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If there was one thing about rue, it's that her world was very, very, very...purple.

when she was high, everything was that powerful shade of amethyst. when she was sober, the grape-flavored sugar inch her just a little closer to that short-lit buzz. It wasn't coke, but it was definitely a sugar.

she wasn't the one for pink. that was cassie's thing. and Rue? well, Rue's not cassie, if you couldn't tell already.

but you know what she really, really loved, that just-so-happened to be pink?

the beautiful, flesh-colored flower that lay nestled between your thighs.

the pink, puffy lips she’d bury her tongue between when candy wasn’t enough. the wet muscle that would lick and slurp at your clit like the leftover carbonated soda at the bottom of an aluminum can.

her lips would still be sticky; too drained to properly lick up the high-fructose residue before settling on something better. sugar wasn’t enough…it wasn’t pure like her name spilling from your lips as quietly as it could.

no additives, no gluten, no chemicals, no risk…just pussy and lust that sent Rue’s hormones into overdrive.

saliva dripped down her chin, creating a sticky, sloppy mess between your thighs that dribbled onto the sheets. and when her mouth wasn’t busy, her hands were.

long and limber fingers plunging in and out of your greedy pussy while she laid feather-light kisses to your aching clit. the room would fill with wet, pornographic sonic waves; Rue’s relentless slurping, your gutty moans, the creaking of Rue’s aged bedframe.

but if you’re lucky…you’ll hear it. the unusually stable tone of your lover making a confession.

“you taste just like grapes, baby… ’s my fuckin’ favorite.”

The party reeked of liquor and perfumed sweat. Glitter swirled in the air, a purple hue falling onto your skin and making you feel like everything was a dream. Another party thrown by the football team - somewhere you wouldn't typically show your face. But your best friend didn't give you a choice this time.

Maddy's manicured hand gripped your arm, yanking you to her side.

"Bitch!" She exclaimed, her other hand thrusting a drink, full to the brim with something startlingly blue, into yours. "Drink. You aren't gonna be miserable tonight."

You stared the liquid down like it had personally offended you. The last thing you needed was to get sloppy drunk and embarrass yourself with how you'd been feeling recently. Depressed. Icky. Lonely, but too stubborn to reach out for company. And angry. You couldn't lie, the idea of taking revenge at a party had been alluring to you before. But now that you were here, it seemed too daring.

It was evident, though, that Maddie had finally had enough.

You took a breath to speak, trying to push the cup away.

"No." She held up a single finger, the acrylic tip painted with glaring red, and pressed it to your lips before you could protest. "I've watched you rot in your bedroom for like, a month. You've left me on read, bailed on that thing with Kat, and you haven't even let Cassie give her annoying mom-hug." Her eyes narrowed, dark and dangerous. "So tonight, you are going to drink this disgusting blue shit and have fun. With me."

Madeleine Perez had claimed you as her best friend freshman year without asking permission. She'd decided, correctly, somehow, that your energy was the perfect counterbalance to her whirlwind. She'd towed you into her orbit and never let go. Underneath the razor-sharp eyeliner and the casual cruelty she could weaponize at will, Maddy loved with a ferocity that bordered on terrifying. You were hers, and she took your pain as a personal insult.

You rolled your eyes, taking the cup.

"You know I don't want to be here. I don't want to see her, and-"

"And what?" Maddy cut you off with a sharp laugh. "You're gonna hide forever? You think Rue Bennett is gonna vanish off the face of the earth just because you've been ghosting the entire town?" She tilted her head, earrings swaying. "News flash, babe. She's still here. You just need to show her what she fucked up and lost."

"Maddy," Cassie's voice came from behind you, gentle and warning. She'd materialized without you noticing, Kat trailing in her wake. "Maybe don't."

"What? I'm not saying anything that isn't true." Maddy shrugged, unrepentant. "Rue hangs out with Jules now. She didn't cut herself off from planet Earth. My girl isn't going to either."

The name hit you square in the chest. Jules. Of course. Rue and Jules. Jules and Rue. The new girl with the cotton-candy hair and the artistic laugh and the way of looking at Rue that made you want to throw something. You didn't have the right to be jealous, though.. You'd ignored a plethora of texts from Rue.

In fact, that was exactly why you didn't want to be here. You were throwing yourself to the wolves. Exposing yourself to Rue and waiting for her to pounce.

Your phone had buzzed constantly that first week. You'd read every message through the notification preview, never opening them, never giving her the satisfaction of a read receipt.

can we talk

i know you're pissed just let me explain

please

y/n come on

And then, after three days of silence on your end: i'm sorry.

Then nothing for two weeks. Then, just last Tuesday, a single message at 2:47 AM: i still have your hoodie. the grey one with the paint stain. do you want it back?

