reposting this as its own post. i did not want to say much on tara knight’s “dump your puppygirl.” because overall it’s not really my place. but i have thought a lot about this. i’ve been angry with how the essay made being a caretaker to a disabled person a prominently trans women issue.
Because as some may know i have a disabled husband with bipolar 2 disorder. you could honestly consider him a “puppygirl”. living with him has not been a breeze, hell, being with him has not been easy. but nonetheless i chose to be with him. i deliberately looked into his conditions (i myself also possibly have a physical disability, while also being audhd, anxious and depressed) and have kept them in mind our whole fucking relationship and have given him so much grace because he is a human being that DESERVES IT. knowing that he has his issues, i have worked with him to correct them all. i’ve booked doctor appointments, gotten him back on medication, had him contribute in ways i could trust. i’ve exploded on him, been so angry and frustrated, but i’ve never given up. i’ve done everything to help him become the best person he can be. i’ve helped him get a less physically demanding job. i let him quit his job when the pain in his ribs was too much due to the strenuous job he had. all i asked was that he cleaned and did doordash. i had the capability to do so, so i supported us both. i did all of that because of Love. Because i knew i was capable of it. I did not get into a relationship with a disabled and mentally ill human being and expect them to not be disabled or mentally ill. Not to mention he does so much for me in return, because i too struggle and i know i have to advocate for myself too.
this is all to say, if YOU are going to love someone who is disabled in any capacity, don’t be surprised when it’s hard. don’t let your resentment fester. don’t fucking have them move in with you if you aren’t prepared to care for them. Stop abusing disabled people. Just Stop.
Trans women deserve support and compassion and community and love and they deserve service just like anybody fucking else. It’s heartbreaking to read an essay that so vehemently seems to hate that fact, that resents it. Honestly.
