#romcom dr

THE BAG ITSELF,,

vintage prada messenger bag

BAG ACCESSORIES,,

keychains galore ( the rusty keys on the cluttered one don’t go to anything. i keep all my keys clipped to my belt loop )

TECHNOLOGY,,

mac laptop ( w/ stickers! ), ipad with keyboard attachment ( + apple pencil ), my phone, my airpods, but also my headphones, chargers, & a digital camera!!

ESSENTIALS,,

my vivienne westwood wallet, my glasses case with prescription sunglasses inside, a paper republic journal for me to just write random shit, my water bottle, annnddd hand sanitizer!

SCHOOL ITEMS,,

various notebooks that i switch out for each class ( or stuff all of them into it if i’m staying at tommy’s and don’t want to walk back to my dorm ), pencil case, & a book related to my major that i’m reading for fun ( textbooks stay at my dorm or go to tommy’s in a bigger bag )

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS,,

hermes pocket altar, hermes prayer beads, a tarot deck ( not always there unless i feel it needs to be ), mini sewing kit, & a pill organizer ( for when I start staying the night at tommy’s )

EDMUND "EDDIE" ADDAMS — OLDEST SON OF MORTICIA AND GOMEZ ADDAMS he/they transmasc non-binary 🇺🇸 16 years queer

❝ he's the second oldest of the mysterious addams family, patrons of the arts and enthusiasts of the macabre. he's a poet and a tortured artist. you can often hear him muttering to himself, picking at the paint dried on his hands that is suspiciously scarlet. he rarely speaks, but when he does, you always strain to listen. there's just an aura about him thats even unlike his siblings. ❞

its very strange being the odd one out in an already odd family. but, that's my current situation.

being born into the addams family means you've been cursed. which is a blessing, really. because our curses are beautiful to us. my mother's ability to talk to plants, my father's acrobatics, my little sister's lie detecting senses, my older sister's glamour illusions... even my little brother's gift is starting to show, likely a sixth sense. these are all beautiful gifts.

yet, I seem to have been ignored by the family curse.

powerless, left behind. I rely on my creativity and words to leave my impact in the midst of my gifted siblings. it's unfair. my mother reassures me I'm not less of an addams because of this. still, it's hard.

but, nonetheless, my sister and I head off to nevermore academy for our final years of schooling. i just want to get it over with so I can pursue my passions of writing. however, I run straight into a mysterious boy with hair as pale as his skin who dresses in black and crimson, and he immediately seizes every bit of my soul.

suddenly, my poems turn softer, more...romantic? what is this? what has this boy done to me? have I been truly cursed, and not in the good way? this...dorian blackwell is playing with fire he doesn't understand. I have to break his curse on me. but, with what? what kind of magic do I have?

well, perhaps more than I think.

now playing.... paint it, black — the rolling stones 0:10 ──⚬──── 3:22 ⇆ ◃◃ ıı ▹▹ ↻

next in addams family manor queue;

the addams family theme which witch — florence + the machine i'd rather burn — blackbriar all the good girls go to hell — billie eilish abstract (psychopomp) — hozier second child, restless child — the oh hellos spellbound — siouxsie and the banshees of lilies and remains — bauhaus friday i'm in love — the cure

"BEING VULNERABLE MAKES ME FEEL AT HOME, SAFE." ⎯⎯ actress dream reality

i : introduction

"SHE'S STRAWBABY JAM." ⎯⎯ children's book illustrator dream reality

"THOUGH I SAW IT COMING, IT STILL HURTS." ⎯⎯ criminal minds/teacher dream reality

"BEING APART OF SOMETHING SPECIAL, MAKES YOU SPECIAL." ⎯⎯ glee dream reality

"I AM SUCH AN INCREDIBLY, STUPIDLY SENSITIVE PERSON." ⎯⎯ harry potter dream reality

i : introduction

"ITS NEVER TOO LATE FOR A FRESH START." ⎯⎯ influencer dream reality

"A GIRLS DOLL IS HERSELF." ⎯⎯ nepo baby dream reality

i : introduction ii : mood board

𝜗𝜚　my main drs .ᐟ 𓂃

⁰⁰¹ harry potter. ( golden trio ♡ )

⁰⁰² star wars. ( actor au ♡ )

⁰⁰³ ever after high.

⁰⁰⁴ arcane.

⁰⁰⁵ modern family.

⁰⁰⁶ small town.

𝜗𝜚　masterlist .ᐟ 𓂃

harry potter ( golden trio )⠀✶⠀intro. moodboard. ask game. the couples.

star wars ( actor au )⠀✶⠀intro.

ever after high⠀✶⠀intro. moodboard.

arcane⠀✶⠀intro. moodboard.

modern family⠀✶⠀intro. moodboard. ask game.

small town⠀✶⠀intro.

THIS’LL BE QUICK… I think at least. I hope. But depending on how much I start to spew out over this whole situation I may write too god damn much. My mom always told me if you have no one to talk to, talk to yourself. Create an environment where you can at least trust one person, yourself. So when Lily wasn’t around growing up, or I was—for some reason—too scared to talk to her about something right away. I would write. In a notebook, in my notes app, anywhere I could. And I’m doing that now. Lily should be getting back to our dorm within the hour. And she will be a listening ear for me when that time comes. But there’s just so much I need to unpack, and my mind’s a mess at the moment.