You hadn't responded to that one either. But you'd cried for an hour afterward, because that hoodie wasn't just a hoodie. It was the one you'd been wearing the night she first kissed you. The night she'd pulled back, breathless and wide-eyed, and whispered, "Is this okay?" like she couldn't quite believe you wanted her.

You'd kept every message. You'd reread them until the words blurred. And you'd never, not once, typed a reply.

You knew, deep down, that Rue didn't deserve one. She couldn't stay clean, she couldn't stop lying, she couldn't stop doing everything she'd sworn she wouldn't. You were angry at her. You were forcing yourself to stay strong. And Maddy was by your side, always.

She plucked the blue drink from your hand and took a sip herself, grimacing. "Ugh. This tastes like battery acid. Why do football players have such terrible taste in everything?"

"They're football players," Kat said flatly. "That's the answer."

Cassie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, finally spoke up. "Maybe... maybe you should talk to her, though? Not tonight," she added quickly, seeing Maddy's expression. "But eventually. You can't avoid her forever. And she does look really sad."

"Cassie, no," Maddy groaned. "We're not doing the 'she looks sad' thing. Rue is a big girl. She can handle her own feelings."

"I'm just saying! Closure is important. My therapist says-"

"Your therapist also said you should stop dating guys who look like they've never heard of moisturizer, but here we are."

"That's not fair. McKay has great skin."

"And has the emotional depth of a pet rock," Kat muttered.

You let their bickering fade into the background, your eyes drifting across the party against your will. You couldn't help it. Some magnetic, masochistic part of you needed to find her in the crowd.

And you did.

Rue was in the corner, near the speakers, where the purple lights didn't quite reach. She wasn't alone. Jules was beside her, all long legs and ethereal energy, her hair a cotton-candy cloud in the dim room, and some guy you vaguely recognized from your English class was talking animatedly, gesturing with a red solo cup. Rue wasn't listening to him. You could tell by the distant look in her eyes, the way her fingers were absently picking at the sleeve of her hoodie.

But she was watching you.

Those dark eyes, half-lidded and unreadable, were fixed on your face with an intensity that made your stomach clench. Her jaw was tight. Her shoulders were rigid. She looked away the second your gazes met, ducking her head toward Jules like she'd been paying attention all along. But the muscle in her temple was jumping.

"Bitch, are you even listening to me?"

You snapped back to Maddy, who was staring at you with narrowed eyes.

"Sorry. What?"

"I said," Maddy enunciated slowly, "that you need another drink. A stronger one. Because I refuse to let you spiral." She snatched your cup, still mostly full, and dumped it into a nearby potted plant without a shred of remorse. "We're doing shots."

"Maddy-"

"Shots!"

An hour later, you were drunk.

Not tipsy. Not buzzed. Drunk. The kind of drunk where the edges of the room went soft and the music stopped being noise and started being something you felt in your bones. The kind of drunk where Maddy's laughter sounded like wind chimes and Cassie's worried looks stopped registering and Kat's sarcastic commentary became genuinely hilarious.

The kind of drunk where you stopped thinking about Rue.

Mostly.

"She's still looking at you," Kat murmured, appearing at your elbow with a cup of water she'd been trying to push on you for the last ten minutes.

"Who?" You knew exactly who.

"Don't play dumb. Corner. Three o'clock. She's been staring at you since we got here, and honestly, it's getting a little creepy. Like, blink twice if you're being held hostage, Rue."

You didn't look. You refused to look. Instead, you grabbed the water from Kat's hand and took a sip, even though your coordination was shot and a little of it dribbled down your chin.

"Attractive," Kat said dryly, handing you a napkin.

"I'm very attractive. I'm a catch." The words slurred together slightly. "Maddy said so."

Maddy was already materializing beside you, her eyes glittering with a dangerous, scheming light that you recognized all too well.

"Okay," she said, looping her arm through yours. "Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad? You only say 'don't be mad' when you've done something I'm definitely gonna be mad about."

Maddy grinned, unrepentant. "There's a girl over by the stairs. She's been checking you out all night, and I may have told her you were single and emotionally available."

"You what?"

"Don't freak out. She's cute. Like, really cute. Dark hair, great cheekbones, definitely your type-"

"Maddy, what the fuck!"

"Come," she insisted, steering you through the crowd with surprising strength for someone her size. "You've been moping for a month. A month! And I love you, but you need to get back out there. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or on top. I don't know your preferences."

"Maddy, stop it." You whined.

But it was too late. You were already face-to-face with the girl from the stairs.

She was cute. Annoyingly cute. Dark hair cropped close on the sides, longer on top, a silver ring glinting in her nose. She had a sharp smile and the kind of confident energy that made your drunk brain short-circuit.

