#rkyq

things had been hectic in the week she'd took to prepare both mentally and physically - from hectic dance practices with yuqi, to stressing over her outfit, to preparing the best performance she could muster. it was no secret the girl was a perfectionist, so no matter how short her appearance on the show was she would do anything to stand out for just a little more camera time.

things hadn't really begun to settle in until tingyan got where she is now - walking in with the rest of the hopefuls, really sitting where the first episode would be held. as the cameramen were getting their positions, her eyes wandered to the front, landing on the set of chairs she just knew had to be for the ceos. gulping, even the seemingly unphased tingyan couldn't help the wave of nerves approaching her. her competition had never wandered far from other dance schools or her own classmates - never had she been in the running with so many people this talented. for the majority of the waiting she stays to herself aside from the polite hellos and small talk, her nerves and final preparations getting in the way of allowing her to be as talkative as she usually is.

and though it feels like only a few minutes have passed amidst the nerves, she's eventually called up to the stage where she's expected to perform. it all seemed so surreal, and it's almost as if someone else's taken control and walked her up themselves. you've got this, tingyan. i don't know anyone else made for tv than you. her older brother's words ring in her head, from the phone conversation they'd had earlier. for a while, looking at others talking to their parents or friends for encouragement, tingyan swears she's all alone. but when she thinks of all those who have supported her - from yuqi helping her out with her performance, to soyeon making sure she looked pretty, and all the other friendly people she'd come across during her time there. it gives her the confidence that, if not anything else, she's here, and that's farther than she'd ever really expected to make it. she'd give it all she got to the judges - and it'd be enough for her.

once she approaches the stage, she imagines herself starring in her own movie, not really there. instead she tries to channel an amplified tingyan - a little more confident, a little nicer, a little less nervous. when the girl looks over to the judges who asked for her name, she notices the faint exhaustion imprinted on their features from the many contestants who'd already gone before her. she recalls the past interview she's partaken in as well as the encounter during her arrival at auditions and decides she'll try her best to leave an imprint on the judges. "graceful, young, and pretty! this season's ambitious queen, i'm your chong tingyan, hello everyone!" she'd created her own greeting a few days in advance, sounding similar to the ones idols had for entire groups. extra, but very tingyan. her introduction exudes confidence, which isn't entirely false, but she worries it may come off as cocky. also not entirely false, but that wouldn't be a good look for a new contestant to have. so just in case, she slips in a quick "i look forward to hearing your feedback! i hope you enjoy my performance," before continuing.

as the lights dim, tingyan gets the chance to clear her thoughts, imagining she was performing at a noraebang with friends. this could be her stage, if she claimed it. so when the lights are shining back on her and the music she'd heard too many times this week begins to play, she knows she's got this.

she'd got it all figured out - this portion would be dedicated to her charms. the choreography isn't hard in the slightest, obvious in the way the judges look on nonchalantly, but tingyan hopes to spice things up with her personality. so even though she's not singing this time around, her lips mouth the lyrics as her body moves to the beat. a little flirty, but more cute than anything. attempting to win over the heart and soul of her most beloved company, she delivers a finger heart to hyun bin in substitution of the point she usually does. the girl was certainly risking a lot here, but it was her best shot at showing she wasn't scared of trying new things. if anything, it was much different than her previous dance audition - far less involved with technicalities and dramatics and much more with stage presence and charisma.

so when the chorus hits, tingyan ushers the crowd to show enthusiasm, cheering "let's go!" as she points to the crowd, beckoning them to join in on the chorus. "i'm so hot!" she chants, beaming as her hands began pointing, doing the infamous choreography. few other songs could have matched tingyan so well, full of confidence and laced with a little cuteness on the side. the choreography isn't straining, and tingyan uses the opportunity to utilize the whole stage, waving in the direction of the crowd, and then the judges. when she reaches back to the center, she grins, mouthing one last "i'm so ho-"

silence. the music turns off for a few seconds, and tingyan notes the confusion through squinted eyes as she slumps her head over. it's only obvious once the winding up sound effect of the next song is heard this is intentional, as the girl's body moves with the beat. thank god for yuqi helping her gain control over her body, or else she may have never learned how to do it properly.

the song shift is...certainly different, straying from cuteness and moving towards a more fierce type of alluring. soft and cute moments are handed over for sharper,  more seductive ones. though it's a completely different drama, the moves call for all the years of ballet in which she'd learned how to have more precise movements when she danced. her eyes lock on each of the judges for a brief second a piece, unable to help the small smirk on her lips as she moves. torso bouncing forward, she feigned exhaustion with her hand over her forehead as the words hot hot were heard from the speakers. going from i'm so hot to so hot seemed to be a good choice - both with familiar lyrics but definitely different vibes. this portion was mostly to show her dance skills, that even though she had much to improve on regarding hip hop she could also do other things outside of just contemporary.

as she reaches the lyrics, she mouths these by heart as well, evidence that both songs had been ringing in her head for days on end. this choreography calls for her to point to someone, but this time, it's directed at katie lee. hey - it never hurt to try and pinpont your favorites, right? her body moves in each of the choreographed moves for the breakdown, a little less clean than it could have been but satisfying for tingyan considering her lack of experience in hip hop. she lingers on the last few beats, bringing her body into a squat then popping up to finish the song. the dance finishes with a turn to the back of the stage, looking over her shoulder to wink at the panel one last time.

as soon as the song's over, she's a little flustered, but manages to smile and deliver a thankful bow to everyone. "thank you for watching!" she says gratefully, one last time before following the route she'd gotten on to get back offstage.

she'd done it. she'd really done it. euphoria washes over her as she exits, finding her friends who'd been watching in the audience to give a thumbs up.

