#romexrk

she can feel her tears prickling at the corners of her eyes and it takes all her might to not cry then and there. didn’t she promise them she’d keep her tears for after the showcase? for after their debut stage on the music programs they were to head over to? she had so many promises up her sleeve and a world of expectations on her shoulders, they were so many and in them, jihyun found herself faltering. teeth digging deep into the red of her bottom lip, coloring it white.

she was going to be strong, she was the leader -- she didn’t have any other choice.  

they gather together, huddled so closely jihyun could feel their heat. so close, she wondered if they could hear the erratic beating of her troublesome heart. or was it painstakingly clear on her face how absolutely terrified she was feeling? it was like no other -- an emotion that raked her entire being, something, quite honestly, jihyun had never once felt before.

this was different. she wanted to have only one beginning -- and today, it would be it.

today was the day -- they were finally going to make their debut: and it terrified her.

she gulps as shoulders brush against hers, and she’s closing her eyes tight. had she ever felt such a fear like she did now?

jihyun was practically shaking, a slight buzz in her step as she looks around at the others -- each face an emotion varying from her own. a mixture of excitement, adrenaline, and nerve-wracking volumes were raging among them. another buzz to add to her already intoxicated state.

she was the leader -- she should say something right? somewhere, somehow she finds her voice. a cough spilling from parted lips as she musters up a smile in the midst of her nerves. jihyun doesn’t even know where to start. “can you believe it, guys?”

“we’re finally here.” she almost whispers but it’s louder in her ears than ever. it’s repetitive, rewinding itself over and over again as she stumbles over her next words and the tears are in her throat again. “we all practiced so hard for the past seven months, and even more before that. we all want this, and today is the day we take what’s ours.” her voice softens, eyes downcast as she tries to repress the tears from coming once more -- they’re there, threatening to breach but she keeps her foot down, hands tightening around eunae’s as a precaution. “i am so happy it’s you guys that are standing beside me because there’s no way i could have made it through the last few months without any of you by my side.” her laughter smothers her voice, enough that eyes go thin and her lips spread far too wide that her hands tighten around the others’ tighter, harder to keep her ingrained on reality. hands loosen so they can loop around the other’s shoulders in another form of attachment as she glances from left to right, each face now drawn on the very back of her hand, for the next six years -- they were luxe.

“we did it!” she squeals in a way that’s oddly reminiscent of that old legally blonde character, elle woods and it has her shaking her head -- and her nerves -- because of it.

“today, tonight, tomorrow -- we’re luxe, and we’re going to motherfucking shine so bright -- they’re not going to have any choice but to look away.” she hushes the curse on her lips and smiles just as bright; shaky fingers raking through her hair before she momentarily realizes she had messed up the muse the stylists had made for her. she feels seolhyun’s fingers combing it back into place and jihyun’s hip habitually bumps into hers in thanks before her eyes graze the others once more, admiration shining so proudly in obsidian black. a magnification of their emotions spilling out of her in words flowing too quickly and perhaps a bit too breathlessly.

“luxe is love, luxe is life.” she laughs, quoting that one wretched shrek reference.

and in her laughter, their arms close around one another -- the hug making it harder to breath and she finds herself more light-headed than she already was. it lasts a second longer before they’re parting and moving towards the stage, pitch black and blind to their surroundings as the actual static of the audience fills in the silence that had invaded her eardrums.

it was now ( nevers no longer applied ) .

she squeezes eunae’s hand, again, a little reminder to keep herself grounded before finally letting go. she needed it -- to keep herself from floating too high into the sky, willing gravity to take it’s course over her body despite the flighty feeling turning in her stomach.

but where was the harm in flying so close to the sun? luxe would be her wings.

( hadn’t she always wanted to fly? )

it was time for her to take flight -- fingers hover over her ear monitor as she hears the music start up. it’s her personal favorite, 아슬해, that gets the ball rolling and jihyun can’t have it any other way.

the roar of applause, the crowd, themselves, is far larger, louder than she had expected. then it hits her, they were all there to see them, luxe -- the new girls on the block. they were all anticipating what they had to offer. and it was jihyun’s own determination that egged her on -- she didn’t want to disappoint.

the song is over faster than she’d like. the spotlight is hot, blistering on stage but jihyun can’t help feeling lighter than air as she takes the mic in her hands and bows almost immediately before rising, her signature ‘v’ sign flying close to her eyes as she winks at the crowd, “hello, i’m luxe’s cheri. goddess of the moon.” unlike the others, jihyun found herself struggling more -- wondering what title she could take up. it was probably more unrealistic on her part -- calling herself the moon goddess but soohyun had eased her into it.