"Hey," she said, her voice low and smooth. "Maddy told me your name, but I want to hear you say it."

Maybe Maddy was right. It was time to explore. After all, you couldn't let all the self-torture be for no reason.

Before you knew it, all of your hesitance flew out the window. A shy, drunk smile spread over your lips as you looked down at your feet, then back up. The girl tilted her head, waiting for you to speak.

"Y/n L/n." You said, holding a manicured hand out for her to take.

"Avery." Her grip was warm and firm, her thumb brushing deliberately over your knuckles before she let go. "Nice to finally meet you. I've seen you around."

"Have you?" Your drunk brain was slow, syrupy, but not so far gone that you missed the way her eyes dropped to your mouth.

"Hard to miss." She leaned a shoulder against the wall, casual, confident. "You're always with Maddy. She's kind of terrifying."

"She's very terrifying," you agreed, glancing back at Maddy, who shot you an exaggerated thumbs up and a mouthed get it, bitch before Kat dragged her away.

And then it was just you and Avery. And the music. And the purple lights. And the two shots of tequila still burning pleasantly in your stomach.

Avery was easy to talk to. She was a senior, she told you, transferred from a school two towns over. She asked about your classes, your taste in music, the book you'd been reading when she spotted you in the library last week. The conversation flowed without effort, lubricated by alcohol and the giddy rush of someone new paying attention to you.

At some point, she'd stepped closer. Close enough that you could smell her perfume - something woodsy, clean. Close enough that her knee brushed yours when she laughed at something you said.

"So," she said, tilting her head, "you're single?"

"Complicatedly single."

"That's the best kind." She grinned. "Complicated means there's a story. I like stories."

"There's definitely a story."

"Tell me?"

You should have said no. You should have changed the subject, asked her about her own stories instead. But the tequila had loosened your tongue, and the words were already spilling out before you could stop them.

"My ex is here." The confession tasted like lime and salt and poor decisions. "She's been staring at me all night. It's... a lot."

She followed your gaze across the room. Rue was still in the corner. Jules had drifted toward the dance floor, leaving Rue alone with her thoughts and her red solo cup and her murderous expression. She was looking at you again - no, not at you. At Avery. The way she was leaning into your space, one hand on the wall beside your head, her body angled toward you like a parenthesis closing around a sentence.

"Rue Bennett," Avery stated simply. "She's your ex?"

"You know her?" The question came out sharper than you intended.

"Everyone knows Rue. Or knows of her, at least." Avery's expression was unreadable. "She's got a reputation. Recovering addict, right? OD'd over the summer?"

Your stomach twisted. Hearing it spoken so casually, so matter-of-fact, made something defensive flare up in your chest. Rue's overdose wasn't gossip. It wasn't a talking point. It was the worst night of your life, the hospital waiting room, the fluorescent lights, the way you'd sobbed into Maddy's shoulder until you couldn't breathe.

"Yeah," you said quietly. "She's been through a lot."

Avery held up her hands. "No judgment. Just repeating what I've heard." She tilted her head, studying you with new interest. "You're still hung up on her."

It wasn't a question.

"I..." You swallowed hard. "It's complicated."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it keeps being true."

She hummed, leaning into you. Her lips met your ear with a gentleness that made a warm wave curl down your spine.

"I can help you figure things out."

Your breath caught. The tequila was swimming through your veins, making everything slow and syrupy and unreal. Avery's perfume was dizzying and nothing like Rue's familiar old spice and laundry detergent. Her hand settled on your hip, light, questioning. Providing you with an option if you wanted it.

You didn't pull away.

"Yeah?" Your voice came out breathier than you intended.

"Yeah." She pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, her sharp smile softening into something more genuine. "No pressure. No expectations. Just... a good time. You look like you could use one."

Maybe she was right. Maybe this was exactly what you needed, something simple, something uncomplicated, something that wasn't wrapped up in overdoses and relapses and 3 AM phone calls that made your heart stop. Avery didn't know you. She didn't know about the hospital waiting room or the unanswered texts or the way you'd cried until your ribs ached. She just saw a girl at a party who looked sad and lonely and in need of a distraction.

And God, you wanted to be distracted.

"I don't usually do this," you admitted, but you didn't step back. Didn't remove her hand from your hip.

"What, talk to attractive strangers at parties?"

"Something like that."

"Then I'm honored." She tilted her head, that dark hair falling across her forehead. "Seriously, though. If you want me to back off, say the word. I'm not here to add to the drama. I just think you're beautiful, and your ex is an idiot for letting you go."