With the performances over and done with, it was only a matter of time before he’d know the result, and he could do nothing now but to sit down and wait for the CEOs to return to their post. Or so he thought at least, but soon Eric came to notice people going and coming, dragged out by staffers to who knew where only to return moments later. As expected there were still things he couldn’t prepare for this time -- things that were bound to be different from before. Questioning of another contestant after returning revealed it to be another interview and the young teen was suddenly confused. Hadn’t they already been through that once already?

Eventually he himself got called and soon enough his questions became answered and he felt slightly stupid. Of course it only made sense to do a follow up interview on his opinions of the auditions. For a moment Eric’s thoughts rested on a noona who had once asked him a question on evil editing in the mgas. Was this some part of it too? If anything it was certain that Mnet enjoyed drama and he also wasn’t a moment in doubt that some people were actually going to fall into those viles and tattle on one another. There was absolutely no way every single contestant was going to be all chummy with each other. Eric could only give a shrug at it as it was really just the name of the game.

Well knowing that his every word was going to be used against him, Eric still had no intentions of holding anything back as he sat down to perform the interview. Whether his blunt attitude was going to be his downfall only time would tell.

First of all; how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?

A mild start he supposed, perhaps to ease people up and feel settled before the real questions began. Eric was surprised at himself for how skeptical he was towards everything they were doing -- it didn’t feel like how he’d usually be at all, but somehow the reminder that this was, after all, a survival show had him be way more conscious of what was going on around him. But for now he simply went with the flow. “Obviously I became happy!” he admitted although it might not have been an obvious matter for every contestant. “I think if I’d had gone through so much trouble to return and not even make it through the first round of auditions I might really have cried! And that would have been really embarrassing so I’m glad I made it to here!”

With that being said, how do you think you did?

No hesitation or thought was needed for Eric to answer. “I think I did the best I possibly could today.” It was a bold and confident declaration, but he gave a satisfied nod to say that he was serious. “Today’s Eric Sohn was at his peak for my current ability. No matter what I’m not disappointed with my own performance today.” This was nothing like the Triple Threat challenge where he already knew from the get-go that he hadn’t gone into it with an earnest mind. Today he was on fire and would be stopped by nothing. He wanted to make it to the next round. No, he was going to make it. If he didn’t believe in himself who would?

Were there any performances you liked?

“All of them!” Eric beamed in response, again needing no time to think before responding. But as always he was genuine in his evaluation. “Simply standing here today... I think that alone already takes up so much courage. I’m not really a person who’s easily affected by nerves myself so it’s hard for me to understand, but I know some people have things like stage fright and stuff like that so? Yeah. People like that standing up and performing in front of so many people, that’s impressive no matter how you look at it, isn’t it?!” Excited, he swung his arms wide open as if that would help prove the point he was trying to make.

“I think all of the performances were impressive in their own way. The fact that people have put thought behind what to do and how to perform. I think that’s something to be admired.” Satisfied with himself he gave a nod and crossed his arms before his chest, waiting for the next question. After a bit of silence it seemed the interviewer understood that he had nothing else to say on the matter.

I suppose you don’t have any performances you didn’t like then. In that case, among the performances today, do you have a favourite?

This time Eric took a moment to think the course of the day over. When it came to looks Kim Yewon had been incredibly cute and charming and Song Yuqi who, in Eric’s humblest opinion had been the very image of a youthful beauty. Joo Kyulkyung had performed a rather impressive ballet. Choi Yena’s song choice had definitely left an impression on him, as had her dancing capabilities and Do Kyungsoo had presented a very satisfying violin display that Eric had greatly enjoyed despite having no interest or knowledge in the instrument. But amongst everyone on stage, one had stood out the most to him. “It’s gotta be Watanabe Haruto.” Perhaps an unexpected choice, but Eric was certain in it. “When it comes to being unique he really got that one down! That’s for sure! I’ve never seen anyone use skates like that! And his exit from the stage was definitely memorable too although I feel kind of bad for him!”

I see. From everyone who performed today, is there anyone you’re sure will be eliminated?

Ah, here it came didn’t it? With a light chuckle Eric answered as he didn’t really need time to think that one over either. “Watanabe Haruto.” Seeing the understandable confusion on the face of the interviewer as he listed the very person he had just praised, Eric gave a nod to confirm that he hadn’t made any mistakes and began giving his reasoning. “Honestly I have no way of knowing what he showed before today so he might have been incredibly impressive and whatnot, but although his performance was definitely the most memorable to me it also seemed... Kind of irrelevant to the show? This is about music, about singing and dancing and stuff like that. He’s like totally talented no doubt about that but he just hasn’t shown it in the right area today. Plus I know the kid -- he barely speaks a word of Korean! I gotta applaud him for even signing up in the first place!”

