#roros fics

It’s just a hangout session, it’s just a hangout session, it’s just a…hang out…session…Ichimatsu plays that broken record on repeat until it skips in sync with his heart. How do people make plans on such short notice?! Shouldn’t you give him at least a six month notice so he can spend every second preparing until Ichimatsu is due to knock on your door? Or at least two weeks in advance, right? Isn’t that the proper thing to do?!

Ichimatsu’s churns with anxiety and he can feel everyone’s judgmental stares as he trudges through the sloshy snow. This perceived malice makes his shoulders hunch and causes his dark stare seem more fierce than usual but he’s just scared. What do you even do at a hangout session? Was Ichimatsu supposed to bring a gift? Fuck, yeah that sounds about right doesn’t it? In the rare event his parents have guests those people typically buy a gift don’t they…?

What is an appropriate gift though? Where can he get one without going too far out of his way? Should Ichimatsu turn around and call out on Todomatsu’s phone to let you know he needs more time to prepare for this spontaneous hangout session.

As he marches forward mentally rehearsing his cancelation plans Ichimatsu notices a convenience store in the corner of his eye. With a loud sigh Ichimatsu walks in and walks out confused as ever holding a bottle of cheap wine in his sweaty hands.

Ichimatsu has to turn around now! Now! Turn around NOW! He shouts mentally as he gets closer and closer to the address drawn on the handwritten map you gave Ichimatsu. God, is Ichimatsu really going to go with this? That anxiety quickly shifts from cold to scorching hot with each drag of his legs. His body burns, his stomach acid is eating his guts, his head is spinning, Ichimatsu can barely move another step and yet he does until he’s standing at your front door.

You’re going to think he’s stupid for being so nervous, you’re going to laugh at him and that anxiety almost makes him shit his pants in fear. Your eyes are going to sparkle when you point and shame Ichimatsu…You’ll pinpoint each one of his flaws and ridicule him in such a unique way that Ichimatsu will never recover.

Ichimatsu fights through this paranoia and knocks on your front door. “I’ll be there in a second!” You call out affectionately from the other side and a layer of tension melts away when Ichimatsu hears your familiar and lovely voice. “O-okay.” He manages to gurgle out holding onto the wine bottle with all of his might. Ichimatsu’s number one fear in this moment is less of you judging his existence and more of dropping the bottle he fought with his life to buy.

There’s the sound of shuffling for just a moment until you open the door. When Ichimatsu can see the light from your home and you smiling at him like you hadn’t even questioned if he’d arrive or not. “I’ll take that.” You reach for the bottle pressed tightly against Ichimatsu’s thrumming heart like you were plucking the fragile organ for your own.

It’s so intimate that Ichimatsu can’t help but shudder when you tell him, “Come in.” and welcome him into your home. Ichimatsu does exactly as he’s told and closes the door behind him. You leave the room to put up the bottle while making some faraway comments of gratitude for the gift. Ichimatsu didn’t actually plan on getting this far so that heat is back and it’s causing him to stand rigid with his lack of oxygen turning his face even redder than the shameful expectancy. What if…?

He erases the thought before it could finish right when his head begins to swim just enough for Ichimatsu to drown in the stress a familiar sound pulls him to shore. Your cat – the one Ichimatsu rescued as a kitten and the one he introduced you to is prancing up to Ichimatsu to greet him. He finally breathes and bends down to pet your cat.

“And remember you can always come over and hang out any time if it gets too crazy with your family.” You finish when you return to the living room. Your laughter fills the room and Ichimatsu is suddenly aware that he isn’t as nervous anymore judging by the fact he’s already pulling a cat toy for your pet to chase after. “You two look cute together.” You say and Ichimatsu feels another thick cut of the anxiety slice off.

This is how it usually goes, Ichimatsu sees you and feels an overwhelming dread because he desperately wants you to like him. To accept him and maybe even care about him eventually. Somewhere along the way your smile disarms the barbed thorns of that longing until only the soft petals are left.

“Is your roommate here today?” Ichimatsu asks looking around for that guy. He tries his absolute best to keep the bite out of his voice and to keep his lips closer to a grimace than snarl and it seems to work out.

You cover your smile just a little and say, “No he’s at school right now working on his finals. Why?” Ichimatsu tsks and looks away so you don’t notice his unfixed face. “No reason…” He starts with a half truth and decides to let the entire cat out of the bag.

Ichimatsu lifts the string up absentmindedly, “I just wanted to spend the day with you so I needed to make sure we were alone…I feel more comfortable around just you.” His face is on fire and he can’t make eye contact so Ichimatsu focuses on your pet jumping after the stringed toy.

“Because I like you the best.” If Ichimatsu avoids looking at your face it’ll make that confession less real and if it’s less real he’ll feel less regret when you reject it. “I like you the best too.” You fondly when you walk towards him. And this is when Ichimatsu becomes undone.

He needed six months to prepare for this, two weeks as the minimum but you texted Todomatsu this morning and asked if Ichimatsu wanted to hang out. He had to buy a gift, walk in the snow, when his head screamed every second of the way to run home where it’s warm and safe…and now he’s put his fucking foot in his mouth and goddamnit you said something so sweet that the world’s axis has shifted and Ichimatsu is plummeting off the side and waving to Atlas as he falls into the void.

Ichimatsu is panicking to say the least – how?! Why?! What is he going to do to convince the universe that he will repent for this happiness? What pain is he going to need to endure to even the balance? So he can ask for more? So Ichimatsu can be greedy and just once –

You grab Ichimatsu with two fistfuls twisting his several layers and pull him into your lips. It’s soft…it’s warm…and it feels nice, wow is this kissing? Is kissing so soft and warm and nice? Ichimatsu freezes and allows this to happen until he inhales when you pull back. Like he had been reset back to a normal stasis just for a singular second.

“E-excuse me for one second…” Ichimatsu says as politely as possible before his eyes dart around the room looking for your cat. The second he finds the animal Ichimatsu picks it up and puts his face head first in it’s primordial pouch and takes all of the scratching and biting he can endure. The second the cat finishes hissing and clawing its escape Ichimatsu smiles at your stunned face happily. “Please take care of me from now on.” He says with his lips puckered once more.

“Wanna come over and watch some movies?” You dialed up Ichimatsu and went through the necessary hoops to get him on the phone. “It’s almost Halloween so I figured I’d ask?”

“When? Tonight?”

You can already tell Ichimatsu’s frazzled again by the late invitation because he sucks in a breath of air between his teeth. You’re lying on the couch scrolling through a series of movies on your computer and eliminating which ones you know Ichimatsu wouldn’t actually enjoy. He talks a big game about psychological horror but Ichimatsu handles campy slashers so much better.

“Yeah if you’re not busy?” There’s a pause on the line before Ichimatsu exhales, “No…I’m not busy at all.” Your list is pretty much complete at this point with seven potential movies. “I have a lot I wanna watch, is that okay?” Ichimatsu makes a guttural sound on the opposite end before emoting yes.

“That’s fine…. I’ll be there soon.” Another brief stop before Ichimatsu adds, “I love you. Bye.” And hangs up before you have the chance to say the same. You look down at your phone happily because your boyfriend is so cute in his own weird way.

With that the call ends and you start preparing diligently for your doorbell to ring.  You check your pantry for snacks, you make sure your home is appropriately clean, the dishes in the washer, you send a text to your roommate that he should probably call when he’s on his way because you’re having company, you have a movie already loaded up and where you’d like to order dinner from in mind.

