Just found out what my new years resolution is. I am not just getting weirder with art but in general.
Today was my first day back to my second semester of college, and someone came up to me and started a conversation with me. I got really dressed up today and I looked great. They were genuinely interested with what I was majoring in and all that jazz. We start talking and at some point we go over being a roommate to someone in the dorms, how weird it would be, and how you'd be living with a complete stranger. I said "yeah, I don't know. I would love to dorm, but I really just don't want to explain my bone collection to a complete stranger."
It was a joke, I do have a bone collection but it was just funny to say. They immediately stopped engaging with me and left as soon as they could. They weren't rude or mean, but I could tell my joke made them uncomfortable or at least disturbed. I realized then and there, something I feel like I've known a while but just hadn't accepted.
No matter how hard I try to seem "likable" and "normal", eventually the people I'm trying to please will think I'm weird anyways.
So this year I'm committing to the bit. I just chopped off all my hair, I have no idea what it looks like dry yet but I've already decided that if I hate it I'm buzzing it. I'm cool with it, I'd like to see how I look with a buzz cut. I'm wearing clothes I want to wear. I'm talking about things I want to talk about. I'm wearing the make up I want to wear. I'm not shaving something unless I want too. I'm committing to it. If they think I'm a freak I can commit to being a freak. I'll have a fucking blast.