#rtte review

Episode 8: The Triple Cross

Hiccstrid picnic: awwww

Ruff and Tuff bursting in: less awww

Y’all be sneaky

Okay, but since when Viggo is Hiccup 2.0?

Before you know it, he’ll be cracking leg jokes and training NIght Furies

That awkward moment when your fire sword is so inventive and complex, your ex-enemy-enemy can remake it from just looking at it

Barbaric Archipelago’s Masterchef is coming back to blast you with all new recipies! Tune in now!

RTTE strategy: Capt’n, the ship of confusion will be docking in shortly. They can’t say anything bad about something they don’t understand

*someone in the office*: bruh, that’s deep

*someone else*: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Okay but - Johann, sorry

I can’t take you seriously with that potato sack on your head

so...much...snow...to...kill

I don’t know why, but just roll with it, rtte-style

Also-also

Thanks to Banana

OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT: I finally reached this episode so I can finally get it over with.

Drunken Review Masterpost!

-If you think Snotlegs aren’t boyfriends you’re wrong <3 

-They’re fucking.

-”It’s all about Hiccstrid” lol

-NOW WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE?????????

*Remembers fanfics* *Misses fandom when it was good*

*SIGHS*

-Ok so I totally gey get that couples need time alone and I’m all for that. It’as actually healthy. It’s good :) But damn in this episode??? It’s almost like they WANT everyone to hate Hiccstrid lol Them being totally irresponsible and ditching everything, ignoreing everything the gang tells them???? *sips wine*

Meh...

-OHOHHOHO HOLY SHIT OIL PLANT??? GET YOUR KINKY HEADCANONS FELLAS! I have NO problems with that but....

That face......

*Takes a break* *Takes a cold LOOONG bath* *Grabs more wine*

*RTTE Writers rn*

-LOL AND EVERYONE WONDERS WHY JOHAN IS EVIL! 

*Hello Darkness My Old Friend plays in the backround* @despiteherself lol

Where was I??? Oh yeah the Hiccstrid banging vacation hahaha

Same Snotlout...

*every RTTE hiccstrid shipper getting wet*

ANYWAYYY!!

-Attack on the Edge when Hiccstrid is not there because tentionless drama

-SNOTLOUT TAKING OVER IS BAE!!!!!!

-Obligatory Viggo/Krogan Tension is olbigatory

-*Astrid giving Hiccup bed eyes*

Yep they’re totally fucking lol

-Hiccup being cheeky as fuck

-Hiccup being *SNORTS* SENSITIVE???????....... *Chokes on drink* PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFF HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SINCE WHEN?!?!?!?!?!

*SKIPS WHOLE BATTLE*

-”I SHOULDN’T HAVE LEFT”????????????????????????! BECAUSE ASTRID DOESN’T EXIST ANYMORE???!?!?! ?????????????????

WHY IS HICCUP TAKING ALL THE BLAME??? WHY DO ES EVERYONE IGNORE ASTRID???? WHY ISN’T SHE TAKING THE BLAME TOO?????? YOU KNOW???? LIKE A COUPLE???? 

Because Hiccstrid is basically Astrid kissing HIccup’s ass in this show and having next to no agency that doesn’t revolve around Hiccup.... Just saying........................

OK listen.... I did like the little Hiccstrid touches.... but only if you take them completely out of context because the storyline and the dialogue is fucking dumb... Also not to mention the fact that Hiccup and Astrid have better more meaningful relationships with other people in the gang that with each other.... *coughs* Snotlout <3 *coughs*

WHAT THE ACTUALY FUCK FISHLEGS?!?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT’S ANIMAL ABUSE XDDDD

?????????????????????????????????

#StopDragonAbuse guys.... #DragonLivesMatter #DragonRights LOL

-The Edge burning down.......

*SIGHS* Omg I laughed so much in this episode...

*ME RIGHT NOW*

AHHHHH I NEED SOMEONE TO HUG ME!!!! *Waits patiently for angry rtte fans* lol

THAT’S THAT MY FRIENDS!!!! SEE YA NEXT WEEK!!! STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 8 AND 9 REVIEWWWWW OF RACE TO THE EDGE SEASON 5!! WOOOOO

So, to get this off my chest quickly:

Best thing about the TV show is the original content, you all know I say this, and the best part of that original content is the Berserker siblings: their individual journeys, their reunion, and, now, their combined search for their father following clues left by a Diary of Death. Keep your ‘not-really-canon filler’ stuff and just give me a decent spin-off of this, please.