The sun begins to set by the time Ichimatsu actually arrives and like always he’s standing at your front door knock-kneed in a semi-formal outfit with a house gift bag clenched tightly in hand.

“You don’t always have to bring something when you come over.” You tell Ichimatsu when you step aside to let him into the apartment. “It’s rude not to.”

This time it’s a small box of cake pops and a card that has a message ‘nice to see you again’ scrambled in it messily. Ichimatsu tries to kick off his fancier than usual sandals and hand over these small treats at the same time but accidentally shoves them into your arms with too much force when you can tell he meant for it to be a casual exchange.

“Shit.” Ichimatsu curses under his breath and you plant a kiss on his forehead right when he begins to mutter darkly self-deprecating insults.

“C’mon, let’s go sit down. I already have a movie picked out but I wanna know what you’d like to see next.” Ichimatsu follows you shyly to the couch and sits stiff when you play the movie. During the opening scenes you ask Ichimatsu about ordering and get some snacks to enjoy.

Thirty minutes into the movie the two of you are quietly discussing the budget and the effects. There’s talk of the ambiance and whether or not it’s actually setting up jump scares vs being effective in invoking fear. Ichimatsu talks to you about the type of fake blood they’re using and how he can tell exactly which type based off of sight, “I think I should probably work in fake blood manufacturing. That’d be fun, I’d use real blood sometimes just to mix it up.” Ichimatsu says as a dark joke. 

You laugh and he almost audibly swoons.

It’s the middle of the second movie when the food actually arrives so after eating the two of you sit snuggled on the couch. Ichimatsu is pretending he isn’t sweating with his arm wrapped around your waist to pull you in closer and you’re pretending not to notice. He keeps looking over at you in the most obvious way possible with this little cheesy grin before he turns back to the laptop screen.

“Are you enjoying the movie, Ichi?” You ask the next time Ichimatsu glances at you. “Uh! Yes! I-I mean,” Ichimatsu yelps with a jump before settling back down, “I mean yes. I am. I was wondering the same thing about you.”

The flashing images dye the room blue and Ichimatsu’s silhouette casts a noticeable shadow against the white walls. “I was worried you might want to go out somewhere like a party and only invited me because you felt bad for me.” There’s an extended scream coming from your laptop speakers and you never felt the mood so romantic. Ichimatsu looks so sweet in the cool lighting while he licks his lips as a nervous tick.

“Well…maybe not because you feel bad for me, but because you like me?” He shuts his eyes and you know that’s your sign to reassure him and kiss Ichimatsu.

“I wanted to stay inside with you. Even if there were a party I’d rather be with you where I know you’re comfortable because you caught me! I do like you a lot, Ichimatsu.” You lean in and give him an innocent peck on the cheek.

When you settle back into looking at the screen Ichimatsu laughs almost drunkenly. If you didn’t know that sound better you might have actually found it a bit creepy but your boyfriend is just so cute when he’s happy that you don’t mind it.

Throughout the rest of the movie Ichimatsu keeps subtly telling you he’s no longer interested in the movie. His fingers draw shapes in the fold of your waist and they trail up and down softly. Every few minutes Ichimatsu shyly squeezes you close to him in a one-armed hug and ends it with a kiss on the temple.

When the credits play and you lean over to pause your video player you return to Ichimatsu who has his hopes written across his face.

Before long you’re counting the seconds in between each swirl of tongue and how much time you have before Ichimatsu pulls away to cough out his nerves.

One...two…three…four…five...six…seven…eight…nine…ten. You get ten seconds of trailing your fingers across his ribcage before he gasps against your mouth. Ichimatsu shivers murmuring something on the lines of, “I don’t deserve this.” Before he returns with both hands diving into the thick of your hair. Ichimatsu kisses you needy and hungry with escalating moans and he starts to lean back tugging you along with him.

Once you pin Ichimatsu on the couch he pants again with his chin tilted, “I don’t deserve this.” He says again before grinding against your thigh, “But I want it so bad.” You bite his neck tenderly and tell him softly, “You deserve this and more, I’ll prove it to you.” With each nip against Ichimatsu’s throat he squirms and you can feel his Adam’s apple with each gurgle-groan.

This will be your third time with Ichimatsu and he’s doing much better than before. He’s more proactive if his hands under your shirt mean anything. Ichimatsu’s fingers greedily grab anything they can reach and you can hear him sniff your hair in between hissing. “You’re so soft.” Ichimatsu says while he lifts his pelvis up more and more rhythmically with his erection hard inside of those sweatpants.

“Can I take off your shirt?” Ichimatsu requests earnestly while completely rigid. He froze just to huff the words out into the world and his palms are firmly planted on your large hips. ‘I won’t go forward unless you say yes.’ Is what Ichimatsu is nonverbally saying while he steals glances from you to the pillow of the couch. You gently smile at him, “Of course.” And place his hands on the fabric of the shirt and guide Ichimatsu until its lifted over your head and discarded onto the floor. Once it’s pulled off of your body you notice on the coffee table near where the shirt fell there’s a cat headband. You grab it and hold it in your hands.

Ichimatsu looks at you like you’re a Goddess when he sits up. “I’m allowed to touch, right? Not just look…?” Ichimatsu asks for permission again and you only hum out a yes response. Once consent is given Ichimatsu wraps his arms around your broad waist and pulls you close in another kiss. Ichimatsu kisses you so feverishly you barely have time to move the cat headband so you place it on his head.

“E-eh?” Ichimatsu pulls back and tenderly touches what you shoved on his head. “D-did you?” One finger investigates by touching one of the triangles before Ichimatsu’s entire body explodes with heat. You can see the warm hue even in the blanket of the evening’s darkness.

“H-heh…” Ichimatsu nervously huffs out with completely false bravado. “I-I guess you want to play wi…w-with…your…p-p-pu…pu…!” Ichimatsu ducks his head down because he can’t finish his sentence. He shakily breathes in and out before bringing you to his lips again, “play with your pussy.” Ichimatsu whispers against your mouth before melting into another kiss.

Once again you count the seconds between your lip locks and Ichimatsu’s limit being reached. You get to twenty now and since Ichimatsu is now rubbing himself off inside of those blue sweatpants you probably should get him to fuck you soon.

Ichimatsu breathes noisily into your skin and your phone buzzes right against Ichimatsu’s back. He jumps up like a cat that just been splashed with water when you dig behind him to get your ringing phone. It’s your roommate…You sigh and answer the phone.

“Hey, I got your text so I’m just letting you know I’ll be home soon.” You look back over at Ichimatsu who’s gasping with both of his hands clutched over his heart. “Can you pick up dinner and drinks before you get here?” You ask even though you and Ichimatsu already ate.

“Sure, what do you have in mind?”

You stand up and look around in the living room. The only light in the entire room is coming from your paused laptop screen and you can see there’s a bit of a mess of a few beer cans and snacks over the past few hours. Ichimatsu showed up around 6PM and now it must be at least 12AM... Most places are either closed or will take forever to pick up food from.

“Uhhh,” You stall for a bit more time as you usher Ichimatsu into your bedroom. He silently pleads with you to get off the phone soon because his heart can’t take the guilt anymore. “Pizza? Can we get a meat lovers? Let me ask Ichi what he wants.” You turn to Ichimatsu with the phone on hold and pull it away.

“We gotta keep him outta the house just long enough to bang, so you need to tell me an insane order.” Ichimatsu’s eyes go wide and he instantly crumbles at these words. “W-we’re still doing that?!” He hisses with both hands digging into the concaves of his skull. You watch him curiously while he both screams and panics before he instantly calms down.