Your drunk brain latched onto that. Your ex is an idiot. Rue was an idiot. Rue had let you go. Rue had chosen pills over you, numbness over you, oblivion over you. And now she was standing in the corner with Jules and her red solo cup, watching you like she had any right to be angry.

Screw her.

"I don't want you to back off," you heard yourself say.

Avery's smile widened. "Good."

She leaned in again. This time, her lips found the corner of your jaw. a barely-there brush that sent sparks skittering across your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut. Your hand came up to grip her shoulder, steadying yourself. The party dissolved around you. the bass, the laughter, the purple lights, until there was nothing but the warmth of her mouth tracing a slow path toward your ear.

"Still okay?" she murmured against your skin.

"Yeah," you breathed. "Still okay."

What you didn't see, what you couldn't see, with your eyes closed and your head tilted back, was Rue.

Rue, who had gone completely rigid in her corner.

Rue, whose knuckles were white around her solo cup.

Rue, whose dark eyes had shifted from murderous to something far more devastating. Something broken. The look of a girl watching the only thing she'd ever truly loved slip through her fingers in real time.

Jules noticed. Of course she noticed. She followed Rue's gaze across the room, took in the scene, Avery's lips on your neck, your hand gripping her shoulder, the way your body curved into hers like a plant seeking sunlight, and her expression flickered with something complicated.

"Rue," Jules said quietly, touching her arm. "Maybe we should go."

"No." Rue's voice was flat. Hollow. "I'm fine."

"You're shaking."

"I said I'm fine."

But she wasn't fine. She was the opposite of fine. She was burning alive, consumed by a jealousy so potent it felt like poison in her bloodstream. Every rational thought was drowned out by the primal, gut-wrenching need to cross the room and pull you away from that girl. To put her body between yours and Avery's. To tell her, in no uncertain terms, to keep her fucking hands off what didn't belong to her.

Except you didn't belong to Rue anymore. That was the problem.

"Rue," Jules tried again, her grip tightening on her arm. "Don't do anything stupid."

And for a moment, it seemed like Rue would listen. She took a shaky breath. She uncurled her fists. She looked down at her shoes, scuffed Vans, and tried to remember all the things Ali had told her about letting go, about accepting the consequences of her actions, about not letting her emotions rule her.

And then Avery's hand slid from your hip to the small of your back, and something in Rue snapped.

She was moving before she could stop herself. Shaking off Jules' grip. Cutting through the crowd with single-minded determination, her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her teeth. She didn't know what she was going to do. Didn't know what she was going to say. All she knew was that she couldn't stand there for one more second watching someone else touch you.

No one could stop her, her seething body carving a path through the crowd like a knife through butter. No one even noticed her.

Besides Avery, in the corner of her eye. She could see Rue's wild curls blowing in the slight air flow, stiff shoulders shifting with her walk.

Her lip quirked up into a smirk, pulling off from your skin.

"Incoming."

Before you could process the word, before the tequila-soaked fog in your brain could catch up to what was happening, a hand closed around your wrist, familiar, calloused, urgent, and yanked you backward. You yelped, turning towards whoever had wrenched you off, but the breath was immediately stolen from your lungs.

Brown eyes. Lidded, but full of so much anger that it made your skin burn where they rested. Desperate, angry, jealous eyes that clearly screamed 'enough is enough.' You couldn't decide whether to swoon or to cry.

Rue's grip on your wrist was iron, her fingers pressed against your pulse point like she was counting the beats. She wasn't looking at Avery at all. She was looking at you, only at you, and the intensity of it made the tequila in your bloodstream feel like nothing. Like you'd never been drunk a day in your life. Like you were seeing everything in horrifying, perfect clarity.

"You're done here," Rue said, and her voice wasn't loud. It wasn't a shout. It was quiet and shaking and absolutely terrifying in its restraint. "You and me. Outside. Now."

"Rue."

"Now, Y/N."

Avery stepped forward, her brow furrowing. "Hey, relax."

"I wasn't talking to you," Rue snorted bitterly, turning slightly towards the girl who had her offensive lips all over you. "So shut the fuck up."

The words landed like a slap. Avery's eyebrows shot up, her calm composure finally cracking. For a moment, she looked like she might fire back, her jaw tightened, her hands curling at her sides, but then she glanced at you. At the way you were staring at Rue. At the way your pulse was fluttering under Rue's fingertips.

She raised her hands, stepping back.

"Will do."

Then, without another word, she sent you an amused glance and walked away.

You were now alone with the only person you didn't want to see. You felt the weight of her stare still, stirring up a storm in your chest.

"Outside." She repeated again, pulling you gently but firmly.

"No, I-"

"Nah," another laugh with absolutely no humor in it. "You're coming the fuck outside."

She was already moving, cutting a path toward the back door. You had no choice but to follow, stumbling slightly, the tequila still sloshing through your system and making everything feel unsteady.

