#rknov17eval

he hadn’t been lying when he’d told baekhyun he was nervous. it’s only natural for his mind to wander; it’s not a far leap for his brain to skip ahead and see that this evaluation is not just practice. it’s real, concrete preparation. in a matter of months, it won’t be his coaches scrutinizing his words; the whole world could have access to them — and this is as nerve-wracking as it is exhilarating.

the same could be said for any one of his evaluations going forward, though ( and really, every minute of observed practice time since the day the group was announced ). any time he blunders through a dance workshop. any time his voice cracks on a high note. behind the closed doors of sphere, some coaches are harsh — but the public will be harsher.

it’s too easy to spiral into dangerous thoughts from there: wouldn’t it be crushing to fail an evaluation that plays right into his personality strengths? jinwook would rather not find out. before he enters the interview room, he takes a moment to rein himself in.

reset. he shakes his head like a wet puppy dog, both hands slapping lightly against his cheeks. mind clear. it’s just practice. he repeats it to himself again, and the second time, he sticks with the sentiment, snorting at his dramatic worries. it’s just practice, no matter what happens in the future.

introduce yourself and your position.

it’s an immediate relief, the way he manages to perk himself up as soon as he sees that familiar red LED unblinking before at him. the smile that spreads across jinwook’s face feels natural, despite his heart pounding loud enough for the mic to hear.

“hello! i’m kim jinwook, convex’s sunshine vocalist!” jinwook bows to the camera, expression bright, a rookie smile. there’s a brief moment of hesitation as he decides whether to do an extended version. his eyes shift to his coach, who gives no hints, and jinwook hums, continuing. “i got the name sunshine because i smile so much. i’m twenty-two years old and i’m from jeju.”

you’re originally from jeju, but we heard that you moved to seoul just to become an idol?

“ah,” jinwook says, “i originally moved to seoul to attend university here! that was about two years ago, but i’ve wanted to be an idol ever since high school.” he nods, eager to support the question’s implications of his passion, despite his rebuttal. “so as soon as i got to the city, i pursued my dream as often as i could. i participated in the mgas, season three in--” he tilts his head, misremembering the dates for a split-moment, “--the spring of 2016. i also attended some auditions for other companies, but i am so happy that my dreams can come true in sphere!”

jinwook’s attention shifts to his coach, then, instead of the camera lens. there’s sincerity behind the twinkling eyes and cheesy smile. “really, i am so grateful to baek jiyoung and all of my coaches from my trainee period~”

we’d love to hear more about your time as a trainee. you trained for over a year. what were some of your hardships?

“it’s easy to complain, but my trainee period was short compared to some of the other members. my dancing skills in particular are still lacking, and i feel regretful to hold the team back.” he nods to himself, electing to not delve into the grittier details. “i’ll never stop training to improve, so even though we’ve debuted, i do not consider my training complete just yet.”

“also, because of the long hours, i was not able to go home at all since becoming a trainee.” jinwook tilts his head, remembering his long winter hardships. this year, he resolves, things will be much different. this year, there is shining stardom at the end of the winter tunnel. december starts tomorrow, but he doesn’t feel hopeless at all.

“we have a lot of members in our team with faraway families,” he adds. “so i feel thankful to have my members as a strong support system here in seoul.”

of course, hopefully you can see your family again soon.

“of course. my family actually attended our debut showcase!” as the words leave his mouth, ljinwook suddenly brightens at the idea, his hands lifting to clasp in front of him. maybe debuting will finally convince them to make the trip to the seoul for him. he hasn’t seen anyone in more than a year.

“yes,” he continues, rolling on, “my parents, my two younger siblings, and my grandmother all came to see me. the whole family.” it’s a bit of improvisation, but not unrealistic. he’s not sure if there is amusement or disdain lurking behind his neutral coach’s gaze. still, he can’t help completing the brief fantasy. “for my grandmother, she was born and raised in jeju. coming to my debut was her very first time leaving the island in her whole life, so it was really special for me, and for my whole family.”

right, we know that your family influenced your musical interests quite a bit. can you tell us about any other musical inspirations?