“Tell him I also want Chinese and I’ll pay him back for getting me some chicken fried rice from Himatsuya.” You grin and unmute your phone. “Yeah, I want a pizza and Ichi wants something from Himatsuya?” You repeat.

“That’s kinda far isn’t it?” Your roommate asks pensively, “We’ll pay you back plus gas when you get here. I’ll also do the dishes for a week.”

There’s a heavy sigh, “Alright so a meat lovers and what from Himatsuya?” Ichimatsu leans over your shoulder and puts on his scariest voice, “Chicken fried rice…”

“Okay.” Then the phone clicks signaling the call has ended. This leaves you and Ichimatsu in your almost pitch black room. The silence is quickly filled with the sound of you laughing against Ichimatsu’s lips as you take one step forward and he takes one back. Ichimatsu tries to walk backwards and kiss at the same time but lacks the advance coordination to remove his sweats all at once. Just like before he stumbles and pushes against your arms but you’re able to guide Ichimatsu to your bed before he actually gets hurt.

You return to the familiar spot you were lavishing before in the crook of Ichimatsu’s neck and when you go to run your fingers through his hair you bump against the headband. “My turn.” You take the hair accessory off of Ichimatsu’s head and place it on your own and you leave a trail of heated kisses from his jaw to nape. Ichimatsu’s holding your weight braced in between his legs whining about you taking off your shorts now with one hand palming your breast and the other trying to sneak into your short sweats.

Ichimatsu’s always incredibly eager once you’re actually kissing which is so nice because it definitely lets you know he wants you terribly much. The first few times you hung out with him you noticed that desire because he’s always wearing sweats? How could you not see the outline when it’s so obvious even when Ichimatsu tried to hide it?

“Take these off, we don’t have enough time.” Ichimatsu reminds you in between moans in the middle of grinding against you again. You’re almost done leaving love bites across his stomach but Ichimatsu decides to begin to babble things incoherently the closer you go past his abdomen.

“U-un…Unless you want to ssu-suck me instead?” In the low light coming from the window you can see Ichimatsu’s half formed smirk and his knitted eyebrows when you look up. That doesn’t sound exactly like the dirty talk you’d expect from him.

“I’d rather fu-uh! Fuck y-you though!” Ichimatsu squirms under your gaze when you pull down his underwear. You take his erection in hand and wonder where he learnt to talk like that from while you stroke him off a bit.

“I’ll cum inside of you again so, please.” Ichimatsu pets your head right on the cat headband and gurgles some nonsensical promises as dirty talk.

“Ichi?” You cut him off mid-sentence when he repeats some line about ‘beating your kitty up’. “Yes?” Ichimatsu moans out deliriously.

“Where’d you hear that from?” You start sitting up to remove your shorts, “I like it but that doesn’t sound like something you’d say.” Ichimatsu covers his face with both his arms and almost chokes back a scream.

“I heard it from a video! I won’t say it again, I promise!” It’s as if he didn’t hear you say you liked it, you think with fondness. “No, go ahead. Say anything else on your mind.”

Ichimatsu doesn’t put his arms down but instead wraps them around his head more and gasps pitifully out, “I want you t-to ride me so get on my dick right now?” His voice sounds aggressive but his face says he’s such a shy boy that the juxtaposition is night and day.

“Weird question but,” This is the first time you’ve ever spoken to Ichimatsu outside of the regular, ‘what will you have today?’ ‘Nice weather isn’t it?’ And then the subsequent, ‘Yeah looks kinda gross out there but I love days like this’, just tidbits of information.

But this is the first time you’ve tried to make an honest connection with Ichimatsu and his hands are nearly ripping apart the menu he knows by heart. Ichimatsu’s supposed to head in the back next, his order is next, he’s glancing at your name tag – Izzy as quickly as he possibly, Ichimatsu has four more appointments this week and five more next week.

“Yeah?”

Ichimatsu swallows thickly as the paranoid thoughts race through his mind, he was only looking at your name tag not your chest, he’s only showing up so often on the schedule because Piper is his favorite cat and she’s so affectionate to even trash like him, and that he’s not being weird for showing up every day of your schedule, or because he finds you cute, that joke he made he made about leaving dead mice in front of the store was supposed to be about how much he loves the service – they’re supposed to be gifts!

He’s not ACTUALLY going to leave dead mice on the front step of the café that’s so weird and creepy, why would you even ask that?! Haha…HA… Ichi’s a normal guy, one who is being respectful right now and avoiding looking at you and speaking to you because you’re SO cute!

When Ichimatsu glances over expecting you to be glaring at him judgmentally he instead sees your sweet and easy going smile as if you were an angel telling him ‘Nah, you’re good.’ And he calms down a lot.

“You’re brothers with Pi right? One of the Matsuno bros?” Ichimatsu ducks his head and nods, “Yeah.”

“So that makes you the fourth one, Ichimatsu right?”

How do you know about Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu’s band first? “Yeah. Are you a fan?” Ichimatsu glances up at you and sees your smile strain just for a second. “You could say that, yeah! I like their music, it’s really good!”

You don’t look super jazzed up by the mention of the music itself. “Well, I know your brothers. I designed their latest cover!” Ichimatsu nearly drops his chocolate croissant.

“Y-you’re Tombscone?! Super hot Tombscone that Choromatsu won’t shut up about?! Super hot, down to earth, alt girl idol Tombscone that Choromatsu has been screaming about for weeks?!” Ichimatsu doesn’t know why he jumped to his feet and why he’s pointing at you, “I mean yeah you’re really hot but – “

You’re laughing like Ichimatsu didn’t say something incredibly weird or could even be offensive if you misunderstood his intentions. “S-sorry, I just!”

“I guess?” Ugh you’re SO pretty!! Ichimatsu screams in his hands because Choromatsu has such good taste and is so fucking annoying and that bastard kept reiterating he called dibs, Ichimatsu hates that guy.

Your voice is soo smooth, like velvet and the shape of your eyes are so pretty and holy shit your make up! Your hair! How’d you get it in those little buns?! Ichimatsu clutches his eyes going through all the stages of grief before settling on anger.

“So you’ve been coming in a lot, do you have a favorite cat here?” Ichimatsu screeches in response still in his hands. “So pretty what the fuck, Choromatsu!”

When Ichimatsu gets it all out of his system he straightens his back out to stand at his full height. Be normal Ichi, don’t be weird, don’t be trash. Ichimatsu can read the room and could see how hesitant you were when mentioning Choromatsu.

“My brother, how do you feel about him? He’s kinda a creep, right? Right?!” You are being VERY normal right now, Ichimatsu. That’s why Ichi’s invading your space and leaning onto the counter. Because he’s being normal. You don’t seem to mind at all, he’s seen your ‘I work in customer service and am uncomfortable’ face and this isn’t it!

 “To be honest, yeah! Dude, he keeps texting me asking me out on dates and hinting that he’s single. Your brother told me he’d pay me in exposure and physical favors…I think he was propositioning me?”

Ichimatsu nods in agreement, “Plus he smells funny, right?” You look at him for a second before shaking your head, “I don’t get close enough to smell him.”

“Don’t, he smells bad. Anyways, what about me?”

“You don’t smell bad right now, just like the coffee I guess? That’s kinda a funny thing to ask.” That’s not what Ichimatsu meant but your confused smile is very pretty and makes Ichimatsu’s already spinning head dizzier.