You caught a glimpse of your friends as Rue dragged you past them. Maddy was already stepping forward, her expression darkening, clearly ready to intervene, but Kat grabbed her by the elbow and held her in place. Cassie's hand was pressed to her mouth, her wide blue eyes tracking you like you were a car crash she couldn't look away from.

Traitors, you thought bitterly. All of them.

And then the back door banged open, and the cold night air hit your face like a bucket of water.

The backyard was empty. The same string lights from earlier were still swaying gently in the breeze, casting their dim golden glow over the patchy grass and rusted patio furniture. The music from inside was muffled now, reduced to a distant, rhythmic thump. You could hear your own heartbeat. You could hear Rue's ragged breathing.

She finally released your wrist. She took a few steps away from you, her back turned, both hands coming up to rake through her wild curls. You could see the tension in her shoulders - rigid, practically vibrating -before she spun around to face you.

"What the fuck was that?"

The anger in her voice was a living thing, raw and bleeding. You'd seen Rue angry before, frustrated, annoyed, pissed at the world, but this was different. This was volcanic.

"What was what?" Your own voice came out unsteady, and you hated it.

"Don't." She pointed a shaking finger back toward the house. "Don't play dumb with me right now. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

You crossed your arms over your chest, a flimsy shield. "So what?"

"So what?" Rue laughed, but the sound was jagged and hollow. "So I've been texting you for a month. A whole fucking month. And you couldn't send me a single reply. Not one. I thought you hated me. I thought-" She broke off, swallowing hard. "But you show up here, drunk off your ass, and in five minutes you're about to make out with some random girl against a wall?"

"Her name is Avery, and she's not random. She's a senior. Transferred from two towns over. She smells nice and she thinks I'm beautiful and she's not my ex."

Rue's jaw tightened. "Low blow."

"Truth hurts." You shrugged, the tequila making you bold. "Besides, you're one to talk. You've been glued to Jules all night. She's practically draped over you in that corner. What's that about?"

"Jules is my friend."

"Right. Sure. Just a friend who looks at you like you hung the moon."

"She does not-" Rue stopped, her eyes narrowing. "Wait. Are you jealous?"

"No."

"You're totally jealous."

"I'm not jealous. I'm just pointing out the hypocrisy. You can spend all night with Jules, but the second someone talks to me, you go full caveman?"

"I didn't go full caveman."

"You literally yanked me away from her and told her to shut the fuck up."

Rue glared. "I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to you for the first time in a fucking month."

The words hit you square in the chest, knocking some of the wind out of your anger. Rue was standing there, her chest heaving, her dark eyes burning with something that wasn't just jealousy anymore. It was hurt. It was a month of silence and unanswered texts and sleepless nights, all bottled up and ready to explode.

"You could've talked to me any time," you said, your voice quieter now. "You could've found me. Cornered me at school. Shown up at my house."

"I did show up at your house. Three times. Your mom said you didn't want to see me."

"Because I didn't."

"Then what was I supposed to do?" Rue threw her hands up. "Break down your door? Kidnap you? I was trying to respect your space. Ali said-" She stopped, shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Ali said what?"

"Ali said I should give you time. That pushing you would only make it worse. If you wanted to talk, you'd come to me." She let out a bitter laugh. "But you didn't come to me. You came here, got stupid drunk, and then let some random girl put her hands all over you."

"Avery-"

"I don't care about Avery!" Rue's voice cracked. "I don't care about her name or where she transferred from or what she smells like. I care about you. I care that you've been ignoring me for a month, and I just can't get you out of my head. And now someone else is-"

She broke off, her jaw clenching so tight you could see the muscle jumping.

"Someone else is what?" you pressed.

"Touching you, and kissing you, and shit. And you're mine."

The words hung in the cold night air. Possessive. Fierce. Utterly, devastatingly Rue.

"I'm not yours," you said, but your voice came out weaker than you intended. "Not anymore."

"You sure about that?" She stepped closer, and suddenly the air between you felt electric. "Because you haven't pushed me away or told me to leave. You followed me out here, and now you're standing here looking at me."

"Rue."

"Like you want me to kiss you. So, do you?"

Your breath caught. "That's the tequila."

"Is it?" She whispered, looking down at you. "Or is it that you thought you could leave me and forget everything, and you can't?"

The question hung in the air between you, heavy and charged. Rue's eyes were unwavering, dark and searching, like she was trying to see straight through to the parts of you that you'd been hiding for a month.

You exhaled shakily.

"Why couldn't you let me? You know you're bad for me. You're bad for everyone, Rue." You accused, avoiding her eyes. Avoiding falling back in.

The accusation had no effect.

