#roberts master

1 is a joke stolen (with permission) from @throschei

just watched the 1996 Doctor Who movie and… wow. I’d just like to say a few things.

The Doctor and The Master are beating NO allegations in this movie. I thought Three’s era was bad. I thought Ten’s era was bad. I thought Twelve’s era was bad. I thought Thirteen’s era was downright diabolical. But this single movie has managed to debunk every other Doctor/Master relationship in my mind. The Master was down ATROCIOUS for this insane little gothic Victorian looking man. Never thought I’d watch the Terminator wax poetics at some random lady and then some random dude about how much he wants Dorian Gray’s body. LITERALLY his second line was ‘I need The Doctor’s body.’ It was gay. It was unnecessary. It was brilliant. 10/10 Thoschei maxxing performance from McGann and Roberts.

The Doctor is legally insane in this movie. The Doctor getting in Grace’s car, and then following her home and breaking into her house after she made it very clear she wanted him to leave. Him threatening to shoot himself if the cop didn’t give up his bike. Punching through a METAL DOOR. Dressing like a Victorian man with raging internalised homophobia. Having the single most homoerotic physical fight with The Master I’ve ever seen. 10/10. Paul McGann, you’re officially the Doctor of all time and you only got 90 minutes onscreen.

The TARDIS is BEAUTIFUL in this movie (not that she’s not always beautiful). But like? The console room being a big library/lounge with a fireplace and chairs and everything? Glorious. The cloister chamber being like a cathedral, with actual bats inside? Unrivalled. Seven had divine taste. Nobody else’s TARDIS comes close.

Grace Holloway is a BADASS. Shooting the cop’s bike and then proceeding to single-handedly save The Doctor and the world from The Master? AND she was a super beautiful super intelligent doctor herself? This woman ran first and handed to Martha Jones the Olympic torch of one of the baddest bitches Doc ever had the luck to encounter. Save me badass doctor companions who fuck up The Master and save everyone’s asses, save me. 10/10.

The Master and Chang Lee were such a comedic duo. ‘Ha, you kill me man!’ ‘You.. want me to kill you?’ ‘No, you’re funny. You’re a funny guy.’ ‘At least one of us is amused.’ It was fantastic. Until The Master snapped his neck, but while it lasted, their relationship was iconic. ‘We’re a team!’ ‘Yes… we’re a… team.’ Solidified my belief that The Master should get companions too. 10/10.

Shoutout to Roberts!master in general. So many utterly resplendent moments. ‘I need The Doctor’s body.’ ‘This is an AMBULANCE!’ ‘Yes, that’s what he calls himself. *bad British accent* Doctehhh…’ ‘I always drezz for the occasion’ while descending the stairs in cvntified Timelord regalia. Dressing like the Terminator basically the whole time. Tapping on that nurse’s window like fucking Nosferatu. His weird slime. 10/10 no notes. You never ever fail me Koscheiphaynostrapolomaxakrafasa Oakdown.

So many people say this movie is shit, and it really, really was. But I have not been so genuinely entertained by a piece of media for a very long time. I haven’t laughed that much in ages. It took itself way too seriously and not seriously at all at the same time. I loved it. Despite being Americanised, it was still the silly, campy franchise I adore, if not a bit of a melancholy watch knowing what lies in store for poor Doc.