“No, I meant! A-actually nevermind, it doesn’t matter.” Ichimatsu quickly translates his words mentally to make sure he doesn’t use any phrasing wrong, and to make sure he doesn’t accidentally slip into his native language.

“All of us are trash so it’s not like it matters. We’re all unburnable garbage.” Ichimatsu mutters darkly under his breath and you nod, “Dude same.” Ichimatsu shakes his head, “No. Not you but my brothers for sure.”

He’s jealous and afraid of losing you to one of the more obnoxious of his brothers. A pervert, a know it all with the most abusive mouth out of the whole rotten bunch. Ichimatsu at least respects their mother – and therefore women in general.

“I have a band too.” Ichimatsu starts off. “I-it’s just getting off the ground, we have an EP in the works. Me and my little brother write punk music, real hardcore shit.” He motor mouths, “If you’re taking more commercial work, I can pay you actual money! More than I tip here too.” Ichimatsu tips so well even though the concept is foreign to him. He always tips 50% because he likes you.

“Yeah, that sounds great! I love music like that, I bet it sounds really cool. What’s the name of your band?” Your smile is SO pretty! Ichimatsu turns away to scream in his hands and it takes his entire willpower not to bash his head on the counter.

Wait FUCK! Ichimatsu mumbles under his breath, “I-it’s not really…appropriate to say here.”

“Nah, it’s fine! What’s the name?” Are you flirting with him? “Is it a bad word?” Ichimatsu stops staring directly at your face to tug down his hat. He suddenly feels really embarrassed and is definitely going to strangle Todomatsu when he gets home. That fucking bastard should’ve never started yapping in Ichimatsu’s ear about what a good iconic name it is.

‘Ichimatsu-niisan, girls love that kinda thing! It’s so clever and cute too!’ Ichimatsu is gonna kick his shit in, goddamnit Todomatsu. You stupid bitch. What does he even know about girls, he’s all talk! Ichimatsu hates him so much.

“I-it’s…” Ichimatsu whispers with his face on fire, “I-it’s Pwussy…Brain…” Ichimatsu is mortified. “Hell yeah, that’s a cool ass name!” You even have your hand up for a high five which Ichimatsu weakly returns.

“Let me guess, you guys are called that because you’re going to fuck our minds?” You ask excitedly and Ichimatsu falls in love with you then and there. “N-no, but we should put that on a shirt or something.”

“I could design that shirt, actually!” You’re so smart and funny? Ichimatsu knows the little giggle he just did was weird as hell but you don’t seem to care. “That wound be so cool.”

 “Here, let’s exchange contact info.” Ichimatsu does slam his head on the counter JUST once to get it out of his system.

It’s hard not to watch your every reaction but Ichimatsu wants to make sure you’re not skeeved out by his theatrics!

“Thank you so much!”

It’s a miserable day outside, Ichimatsu has to walk back to his two bedroom with Todomatsu after he grabs groceries and he forgot his umbrella. Ichimatsu will walk closely to the curb so he can be splashed with the water, he won’t watch his step aside from avoiding cracks and he’ll trip over an uneven block of concrete, Ichimatsu deserves this punishment.

The day is dark and gloomy, the florescent lighting makes your skin appear more washed out and pale, your make up is so trendy, you look especially cute in the uniform!

Ichimatsu’s thankful there’s nobody else in the waiting room right now, he supposes that everyone either cancelled their appointments due to the rain hitting the outside window pane. You’ve been laughing at his behavior and smiling a bit confused when you don’t get his actions.

Then it dawns on him immediately because you can’t just schedule atonement for fortune. “I don’t have a cell phone.” Ichimatsu says quietly as if he just remembered he only had a month left to live.

“I-it’s not that I don’t have a phone! Haha -ha…who would be our age in this decade without a mobile phone, o-only a freak that’s who! I have a phone! I mean, had! A phone.” Ichimatsu lies as smooth as unprocessed peanut shells. Not even grounded down to powder let alone peanut butter. Jagged, and crunching on his teeth as he grinds them nervously.

“No, I get it! It probably broke, right?” You offer him a lifeboat and Ichimatsu desperately latches onto it. With a nod Ichimatsu adds onto your story.

“I had a phone, it broke yesterday. I-I can give you my brother’s number? Not the weird one – another one who’s a normal guy.” Ichimatsu continues digging his own grave one shovel full of gravel at a time. You’re holding a pen and Ichimatsu can see the fucking casket on your arm.

“Yeah, did you drop it?” Ichimatsu nods. “I’ve never smashed mine up but I’ve broken a few too. You gotta get one of those super strong cases next time.”

Tattoos are pretty scary where he’s from but Ichimatsu wants to desperately to see more of yours.

“That’s okay, I can write my info down on that menu?”

You point the pen towards the menu Ichimatsu has all but ripped up, “My email and stuff then you can give me your brothers when you get a new phone. That sound good?”

Ichimatsu nods and ends up banging his head on the counter a few more times with the biggest smile he could muster. You pluck the crumpled menu out of his hands and write down all the information one could need for a business exchange and Ichimatsu scribbles out Todomatsu’s phone number.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” Ichimatsu asks almost breathless. You look at the schedule on the computer and your eyes light up, “Yeah! You’re coming in tomorrow right, we can talk more there!”

Then a pair of customers exit through the door and suddenly Ichimatsu is reminded he’s at the cat café. Your coworker welcomes him by ushering him through the door, and the second Ichimatsu sits down in his usual corner he giddily screams into the nearest fluffy tummy.

Ichimatsu wipes another bead of sweat from under the brim of his cat cap – wait, his what?! Why did Ichimatsu wear this fucking cat ear hat? First of all, while it’s incredibly stylish and protects Ichimatsu’s photophobic eyes from this hellishly bright day it’s a huge problem isn’t it? Doesn’t it just scream “Pwussy Brain”?!

Since when does Ichimatsu want to be the center of attention like this?! Doesn’t he hate attention whoring like this or is it only when annoying people do it? If Karamatsu wore his own merch Ichimatsu would wanna smack his stupid ass…but it would be nice if Ichimatsu was stopped on the streets for an autograph in front of his partner.

To really cement that Ichimatsu is cool and popular, plus didn’t all of his brothers help him pick out this outfit? Ichimatsu did just get back from a huge nationwide tour, lots of people saw him on stage and he took so many selfies with people! While Ichimatsu definitely isn’t a household name just yet, there’s a few articles that are set to be published on the Rolling Stones digital magazine.

That’s something, right? Ichimatsu’s been asked more than once; a whole three times if he’s from the pussy band when loitering with Jyushimatsu in front of the record store. He wanted to see if the vinyls were being sold in person and holy shit, they are.

Are you actually impressed? When Ichimatsu showed you the selfie taken on his nokia you seemed genuinely happy for him, but are you actuaaally impressed? Do you really think Ichimatsu is cool? You said Ichimatsu sounds cool singing, and that he looks hot when he plays the bass but are you just being nice?

Do you actually like Ichimatsu even though he’s trash? For real? Can’t you do better? I mean, look at this shitty hat he’s wearing, Pretty annoying, right? When Ichimatsu glances over at your content expression he feels at ease for just a moment.

Wait a second, this is no time to relax! Ichimatsu’s hands are sweating like crazy right now and he’s too nervous about his appearance to just pull his hand from yours and wipe it. It’d be weird, right? If you’ve been holding hands with Ichimatsu this entire time it’d be strange if he pulled away and wiped his damp hands dry.