"I know." She didn't flinch. Didn't look away. Her voice was steady, even as her hands trembled at her sides. "I know I'm bad for you. I've known it since the day we met."

"Then why-"

"Because I'm selfish, too. Worst type of person." She stepped closer, and her hand found your chin, tilting your face up until you had no choice but to meet her eyes. "I'm selfish and I'm fucked up and I'm trying to be better, but I can't-I can't let you go. I tried. I tried to stay away. For a month. And it was the worst month of my life."

You gritted your teeth. Her face, desperate and sorry and intense, peering into yours with the same vibes that you fell in love with in the first place.

"I hate you." You whispered.

"I hate me too. But I love you. And I'm not letting you go."

“It’s not your choice to make. You don’t have the right to pretend it is.”

"Neither do you. Not really. Because if you wanted to leave, you would've done it already. If you wanted me gone, you would've shoved me off the second I grabbed you. But you didn't. You're still here. And I think it's because you hate me, yeah, but you love me more."

"Shut up."

She refused to, her firm hand still on your jaw.

"I'm clean. Thirty-four days clean," She said, her voice firm. Honest, for once. "I go to all my meetings and shit. Drug test any time Leslie says so."

Your eyes, glistening with a thin layer of gathering tears, analyzed her face for any sign of dishonesty, and for all signs of the truth. You sniffled, one tear dropping without your permission.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Her voice was firm. Unwavering. The voice of a woman on a mission to get the only thing she'd ever wanted back. "Not a long time, but it's the longest I've gone since I was, like, fourteen. Think about you more than the drugs. In a way," she laughed bitterly, wiping a tear from your cheek, "you leaving my ass is what kept me clean."

"That's not-" Your voice cracked. "That's not funny."

"I'm not joking." Her thumb swept across your cheekbone, catching another tear before it could fall. "All I can think about is you and how to make you come back. Don't give a fuck about drugs."

"That's too much pressure, Rue. I can't be the thing that keeps you sober. That's not fair."

"I know." She didn't look away. Didn't blink. "Ali says the same thing. Says I can't put my recovery on another person. Says I have to want it for myself or it won't stick." She exhaled shakily. "And I do. Want it for myself, I mean. Most days. But on the bad days - on the days when everything feels like shit and the meetings aren't helping and my brain won't shut up-on those days, I think about you. And it helps."

"Rue."

"I'm not saying you have to take me back. I'm not saying you're responsible for me. I'm just saying.." She swallowed hard. "I'm just saying you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And losing you was the worst thing. And I'd rather be clean and miserable than high and dead. Because at least if I'm clean, there's a chance."

The tears were falling freely now, yours and hers, mingling in the cold night air. Rue's hand was still on your jaw, her thumb still tracing back and forth across your cheekbone. She was trembling.

You laughed through a sniffle.

"I can't stand you. You can never stay away and let me heal."

"Let you heal?" Rue's voice was barely a whisper. "Let you move on and forget me? Maybe meet someone who doesn't come with a mile-long list of problems?"

"Yes. All of that."

"I tried." She admitted.

"It was supposed to be a clean break. That's why I didn't answer your texts or come to the hospital. I knew if I saw you, if I heard your voice, I'd cave. And I couldn't cave anymore, its killing both of us."

"But you're caving now."

"Because you grabbed me!" You shoved weakly at her chest, but there was no force behind it. "You couldn't just let me flirt with a pretty girl in peace. You had to storm over and go all caveman and remind me exactly why I fell for you in the first place."

"Was it the caveman thing?" A ghost of a smirk. "Because I can do that more often."

"Don't you dare."

"Kidding. Mostly." Her smirk faded, replaced by something softer. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go. I won't bother you anymore.. probably. I'll try. Again."

You stared at her. At the sharp jaw and the messy curls and the dark eyes that were still glistening. She meant it. You could see it in her face, the way she was bracing herself, preparing for rejection. She'd walk away if you asked her to. She'd actually do it.

And you realized, with terrifying clarity, that you didn't want her to.

"That's the problem," you whispered. "I don't want you to leave. I never wanted you to leave. I just wanted you to stop."

"Using."

"Breaking my heart."

"I know." She pressed her forehead against yours. "I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'll be sorry for the rest of my life. But I'm clean and I'm really trying. And I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."

"Stay."

"Yeah?"

"Stay. One more time." You fisted your hands in the front of her hoodie. "But you're on thin ice, Bennett."

"I know."

"And you're not allowed to relapse."

"I know."

"And you have to stop chewing on your hoodie strings. It's disgusting."

With a snort and a mumble that sounded like disagreement, she laced her fingers through yours and tugged you toward the side gate. "Come on. I'll make tea. Leslie bought that weird herbal stuff you like."