That said, Oswald is ringing some strong Grimbeard vibes here...

Astrid: I’ll watch the kids, babe

Speaking of, the only person with more bloodshot eyes than Astrid is Dagur

SO DAGUR STRAIGHT UP WALKS INTO HIS DEAD FATHER’S BODY? I called the morbidity getting a little high, but this was craaaaaay. Loved that. Now that’s a fun twist.

Again, just give me a TV show about these kids.

To end it off... I had been under the assumption that Oswald was big and hefty with a Mead-gut like we see most of the older generation... not...

Episode 7: Ruff transition

The Archipelago’s Masterchef season 2 - this one will keep you on the Edge of your seat

or rather a toilet bowl

*me when the twins did the food thing*

prprprprprp.mp3 

Turkey sounds? Turkey sounds

*getting secret cult vibes - me not likey*

RUFF CAN’T WHISTLE - my poor baby

There are two types of people

Whatever floats your dragon, Tuff

or...well...you

ALSO

Ruff - a wingmaiden?

NO?

SNOTLOUT IS A WINGMAIDEN? HELLO?

Now, that’s better

But...you know what?

We shall  not discriminate

(The credit for the last few images go to @tarched and Banana ™ - I am so proud, my meme-children. Go, and meme the word)

I rate this episode a turkey gargle/EVERYONE GETS TO BE A WINGMAIDEN

bonus

Let’s start off with my first LOL Moment: Hiccup’s fucking leg just *pops* off and Hookfang belatedly digs in the sand.

Ooooh my god, the leg. The fucking leg. Freaking... Snotlout and Hiccup interacting, once again, is the best Hiccup-involved anything this show has to offer.

Snotlout’s probably one of the best things this show’s done right

And his relationship with Hiccup is one of the best so far

I also greatly enjoyed the Fishtrid bromance. I always love other friendships. That’s one such boon of the TV show.

Leave it to Hiccup to make Astrid feel “useless”. So, this is what I like about the ‘show’s’ version (you know, the one that ignores canon). They do get some things right, and one such thing is Astrid getting to point out that Hiccup has everything. He got it all at the end of the first movie (working out the kinks after getting it all, is what I would have liked to have seen in a bridge).

Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t have reflexatory cringing if the show didn’t TRY to claim the TV series as following “canon”. Because it’s not. They did their own thing--at first just fumbling along, sorta mistargeting their audience, and then later attempting a patch-job between movies, and that’s great... if only they had nutted up and admitted as much instead of trying to lay claim to something anyone over the age of 8 could question. In that case, the fandom would have been spared a lot of strife, and the show itself probably quite a few less naysayers.

I mean, it was downright offensive to many fans. And I’m only laying this down to preface why I find all the “oooo Hiccstrid uwu” lackluster. It’s not my Hiccstrid, with all its flaws and subtle depth.

The TV show itself has just hollowed out their version of Hiccstrid. The character interactions are shallow, and funny, and the writers seem to be having a lot of fun with it (there are some clever angles to that camera ;)). That’s great! However, theres no deep, rich storytelling here, particularly between Hiccup and Astrid. Even the movies, which had flubbed the couple’s get-together, had more nuanced substance in their relationship.

So, yeah, we’ll assume all the interactions in between S4 and S5 have led to a betrothal. Hiccup and Astrid are “just friends” with an inexplicable attraction to each other when, at 17/18 (?) they’ve decided the hormones were too much so they’ve gotten together and... in a couple week’s time of suffering a volcano they’ve made arrangement for marriage. Maybe that’s how its done on Berk? We don’t know. And apparently they’re going to stay ‘betrothed’ for the next couple years... pfff

I don’t mind the pair’s interactions at all. They’re cute. But the fact remains that Hiccup, in his “proposal” whatsit, dropped the phrase “you’ve always been a part of our family”. That’s canon erasure right there. And right after some cuteness of pointing out how much Stoick adores Astrid (and Stoick would totally help/hand-anything-down for getting Astrid into his family). Like, I said, it’s that dark cloud hanging over it of the show trying to claim any of this as “canon”. That one offense seems to be constantly shadowing anything remotely cute or canon-like, reminding me to compare it to canon. It will always fall short. They did this to themselves :/

Oooh, the suiters come a callin’ for Ruffnut. Poor Throk. I think Ruffnut might have been far more receptive to his advances if he stuck to his original plan.