“aside from my family... there are so many, it’s hard to choose.” jinwook chuckles a bit, relieved at the not-so-subtle nudge back to idol-related topics. dwelling too long on family matters may have strayed into emotional territory — perfect to frame his backstory in an idol reality show, but probably not necessary for a mock interview like this.

“i’d like to mention nell, first, and second, our company seniors royal pirates. as an aspiring musician and composer, i really admire these bands.”

“and growing up, my favorite idol groups,” admits jinwook, allowing sheepish mischief into his eyes, “were chi chi and brave girls.”

it has to be said, however, that amongst all the nerves is a building excitement. the particularly appropriate challenge for this month’s stressful final day only serves as a reminder of what’s to come — endless grilling from the public, perfecting answers to questions he should never have to expect and, thus, of course, debut. momentarily, his mind wanders to his million curiosities about how it’ll all unfold, but he doesn’t allow it to stray too far, since they’re about to start and seungcheol already knows that actually listening is the most important part of an interview. 

his coach makes himself comfortable in the seat opposite him, prepared with questions hidden to seungcheol’s eye. ( though, admittedly, as tempting as it might be, seungcheol is far too scared of being caught to have even tried sneaking a peek. ) anything could be written on those papers, and whilst seungcheol doesn’t think he’s ever done anything to be challenged on in an unanswerable question, it doesn’t hurt to anticipate the worst. he’ll either get what he expected or be pleasantly surprised to be spared; isn’t that foolproof? he supposes he’ll find out. 

“please introduce yourself.” 

easy enough, he thinks. “h-hello! I’m s.coups, o-one of convex’s m-main rappers.” he hesitates to playfully add ‘dancing black hole’, but quickly decides against it. it’s difficult to get his tone across when he’s stumbling over his words like this and he’d rather not be misinterpreted. still, he knows he can’t leave it at that — it’s far too plain, tells the coach nothing about him as a person or a performer. he inwardly cringes as he considers his trainee title as a last resort after he’s left too long of a pause between answers, but the moment has passed before he can think of anything else. 

“we hear you’re ‘sphere’s scaredy cat’. where did this come from?” 

he supposes it’s wishful thinking to think he’ll ever escape it. he doesn’t mind it too much; after all, he gave himself the name. he just doesn’t want it to be his only identity after debut. he’s much more than a scaredy cat, really. “I get st-startled v-very easily.” he breathes out a weak chuckle. “l-loud noises, mostly, so y-you can imagine w-what it’s l-like for me living in a d-dorm of th-thirteen.” speculation, of course, but he doesn’t think it’ll be far off the truth. 

“it’s becoming expected now for rappers to write their own lyrics. you don’t. why?” 

he sucks in a deep breath. “for a long time, I’ve been p-passionate about making rap more acc-accessible to all. I w-want to rid the industry of th-this idea that you ha-have you have an extensive b-background in underground r-rapping to be a rapper. o-of course, if you h-have that, that’s great, b-b-b-but— I think it discourages a lot of y-young people from pursuing rap.” his eyes widen in panic, wondering if he’s perhaps talking too much or even sounding judgemental to those who have that experience under their belt. of course, he doesn’t mean any harm by his comments; he can’t help that his own experiences with underground rappers has so often been sour. “I want to be a g-great idol rapper, so I c-can inspire mo-more future idols to feel c-confident in their skills.”

“we heard that you sang for your audition, though. if rap is so important to you, why did you sing?” 

“singing is important to me, too.” he answers evenly, the first sentence to come out free of trembles. maybe it’s because it feels like an attack, like he can’t be passionate about more than one thing, like he’s being accused of being unfocused, indecisive. “I’m v-versatile musically. rap is my f-focus, but I have a lot of tr-tricks up my sleeve I h-hope to show more as time passes. at the time, I had o-only singing publicly for a f-few months, so it fe-felt right to h-honour that new e-era of my life.” 

