#roceit angst

‘Just can't do anything right’ he thought miserably sitting down and watching the dancers spin aimlessly. He was so deep in the spiral that he almost didn’t notice the in focus hand extended to him.

Roman looked up, Dec- Janus stood stiffly in front of him. Like he wanted to get away from the prince but something was keeping him there, figures, who would want to spend time with Roman.

“Dance with me” the side asked softly.

Roman had every right to say no, slam the mindscape shut and flee back to his room. Ignoring every voice in his head screaming at him not to, he took Janus’ hand.

He was pulled up, as he stood Janus changed their outfits. He wore a white, gold, and red dress that brushed just below his knees. His face felt sticky, like there was makeup on it and his hair was held back with a couple pins.

Roman had a feeling he looked good. But certainly not as good as Janus.

Janus’ subtle gold makeup highlighting his glistening scales. His suit was similar to his regular outfit, though there were far more gold embellishments and no cape. A red handkerchief, the same color as Romans sash, was tucked into Janus’ breast pocket. And his hair, now free from his signature hat, was almost blond, and fluffier than any other side Roman had seen.

Janus looked gorgeous.

Roman wrapped his arms around Janus’ waist. “What do you want, snake?” he spat. They twirled along with the fuzzy guests, Janus gripping his shoulders nervously.

“Oh, Roman, you wound me!” Janus cried teasingly. Roman flinched but remained silent. He lowered Janus into a dip, holding him steady and lifting him back into the air effortlessly.

“Is it so hard to believe I want to see you?” Janus asked softly. Roman ignored his sincerity, “Yes. Yes, it is. You hate me! Which is fine by the way you’re not the only one. But my question hasn’t been answered. What. do you. want.”

Janus sighed and leaned his head against Roman’s chest, “I don’t hate you Roman” Roman scoffed and glanced away, “Oh yeah, that’s a lie” he laughed bitterly.

Janus binked up at him, fighting back tears. “Ro I’m-” “don't call me that'' Roman snapped. He twirled Janus, catching him when he stumbled.

The two swayed in silence for a moment. Janus looked around, binking the tears from his eyes. Roman watched as the tension left his shoulders, must be great not looking at him. Roman had no such luxury. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of Janus.

Roman glared down at him, “whatever it is you want, you won't get it” he said definitely. Janus smiled sadly, “oh Roman, I’ve already gotten it”

The song changed pitch and Janus dipped Roman deeply. Their bodies pressed together, Janus’ gold eyes gazed into Roman’s emerald ones.

Janus wasn’t evil or bad, he was just a person. Yeah, he’d lied to Roman before, but maybe this time- maybe this time it wasn’t a lie. Maybe they didn’t need to be enemies.

Maybe… but Roman couldn’t do that anymore, he didn’t deserve second chances.

Roman pushed him off. “Please leave me alone,” he choked, wiping his eyes vigorously. Janus nodded and let go of Roman, he hesitated for a moment at the door.

Janus sighed and turned towards the prince, “I’m sorry about what I’ve done to you. You don’t deserve any of this and you have every right to be mad. Let yourself feel it, please.”

He disappeared.

So Roman did. He let himself cry, and scream, and threw an absolute temper-tantrum. It wasn’t fair, he wasn’t the bad guy. Janus was right; he didn't deserve it.

Roman took a breath, he was calm now. His face smashed against the bench he had crumpled on.

He got up and walked towards the door, he needed a bath. Before he left he spared a glance back into the room.