❝ CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING HERE FOR ANOTHER WEEK— HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE RESULTS FROM THE LAST EPISODE? ❞

     "last weeks results...were acceptable," her words start out slowly, her grin growing slightly tighter. "of course, i'm happy to still be here, but i was a little disappointed that all the effort daniel and i put into our performance wasn't recognized more." her voice is steady, lips slowly pulling down into a small frown, her head nodding along. "we did a lot in preparation for our stage, and in my opinion we worked really nicely together, but i feel like we were overlooked in favor of others— i guess i should be thankful we were safe regardless, which i am, but with how good it felt to be praised so highly during the first episode...part of me can't help but want more of that, you know?" with the quirk of her brow, she lets out a small laugh as she finishes speaking, another tight smile growing on her lips as her eyes closed slightly.

❝ WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE JAEMIN AS A PARTNER FOR THIS WEEK? ❞

     her shoulders relax more, a pleasant tone to her words as she speaks. "i enjoyed working with jaemin a lot— i feel like i'm very lucky to have been paired up with good partners for these last two stages," her head tilts to one side for a moment, looking off as she thought before finding the camera once more. "it's funny, actually— he and i knew each other before this, mostly through having mutual friends, but neither of us was aware of how talented we each were. when we first got together to start planning everything, he was so excited! it put me in a really good mood with him being so high energy, and i was happy to work with him as well, so it was easy for us to talk together."

     moving in her seat slightly, hands folded across her lap, heejin finishes off with a soft smile. "i really liked what we were able to come up with for today and we performed well, so i’m hopeful for good results."

❝ SO, DO YOU THINK THE TWO OF YOU WILL BE SAFE FROM ELIMINATIONS THIS WEEK? ❞

     nodding her head almost immediately, her brows raise slightly with sincerity. "i do," she begins, face serious. "even if we don't get high recognition like i'm hoping for, i have confidence that our duo will be fine— jaemin is a very skilled rapper who can do well on his own, and my vocals are strong as well, so the two of us putting on a performance together isn't weak by any means. i feel like we'll be far from the bottom of the roster, so i'm not really worried at all."

❝ OF THE CONTESTANTS ELIMINATED LAST WEEK, WHO DO YOU THINK HAS THE STRONGEST POSSIBILITY OF RETURNING? ❞

it really felt like only yesterday that kokoro had began to contemplate auditioning for the show. 

it only felt like yesterday that kokoro had began contemplating on auditioning for the show; night after night of going back and forth on a dream she thought she had left behind when she moved to seoul. the first audition had come and gone in an absolute blur, and somehow no one had really gotten suspicious about kokoro’s whereabouts on that very day. and now here she was, at an actual television set, with two of her best friends. bright lights hanging overhead and large, expensive cameras directed towards her and the rest of the contestants. kokoro sits upright in her chair, bright eyed, doing her best to survey her surroundings. she follows the prompts given to her by staff members and producers carefully, knowing there is no room for mistakes. this is going to be going to air, on actual live television. kokoro totally lets the fact that her mother or her step-sister might see this, and if she does think it, she pushes it to the back of her mind. for now. she’s sitting with yuri and yuqi, feeling less nervous about performing in front of a large crowd, but she can’t help but wonder who the panel of judges will be made up of.

kokoro ends up finding a lot of familiar faces amidst the crowd of contestants around herself, yuri and yuqi. she finds yoona, her dance dance revolution companion and jeongin, the k.arma fan from the showcase she went to a month or two back. she even happens across the boy from the royal cafe who ended up wearing her hot chocolate, a memory she would much rather forget. she hopes and prays that he doesn’t look back and catch sight of her. kokoro would of never of taken him for someone like her, a hopeful of sorts, someone looking to break into the industry. he seemed too ... cool for that. but everyone was here for their own reason, as basic or complex as it may be. and who was kokoro to judge? she was here for her own reason, albeit generic. there are hushed whispers and questions about who is going to be sitting on the panel for this round, and some people offer up guesses while others keep their lips sealed in anticipation. the 100 chairs have been filled by contestants, eagerly waiting for their chance to shine.

and then their questions have been answered. appearing from out of nowhere, or so it seems, is the ceos of the five, top companies in south korea, trc entertainment, kt entertainment, sphere entertainment, royal entertainment and nova entertainment. the reaction is positive, kokoro is guessing that a lot of people are losing their minds right now, although some people are probably dreading the fact that the ceos are getting involved so early in the competition. and no one’s fate has been set in stone. kokoro’s reaction is a mixture of surprise and excitement. she realises that she’s never seen the ceos up close before, or actually ever. everyone looks so big and famous, kokoro isn’t too sure that they’re all worthy to be sitting in the same room as these people. 

the callback process begins as one would expect. one by one, each contestant is called forward to show off their skills. they have two minutes to impress the judges and ignite fear in their fellow contestants before returning to their seat and so on. that was the jist of things, or that’s at least what kokoro understood after the first two people had gone forward. she pulls at the hem of her skirt. she knows that from here on out, her charms and cuteness alone aren’t going to get her very far and kokoro starts to understand that maybe she’s not cut out for this sort of stuff. the other contestants are really good dancers, really good singers and really good rappers, almost brimming on trainee or idol level good. kokoro though, hasn’t ever really had any formal training. she’s taken some dance classes and she was in school choir. her parents were never really big on her joining an academy to perfect her skills, well, her father was persistent that kokoro do what make her happy. her mother on the other hand, she was adamant about kokoro doing well in school and with her studies. having had her father absent during her teenage years, it’s easy to see the path kokoro had followed. the path free of any hopes and dreams she had.