“you also sing monthly on your youtube channel, right? can you tell us more about that? we’re all curious who WZ is.” 

he laughs heartily, a soft pink dusting his cheeks. he wonders if they truly feel as if they’re catching him out here; as if he’s going to stumble ( not too much of a stretch to believe ) over an excuse for ‘WZ’s identity, but the real truth is— “WZ is convex’s shortest lead dancer, lee jihoon!” it’s rather noticeable how his stutter drops immediately at the mention of his best friend, and even more obvious how his features light up and his shoulders relax. his hands hidden under the table have stopped rubbing against one another, instead animatedly gesturing as he speaks. “we share a love for gfriend’s music, so I decided to dedicate the first cover of my monthly project to him. it’s also one of the two videos I showed him when I told him about the channel and my past with singing, so it has a lot of sentimental value.” his eyes curve as he pauses for a few beats. “my monthly project started as a way to ensure I uploaded semi-regularly on that channel,” and a way to keep sane through the rollercoaster that was 2016, he bites his tongue, “but it’s also now a testament to my growth both musically and personally over the past— wow, almost two years. you can see how I’ve matured from the early days, writing out raps to avoid bringing my two worlds together, to now. there’s so much more vibrancy in my covers now, even if I do have to record them late at night after training.” he chuckles, running a hand through his hair, hoping his blush isn’t too obvious. 

“speaking of jihoon, you two seem to be close. you’ve both posted about each other on instagram and you speak very fondly of him.” 

“jihoon and I have been best friends for almost four years. we’re— kind of opposites in a lot of ways and that’s why we work so well together. jihoon’s helped me through a lot, and he’s helped me to get closer with the other convex boys, whether he realises it or not.” he has a proud grin on his gentle features as he thinks to the endless encouragement the younger gives him, the unconditional support and patience. he nods softly. “it’s through his friendship that I’ve grown more confident in myself and learnt to take risks. where he is brave, I am cowardly, and where I am gentle, he can be unintentionally sharp. he has an attention to detail I don’t, and I have a nagging voice he sometimes needs. we’re always helping one another grow to be better and better versions of ourselves.” he hums quietly. “I have lots to learn from every member of convex; charisma from hyun, dance from the performance unit—” he pales, realising he’d uttered the word he’d been trying to avoid. 

“it’s no secret that dance isn’t your strong point. in a predebut performance in july, you fell a lot. do you think you’ve improved since then?” 

they really don’t hold back, he thinks, blinking once, twice, before he snaps back to reality. july is still a month he doesn’t really enjoy looking back on, and that much must be obvious, or he doubts they’d have honed in on it specifically. “I d-definitely still have a long way to go,” he admits, “but it’s something my interest in is growing in ra-rapidly. I’ve been working on it a lot recently, so please anticipate my next stage! you’ll see!” he smiles brightly, sighing inwardly in relief. 

“you didn’t take the college entrance exams, correct? so if you weren’t an idol, what would you be doing?” 

“music.” he answers immediately, not a moment of hesitation. “being an idol is the path th-through music that I want more than anything, but it’s not the only path. I have an interest in classical music, too, and a particularly strong interest in movie scores. my family also own a music store, so I would find a way to be part of music somehow.” he nods, adding quietly, “it’s my destiny.” 

“why do you think you deserve to debut?” 

“hard work, dedication and passion; just like everyone else. everyone deserves to debut if their heart is in it.” it’s probably not the answer he should be giving. maybe he should be selling himself, talking about how he alone has worked hard and how baek jiyoung deems him ready and he feels it in his bones, too, that this is the right time, but it’s not in his nature. he knows idols are supposed to lie from time to time— white lies for the sake of image aren’t foreign to him, but had he or had he not worked so hard to rid himself of that? to be honest? he doesn’t think he has a personality that’s particularly un-idol-friendly, so maybe he’s reasonably safe. maybe his white lies can be about ideal types and how easy he is to wake up in the morning. we’ll see, he thinks. 