ISLAND CAT ISLAND CAT OI OI OI. I’d like to see it sometime.

Did... Tuffnut build himself a yaksuit or did he hollow out a dead one...? Either way, Tuffnuts a furry.

And WTF Tuffnut, I can’t believe he framed poor Snuffnut like that.

Ruffnut has clam jerky lips and she’s the older twin. I’m diggity down.

We get Queenie and Throkster again. I quite enjoy those two. And ol’ GP has to retire to... death camp, or whatever. That’s cool.

Best running highlight of this episode was Hiccup dealing with the Twins. There’s a lot of Stoick in Hiccup, and the irony is that Hiccup will never know how closely his frustration runs to that of his father’s in the past. There’s nothing unjust about the number of times he pinches the bridge of his nose.

Also, Toothless’s face right here:

straight up hitchups content imo

Also Ruffnut is TOTALLY WEARING THE SKULL OF A BABY NADDER. THAT IS A BABY. A DEAD BABY. WH O RETIRED TO DEATH ISLAND

Also, also

Is this entire island on the back of a dead dragon? I wasn’t paying attention if they explained that

that’s not a bewilderbeast, right? because those look like some massive tusks imo

OR AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM: I was drunk for most of these episode ans I don’t remember much...

DRUNKEN REVIEW MASTERPOST!

-Fuck I’ve run out of pages.... oh well...

EP 8:

-Toothless being used as nothing more than a dragon ride.... meh his character was trashed a loooong time ago.... still sad...

HTTYD DESERVED BETTER THAN THIS!!

-When you’re having existential crisis and Tuff comes up with this line...

OMG WHAT IS LIFE?!?! ARE WE REAL?!?!

-THROKRUFF?????????? BIRUFF ALSO CONFIRMED BITCHES!!!!! WOOOOOOOO

*Grabs Wine*

SHIT

-Viggo don’t do it....

Viggo....

Viggo you idiot....

-Viggo/Krogan Drama... *SKIP*

-OH MY GODDD!!!!! HOLY SHIT ASTRID!!! Get your head out of Hiccup’s ass for Pete’s sake! You deserve so much better than to have your character reduced to this.... OK SO I TOTALLY am all about girlfriends supporting boyfriends... that’s totally healthy and GOOD :) BUT this??!?! COME ON! I can only take so much bullcrap..... Does ANYONE on this show not have Hiccup praise so far up their asses???

*SOBS*

-PPPPPFFFF DRAGON FLYERS?!?!?!?! hahahahahah YOU KNOW.... BECAUSE DRAGON RIDERS IS ALREADY USED!!! 

HAHAHA...... oh god.....

-FINALLY SOME STOICK!!!! KEEP HIM HERE ALWAYS!!!! He seems like the only reedeming quality.... that is if you remove all the story... meh, he’s gonna get pushed to the side as usual sooo... *crawls back into corner*

-Inconcistency in the canon is something I no longer concern myself wiuth... it’s obvious how little they care about it lol....

PPPPPPPFFFFFF DRAGO FLASHBACK?!?!?!}

NOPE!!!!!

-Throk being bae... no wait...

-Sorry but BiRuff is life....

AND JEALOUS TUFF!!!!

-Man FUCK YOU...

-Hiccup running again..... FESTERCUP!!!!!! *WHALE NOISES* @tysonrunningfox

-Dragon eye because plot.....

haha..... wha??

-OK BUT.... Hiccup you fucking piece of shit.... I swear to God listen to Toothless!!! It’s the LEAST you would do when you wasted his character to bad! HOW DARE YOU!!!

EP 9:

-Kroggo is canon...

-I really don’t remember much of this episodes... just some battles and idk... Spitelout’?? I think they got back the Edge at some point...

OH AND JEALOUS TUFF!!!!

-Krogan is soooo turned on rn @despiteherself

-Astrid discovers Viggo... OH SHOCK

-Same Snotlout.... same....

OK that’s it for today!!! I NEED MORE WINE!!!!! Hope you enjoyed it hahaha because I think I did????

STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 10!!!

*ME RIGHT NOW*