     “and next up, we have ... kato kokoro.”

amidst her thoughts, kokoro’s name is called. she’s rather startled, looking across to the panel of judges, spotting katie lee, holding a microphone. it was a woman’s voice in introduced her, so it must of been katie lee. kokoro smiles, getting to her feet before making her way down to the front of the stage, being careful to not step any toes or trip on anything. because that would be very kokoro of her and typical, especially since this was going to be aired on television. she pulls her skirt straight before falling into a polite bow, holding it for a moment before standing upright once again. brushing both of her twin tails back over her shoulder, she looks towards each of the ceos with a bright smile. “hello everyone!” she says enthusiastically, waving both of her hands either side of her face. “my name is kato kokoro, please take care of me.” she doesn’t let on to what it is she’s performing today, and she hasn’t any intentions. the opening notes of the song will do all the talking for her. into the new world, by the nation’s girl group, chi chi. kokoro had heard that it was a song of importance to young people in south korea, a song of hope. 

it was a song she had heard prior to coming to south korea, it was just one of those songs that transcended languages and touched her heart. and that’s what she wants to do today, give a performance that is full of heart. an idol to kokoro is someone who brings others joy through song and dance. they may not necessarily be the best, but when they dance, they give their all. their passion shows. although kokoro is fearful that she may not be as skilled as some of the other contestants in terms of technique or skill, she knows that she has the ability to out do them in one aspect; in heart. she knows, standing there, center stage that this routine will be full of it.

and the song begins to play. it’s familiar to everyone in the room. it’s a song that everyone knows the words to, even kokoro. admittedly, she hesitated upon choosing a korean song to sing at her callback, but she needs to prove that she’s competent with the language. maybe not so much with interviews and general speaking, but with singing. she wants to prove something to herself. she stands there, hands gently folded behind her back as she looks out towards the panel of judges. as the beat drops, kokoro’s smile widens and she nods her head, moving forward into the choreography seamlessly. for a song that is over ten years old, it’s aged very well.

i want to tell you, even though the sad times have already past. close your eyes and feel my moved heart, my gaze at you.

don’t wait for a special miracle, there’s a tough road in front of us, with unknowable an unknowable future and obstacles, i won’t change. i can’t give up. 

kokoro’s voice is soft, her accent present. however, thankfully the tone of the song works with her, rather than against her. the beginning of the song is much more forgiving and kokoro knows she doesn’t have the vocal chords to challenge the end of the song with the high notes and the adlibs. she isn’t out here to butcher a korean classic. a part of kokoro can’t help but wonder if she really is good enough, strong enough to withhold the idol industry of korea. perhaps they aren’t interested in heart; performances that are wholesome and meaningful. perhaps they really do only believe in the best of the best. she knows too well that she isn’t the best dancer, nor the best vocalist but kokoro makes sure that she hits every single dance move, sharp and precise, as though this is dance dance revolution and she’s out to hit her highest score yet. even despite the foreign words flowing from kokoro’s mouth, something about this feels so normal to her.

protect me with an unchanged love, also my wounded heart. looking in your eyes, no words are needed, time has stopped. 

the song builds ever so slowly, inching towards the chorus. and as the song builds up, so does kokoro’s energy. the chorus hits and kokoro quite literally jumps into it, her smile becomes bigger and brighter. this is the feeling she chases, the feeling she so desperately wants others to feel. when people hear the music they love, they should want to get up onto their feet to dance and sing along. she wonders if the other contestants, or even the ceos themselves are surprised by her song choice ... or perhaps it was a given that she, the foreigner, would perform a classic like into the new world? into the new world was a right of passage for so many girl groups in korea, so why couldn’t it be a right of passage for a hopeful like herself?

i love you, just like this. the longed end of wandering, i leave behind this world’s unending sadness. 

in the many unknowable paths, i follow a dim light. it’s something we’ll do together to the end, into my new world.

she is no longer fearful of the outcome of this callback. whether she goes beyond her wildest dreams or falters right here, right now; she has come to realise that she is grateful for one thing; the opportunity to feel again, to feel this happy, this confident and this comfortable whilst dancing and singing to a song like such. the song cuts short before the dance break, which kokoro would of happily performed, only doing so would of pushed her over the two minute mark. pushing her hand outwards to her side she sings the final words of the chorus; it’s something we’ll do together to the end, into my new world. before finishing as she started, hands laced together behind her back. her chest rises and falls ever so slightly, she’s ashamed to admit she’s out of breath. but perhaps not so much from the singing and dancing itself, but from the excitement and the emotion she’s feeling right now. and not even then does her smile falter. it’s kokoro’s one constant. she gracefully falls into a bow, her twin tails becoming curtains, blacking out her vision for a moment before she straightens herself up, brushing them back behind her shoulders. she looks around at the other contestants and the ceos one last time, wanting desperately to savour this moment. it could be the last time she sees a stage like this ...

