#rottenapples

“Not tired at all,” he said cheerfully, leaning over to give Glanni a peck on the cheek. “I just missed you.”

“Charming little shit,” Glanni giggled, tilting up his chin and smacking his lips together. “Get down here so I can kiss you.”

It was a good thing the children weren’t around, or Sportacus would have been horrified with Glanni’s language. Luckily, it was a nice, quiet day away from all responsibility and worry. The kids were all home working on science fair projects, and Milford had even promised not to partake in any physical labor of any sort to ensure that Sportacus could have a lovely, uninterrupted date with his significant other. He leaned over to let his lips brush Glanni’s, enjoying the minty freshness that showed just how considerate the man could be in his presence.

“Will you come swimming with me?” Sportacus asked hopefully.

Glanni sighed, falling silent for a few seconds as he mulled over the prospect. Eventually, he sighed and pulled his hands out from under his head to better reach out and pull Sportacus down to him, smothering his own body in that of the wonderfully bare-chested hero. The criminal let his fingertips dance over the back of Sportacus’ neck as he met the man’s lips with his own for a long, lovely kiss.

“Is that a maybe?” the hero snickered only after they parted.

“For you, I’ll consider it,” Glanni relented. “It’ll give you a taste of your own medicine, you awful man.”

The hero looked genuinely confused at the statement. “What do you mean?”

“Can’t have you being the only god in swim shorts and sparkling in the sunlight with water dripping down his gorgeous stomach—” Glanni traced a finger down the hero’s front as he spoke. “—looking like the most beautiful, alluring man on the goddamn planet…” He gave Sportacus a wink. “’Cause I’m gonna put you to shame.”

Sportacus giggled, leaning in to kiss his partner again, more briefly this time. “I’m glad. It will be fun, Glanni. You’ll like it.”

“I know I will,” the man purred. “But…after a snack. You’re always going on about high duration or whatever, right?”

The hero rolled his eyes. “Hydration, Glanni. It means drinking water to make sure you—”

“Bleh,” the other man interrupted, scrunching his nose. “Nasty stuff. I’ll stick to my soda, thank you.”

Sportacus’ smile wavered. “Glanni, soda isn’t good for you. You shouldn’t drink it all the time. It doesn’t help you stay hydrated at all, it—”

The hero fell silent at the touch of Glanni’s finger upon his lips.

“Sporty, what did I say about the lectures?”

The blond pouted.

“I do your little twenty times time, I let you wake me up at the crack of ten o’clock, I even let you guilt me into having an entire day every damn week where I don’t have any candy. You try to talk me out of my soda and I’ll have to give something else up instead, understand?”

Sportacus frowned around Glanni’s index finger, his mustache drooping ever so slightly.

“’M un’leh terin’ ter—”

“I know, I know you’re only trying to look out for me, Sweetie, but you overdo it. Sometimes you’re as bad as the yellow menace at home.”

Sportacus frowned, tilting his head in curiosity when Glanni pulled back his finger and pushed Sportacus off of him so he could sit up properly. The hero blinked, staring at the sky for a moment before turning his head to gaze at his boyfriend again.

“I just worry about you,” the hero said from where he now laid. “I know you do not like healthy things, Glanni, but they’re good for you! I want you to feel good and be healthy and…live a long life.”

“Health is more individualized than you think,” Glanni sighed contently, rolling his shoulders. “Anyway, if you’re going to have me running around out there looking like a drowning fool, we should fuel up first, don’t you think?”

Sportacus smiled at the change in subject, sitting back up so quickly that Glanni startled at the movement.

“That’s a good idea!” the hero agreed. “It’s important to have regular breaks when you’re playing, especially outside,” he recited as he reached for his small, blue cooler.

Glanni gave a noncommittal hum in response as he reached into a large floral patterned beach bag to produce a small, pink cooler of his own.

“Oh, you have your own! That was very smart planning, Glanni.”

The con man flashed a smile at his boyfriend and set it in his lap. “Of course. Can’t have my goodies mixing with your little sports muffins or whatever and having you go into overload.”

Sportacus laughed and nodded. “We wouldn’t want to do that again,” he agreed. “Though I feel like I probably packed too much, now. I brought extra in case you wanted to try anything.”

Glanni waved a hand and lowered his sunglasses again as the sun emerged once more from behind a fluffy cloud overhead. “You knock yourself out. I have my orange slices anyway.”

The hero paused, hand frozen in mid-air where it held his sandwich. Glanni didn’t seem to notice and set about unlocking the lid to his cooler.

“You have orange slices?” Sportacus asked in amazement.

Glanni gave him a curious look, one eyebrow raising above his sunglasses. “Yes.”

“That you’ll eat?”

“They’re good! What, I can’t have one sportscandy that I like?”

“I didn’t think you liked any!” Sportacus replied with a grand smile. “That’s wonderful, Glanni! I’m so hap….”

His words died in his throat when he saw what his partner was pulling out of the cooler. It was spherical, yes; orange, yes; but that was definitely not sportscandy. Sportscandy wasn’t made out of tinfoil wrappers.

“Glanni, what is that?” he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

The thin man gave him a look. “What does it look like? Orange slices.”

Sportacus could practically feel the blood draining from his face at the sight of Glanni unfurling the wrapper to reveal the wedges of chocolate arranged in a sphere within, each of them attached to a center spindle. He couldn’t decide whether he should be intrigued or disgusted at the level of detail in the wedge that Glanni picked from the bunch and raised to his lips. The chocolate pieces were all textured to look like actual orange slices, only…they weren’t. They weren’t and they could never be.

“Glanni, that’s not an orange.”

“What are you talking about? Of course it is. The package said so.”

Sportacus felt his shoulders drop. “You of all people should know that packaging doesn’t always tell the whole truth!” he pointed out. “Glanni, that’s candy, not sportscandy!”

“Says you.”

The hero nodded. “I do! That’s chocolate! Ah…here!” He set his sandwich aside and rummaged around in his cooler for a moment, soon producing a piece of fruit. “This is an orange!”

Glanni’s jaw dropped as he stared at the round thing. He tilted his head for a better view, inspecting every angle of the thing in Sportacus’ hand. After a moment, he blinked a few times and sat back. “Huh. Well, would you look at that,” he said in vague surprise. Glanni shrugged and popped another chocolate slice into his mouth.

“Glanni!”

“What?” the criminal whined. “I like mine better.”

Sportacus sighed, shaking his head as he watched his unlikely beloved eat his faux sportscandy. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked, a faint smile on his lips.

Glanni grinned, wiggling as he secured his comfort on his towel. “Give me a cuddle while I enjoy my orange slices and watch the water with me?”