 You’re talking to Ichimatsu about how excited you are for today’s date and your voice is so pretty Ichimatsu’s stomach is churning with anxiety again. Are you annoyed by his disgusting hand trembling in your own?

Is it bothering you? Ichimatsu’s nerves are getting the best of him and it feels like he’s standing on stage again for the first time and he forgot every word to every song. The light in his eyes, his mouth clamped shut refusing to open, hands in the correct position but simply too wet to be comfortable, and he’s choking.

“You good?”

Ichimatsu lies with a simple nod. It’s not like this is his first date with you but the butterflies in his stomach are hatching from their cocoons again. All at once like an explosion pushing their way of intricate casings of silk and chrysalis, bursting through his chest cavity into his lungs where they will lay their eggs in a vicious cycle. He can’t fucking breathe because all of this flapping and fluttering, what the hell!

Ichimatsu swallows down a scream because he’s SO nervous! You’d think by this time Ichimatsu wouldn’t be so worried about impressing you, that he’d calm down by now, but he hates himself so fucking much. Both the self-hatred and ego agree on one thing; that Ichimatsu belongs by your side as long as you’d have him. You’re the one who should leave him but even still Ichimatsu clings to your hand because he refuses to let go first.

“Trying to be,”

Not that Ichimatsu feels like he deserves you. He definitely doesn’t, but if you’re willing to look past his eccentricities then he won’t push you away. That’s only fair, right? Right! Ichimatsu clutches the band shirt you bought him a few weeks back, it fits him perfectly too.

Second of all, is it okay that you want to go back to the cat café? Ichimatsu hasn’t seen Piper in a while and he hopes she hasn’t been adopted. Is this okay though? It’s Ichimatsu’s second anniversary with you so shouldn’t he take you somewhere nicer? Like an actual restaurant? Shouldn’t he have dressed up in a suit or something?

Karamatsu told him to do a flash mob – would you have liked that?! Probably not but wasn’t Ichimatsu supposed to do something big and flashy?! He spares you another glance and feels his heart rate plummet to normal levels. The palpitations instantly cut off when you readjust his drenched digits in your hand.

“Try to breathe, okay? No need to be nervous.” Ichimatsu exhales softly. “I love you.” He says absolutely yearning to kiss you. Ichimatsu knows it’s okay, he’s done it before spontaneously but… “I love you too, Ichi.”

Ichimatsu sucks in a breath and shyly presses his lips to your temple. Punishment comes swiftly when he stumbles and falls on his face right outside of the cat cafe. The universe has a funny way of evening out like that.

“Are you okay?” You asked when trying to help Ichimatsu to his feet; of course he’s okay! He just did something incredibly embarrassing in front of you and you still love him!

“I am,” Ichimatsu says grateful that slip and fall probably earned him so much good luck. And look, his knee is bleeding. “Wait.” Ichimatsu hopes those flirting lessons he got from Osomatsu will pay off right now.

“Does that hurt?” You say, bending over and blowing on his knee. “A-actually it does, can you get up?” Ichimatsu hopes to god you’ll find this cute. You stand back up, “Poor Ichimatsu, can I do anything for you?”

Ichimatsu nods and shuts his eyes. “C-could you kiss it better? Here?” He points to his puckered lips. “Yeah, I think I can.”

Ichimatsu’s heart is racing. It’s beating so hard that he’s sure you can hear it from your bedroom across town.

What the fuck is he supposed to say? How is Ichimatsu supposed to play this game of 4D chess? What if this is a test? What if you block him immediately after he sends one? What about angles? Lighting? How to make his weird dick not so weird? Ichimatsu got this fucking phone for you, and now you’re going to render it useless because he’s too excited?! You might as well tell him to quit his job too, and kill himself since the punishment you’re asking for in exchange — Ichimatsu’s too inexperienced for this!

Instead he breaks open a shitty little notebook, and scribbles a dick in order to ease the tension. Next time he sees you! Next time, Ichimatsu thinks panting. Next time he’ll let you grip his hair, and force whatever you want on him! He won’t resist, but Ichimatsu needs to be passive so he knows without doubt, that you want Ichimatsu back.

With a click, carefully framed so you see the shadow of Ichimatsu’s true feelings erect on the dingy paper, he sends it over.

“Like what you see?” Ichimatsu asks, already cringing.

“Aw, I wanted to see the real thing.”

“Haha perv. I’ll send you a dick pic.” Another beat passes and Ichimatsu sketches out a more serious version, he even uses his real cock as a reference, when you respond. “Is that what your dick really looks like?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” Ichimatsu hopes he gets bonus points. Notice that I used your phrase. I watched that video, I learned it. Praise me.

You don’t reply within a half second, so that’s too slow. The shame eats him away like a moth, he needs an out.

“I gotta go to bed though, see you tomorrow at your place, at 5PM. I’ll be there when you get off work.”

“That’s specific. Good night.”

Ichimatsu’s body pillow is taken out, a rare appearance when he usually reserves it for Christmas related loneliness. He hides in the night to rub himself normal, every time he remembers, then clicks his screen open to let his fantasies return. As many times as Ichimatsu can until he’s exhausted in the morning.

After that it’s a waiting game.

What if you fuck him? Ichimatsu thinks, at the bath house. Then when he’s using his entire allowance to order you food, and when he buys your favorite snacks. When he’s standing in line, thoughts full of cotton candy affection, and having his virgin ass dominated in the most romantic way possible. He keeps remembering the image you sent a while ago, with two girls.

He can’t wait til you tilt his chin and make him drink from the carton of milk.

So when 5PM rolls around, Ichimatsu stands outside of your door when 4:59 becomes 5 exactly when he knocks.

You open the door fairly quickly, right when Ichimatsu’s knocking transitions to banging on the frame. The second he sees your face, Ichimatsu melts.

“Right on time.” You smile before commenting, “You nearly scared me half to death. I was wondering who was hitting my door like that. I was gonna call the cops!”

Ichimatsu swallows, then opens his mouth, then swallows again. “Sorry.”

“Alright, don’t do it again.” You exit your house, pushing right into Ichimatsu’s space. “Let’s go,”

“…Go where?”

“Gotta pick up groceries.”

That’s how Ichimatsu ends up riding shotgun in your SUV, thinking on repeat “Touch me, Brittany. Touch me.” In semi-patient anticipation.

He’s pushing the cart, hoping to remind you of last nights conversation even though it seems like you’ve forgotten it. Ah…a banana?

Ichimatsu watches you weigh a bunch. He plucks a random one after you set it in the cart. “It’s kinda like…”

His fingers wrap around the fruit like he was about to play with himself, “But not this length…”

Does that give him a pass? Is that flirting? Is that good enough? Do you hate him?

The expression on your face ignites Ichimatsu from head to toe, he can’t look at you too long or else he’ll combust.

He can’t speak for the rest of the trip, instead Ichimatsu’s tongue wants to swallow itself. So he dissociates until Ichimatsu’s helped put up all your food, until he’s eating the lunch you brought over, until you pragmatically hand him a toothbrush, until he’s spitting out the mouthwash, and until his hands are braced on your hips - wait, this is good place to start paying attention again!

Ichimatsu’s pressed back against your bathroom counter, and you’re kissing his neck feverishly. “That feels nice.” He sighs, he’s holding onto you for dear life while your body contours between his thighs.

“I just want to prepare you though,” Ichimatsu mumbles out mid moan, god you’re gripping his hair in order to access his throat. You teeth graze against his shivering neck, “It’s actually not that great.”

Your hand slips down to feel Ichimatsu through the fabric of his sweatpants.