“finally, what are your goals for the future? do you want to have a solo career on the side one day? perhaps acting or modelling? radio hosting?” 

“my only goal is to continue to better myself for fans and for the other boys; to be the best performer I can each and every time I step on stage, and never to give up or falter. I want to help convex grow to being a highly respected name; a group that is known for their charms and performance skills. anything beyond that, solo activities, modelling contracts, for myself alone are bonuses.” still, he laughs softly as he adds, “that being said, I’d really love to go on king of masked singer, or something similar, one day.” 

once he’s finished talking and the coach clicks the lid shut on his pen, he breathes a sigh of relief. he doesn’t doubt that he’ll launch into a full analysis of his performance in a few minutes, once he’s organised his criticisms into a more natural order, but for now, he can’t say he doesn’t expect the obvious, “you definitely need to work on that stutter,” that fills the stifling silence. 

“I’m w-w-working on it.” 

the coach doesn’t make eye contact as he adds, “and to think you considered yourself a contender as a leader with it.” he bites his bottom lip nervously, hands returning to rubbing against one another under the table. it’s not a statement he’s undeserving of and perhaps that’s why it stings so much more than he expects at first, digging into his confidence and dragging it into the ground. he wants to argue, clarify that he didn’t explicitly name himself for it, he simply laid everything on the table, said he’d do anything because he would— if it meant pleasing everyone, he’d do it— but it’s not worth it. he has to develop a thick skin, anyway, right? then comments like this ( and worse ) won’t hurt so much after debut. 

he can see it now: convex’s black hole, convex’s unlucky number 13. he chews through the skin.

Q2. “Please name 3 things that describe you the best.”

He leaned back, before replying. “Spectrum, cheesy & cheeky.” The male’s lips formed into a wide grin. “I may look innocent, but there is much more to learn about me, so I guess spectrum is a good word to choose. There are a variety of sides to learn about me. I am a hopeless romantic and sometimes even I found myself pretty cheesy.” The mere grin turned into laughter. “And people often tell me I’m bold because I tend to do things differently from what you would expect.”

Q3. "What do you think about Royal Survival? Who is your favorite and why?"

This was one of the questions he had expected, since the show was drawing Royal Ent. into the focus of citizens right now. The male straigthened his limbs and his back, a hand tabbing on the table between the two of them. "Well, actually there are quite a few people I am cheering on. But if you ask me to choose one favorite it would be definitely be Elly. She is one of my closest friends, so I know about her skills and talents. I think people should just focus her because of that, nothing else.”

Q4. " How was it for you to co-host the Survival show? Is hosting one of the things you want to do as idol?

Nodding in agreement, Kang Joon replied: "I was pretty nervous but at the end of the day I was glad I received the chance to host the show. The Royal show represents our female trainees, so Baekhyun and me could remind Korea about Royal's male trainees as well. It was a good experience and a great opportunity! I would definitely host again, if I received another chance. But acting and modeling are something I want to do as Idol as well." He was thankful for the chance, and he needed to make sure to thank Jisub sunbaenim later.

Q5. “If you have to choose: Who is the most handsome and who the most beautiful among Royal trainees?”

Seemed like a question to provoke him, he thought. “How do you choose the fairest flower in a Royal Garden?” He returned the question with a cheeky smile. “I think our visual line is pretty strong among other companies, and I actually don’t think there is someone who is better looking than the other. But if you want me to choose, I think Baekhyun is easy on the eyes... When I was next to him on stage, I couldn’t take my eyes of his side profile. He has cheekbones one could be envious of... and still has this pure charm that pulls one closer to him and his adorable smile.” Kang Joon nodded. On the other hand he was facing a dilemma, when he was about to choose a pretty female. If he were to follow his guts he would have definitely called out for Rose, but there was no way he could actually do that considering the two of them could easily get under fire again. And choosing Dahye he also had somewhat of a special bond to, and whose beauty he personally adored almost as much as his exgirlfriend’s, would possibly cause a stir as well. Either way, it was troubling for him and the choosen female. “And for the females... I vote for Elly once again!” He shortly said, it was obvious the two of them were close friends, so there was no way one could misunderstand their relationship. “Her mature looks make her stand out, it’s something one has to be born with.”