Today, an hour ago, on Tuesday September 27, 2022, Tommy came to my room. After nearly 4 full days of not talking to him, and truthfully all out avoiding him, since Friday night. He came to my room. I was avoiding him because I was scared. SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT FRIDAY NIGHT. I had thought he was coming in for a kiss, so I went to kiss him back, only for him to pull away suddenly right as I did. I don’t remember a lot of what I was feeling in that moment. I think I was genuinly running on the adrenaline of my horror. If you’re me, with a many year long crush on your family friend, that kind of rejection is probably on equal par to finding out the zombie apocalypse is starting. I just started running away from him… well more so speed walking away. Rushing to get back to my room, get back to Lily. All I could think of was her as I silently let my tears fall down my cheeks. She’s been there through nearly all of the Tommy Shepherd related heartbreaks. This would be no different. At the time I thought he pulled away because he was absolutely disgusted with the fact I tried to kiss him. For those four days after, I kept thinking he knew about my feelings for him. AND I WAS TOO TERRIFIED TO FACE HIM. He kept texting me that he wanted to talk. I thought he was gonna let me down easy, and no part of me was ready for that intense of heartbreak, despite the fact I was already stewing in that grief. I don’t think I could’ve taken hearing, and not just inferring, it from him.

THEN TOMMY SHOWED UP TO MY DORM TODAY. Lily tried to get him to leave. She opened the door for me before I knew who it was. Apparently she ran into him at a dining hall on campus and he tried asking her how I was. Then tried bringing up the idea of him stopping by. While she lied about my wellbeing, she immediately shut down his idea. It didn’t seem to stop him though. He sounded so weak at the door, so sad. It was tugging at my heartstrings. I’ve always had a soft spot for Tommy Shepherd. Always. Lily really tried to get him to leave, but he kept insisting he would stay until I told him to leave myself. And I know he knew that I couldn’t bare to do that. He knew that he was my weakness, especially when he himself sounded so distraught on the other side of the door. I told her to let him in, she did, and then she left so we could talk. And we did.

He tried apologizing, which confused me. So I tried apologizing instead, which confused him. THAT WAS THE FIRST HINT THAT SOMETHING WAS OFF about both of our interpretations with what happened. Tommy began to explain himself. He said that he was drunk. He shouldn’t have stepped over the line with me. He never wants to make me uncomfortable like that. And all of that explaining lifted a weight off my shoulders and then sunk that same one down into my gut. I realized that he didn’t know I tried to kiss him back, he had no idea about my feelings for him. He just thought I ran away that night because he almost kissed me, and I was made uncomfortable by that fact. He didn’t pull away from me because I tried to kiss him. But because he thought better of kissing me. And that it was the alcohol that made him almost kiss me. While it was what little sobriety he had left that made him think better of it. I felt nauseous at the wonder of whether he would have kissed me if I was any other girl in that scenario. I COULD FEEL THE ANXIETY RIPPING AT MY STOMACH OVER ALL OF IT. Of the unreciprocity of it all. But I also felt relief that I could still hide my feelings from him for longer. Or forever if they’ll never go away like I fear. And I felt relief that he didn’t know this one specific intimate part of myself, that I was terrified for him to be privy to.

I COULD FEEL THE COMPLEX EMOTIONS RAVAGING THROUGH ME. But the grief stayed a focal point of my mind. He could hear it in my voice even when I accepted his apology. I told him I forgave him so he would stop apologizing for not kissing me—when I wish he would have—as if it was a crime against humanity. The more he rambled on about his apologies the more I was reminded he didn’t want me and I was tired of thinking about it. So I forgave him. Which was easy because I didn’t feel I needed to. I was never upset at him. Just too scared to face him. Not like he knew that or why. And I didn’t want him to. So I apologized to him. When he asked me if I was okay when my apology wavered as it came out, like I was going to cry. I just kept lying. No part of me was going to trip and fall into confessing something I spent four days petrified was already found out. He believes me when I tell him everything is good between us again. Because it’s not entirely untrue. BUT THEN HE ASKS ME IF WE CAN CALL AGAIN, like we have been the past month. Then more shockingly he asks me if “…we could go out somewhere together.” And it sounds almost like a date. And it’s just so confusing. Being hounded about how much he regrets something so romantic from almost occurring just to ask if he could “take me” somewhere in the most romantic fucking phrasing.

I don’t really know how to feel. SO MUCH HAPPENED AT ONCE. So much I felt. So much I learned. With everything considered, there’s a few things I know for fact. ONE; I still love Tommy Shepherd despite his lack of romantic feelings for me. I will probably love Tommy Shepherd for years to come. And every relationship I get into during those years will be spent yearning after someone I can not have. Dreaming of someone who is not mine. And wishing for things to be different. TWO; This will not kill me. Or at least my life will not end from this killing me. It’ll hurt. But it has hurt many times before. And I’ve gotten through it every single time. Lily is a big factor in that, for sure. But in some fucked up way, Tommy has gotten me through it too. Because he still loves me. Maybe not in the way I fully want. But we’ve been bordering on something romantic for years. Enough for my friends to think he feels something. It’s like getting mini micro doses of the one drug I need to live. It may not be a full 35mg of the Tommy brand of coke I need. But he gives me enough to get by. And it staves off the pain. He himself has the power to distract me from the pain he unknowingly causes me. And that fact is honestly a little bit sick and twisted. AND FINALLY; Tommy is picking me up from my dorm room at 3 PM tomorrow. He’s taking me somewhere. That somewhere is a surprise that he is definitely aware of because he’s, and I quote, “been thinking up ideas for a while now.” Help.