( “you're the moon goddess!” soohyun had said, “a warrior protecting love and justice!” smile spilling over the screen during one of their daily facetime sessions. )

she liked to think she was keeping a part of soohyun with her as she took the moniker by name, plastered it onto her identity as a part of herself. she had always wanted soohyun beside her, at this moment, perhaps -- from this, she could be.

jihyun turns over the microphone as they begin picking favorites -- different songs rolling off of different tongues. her own favorite spoken finding a mate to bond over in the minutes they do so. jihyun can’t help but laugh as she smiles over at their youngest. “like xayah, mine is definitely thrilling. it just has that something. and it’s so different than our title that it really shows off our versatility, in a way. but i also love is still falls the rain, i think it’s a song a lot of people can relate to when they’re heartbroken and missing someone.”

still falls the rain is no other word but somber, yet it holds its notes in melancholy -- a sinking feeling of sadness, bittersweet tragedy that jihyun knows she should feel nostalgic to. but it doesn’t hold a candle to today, those feelings were once a part of her but as the song ends and her voice fades, so do those feelings. she lets go of her past to welcome her future. that was all she needed to think about today.

when the topic of memories comes about, jihyun finds herself fiddling with her thumbs in anticipation -- not that she was eager to share stories, intimate and affectionate as they all were with one another, moreso that she wasn’t sure which would be appropriate because of how intimate and affectionate they were with one another behind closed doors.

( also the fact that it spoke volumes on how loud they were when they were out of earshot from their company building and only had their manager to stop them )

“i think a lot of our memories revolve around food because a lot of us,” she eyes the girls pointedly, “love food. but another memory, and forgive that it is once again, about food -- is when seolhyun and seoyoung were trying to get us to eat a little more healthily. they tried to replace our rice with cauliflower! and of course, a lot of us -- having been so used to rice as being ... well, grains, were so shocked and refused to eat it. also because, well -- rice is rice, why would you want to change a good thing? it was to a point where we just had to say veto it. there was also the brownie incident -- and that also didn’t go very well ... let’s just say, i don’t think avocados and i are friends anymore.”

“and that time we all went to the bath house together but --” she presses a finger to her lips, a teasing grin on her lips. “i think you guys have heard enough of our adventures.”

the leader, fingers toying with the ends of her dark hair, leaves the rest for their imagination -- and slightly pales as she wonders if she’s left a little too much to be imagined. it’s something she dwells on more than she should, yet finds slipping through her fingers as she’s ushered away from the stage to prepare for their last act -- their title song.

the nerves from before are long gone because in just a few short minutes, the night would be over and jihyun would say that they had finally -- fucking finally -- debuted.

so, the breath departs from red lips when she hears dawon’s voice sound around the hall and a smile easily splits lips apart in a way that could only be from pride. the motions she’s practiced day in and day out the past seven months begin -- muscle memory taking over more than anything as she presses her fingers against the mic taped to her cheek.

when she flies to the center her grin is almost immediate, crystal white as she sings -- fingers all the more ready to press into her cheek as she belts out note after note, the harmonized backtracking she hears urge further. the added support all she needs as she sings the words that are more than memorized, they’re a part of her daily repertoire these days. she couldn’t even speak without thinking of the words in the song.

jihyun can feel the adrenaline beneath her fingertips, through her veins, raging against her beating heart. it was almost over.

                                        ˟ ✦  ——————  I’M FEELING IT, I FEEL GOOD

the start of the beginning, she thinks as she’s breathing hard when the song fades and the lights fade from spotlights to gleam over the stage as a whole.

as they stand at the end, her tears are again at the corners of her eyes. and she’s at the last of her wits to keep them from falling, she’s emotional -- far too much to be controlled as she holds the microphone in her hands. her small, shaking hands that quiver at each word she speaks. 

“thank you so much for coming to our debut showcase! please anticipate more from luxe as we continue our journey as idols. listen to luv game, please buy our album and stream happily! we’re extremely thankful everyone came out to see us and we’ll do our absolute best to never let you down. we’d like to thank everyone for coming to see us, to noh jihoon sunbaenim for helping us with mc-ing for this very special event, to our staff and managers for sticking with us and continuing to do so and most importantly, to our ceo, so jisub sajangnim, for believing in us and wholeheartedly entrusting us the title of luxe. we could only shine so bright because of your faith in us, thank you so much.” she bows, her hand on her heart; feeling the heavy thumps beneath the pads of clammy fingertips. her breathing growing even heavier as she feels the tremble in her lips. “from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much, again. and please get home safely. bye, for now ~ !”

when it was all said and done, as the lights on the stage finally give out and they’re behind curtains do the tears fall and all jihyun wants are for strong arms to wrap tight -- never let me go -- around her.