Q6. “Talking of Baekhyun... During your participation at the MGAs there was a scandal regarding same sex love. Please tell us your thoughts on controversial topics such as homosexuality.”

The question stabbed him right into the chest, as he knew how Korea was a very traditional nation and this kind of topic was a bit of a taboo. Maybe it would be better to stay low, swallowing down his opinion. But that would mean to deny his true self, even though Kang Joon wanted to show the world who he really was. “I’m not against it. I rather support it. And I hope there will be a day, when South Korea can support and accept same sex love as well.” He was bisexual after all, so how could he ever hate on those who loved the same gender? He himself had experienced it before.  “I don’t believe anyone has the right to intervene the love of two humans. Whoever you love, it’s still love.”

Q7. “Does that mean you would date a man?”

He blinked, perplexed after hearing the mentor’s question. He couldn’t really believe what he just heard, the other man was much more pushy than he expected him to be. “Life is busy enough, even without dating.” Kang Joon replied, mistrustful gazing at the other’s eyes. The male wouldn’t give him a chance to be alarmed about Kang Joon’s relationship status, unlike at the beginning of his trainingship. He had learned from his mistakes. “And please refrain from sounding disgusted by that thought, it’s nothing bad.” A dangerous glint flickered in his amber coloured eyes.

Q8. “Fine... Then please tell me what kind of concept do you hope to debut with?”

Brushing through his light brown hair, he averted his amber coloured gaze for a short moment in order to collect his words. Kang Joon wouldn’t show his anger about the rudeness from the older man. This wasn’t the time. “It would be awesome to debut in a co-ed group, if you ask me.” He laughed a fake smile. He had no idea what he was actually talking about since he had never really thought about a group concept before. “Having to balance between female and male aspects we wouldn’t do too strong or too cute concepts I believe… I rather feel like we could pursue a deeper concept, which tells stories to the listeners instead of only capturing them with alluring looks or ear-catching melodies.” Kang Joon was suprised about himself for sounding self-confident and prepared, but he supposed his improvising skills weren’t as bad as he thought.

Q9. “And if you could choose trainees from all companies, who would you want to create a co-ed group with?”

“Oh that’s a easy question. I would love to be with my friends because I know we could enjoy ourselves while having the strongest teamwork. They are like my family, so I believe we would be the coolest gang out there!” Excited he blurred out, without trying to make him sound calmer and more elaborate. “KT has Aron and Gary, those would be my male buddies. Aron could be the talented allround pretty boy, while Gary would be the calm big brother with mad dog rapping skills. And if Elly wouldn’t win the Survival show, even though I am most certain she will, she would be the strong and cool female counterpart to him, independent and in charge of the sexy charm. Since there are three males we would need two more girls and there won’t be better choices than Sphere’s Minhee and Nova’s Wendy. The two of them have bubbly personalities, as Minhee is super attentive and caring and Wendy is gentle and kind and sweet to everyone. Also their charming harmony would serve the vocal parts of our group well. And I for my part would be the dumb visual who could take care of acting and variety.” His eyes glinted in excitement, when he imagined things. The mentor blinked before nodding in agreement. “Oh! And other choices for a group would be Rose, Dahye, Soohyun, Jihyun and Yooa… wait…” The male cover his eyes with one hand, while cackling. “This isn’t a co-ed group anymore… I suppose I could try be part of a girlgroup as well.” He joked which made the mentor laughing out as well before telling Kang Joon to move on to the next question.

Q10. “What kind of advice would you give new trainees coming in to your company?”