At first they don't acknowledge it, but then there's a particularly loud sound from Ilya. One of them almost spits out the water she just sipped and then they're laughing and comparing notes ("did Shane ever make you moan like that?" "never! Did Ilya sound like that for you?" "never, and we had some great sex")

After a while, Ilya emerges looking thoroughly debauched to fetch a fresh glass of ice water for Shane and finds his best-friend-with-former-benefits and his husband's best-friend-former-girlfriend debating whether Shane is incredibly talented in bed with men or Ilya is just down bad.

A lot of people, myself included, were a bit confused at the abrupt nature of Jax's abstraction. We didn't see it; one shot he was there and the next he was a large, glitching mess.

But the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. When it comes to suicide, you don't see it. One day the person is there, and the next they're gone. It's not something public and grand; it's a private, dark moment.

And it makes sense why Zooble was mad, saying "he waited until now to do it". And why Gangle couldn't cry for him immediately, but let it out days later. And why Pomni wished she had done more. Grief is a complex thing that never shows up the same way for two people.

Zooble represents the people who are angry at the people who commit. There's never a good time to die, and they cope by blaming Jax because it's easier. They call him 'selfish', because anger is a key part of grieving, and sometimes you can't help but unintentionally blame the person for what they did.

Gangle represents the numbness that can come with grieving, and how some people fall apart days, months, or even years after the fact. Especially since they had such a complex relationship with a lot of harm. You're allowed to grieve for someone who hurt you.

Pomni wished she could do more, even though she constantly reached out and was there for Jax. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. And when someone dies, you're always second-guessing every interaction, replaying conversations and thinking "if I said something different" or "if I did something different", would it have changed the outcome? And you never really get an answer.

In short, after thinking on it, I really love how brutally realistic Jax's abstraction was. It shows different types of grief, how different people cope, and how sudden and abrupt it can be.

{cw: idk much abt soccer, mention of bruises, a bit of sub!top!ellie, switch!reader, not lots of dialogue, ellie begs to eat reader out, nsfw and sfw separated, cum eating, use of “mommy” ellies just a big loser fr..}

sfw:

loser!goalie!ellie who when she looks at the scoreboard and notices that the opposing team is winning, stomps her foot on the ground and crosses her arms angrily and childishly; a moment which you constantly laugh at.

loser!goalie!ellie who's the most determined goalie you've ever seen, no seriously, she'll literally throw herself in the air to make sure the ball never even remotely touches the net, which stresses you out completely.

loser!goalie!ellie who melts into your touch whenever you bandage her bruises and press soft kisses to her forehead. “els anyone with two eyes could've seen that the ball was no where near the net, there was no need to almost do a cartwheel and nearly break your leg” proper place name backstory special stuff... cus she's not listening, obv too focused on how pretty the worried expression on your face looks right now.. tilting her head in her hands and smiling away. ^_^

loser!goalie!ellie who’s the happiest person alive when you praise her because she yearns for your validation at all times so when you're watching her practice out on the field, running back towards you during breaks to ask “did y’see that, aren't I doing so much better than last practice, didn't even have to get in any insane positions this time to block the ball!” in which you reply “ I did, you're doin’ so well els!” after that with a wide smile she'll skip back to the field twirling her auburn locks through her pointer finger!

loser!goalie!ellie who's the giddiest person ever when her team wins, she'll jump around and scream on the field then basically pounce on you to give you the biggest hug ever with a “WE WONNNN” like you can't see the scoreboard for yourself.

➽──────────────❥➽──────────────❥

nsfw:

loser!goalie!ellie who's immediately on you when you both arrive home, her hands are on your hips grinding her knee into your clothed cunt, her tongue swallowing yours, exchanging spit in the sloppiest manner possible, she's moaning into your mouth like a slut, already completely wet just from kissing you.

loser!goalie!ellie who acts like you're the one to score the points for her, breathlessly you sigh out “els— baby—wait let me cook for you or somethin, after all it's your win” and of course she uses an excuse along the lines of “couldnt have done it without you now please let me show just how appreciative I am pleaseplease—” begging to you eat out like the whore she is.. but you let her of course !

loser!goalie!ellie who's eating it like her life depended on it, her short hair disheveled and messy as your fingers are tangled in it, pushing her face closer to your heat, head lolling back with your freehand grasping onto the soft pillows, a string of uhh's and ohh— fuck's leave your slightly parted lips.

loser!goalie!ellie who's obsessed with your scent and taste, she'll get off on eating you out, taking her middle finger and making small circles on her clit as she's fucking her tongue in and out of your seeping hole, licking long stripes from your hole to your clit, your legs trembling as they close around her head to grind against her tongue, shaky breaths leave your lips as you cum right in her mouth and of course ellie doesn't miss a drop.

loser!goalie!ellie who goes “mmm— taste so good fuckfuckfuck thank you mommy thank you—” as she cums on her own fingers whilst licking yours up. you prop yourself up to look at the mess she's making, grinding against her own fingers, and glossy lips, taking kitten licks at your puffy cunt.

“mm— made mommy feel so good, my turn to take care of my girl now, hmm?” you say happily wanting to return the favor, and of course... she lets you ! <3