#root shaw

You’ve seen Root cry before. You saw her cry the second time you ever saw her in person, after you shot her in the empty server farm. Her utter exasperation, her fragile form on the concrete floor, hunched over in defeat, it had been a victory for you in that moment. You didn’t feel anything as you yanked her to her feet and dragged her back to the car by her elbow.

That woman had been so different from the Root you got to know months later, that you almost forgot she was there, hidden behind layers of smirks and flirtations, covered up with dedication and purpose as she gave her everything for the machine. You didn’t know if the machine had turned her into a different person, or if she always had this force inside of her.

You caught another glimpse of the woman on the floor of the server farm when she joined you on the bench in the courthouse, waiting for your number to come out onto the hall.

But this time, it bugged you.

She wasn’t even crying, but she wasn’t smiling either, not even at you, and that worried you. You always made her smile, even when it was the last thing you wanted her to do. But the machine was a part of her, and that part of her was being silenced by your enemy. You knew you could still make her smile if you tried, but it took more of her than it did before.

Root cried as you dropped to the floor in the stock exchange. You only noticed after you’d lost count of the bullets that tore through your skin. You only heard her screams when you thought it was over, that it was the end.

Root thought so too.

You hadn’t had much time to think it through, but you knew your decision was going to break her heart. There hadn’t been another option, but you felt an unfamiliar pull at your chest when those screams registered in your brain. You couldn’t look at her, even if it was your last moment, your last chance to see her face.

You heard those screams replaying in your memory for months after that.

The thought of Root crying in your absense left a hollow feeling in your chest. You tried to blame her for caring too much. It was her own stupid fault that she let you hurt her. But still, you had hurt her. The least you could do was make it through and make it out, and get back to her, to see her smile again.

And you do, after almost giving up and almost giving in. But she waits for you, and you make it back to her.

And she smiles, and she only stops smiling to stare at you with wonder in her eyes. It isn’t until she’s taken you to a safehouse and into her arms under the covers that you see tears in her eyes. You don’t understand. You wipe her cheeks with your thumb and you wish you knew what she’s feeling.

Your expression must let on that you’re worried, or confused, or whatever you are, because she smiles again. She ensures you they’re happy tears and you swallow away the cold air in your chest. You kiss her, and she cries more, but it’s okay.

You can deal with these tears better than you can deal without her.