 Not to mention that the audition itself had been really quite fun. Minkyung feels like she’s her best self when she’s performing, and the allure of a bigger stage, more of a production, as opposed to some practice room in the back of a high school is positively alluring. 

 She immediately begins bouncing options around in her mind, and as always, she’s got a thousand ideas buzzing about her, so it’s really a job of whittling the numbers down. 

 The one thing she knows for absolute certain is that she wants to make a bit of a scene, it’s just a question of how to do so in the way she wanted to, with a bit of subtlety, so it might seem a little more organic. 

 She decides that she wants to lean into the cutesy thing, in an ever-so-slightly tongue-in-cheek way, as always. She supposes that’s just her thing. 

 The outfit comes first, for some reason, a little high-waisted denim mini skirt, a faded Spice World tee, a choker, and a pair of glittery silver knee-high boots that she’d gotten from a stall in Hongdae that were almost certainly some kind of designer bootleg. 

 It’s then, looking at the bootleg leg boots that she has a bit of a creative epiphany. 

 She doesn’t want to do something dour, or serious, not yet at the very least. She wants something bubblegum bubbly, something fun and bouncy, so she designs to lean into the fraudulent designer aesthetic and do I Don’t Want It At All; a high energy bop with cutesy materialistic lyrics that will be fun to jump around to. It’s also a rather challenging song in some respects, and Minkyung relishes chances to show-off just a tad. 

 She isn’t a dancer, so she doesn’t bother with a choreography, or any such thing, but instead sets into figuring out an arrangement. She only has two minutes and wants to make sure that her performance still has a sense of build, some peaks and valleys, lest it become monotonous by remaining at a singular level the entire time. She also wants to make sure she can show off a decent range of vocal technique within that short time span. 

  She opts to do the second verse and the pre-chorus, to create a bit of a build from a lower energy to a higher one, but instead of going straight into the chorus, she’ll instead jump into the bridge, and finish off with the final chorus, which is higher energy than all the ones before it, and will also give her the opportunity to really belt out a high note or two. She thinks it’s a well-balanced arrangement, and she practices it often enough that the song clings to her head like glue, almost driving her nuts. 

 By the time the day of rolls around, she wakes up to the song already playing in her head, which is perhaps a good thing. 

 She dolls herself up, throwing a denim jacket over the outfit she’d previously selected, cinching her hair into a high pony, something fun to throw around, and before long, she’s arrived. 

 It’s always interesting seeing the other side of this sort of a production, the security check-ins, the form-signing, the cameras and boom mics and stage lighting, the bones of the operation all naked like you never see them on the actual show. Its both grounding and a little exciting, like being let in on a big secret. 

 She finds a seat at random, smiling at Yuqi and her little girlfriend as she passes them by, quietly wishing them luck and ending up sat between a girl called Kyulkyung, and a boy called Suwoong, surrounded by a great load of noisy people, which ends up being great fun. Her and Kyulkyung eye one another up for a moment, whispering a few mild critiques and some small talk between one another before she’s distracted by Suwoong, who is uniquely friendly, on a similar wavelength to herself, Minkyung thinks. He initiates small talk with her, leaning over after every performance so they can express some brief opinions on it, their opinions becoming more imaginative as the performances continue, eventually turning into a strange game of elaborating on the theoretical life of the contestant in question based on their outfit, or gait, or choice of song and dance. 

 The section she’s sat with are all chatter, and they cheer and clap for every contestant who goes up, and by the time Minkyung hears her name called, shes been imbued with enough of that joyous energy that she hops up with zeal, finding her way to the stage easily where she she bounces into the the designated spot, the stage lights immediately rather warm against her skin, the cameras trained on her. 

 She gives the judges, and the camera, a sweet smile, bowing a good ninety degrees before pulling back up and introducing herself with a bit of a giggle. 

 “Hello! I’m Kim Minkyung! It’s nice to meet you on the stage today” she says, the smile that parts her lips suddenly a little strange, mysterious almost, as though she knew something those whom she smiled at did not. The glimmer of confidence, the cool unarrogant sort, unmistakable in her eyes. She doesn’t bother expressing some hope that they’ll enjoy her performance, as she’s more than hopeful that they will. She’ll make sure they do.

 There’s a brief count from some staff members behind the cameras, and without time to waste, the music starts, an instrumental that she’d artfully snipped together herself to match the arrangement she was doing. As it does, she doesn’t begin to sing, having purposely left a few extra seconds of music on the front of the track, but rather feigns surprise, almost worry, lifting an urgent finger to the judges to indicate that they wait, as though she’d forgotten something crucial, skittering quickly to the side of the stage in her boots, where she bends down to accept a plastic tiara, with little LED lights spelling the word “princess” on its front from a waiting staff member, a gag that she’d arranged beforehand, even though everyone on the show’s end seemed to be confused by the request. She secures the fluffy pink tiara tightly to the front of her head with a smile, flicking a switch on its rearside to turn the lights on, and then skips confidently back to the centre of the stage, stomping her feet into a self-assured stance and jumping right into her verse.