“My dick, that is.” He loves you.

“So keep that in mind, don’t get disappointed.” Your smile is so bewitching, when you return to kiss Ichimatsu on the lips. You only say three words in between breaths, “I won’t be.”

“You say that now.”

Your boyfriend probably has pure intentions for this so you ignore his throbbing dick that keeps jutting into you. You close your eyes and giggle along with being bounced because its a lot of fun!

“Hehe, you’re so strong, Totty!” He only grunts in response, but you’re soon lifted higher as Todomatsu shifts his legs. You ignore what in other circumstances would be someone fervently dry humping you because your Totty is so innocent!

But maybe - maybe you're a pervert? Your bikini top loosens under Todomatsu's shaky grasp and you don't want to call attention to it to fix it, instead it loosens til it's undone and you're chest to chest with Todomatsu.

You'll say something if he does, but you're getting really tingly from the grinding. “Isn't this fun?!” Todomatsu asks you frantically, “I'm having so much fun!” He almost sounds like he's forcing himself to laugh at first, but in the end Todomatsu's robotic hahas turn genuine.

His nose is pressed into your neck, and you feel both happy that you get to be touched like this even if he doesn't mean to, and also a lil guilty.

“I can bounce you more if you want!” Todomatsu asks and you're so happy he wants to impress you with his strength so much!!

“Tell me you want more ” You want to misunderstand this so bad and make it about sex, but Todomatsu is definitely trying to show you his muscles. One arm supports you while the other leverages Todomatsu up so he can lean back.

He's getting winded from what feels like him thrusting and rubbing himself right near your clit - but you know he's not trying to.

“Can you?” You ask sweetly, after all you're pretty heavy. The sound of Todomatsu's slick swim shorts along with the ripples and rustling noises makes everything almost indecent.

Todomatsu's out of breath from this whole ordeal but he still doesn't slow down. In fact he's taken to adding a cutesy, “Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!” as he strains to continue.

It's getting rougher, you figure because Todomatsu is bouncing you with his pelvis and not with his legs. He leans all the way until Todomatsu is on his back, and soon Todomatsu is bench pressing you with both hands firmly gripping your hips.

You peep open your eyes to take a sneak peek at your boyfriend's expression and to your surprise his nose is bloodied.

“Bouncy, bounce! This is so much fun, right?! Do you want more?” Todomatsu repeats the last three things he said while lifting you so much higher you have to adjust your legs in order to match his tempo. Otherwise you'll stretch too far or be in an awkward position.

It really is the fabric at this point because you can't even fully sit flat on Todomatsu anymore. It takes only a brief second really, and maybe that's your problem - maybe you're slutty. The stretchy fabric of your bottom is pulled subtly aside. And you clench you're thighs perfectly so Todomatsu's tip pops out.

Now it's a timing issue, but you manage to raise up at the right moment and - ah?!

The grip on your hip tightens as Todomatsu digs his whole nails into your skin. He shudders since the barriers are gone, his dick rails you.

“Oh.” He moans deeply, then coughs. “Bounce...” he tries to say, but instead he bites his lip. The tide pulls in and recedes gently and the sound of the splashing is cute.

When you realize you're top less and having sex the first thing you do is look around to see if anyone is nearby and to your relief the only people are so far away they're practically dots off in the horizon.

“More?” Todomatsu asks, but you feel his leg muscles physical strain to continue. “More.” You take the offer and Todomatsu begins to speed up.

His rhythm becomes sloppy, his stroke is hard and wild, causing the waves to splash loudly. He's moaning something cute about being finally able to do this, and soon Todomatsu's hands travel from your waist to fondle your chest.

“I'm almost finished.” Todomatsu says softly in contrast to fucking you without the hint of gentleness.

His breathing is harsh, his legs shaking, he's moaning loudly, and most importantly Todomatsu is fucking you like his life depends on it. Like he's trying to rip you apart at the seams. His eyes close, and Todomatsu rolls his head back hissing as he hits his physical limitations.

You hear him panting your name under his tongue, and watch him strain to keep his eyes involuntarily open then close. He's nearly pulsating inside of you, going both deeper and harder than you've ever experienced before. His muscles are all going taut, and you know he's going to cum soon.

Except...ten minutes go by and you're choking on your own spit to stay upright. Todomatsu hasn't slown down or relented for a second, he still looks and sounds painfully at the climax, but it's you who can't keep up anymore.

It feels so good, your eyes are clamped shut, you're babbling something about “keep going, don't stop.” to your near silently shaking boyfriend.

Your toes curl quickly, and you bow forward where Todomatsu's open arms support you. You're so close, you can feel it start from your middle part that Todomatsu's expertly railing, radiating like a blooming flower as the sensation spreads.

You're making noise but your brain shuts off when the pleasure boils over into an orgasm. You heave one last time then rest entirely on your boyfriend's chest.

“Good girl.” You hear Todomatsu pant into your ear, “I'm going to cum now that you're done.” With those words Todomatsu's cute moans turn to grunts as he slows down.

Each pelvic lift causes your already oversensitive pussy seize up since Todomatsu is trying to fuck the air outta your lungs. You involuntarily puff out a gasp of breath each time until Todomatsu's grunting turns aggressive.

“Take it.” He murmurs, “I want you to take all of it.” He's growling now and you can't breathe anymore until you feel Todomatsu thrust one last time.

He's holding shis legs up, grinding gently with deepening pressure with each micro gesture. You're pushing down on him while Todomatsu is pulling upwards, with a warmth rapidly filling you up inside.

Your lips aren't as full as her's were, but that lipstick shade is close enough. Your complexion a bit more cool, almost murky in comparison to Dani's warm hue. Your eyelashes are not as full, but you have less laugh lines.

Even though Todomatsu never thought of you as Dani, nor Dani as you but it was easy before to tell the difference. Your voice is higher than Dani's naturally low pitch, despite being the same weight your fat pooled almost equally in your upper and lower half while Dani's shape was more a pear than hourglass.

She didn't need this much mascara, and she didn't need glasses. Dani kept her hair styled in a cute pixie that took much longer than Todomatsu would ever expect to maintain.

Under the Christmas lights Todomatsu can see all of the differences, but in the face of the similarities they might as well not exist.

You're bursting out into laughter, spitting out a bit of alcohol at a joke Osomatsu made at Todomatsu's expense. Dani would've laughed like that too, Dani had laugh lines from the amount of unadulterated joy she felt, and Todomatsu can see the hint of your overbite and beyond that your tongue. It's color and shape... Todomatsu looks away feeling flustered.

"He used to be afraid of the dark too." You lean over and push Todomatsu by the shoulder with tears in your eyes, "What?! For real?!"

A beauty mark right next to your lip, one right under your eye. Dani's mirrored the positions exactly.

Todomatsu's known you for a long time but he's never met with you outside of work. Why would he when he was so happy and in love?

You'd given him advice to relay to Dani, you'd even given him some old baby clothes before the ultrasound revealed Matsumatsu's sex. You offered tips based on your own history with a heart condition and the hardships you faced when dying during pregnancy.

But you lived and Dani did not.

"That was such a long time ago, Osomatsu-niisan. I'm not like that anymore." Todomatsu looks away again but he can't keep his eyes off of you.

You're throwing back another shot of sake and Todomatsu takes a drink of his own after each one. You keep smiling and touching him, and Todomatsu wonders would it be alright just this once?

Do you want him?

Would you care if he pretended you were Dani? After all its only been eight months, surely you'd understand the pain Todomatsu's going through. It's so hard to lose the love of your life, and Todomatsu has needs...