"You hate that tea."

"I'll drink it anyway. For you."

"That's... disgustingly romantic."

"I'm a disgustingly romantic person."

"You told a girl to shut the fuck up like twenty minutes ago."

"She had her hands and crusty ass lips on my girlfriend."

"I'm not your girlfriend yet."

Rue stopped walking and turned to look at you, her eyebrow arched.

"You're coming home with me, you told me to stay, and I actually never admitted to anyone that we broke up." She ticked the points off on her fingers. "I'm pretty sure you're my girlfriend."

"I'm your tentative girlfriend."

"Tentative girlfriend." She tested the words, a slow grin spreading across her face. "I'll take it. Seal it with a kiss?" She quirked an eyebrow, her hands reaching out again to cup your face.

She was close before you even realized it, her nose brushing yours.

"You're so-"

"Charming? Romantic? The love of your life?"

"Annoying. I was going to say annoying."

"That too." Her thumb traced your cheekbone, feather-light. "So? Do I get to seal it or what?"

You should have made her wait. Should have made her work for it. But she was standing there with her messy curls and her stupid smirk and her thirty-four day chip heavy in her pocket, looking at you like you were the only thing in the world worth looking at.

"Fine," you breathed. "One kiss."

"One kiss," she agreed.

She leaned in. Her lips brushed yours, soft, almost tentative, like she was giving you one last chance to change your mind. When you didn't pull away, she deepened the kiss, her hands sliding from your jaw into your hair, tilting your head back. A small sound escaped your throat, and you felt her smile against your mouth.

"Missed that sound," she murmured.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

So you did. You kissed her again, harder this time, your fingers twisting in the front of her hoodie, your hoodie, and pulling her closer. She made a surprised noise, then melted into it, one hand dropping to your waist, the other still tangled in your hair. The streetlight flickered overhead. The cold nipped at your cheeks. But Rue was warm, and solid, and here, and that was all that mattered.

The door flew open. You yanked yourselves apart, eyes wide.

Maddy, a manicured hand on her waist and knowing eyes dissecting the situation. Her glossy lips curled into a smirk that was equal parts triumphant and terrifying.

"I knew it," she announced, loud enough for the whole block to hear. "I fucking knew it. Cassie owes me twenty dollars."

"Maddy." You pleaded.

"Don't." She held up a single finger, the acrylic tip glittering under the porch light. "Don't even try to explain. Rue had her tongue down your throat and you look pathetically guilty. You're back together."

"Tentatively," you muttered.

"Tentatively my ass. You're standing in the backyard at midnight making out like the world's ending. I'm not stupid."

You were silenced immediately, a sheepish smile on your face.

"And you." She turned her razor-sharp gaze on Rue. "Fuck up again and I'll key your car. I love you, but I love my bitch more."

"Noted," Rue said, her voice impressively steady for someone facing down Maddy Perez in full protective-friend mode. "But.. I don't have a car."

Maddy's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "Then I'll key your face."

"That's... not how keying works."

"Try me, Bennett." She stepped forward, jabbing a manicured finger toward Rue's chest. "I will find a way. I'm very creative."

"I know you are." Rue's voice was steady, but you could feel her hand trembling slightly in yours. "And I'm not gonna give you a reason to get creative. I swear."

Maddy stared at her for a long, tense moment. The backyard was silent except for the distant thump of bass from inside and the rustle of the string lights swaying in the breeze. Then, slowly, her expression shifted. The sharp edges softened, just a fraction, just enough.

"I'm happy for you guys. If you're happy," She said, smiling a little. Then, she waved a manicured hand. "Now, go fuck or something."

With that, she disappeared back through the back door, flicking her hair over her shoulder - the sign of a job well done by Maddy Perez. The night air got a little chillier, a little darker.

You stood there for a moment, stunned into silence, the ghost of Maddy's exit still hanging in the air.

"Did she just.." Rue started.

"Give us her blessing? I think so."

"In the most Maddy way possible."

"Is there any other way?"

Rue laughed, that real laugh, bright and surprised and still a little shaky around the edges. "I guess not." She turned to you, her dark eyes softening. "So. What now? We take her suggestion, or we go drink tea?" She smirked.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. "She said go fuck, Rue."

-

Rue Bennett was a name that you didn't think of often. A part of your long and complicated past that you would reminisce on when you sat in your bath at night or waited at the train station for your train to arrive. Even then, it was fleeting.

You and her had been good friends in highschool - the kind that share an occasional kiss when someone's high or drunk, a kiss that will undoubtedly end up unaddressed. You had tried your hardest to be a good friend and stick by her whenever she would spiral - whether that was from withdrawals from trying to get clean, relapses, or her getting high constantly with no intent to even get clean.