If you wanna get down tonight You better hook it up at the place I like Better make it fit like the perfect size Aw yeah, aw yeah And if you give me everything I want You go from none to number one Yeah, you're so cute, yeah, you're so fun Aw yeah, aw yeah

 She holds her position for this potion of her performance, her voice easy over top the bright, glittery synths. As she slides into the pre-chorus she begins to strut along the stage, each girlish stomp in time with a beat of the song. She’s not a dancer, but she’s got enough bodily sense to keep on rhythm as she bops and sways along with the song, a grin on her lips, pivoting her head so that she can feel her ponytail whipping about behind her. 

Baby, don't you fight it Close your eyes and swipe it Maybe I could be with you If you buy me diamonds And you keep me smiling Baby, I can be with you Oh, with you 

 Minkyung is having a lot of fun with her performance, bouncing along with each word, the vocals themselves having yet to become too demanding for that. She flutters her eyes with girlish flourish, mimicking the motion of a credit card swipe alongside the pertinent words, pointing at the camera with a wink, smiling wide and flashing the cartoonishly large hunk of plastic masquerading as a diamond on the cheap costume jewelry she was wearing. She’d initially wanted to strike a balance, to figure out how to be peppy and referential without being too much, but she had realised that being a little too much was a perfect fit for this particular song, and had decided to lean into it as a concept, summoning every drop of pseudo-ironic bubbly zest she could, although the gleam in her eye was entirely real. 

 She ends the pre-chorus with a high note on “Oh, with you,” ceasing her gleeful prancing so she could properly belt in out, the music fading into a more subtle, slow synth build beneath her as she flips her ponytail with apparent delight to sing an adorable “Woo! ah...” once the high note is through, blowing a kiss with the judges with her two fingers before bringing her hand forward so she could form a finger heart in the same motion, in time with each syllable. The gallivanting she’d been doing across the edge of the stage now slowing to a sensuous prowl to reflect the energy of the song itself.

I don't want it all  Give me summer in the Hamptons Give me summer in the Hamptons (I don't want it at all) Give me summer in the Hamptons In the Hamptons In the Hamptons I want all I want

 On the original track, the bridge made use of a robotic filter of sorts, but Minkyung takes the opportunity to show off some of her technique, leaning into a bit of vocal fry distortion to give her voice some edge and grit in lieu of any metallic effect, the bridge slowly building into a belt before she jumps straight into the final chorus, which she opts to stand still for, having found her way to centre stage once again, she focuses her attention back onto the microphone, and her singing, knowing that this bit was a challenge in terms of maintaining proper breath support, the way she wanted to do it. 

I want all my clothes designer (Ooh!) I want someone else to buy 'em (Yeah!) If I cannot get it right now (Now!) I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it at all I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it at all Give me all of your attention (Ooh!) Give me summer in the Hamptons (Yeah!) If I cannot get it right now (Now!) I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it at all I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it at all

 The synths rocket upwards in intensity the minute the bridge ends, and Minkyung launches right into the chorus, asserting what she wants and how she wants it. She chooses to lean into some of the ad-libs that Kim had done on the final chorus, including a sustained belt at the end of the fifth line. It’s fairly close to the ceiling of her range, especially after all of the energy she’d just expended, right in the middle of a bunch of other singing, and she has to sneak a breath as inconspicuously as possible, almost gasping it, turning her head away from the mic to do so. She manages it, however, having practiced this exact part almost endlessly, and plows through the rest of the chorus with a smile of self-satisfaction gracing her lips. 

 The song ends just as she makes one final declaration of how she wants it, and she’s sure to close with a bit of flourish, bringing her arm up in a big dramatic swoop to pose cutely with a v-sign at her temple. 

 She’s shocked at first, by the cheers from her little loud section, jumping ever so slightly before bursting into a laugh, bowing and thanking the judges quickly before she returned to her seat, happy to plop down in her seat, her legs trembling with the rush of adrenaline.

 As she watches the next contestant step up to bat, she begins to process just how much she enjoyed that, the bloom of desire to win this in her chest now twofold in nature.

jaemin had rested well, ate better, and finally found the time to breathe. the first leg of the mgas have been extremely stressful. no matter how much he denied it, haech always saw through his reassurances and the calm demeanor that he always had on. and truthfully, after finding out he made it through the previous round, he was relieved and grateful that there was someone calling him out for being too... closed off. he knew better than to bottle everything up, he was stressing himself out more than he should. his boyfriend had always reassured him that things will be fine and that he'll make it. and make it he truly did. he started his day right, with a smile and left the apartment feeling better than he did the first two times.