If you'd be willing to help him, he'd make it worth your time?

After all, aren’t you always offering to help Todomatsu out? His work, that he gratefully pushes off onto you, his child that he drops off in the early mornings so Todomatsu can sleep for at least an hour without wanting to smother the little bastard. Todomatsu let’s you give and give, and surely you want something in return.

You want him, right? For Todomatsu to repay your kindness, by letting you replace what he lost? That’s your goal, isn’t it?

Why else would you care so much? Isn’t the excuse, “I know how hard it is to lose someone,” a bit too lame? You’re divorced too, and for as long as Todomatsu’s known you, there’s this vibe of insecurity and over eagerness.

This time Todomatsu has something to give back. Maybe Todomatsu can repay you for everything you’ve done, he won’t ever promise you Dani’s place -but…can’t Todomatsu get what he really wants more than anything? You can stop doing the other favors if you need to, but this one is the most important.

Todomatsu has needs and you’re the only one left to fulfill them.

You're doubling over in laughter after Erina's pun. Dani would've shot a joke back thrice as funny without hesitation but you're choking trying to get your rebuttal out.

When you make eye contact with Todomatsu it terrifies him because that's not how his Dani smiled.

"I met your twin today at work, why didn't you tell me about her?" Todomatsu told Dani conversationally, she looked at him with confusion, "My twin?"

"Yeah another new recruite. You guys both have the same birthday and last name, it's almost as if you don't take me seriously or something."

Dani asked for the information and it turns out no, when she stared at your contact card she giggled and said, "Jesus Christ I can't expect you to remember me in a murder line up, could I?"

Simpson and Simplins. August 1st and August 2nd, in the same year too. That day when he learned these things about you Todomatsu automatically edited them in his memory so these aligned perfectly with his Dani.

Erina's talking again and Todomatsu's downing his 6th drink of the evening. He probably shouldn't have anymore.

"If you could have sex with one real person in all of history who would it be?"

The smell of gingerbread is gonna make Todomatsu sick, but jeez his dick is so hard thinking about the answer.

"My dead wife." Todomatsu's eyes begin to water and Osomatsu sucks in a breath next to Erina, he even starts scratching his cheek awkwardly. "Who died in childbirth eight months ago, I'd love to have sex with her one last time."

Just a few simple simple gestures and suddenly Dani is back in front of Todomatsu, alive and well with her swollen stomach and beautiful smile.

"My body still yearns for her." You snort immaturely next to Todomatsu, leaning over and Todomatsu slumps to the table.

"Lemme see her."

You slowly slurp from your shot glass, judging Dani critically, before swallowing the entire drink. "The ultimate downside of finding the one is she might die and leave you wanting." It's half bragging, half pure grief that has Todomatsu extending the phone towards you.

So you can see what you're being compared to. The perfection that was his Dani. You're drunk and when you finally wobble enough to sit up straight the first thing you slur is, "I pick your dead wife too."

What?

Todomatsu blanks, "She's so hot I want her to ruin me." You then snatch the phone from Todomatsu and show it to Erina, "Look how hot this dead girl is! If I knew how a threesome worked, boy say..."

You start pouring yourself another drink, but Todomatsu reaches out without thinking to stop you. He briefly tries to calculate if you're too drunk to make a move on, if it'd be wrong to try to take you home.

"What's wrong, Todomatsu-kun?" You ask, "I think you might've had enough tonight." Todomatsu gingerly pries the bottleneck from your hands.

"Don't worry, I'm actually faking this." You tell him with a wink which immediately lets Todomatsu know you've had too much. "Alright." He humors you while Osomatsu and Erina sneak off into their own little world.

"No, I definitely am." You look a lot more aware and less loopy than before. "In fact I can sound perfectly normal if I wanted to." That's a scary little trick. Your voice switches to its sober cadence.

"Are you lonely, Todomatsu-kun? I know I am these days."

Maybe Todomatsu was actually the drunk one because one moment you asked him a question, the next Todomatsu finds himself in his back on your bed.

When'd he get here, when did you take off his clothes? All Todomatsu can remember is a few disconnected sensations of pure ecstacy. Like a high he'd been chasing forever.

Todomatsu's Dani wouldn't have played coy for so long, she wouldn't have hinted at what she wanted. She wouldn't have used a joke to cover her desire.

Dani wasn't vulgar by any means, just open. She wanted Todomatsu and she let him know that without the confusion of subtly.

He can't close his eyes for this, not really. If Todomatsu closes his eyes then Dani disappears and all he'll be left with is your voice, and not her appearance.

You're beautiful in your own right, but you don't know how to touch Todomatsu like Dani could. He can still remember how she would drag her nails across his chest when she rode him. You're just clutching Todomatsu's shoulder with an unsteady grip, like you might push him away any second.

She's almost you, Todomatsu thinks when your nails hurt him. You're smiling - that's so it's familiar, your teeth catch your bottom lip just like his Dani's, and as Todomatsu lifts his pelvis you puff out like a gasp.

You say Todomatsu's name and he murmurs Danielle's. He can't look away, even as your head whips down in confusion.

"Hey?" Your voice isn't gentle, but even though it's clear you're offended you aren't shoving Todomatsu yet. You're still grinding so you can't be that mad.

"Don't call me by her name." Todomatsu shivers, so your voice can get that deep too? If he tries his best those dark freckles have their positioning flipped, and Todomatsu can pretend that the hints of your dark hair are actually a part of the ceiling.

Your glasses are pressing into Todomatsu's elbow where he's gonna keep them. You aren’t supposed to have those.

"I'm not her." Todomatsu blinks and he can't even see you anymore in his bleary vision.

"Todomatsu." You're losing your resolve quickly because Todomatsu remembers how much you loved it when he fucked you like this. "Keep up that energy, babe." Why didn’t you say it like how you’re supposed to?

Why did you say, “Please keep it up,” instead? Don’t you remember how you used to talk to Todomatsu?

Todomatsu hears your voice and corrects the mistake that goes through in ear out of the other, "I like that, Totty." Why would you say that, Dani? Of course you like that... oh Danielle... Does that feel good?

That whimper isn't right - and Todomatsu's lucky that he can't see a thing because he's sure the expression on your face doesn't match the mischievous, toothy little grin he's used to.

Todomatsu's grateful for the tears he can't wipe away, he's appreciative that your hips feel just a little lighter than before too.

When you were pregnant it was so hard to lift you like this. When you were - Todomatsu in a panic touched your stomach to make sure that little bastar- his son. Your son. Isn't there to kill you?

He sighs blissfully when he realizes your stomach is only padded with fat.

The noises he's making are harder to conceal, and you're not as passionate as before. "Please."

Todomatsu whines, "Don't make me beg, Dani." You snort, and that's his girl. Tease me, grab me by my hair and bite into my neck. Dominate me in every way, make me submit. Todomatsu's missed you so much, and he's been so good.

"C'mon now." You break the spell momentarily.

"That's not my name...This is getting uncomfortable," You still haven't stopped riding Todomatsu and he hasn't stopped pumping his pelvis into you.

"Could you actually at least not say her name?" You're mumbling something about trying to be understanding of his grief, but you're starting to feel bad.

"I know I'm not as pretty as she was, but can it just be me and you? Please?" You're cupping the bottom of Todomatsu's cheek, trying to wipe away his tears.

"You're making me feel worse than I already do." Todomatsu can hear what Dani would've say in his ears. This is getting pathetic all around, babe. If you're gonna sleep with someone else, at least do it properly. You can't triple cuck everyone involved and make it not weird.