The kindness you consistently showed her led to her relying on you heavily, much too heavy for a high schooler like yourself to deal with. So, you fell out. You had found her suitcase from Laurie when having a sleepover at her house, and told her mom. She said cruel things, things far too harsh for you to forget. And so you stopped speaking to her, and she stopped speaking to you, and that was that. Until today.

You woke up in the early morning, with a day off work. You had gotten into the college you dreamed of and gotten your dream job too. By the looks of it, you were much better off than many of your old highschool peers.

A catch-up with Maddy the day before meant you knew it all. Rue was, apparently, feeling okay. She was sober too, as far as Maddy was aware. Maybe that's what prompted you to message her.

"Hey."

It was simple, maybe too simple? You stared at the screen for a few seconds, wondering if you should elaborate. Ask how she is, maybe, or what she's been up to the past few years.

A part of you was worried she'd still hate you or something. Surely she can't, right? I mean, it was highschool. But what if she thinks you're weird for messaging her so out of the blue? Before you can dwell on why you even cared what she thought of you after all these years, your phone pings.

"Hi, (y/n). Been a while."

Huh.

You stared at your screen blankly again, trying to come up with a response. You decide to go with mostly-honesty.

"I caught up with Maddy yesterday, we talked about highschool. It made me wonder how everyone else had been so I thought I'd message."

A small, white lie. In all honesty, you hadn't really wondered about anyone but Rue.

"I've been good." She sends, then after a moment: "Sober." She doesn't know why she told you that. Maybe deep-down she wanted to prove you wrong, to let you to know that she actually could get better. You had believed in her more than anyone before the suitcase situation, but you made it clear during your big fight that you didn't.

"That's good." You send. You wince at how dry it sounds, so you add on. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you."

It takes a few minutes for her to respond.

"I'm actually in the area right now. Maybe we could catch up too?"

It feels like a bad idea, but you tell yourself you're just being silly. Sure, you guys had your issues in highschool, but surely everyone's matured now. She's clean too, so she must be doing better. Hopefully.

"Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah."

-

a/n: okay i know this was very short but i wanted to try and set up the story and character that you will be. i'll most likely write a part two, but only if people actually think it's good so far ToT

please let me know any feedback or any ideas/requests for where the story good go!

also any requests/asks in general i LOVE so yay send them all!!

love youuu, thank you for reading!! mwah

ughhh like imagine you’re trying to press your fingers against rue’s clit but you highkey have been toying with her all around by fingering her at a pace she can’t keep up at, leaving pecks and small kisses at her most sensitive spots, and ghostly touching her clit no matter how she asks.

her pleads are not loud and spaced out in between. not consistent enough like a mantra cause she doesn’t have it in her to beg, well verbally. her body however is twitching every time the pads of your thumb tease her needy clit and your fingers slightly entering her. only stopping at your fingertips and circling around to capture how needy her pussy is; desperately squeezing to confirm that you’re still inside her, even if it’s just the finger tips

she’s constantly questioning whether to chase her pleasure or just say fuck it and bring yourself on to her; grabbing you onto her lap and rubbing herself onto you until that sheer wave of pleasure hits her.

poor rue can no longer take more and just slams your clothed pussy onto hers; making her body jerk at the touch and slightly squirt but neither of you notice.

the two of you had just moved into your first house together last week, both having worked your asses off and saved for years. you were so proud of her, you’d watched her grow and heal after going through so much suffering throughout middle and high school. she still struggled from time to time, and she would never be the girl that she was before her dad died, but she was finally happy again.

you eventually made you way outside, finding her sat on the weathered porch swing, that the two of you had temporarily adorned with a couple of miss match pillows. her head was tilted back, resting against the hard stone as she looked out at the sunset, sky filled with burnt orange, rosy pinks and soft yellow until it met blue.

she looked so content, sat there just enjoying something simple. she turned her head lazily when she noticed you approaching, gaze trailing over your figure. she whistled teasingly, laughing and leaning into you when you sat down next to her, the scent of her earthy perfume filling your nose.

your fingers intertwined, you basked in the weight of her body on yours. your thumb stroked delicately against the back of her hand, stroking over the soft skin there, squeezing gently three times in a row.

i love you.

you smiled when she squeezed three times back before kissing the top of her head.

i love you too.

when her neck inevitably began to crick, and your back ached, you lay down together, rue on her back with you curled up into her. she ran a gentle hand over the top of your head, occasionally playing with a few strands of your hair, or caressing over your ear before resuming her motions.

you could easily fall asleep like this, tangled up in eachother and lapping up the domestic bliss. you traced over her collarbone, fingers swirling over her skin, smiling when she shivered at your soft touch.