he finds himself next to song yuqi again. this time though, instead of looking like a deer caught in the headlight, he actually interacts with her and tries to make conversation. it wasn't anything in depth just yet, and there were still some idle moments but it was a start. and he hoped that he's not scaring her by suddenly being social. he starts looking around the room too, trying to recognize faces, smiling at xuxi and minkyung. it was unfortunate that jeno didn't make it. jaemin knew things would have been more comfortable with him around. he wouldn't look as awkward as he does now because at least with his friend, they'd be able to distract themselves with other dumb details they can talk about.

and then the pressure builds up again.

he twists his hands on the microphone, heart pounding against his ribcage as he was on standby. jaemin takes a deep breath, wipes his hands on his pants and puts on a smile as he steps on stage. he was smiling more than the first two performances, and he could feel the strain on his cheeks. like his interactions with the others, he didn't want to force it too much so he introduces himself and talks about the piece he will be performing briefly. it was an original song that he had put together a few months back, something different from the usual ones he does, but he wants those who will listen to enjoy it just the same.

the music plays and jaemin starts to move along to it, nodding his head and just trying to... relax. it was unlike his usual performances, there was less layer to it, but the sound is distinct. at the five second mark, he starts with a quick "uh," and at the ten second mark, he goes for an enthusiastic "let's go" and proceeds to whistle before starting his first verse at the twent second mark. although the feel of the song was different from the dark, heavy, and multi-layered versions that he had done before, his verses remained lyrical and occasional wordplays inserted here and there. this is the style that he feels that leaves the most impression, at least to the people who's heard his original songs so far.

his first verse starts almost as if he was dissing himself, saying that he's only ever performed the girl group songs, songs about heartbreak, face always serious, and not having a talent for variety. but he proceeds to rap about only getting warmed up and that he does know about love that doesn't hurt too. he continues with talking about not knowing how to smile but also knowing how to make girls' hearts flutter -- all while he does the unthinkable -- na jaemin does the finger heart at baek jiyoung and winks at katie lee. he cracks a small smile, looking a bit embarrassed but continues on with his performance. at that point, the beat starts picks up and he gets more into his performance. he starts moving his body to the beat, delivery growing faster in tune with the song.

the chorus drops and it sounds more like a slowy dancey beat but not too far off from the bridge and first verse. his delivery for the chorus was somewhat like he was singing, talking about how there's more that he could show, that there are more layers to him like the layers of his re-arranged songs, and that he actually knows how to smile. jaemin always thought that his humor was different from most, but it was worth a shot at this point. he shouldn't have to take himself too seriously, he already sent finger hearts to baek jiyoung and winked at katie lee. there's nothing else to fear. as the song continues to the next verse, it slows down again, back to the simple beat that he started with. his last bar talks about being more open and trying to smile more, but to keep making music that people would enjoy.

          surviving eliminations feels wrong,  no matter how hard he works building up for the day,  how much effort and will goes into making it past another round;  his thoughts are inevitably pessimistic in nature.  by the time they start calling out the names that will go home,  his heart leaps into his throat,  fists clenched in his lap,  nails digging into the skin  --  he expects it.

         and it never comes.

         could one call something like this, perhaps arbitrary in the long run,  survivor’s guilt?  relief,  however,  is like a high he can’t shake,  and he sits there for a while trying to process it.  he might not find his luck abundant enough to keep going,  but it feels strange for circumstances to acknowledge how hard he’s working,  how often the voice deep inside him tells him to summon the courage to believe in himself.

         once they begin calling the duos,  minhyun finds he doesn’t necessary know his partner,  gaze curious as he looks in her direction.  she seems nice enough,  though his attention falls more towards the guidelines of the round  --  both of them,  or none at all. 

         he should’ve expected that,  he tells himself later,  bitterly amused. 

         he spares a few thoughts doused with worriment towards how the partnership might go,  if it’ll be as smooth as he wills it to be.  he may be easy to please,  but he’s also more of a  avoid-conflict-if-possible type,  finding it rather exhausting to deal with.  however,  a few moments in,  he’s quickly reassured on his own,  yuqi being someone easy to agree with,  and eager to work.

         the song choice is proposed by his partner,  and he’s fairly quick to fall into agreement.  the song is catchy and he can see both of them succeeding in pulling off the performance but he can’t help but wonder if it’ll be enough.  will it leave enough of an impact?  will they pass with just this?

         as a result,  rearrangement feels like the best route in the long run,  the decision to rely on acoustics falling back on a voice that whispers its selfish desire at the back of his mind  --  do it to bring attention to yourself,  do it so it looks like you attempted to put some effort into the whole thing,  do it because you can.

         somewhere along the line,  it shifts into having fun and doing his best to support yuqi than it is about himself.  yeah,  he wants to survive so bad he can almost taste it,  but he knows victory is often bittersweet unless it comes with that satisfaction you performed and had fun with the people you’re with  --  he learns that best with empty enigma. 

         it helps that yuqi’s talented and outgoing from the get-go,  that minhyun doesn’t entirely have a chance to be as awkward as he’d been fearing.  her energy and enthusiasm is contagious,  and it reminds him of his own little sister,  the one he’s most protective of in the world.  so,  maybe it’s a cliche,  but he rolls with it and hopes the cameras can also pick up on the chemistry they build as they work on the song,  hopes it translates into the performance itself. 