Todomatsu swallows, trying to pick his next words carefully, he's being greedy and can tell he's not gonna get another shot at fucking Dani again.

You've finally stopped moving altogether, Todomatsu's tears have been dabbed from his cheeks and you look more terrified than he'd ever seen you at the office.

"No..." You suck in a breath, the absence of warmth will be missed but only briefly. "You're just as beautiful as she was I... you seriously look exactly like her, so I was being rude. I'm sorry."

Dani would've cussed Todomatsu out, she would've crashed her lips into his, and kissed him until he couldn't breathe. Dani didn't do jealousy, she knew she had Todomatsu wrapped around her finger and it took very little to regain his fleetingly wandering attention. That's what she did two years ago when you first showed up at the office. So Todomatsu wouldn't forget about her.

"You're not Danielle, and I know that." You settle next to Todomatsu to study the ceiling.

You're quiet.

"I don't want to be your band-aid."

That's bullshit. The selfishness in Todomatsu wants to scream hypocrite! Liar! Instead Todomatsu tilts his head up to look at your ceiling with you.

"Why not?" He asks softly so the rage in heart settles, "Isn't that the whole reason you're sleeping with me? Aren't you using me as your bandage?"

This line of thinking catches you off guard, "I wasn't imagining my ex." You defend yourself half heartedly, Todomatsu can tell you're picking your words carefully. "I didn't call you the wrong name." You don't even sound jealous.

"But you would've been here with anyone else since it's not as if you like me, or that I'm special to you." You roll over but don't kick Todomatsu out yet.

"You left your ex so you're lonely, and my wife was taken from me so now I'm lonely. Let's be each other's band-aids for tonight."

Todomatsu knows you've got one argument left in you and it's the same one he'd use in your position in order to hit under the belt.

Do you really think I'm okay with being her replacement?

No.

"Just say my name, okay?" That's such a pathetic request, and Todomatsu pitied you almost as he pities himself when you pull him ontop. "Don't call me Danielle, please." You're on the verge of tears, Todomatsu can hear just how vast that pit must be.

You sound so alone.

"I won't, Robin." You've looped your arms around Todomatsu's neck, and he kisses you tenderly when he slides between your thighs. Todomatsu understands his grief like he knows the back of his hand.

But this?

Todomatsu didn't expect to shift his attention from his own pain to the suffering of someone else. You're cautious in your neediness, like you're afraid that Todomatsu will say or do something that bruises you further. Your tongue is shy and skittish, your lips yield to Todomatsu's, you melt like snow under the warmth of his touch.

He hates having this much control. You feel so good wrapped around Todomatsu to the point where he could let you dissolve him. Swallow him whole until there's nothing left to give.

Todomatsu feels so alone.

The word slips out sincerely under Todomatsu's tongue, through his teeth and into your mouth. "Thank you so much for this." You pull away and Todomatsu murmurs them more into your neck, pressing a few kisses as he goes.

It feels so nice, so warm. "Thank you, Robin." Todomatsu pities you an incredible amount when the friction slicks, you really want to hear your name. "Thank you, Robin." You're squirming, and so much wetter.

If Todomatsu lifts your leg, you hold it there, if Todomatsu pins your hands you stay still. He can manipulate and control your body which is a freedom he's unaccustomed to. There's places to touch that Todomatsu's never felt before, new textures that he wants to explore, differences in anatomical variations. He wants to know more, to consume it. To bite, chew and swallow this novelty.

Dani wasn't submissive, Dani wasn't like this, and it's not Dani that Todomatsu is nailing to this bed. He's only been thinking of you - his Robin... No, Todomatsu tries to stake claim but it feels wrong. You're not his Robin. He doesn't own you, or can align himself with you in that regard. Todomatsu's heart still belongs in that urn sitting on the mantle of his living room. On that alter, with that picture, in the dust with his Danielle.

Danielle's Todomatsu is crying again, and you've just closed your eyes. You're ignoring Todomatsu's whimpers and sniffles, instead letting him bleed out in order to dress your own wounds.

"I love you?" You don't even sound convinced when you speak, Todomatsu can't tell if it's a poorly timed but legitimate confession, or if you're saying them in order to fulfill a fantasy.

"I love you too, Robin." Your eyes pop open wide, with the most lovely surprised smile, "You do?!" God, you ask so drunk and sweet that Todomatsu can't even feel guilty for lying.

"I always have." He plays along, that relief in your expression can't be wrong. "Ah! Th-thank you too then!"

You were wet before, and Todomatsu was enjoying fucking you but now, you're lying to Todomatsu and he's lying to you in turn. It's only been a few minutes but the sound of someone moaning his name, and saying so dishonestly honest 'I love you', while rolling their hips.

Todomatsu cums faster than he thought he would, and the second he does he breaks into a sob as he lies to you one more time, "I love you Robin." A major betrayal, and Todomatsu realizes with a jump he didn't use protection. Todomatsu cheated on the love of his life tonight and he didn't even use a condom.

You could get pregnant - Todomatsu could lose you too, he could kill you just like he killed his Dani. Todomatsu settles onto your chest, heaving hard to suppress the urge to hyperventilate. He won't throw up if he can find your heartbeat.

Todomatsu is driven by logic, there's nothing to he done at this point, if you're pregnant you'll get an abortion. He won't let you die.

Todomatsu nuzzles you until he locates your pulse. With an ear pressed Todomatsu stops choking, he stops writhing and his breathing stabilizes.

It'll be alright, Todomatsu won't make the same mistake twice. He won't.

_____________

This marriage is out of convenience since you seem hell bent on getting another kid. "Y'know, I'm kinda scared you never actually wanted to sleep with me. You just wanted to get pregnant."

Todomatsu's frustrated a bit since you only talk about the children, and work. He doesn't know a thing about you other than you love babies.

"I wouldn't have done that when I could just steal my cutie pie." You bow raspberries on Matsumatsu - Touhimatsu's cheeks. It's gonna take time getting used to, but Todomatsu is getting better at remembering his baby's new name.

Your toddler pokes Todomatsu's one year old son, then demands kisses of her own. The three of you are really affectionate, Todomatsu thinks with

envy. Over the months Touhimatsu's has become brighter of a child, now smiling at Todomatsu more than ever. He began crying and calling for mama so often you told Todomatsu you weren't leaving your son by himself.

Your son.

You claimed Touhimatsu as flesh and blood for months now, and he's come to love you as his primary caregiver. You sing to him, feed him, play, nap, change him and do all the little things Todomatsu was too tired to do with a smile. You look like his mother too, there's no denying that fact. Your physical appearance aside, the care you show for Touhimatsu is the exact amount you show for Vivi.

Touhimatsu is loved more as your son than he ever was by Todomatsu alone.

"Touuuhibibabyy!" You're singing one of your silly songs, and Vivi joins you, then Touhimatsu babbles along. The three of you start singing some love song you altered the lyrics to be appropriate for familial love.

This picnic is peaceful, the breeze is nice, Todomatsu's two children are laughing while you play a game of peakaboo, and everything feels wonderful. Todomatsu hopes the bittersweet taste will leave him soon, but for now he's glad he can witness this family. One day Todomatsu will feel apart of it by choice.

One day Todomatsu knows he'll feel happy that this is his life, one without conditions, or Dani's death as a prerequisite. One day Todomatsu will say, "I'm happy to be alive, and I love my family." and he'll mean it with his whole heart.