with China that as long as he got them to go then he himself would take care of hosting and cooking, which was definitely going to be a chore and a half but knew China wouldn't turn that down.
When the day came, North and America purposefully came later once all the others had gathered. When South welcomed them in, China immediately tried reprimanding the two for trying to involve SK in whatever shenanigans or arguments they started this time while he was trying to host family and clearly had a lot to do right now, assuming that was why those two were there at the same time. NK basically very briskly told him they were here to tell them all something and to gather everyone to make it easier, clearly wanting to just get this over with, while America was uncharacteristically quiet and clearly felt and looked awkward.
When they told them (mostly NK just spat it out in the bluntest way possible), Hong Kong and Taiwan seriously thought it was a joke SK, NK, and America were in on. Japan initially thought so too, but knowing America's cues, ticks, and seeing how generally awkward the bigger nation was, he quickly realized it wasn't one and was silent in surprise. China seemed puzzled slightly until he admitted that it actually made sense considering he noticed their usual arguments lacked the normal amount of bite in them this past year (which shocked NK and America that China actually noticed somewhat, though clearly didn't realize how long this had been going on). Hong Kong and Taiwan didn't start believing it until they saw SK didn't react at all to the announcement, not even a hint of a smile that would normally give away that it was a prank. That's when Taiwan asks SK directly if he had already known, which SK admitted to knowing for several years now.
That's when everyone is just dumbfounded that NK and America had been going out for so long without anyone knowing. China made a comment about how the two were clever, but not clever enough to pull a fast one on himself since he has seen so much in his 4000 years, which led to America saying "technically, you thought we had something going on for only the past year, so we actually did pull one over your eyes". NK promptly elbowed him in the ribs to shut him up.
Cue essentially a game of 20 questions because NK and America are just bombarded for the next half hour trying to explain things. SK quietly handed his twin a bottle of soju, knowing this was going to be a long night. Eventually America pipes up after a subtle comment from Japan about them both playing with fire keeping this under wraps, saying how they both have known that for a while and the one thing they ask of them all is to just stay quiet about it since the main reason they told them was that it would be better to hear from them rather than through someone else.
Rest of the night was semi-awkward and NK hated having the spotlight like that for that long, so America and him took their leave. They didn't leave before China pulled them aside to let them know America is welcome at the next family gathering.
Future gatherings were much more tolerable. During the times when America could sneak by and join them, the couple were much more relaxed once they were used to now being in a situation where they didn't need to hide their relationship. America was much more prone to holding the other by the waist or just having an arm over NK's shoulders, along with being his boisterous self. It still baffled East Asia to see these two as a pair considering how opposite they acted, but it was more interesting to see NK soften up in ways they didn't think the nation could. Though Taiwan was privy to some of the cuter moments between the couple since she and NK used to have a fairly solid friendship a while back and honestly was the most relaxed person out of the family that wouldn't make a big scene when they did anything remotely couple-y.
FACE:
After letting North's side know about their relationship, America had to do some convincing to get NK to agree to let England and France know, using the same excuse that it would probably be better they know from them rather than through a scandal or rumors. Canada already knew, but America wanted Canada over anyways because he was going to need as much back up as possible, for he feared England's reaction the most.
Canada had very little interaction with North Korea, outside of politics and war, and really only knew that his brother was dating him, so he was suspicious of the other in general. Since it had been several years, and these two were still together, he softened a little, but not by much. He definitely knew England was not going to take it well and knew he needed to be there to act as peacekeeper and to restrain the Englishman if need be. As much as he figured the reaction would be justified, he didn't want America to take the brunt of it alone and NK was too unpredictable for his taste to trust he would be fine or to not escalate arguments.
While they were waiting for England and France to arrive, Canada started learning a lot more about how America and NK acted together. America was not shy about PDA, at least in front of Canada, and it was kind of intriguing to see the difference in how NK reacted. He noticed the tone and general vibe NK gave off was completely different around America, like it was softer or more affectionate rather than being defensive and having a generally dangerous aura. Sure, NK elbowed him in the ribs when America got too excited with his hugs, but it was far better than Canada thought would happen. He got an idea of the softer side of NK when America's anxiety finally caught up with him and the Korean was almost like a mother hen with how much care he was showing. It made Canada accept that these two definitely had a mutual love towards each other, and his suspicions died down.
Now, when America and Canada sat England and France down for the talk, NK was a lot more hesitant but wasn't going to leave America on his own (especially since America stuck right by him when they told his side of the family), so he was semi-hiding around the corner so that he was close enough to at least listen in and be right there if needed. Canada agreed that NK's immediate presence would have set alarm bells off for England and France, and it would be best to break it to them when they were calm and not already on edge.
When America told England and France, they both seriously thought it was joke, even laughing (England laughing the hardest) and saying how he really needed to come up with something more believable than that. When NK spoke about it being true and stepped out (America not so subtly shifted to the side so that he was partially in front of NK cause he felt an immediate need to protect), France was more dumbfounded but more accepting if a bit skeptical (love is love, c'est la vie) while England went from confusion, to shock, to rage. If it weren't for Canada holding England down, he probably would have lunged at NK and America.
England went OFF on them, with his main focus being directed towards NK and how this was clearly just a plot involving his government and that America is an absolute idiot for believing otherwise. It was at this point that NK, in the calmest and level-headed tone despite being on the very edge of losing his temper that sent shivers down all the nations' spines, told England right off that not only is the idea of a plot so ludicrous that even his own leader would laugh at it, but that it was entirely wrong. He goes right on to say that he is risking his own well-being and safety and is completely willing to toe that line because his love for Alfred is stronger than his own suspicions and fear of his own government. NK tells England, with maybe a foot distance between them and America holding NK back from going any closer, that he can hate him as much as he wants, he can even still choose to not accept that they are in a relationship, but he will make sure England walks away knowing two things: this relationship has nothing to do with politics and that his attitude and throwing a fit because of his hatred will not change the fact that they are dating and will continue to date. This was a curtesy so that they knew from the horse's mouth rather than from someone else; acceptance was never expected. Continuing on, NK states how he can even hate England himself as much as he wants, but that he will be tolerant of him regardless since he will not force America to cut him out of his life, and that all that he expects from England is to be treated the same. As if that wasn't enough, NK had to add that, yeah, America can be an idiot, but he's his idiot, so don't call him that or he will be more than happy to punch England in the face.
So, the first meeting with FACE did not go well, especially with England. In private, that confrontation took so much out of NK that he was visibly shaking from nerves and emotionally drained afterwards. Canada and France absolutely had more respect for NK himself after that (France couldn't help but gush at how romantic it was and how it was like a classic scene out of a romance movie/drama). After some time to stew, England grew a grudging respect as well, though it never stopped future interactions between NK and himself at later gatherings from being super tense.
Though there was one time when NK and England had a temporary truce at a gathering where America was being excessively idiotic. It went like this:
America does/says something that makes the 5th or so stupidest thing he has done or said today.
NK, about to lose it: I'm about ready to chuck this encyclopedia at your head if you don't smarten up!
England, whose also had enough: Don't aim for his head, you'll only make him worse by losing what little brain cells he has left. Aim for the shins, he'll learn quicker that way.
France: You two are absolutely terrifying when you're both on the same page.