         his main objective,  however,  is making sure he has the right chords down.  it’s the beginning that takes him some time to get down and lots of practice.  he starts,  stops,  repeats until he’s sure he could play the song as fluently as possible in his sleep,  keeps his guitar on him when he crawls into bed and eyes the ceiling as he strums to a beat in his mind,  often recognizing it to be the very song they’ve been obsessively practicing throughout the week. 

         but,  the very core of minhyun’s being has yet to change even though he’s been on stage for as long as he can remember,  has returned to it some time ago since reign was conceived from the ashes of his past failures,  even when considering the performances he’s done on the mgas alone.  taking all that into account and more,  one still can’t deny the common factor each week;  he’s so nervous he almost keeps forgetting to breathe. 

         he wonders if it’ll ever get easier. 

         he texts yuqi a  “we’ll do great”  the night before,  tacking a smiley face at the end and wills himself to believe his own words.  he believes they’ve done all they can,  have practiced until they could drop,  and he knows the song as well as he knows himself;  tells himself over and over,  chanting as if the words were a mantra of their assured victory.  (  victory,  the confidence the word upholds shakes him to the brink of his existence,  but minhyun’s always been good at pretending.  )

         he lugs his guitar around on his back,  secured in his case.  it’s almost a reassuring weight,  having something so familiar close to him,  bringing comfort as he thinks instead about how this instrument brought him and his mother closer,  occasional memories with his father as he sat on his lap as a small child and watched the other play with wonderment present in his gaze.  it feels like he himself has been playing for a lifetime now,  and the idea settles him  --  he can do this,  he knows he can,  and he can do it well.

         “you ready?”  various individuals ask throughout the week  --  he wills himself not to retort with how he’s sure his lifespan decreases by a couple years each time he’s asked,  instead just shrugs slightly and offers an  as ready as i’ll ever be.

         new week,  same old routine.

         he pays more attention this round,  racks his mind for each contestants’ name as they go up two by two,  and each one leaving a chilling feeling in his bones.  he doesn’t even know what his friends are doing this round,  more focused on getting through his own performance,  added with the fact he’s too often lost in his thoughts,  timing passing all to quickly.  if he didn’t already know it before,  he’s too aware of the fact everyone’s good,  of course they are considering it’s already episode three into the broadcasting,  but he wonders if it’s a mistake,  him making it this far.

         a few minutes before his performance,  and he’s starting to question his spot on the show  --  how typical.   

         sungwoon goes up shortly,  with his partner,  and before he knows it,  he and yuqi are called up.  he shoots her what he hopes is a reassuring smile,  and grips his guitar on the way up,  nodding pleasantly through the introduction.  his mind blanks and he feels he more or less floats his way to his seat on stage,  propping his guitar onto his knee,  before taking a breath.

         it’s a moment before he starts,  his fingers ghosting above the right chords,  letting his mind come into focus.  then,  he begins,  starting position staring at his fingers move as he waits for yuqi to start off the song with her voice.  then,  he lifts his head towards the audience and judges as he starts off his verse.

쓸모 없어지면 버려 몰래 문득 어렴풋이라도 기억될 수만 있다면 나 everything i do it for you i’m a toy, toy

         the acoustic version feels more sentimental in a way,  led by the emotion they try to channel into the song,  however there’s a casual attempt towards keeping it upbeat,  with the way their voices plan to rise,  with how they sway their heads and bounce a little to the beat.  his vision of the song is one filled with a certain longing,  to be one’s even if they don’t necessary hold you to the same degree. 

얼마 안 돼 구석에 놓이겠지만 이 운명은 네 소유인 걸

         to put it simply,  minhyun simply channels what he feels when he hears the song.  a degree of nostalgia as he thinks about on failed relationships,  often on the end of being broken up with,  or even more generally.  extending it to the sometimes overwhelming needs to feel like someone’s number one  --  it can be a difficult feat to achieve,  and with a pang of unwarranted loneliness,  minhyun allows his voice to grow louder as the chorus approaches,  intent in showing off a more powerful message for the middle part. 

난 너에게 더 이상 바랄게 없어 나로 인해 채워지는 널 본다면 꺼내줄 수 있어 다 가져가 주겠니 사랑이 장난이면 가차 없이 날 이용해

         he works various emotions into his expression,  eyes closing as he prolongs a note,  the corner of his lips rising here and then as he tries to play the persona the original vocalists had channeled when performing the part.  then comes their shared lines,  and minhyun looks to his partner,  sharing a small smile of comfort as they communicate with their eyes.

now you know, all you need is me i’m your toy, i’m your toy, i‘m your toy

         here comes yuqi’s solo part,  and minhyun nods along as he plays,  portraying the image of a man invested in the performance he’s in the middle of,  fingers moving almost on their own.  he’s sure she’ll go far,  filled with talent and hungry to show it  --  for a minute,  he hopes he won’t be the one holding them back in the moment.

난 너에게 더 이상 바랄게 없어 나로 인해 채워지는 널 본다면 꺼내줄 수 있어 다 가져가 주겠니 사랑이 장난이면 가차 없이 날 이용해

now you know, all you need is me i’m your toy, i’m your toy, i‘m your toy